Embracing Your Process: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Can you relate?
Things are going exactly according to plan and you are clearly in charge of your life. But then- all of a sudden- life takes charge and is controlling the wheel of your destiny.
When that happens, tasks take forever to complete. No one calls you back. Or maybe you think things will go a specific way just to get entirely rerouted.
When life seems to be in charge - it can trigger uncertainty or the internal skeptic- and make us feel unsure or cloudy.
We wonder things like:
- Is this really the right direction?
- Am I doing what’s in my best good?
- Is this moving my career/life forward?
Here’s the good news, if it’s happening then it’s exactly what you need.
Can you relate?
Things are going exactly according to plan and you are clearly in charge of your life. But then- all of a sudden- life takes charge and is controlling the wheel of your destiny.
When that happens, tasks take forever to complete. No one calls you back. Or maybe you think things will go a specific way just to get entirely rerouted.
When life seems to be in charge - it can trigger uncertainty or the internal skeptic- and make us feel unsure or cloudy.
We wonder things like:
- Is this really the right direction?
- Am I doing what’s in my best good?
- Is this moving my career/life forward?
Here’s the good news, if it’s happening then it’s exactly what you need.
Maybe you think I’m crazy to say this but in my experience both from my own life and from my clients, this is what I see over and over again.
Because here’s the dirty little secret that no one openly talks about: If a behavior, a job, a relationship or mindset is persisting, it’s because we aren’t ready for a new one.
When we are ready, it will magically shift!
Here’s an example.
The economic downturn and housing collapse started earlier in Florida and by 2007, the school my husband and I had founded was floundering. We’d lost a lot of students who simply couldn’t afford to pay private school tuition.
We hunkered down, tightened our budgetary belt and successfully weathered the storm.
Coming out of that, I realized that I was ready to do another kind of work. It wasn’t the recession per se, it was that I’d worked in education the majority of my adult life and I was ready for something else.
But what?
In 2008 I figured it out. I wanted to continue working with people but in a more intimate setting, as a life coach, and therapist. So, I went back to school, earned a degree in social work and then set about getting licensed. During that entire time I still worked at the school. It wasn’t until 2013 that I finally quit.
Why? Because I wasn’t ready yet.
- I might have thought I was prepared.
- Felt I’d outgrown my job.
- Was time for a new challenge.
But I wasn’t actually ready until I was ready. And then I leapt and (apart from a second of fear) haven’t looked back. I love what I do, move more fully into it everyday and have no regrets.
Here’s why.
If we trust our process then when we do implement the change (behavior, career, relationship) it will stick because inside and out, we’re prepared for it.
Perhaps you feel like your process is dragging, been sidetracked or is not happening on your timeline. Think again. Know that life is unfolding for you in exciting new ways and that you are getting exactly what you need in this moment.
Decide where you want to go. Hold on to that vision and trust that everything happening right now is helping you get there.
These 5 Steps Will Help:
1. Relax and Release Internal Stress
When things aren’t unfolding at the pace we expect or our current reality isn’t what we planned, we can feel stressed, anxious, uncomfortable or just plain annoyed.
What if, instead of trying to control the timeline, you let God or the Universe do it?
Could you then relax and let go of that tension?
How would that feel?
Ask yourself this: If you knew your outcome was assured, would you be concerned about the timeline?
2. Be Clear About Exactly What You Want
Hold on to your goal, your vision regardless of what is or is not happening. Focus on the outcome that you want. See it clearly. Imagine yourself already there.
Be firm in your conviction of this outcome and do not give up. It will happen.
Say it, write it down or make a visual representation of what you want to solidify the direction you want to move toward.
3. Use the Affirmation – Life Loves Me
When we see the Universe as a safe, supportive place, life automatically begins to flow much more easily.
And it feels way better than having to fight, feel afraid or be defensive.
Repeat this affirmation, Life loves me, to yourself over and over again.
The more you remind yourself that you are loved and supported, the more open and willing you will be to allow the new in and watch your life unfold. It’s an exciting adventure!
4. Enjoy the Ride
What if everything that was happening right now was to support you, to teach you and to help you get exactly what you want? Would knowing that enable you to enjoy it more?
Believe it, because it’s true!
Everything in your life – every person, situation and “challenge” is being presented for your learning.
As the famous Indian avatar, Swami Nityananda said: "God is conducting tests all the time; every occurrence in life is a test. Every thought that crops up in the mind is in itself a test to see what one's reaction will be. Hence one must be always alert and aloof, conducting oneself with a spirit of detachment, viewing everything as an opportunity afforded to gain experience, to improve oneself and go on to a higher stage."
Instead of seeing an annoying person or situation through a negative lens, ask yourself: What is this situation (person) trying to teach me?
Watch how it miraculously shifts.
5. Practice Patience
If you are one of those people who has the unique ability to see into your future, consider yourself lucky! The downside, however, is that once we know it, we all want to be there right NOW!
What I’ve experienced over and over again when I find myself facing the dissonance between where I am and where I want to be, is that I have to be patient, put one foot in front of the other and walk to my destination.
Things don’t magically transform unless we act.
All those steps executed one after the other is what manifests the change. And then before you know it, you’ll have arrived, all the wiser for the time spent getting there.
Life is meant to be a fun adventure.
It isn’t a race to the grave. Embrace and enjoy all that comes to you be it the good, the bad and the ugly. Use it to grow and become exactly who you want to be.
Can you embrace YOUR process?
Leave me a comment below! I'd love to know what will work for you.
Being Okay With Change
Change is everywhere, whether we recognize it or not.
Day turns into night, flowers bloom and wither, stocks rise and fall. We move houses, change jobs, meet new people, and shift our mindsets.
Change is a natural part of life but sometimes, especially in our intimate relationships, change can be a challenge.
Part of what makes change difficult is that most of us prefer certainty.
We want to know that there is routine, that things will stay the same. That my assistant will be at work on time, that the bus will stop at the corner at 8:30 every morning, that Safeway always carries the deodorant I prefer.
Consistency gives us a sense of stability, of reassurance.
Just as we have our coffee every morning, we come to expect people to be the same day after day, too, and when they shift, that can upset out status quo.
So the question then is, how do we give each other space to change?
Change is everywhere, whether we recognize it or not.
Day turns into night, flowers bloom and wither, stocks rise and fall. We move houses, change jobs, meet new people, and shift our mindsets.
Change is a natural part of life but sometimes, especially in our intimate relationships, change can be a challenge.
Part of what makes change difficult is that most of us prefer certainty.
We want to know that there is routine, that things will stay the same. My assistant will be at work on time. The bus will stop at the corner at 8:30 every morning. Safeway always carries the deodorant I prefer.
Consistency gives us a sense of stability, of reassurance.
Just as we have our coffee every morning, we come to expect people to be the same day after day, too, and when they shift, that can upset out status quo.
So the question then is, how do we give each other space to change?
Whether your loved one is transitioning in a job, graduating from college, following a new career path, been recently diagnosed with an illness or is coming more into him or herself, our job is to embrace theses changes and welcome them.
Here are a few ideas to make change more comfortable:
1. Right Mindset
Becoming aware of what is happening and recognizing it can help us move into a transition with more grace and ease. Holding onto old behaviors, habits or beliefs makes us feel rigid and reluctant to evolve.
Try being open-minded about what’s happening.
Look for the good, for the excitement, for the shedding that’s taking place as the new unfolds. Things typically get worse before they get better. Think about it like painting a house. It will look great when it’s done, but before then, it’s a huge mess.
2. Make Room for Change
We have to give our loved ones space without judging them or making their transition about us. Sometimes when people evolve, the growing pains don’t feel so nice. Be patient, talk about it, honor each other through the process. Take time to be together in nurturing ways.
Change can be rocky too before things relax into a new routine.
No one typically follows a clean and perfect trajectory. Change often takes place with fits and starts, one step forward and two steps back.
Shortly after launching my new business, after I’d rented office space, created a logo, business cards and brochures and set up a website, I got cold feet. Actually, I panicked and thought I should go back to my old job.
I didn’t. Instead, I stayed with those uncomfortable feelings, recognizing that it was fear of change, fear of the new and I kept going anyway. During that shift, my spouse was supportive and encouraging and stuck with me through that tough transition.
3. Create a New Normal
Once the transition period is over, it’s time to settle in. That’s the new routine. The problem is that our egos love status quo so change is always upsetting to our personalities. It ruffles us and makes us feel threatened, uncomfortable or unsafe.
Knowing that we can create a new normal can help counteract that ego pushback, or as I call it, the “No response.”
Be patient with yourself when you watch your desire to say “no” to change.
Breathe and relax, and remind yourself that it’s just change and change can be great.
See if these ideas can open up some space to allow for change to flow more easily within your relationships. When we honor or own evolution and that of our loved ones, life is much richer and fuller, and way more fun.