3 Ways To Have More Gratitude in Your Life

Of all 52 weeks in the year, this is the one when Americans reflect the most on gratitude.

It’s hard not to when you sit down at a beautifully decorated table, in front of a mouth watering feast that typically includes a succulent, roasted turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, candied yams, piping hot green bean casserole, chestnut stuffing, cranberry sauce… hungry?

Gratitude, just like delicious food, fills us up. Only it fills our souls not our bellies.

If you’re ready to use Thanksgiving as a springboard to deepen your gratitude practice, here are 3 ways:

1.     Attitude of Gratitude

Normally, when we think about gratitude and applying it into our lives, this is what we do.

Having an attitude of gratitude is all about appreciation for the things in your life. Many people make lists of what they’re grateful for. Yours might include: a reliable/new car, your job, family, health, etc. Perhaps you’re also grateful for the glorious sunset, an incredible piece of music, that sweet parking space!

Typically, adopting this attitude is a reaction, a response to life.

It’s choosing to look at the blessings you have in your life rather than all the things you don’t have or wish you had.

2.     Philosophy

If you want to go a step further, you can adopt a philosophy of gratitude. This becomes like an orientation, a way of experiencing life.

In a way, it’s a change of prepositions. It’s going from “to” to “for.” Here’s what I mean.

Most people believe that life happens to them. If this is your mindset, it’s easy to feel like a victim. You lost your seat on the bus. Your co-worker gossiped about you and now you feel awkward in the office. You can’t seem to land the job of your dreams.

When you change the preposition, it shifts the perspective. Life happens for you.

What opportunity has life brought you to learn and grow?

When we shift into thinking that the goal of earth school is to learn, then everyone and everything that happens is an opportunity for growth.

Now, when a conflict arises say, with someone at work, you can ask: What is the lesson in this for me? What do I need to learn?

Think about a person or situation that created conflict for you and look at it through this lens. How was it asking you to grow?

Was it about speaking your truth? Being in integrity? Asking for what you deserve? Setting healthy boundaries?

Adopting a philosophy of gratitude helps us experience thankfulness for our lives.

3.     Identity

The last and deepest place to go with gratitude is the notion that you can embody gratitude. That gratitude is you.

Think about these three attributes like layers. The attitude of gratitude is like the frosting, the outer shell. It’s how we begin to re-orient and see the world - by actively choosing what we focus on.

As you incorporate that “seeing” more and more into your life, then it evolves into a philosophy, a way of life. You see how every thing and everyone is an opportunity for growth and you have thanks for the learning.

Deepening your philosophy and moving through life with this new orientation, gratitude gradually become who you are until you’re actually identified with gratitude. Now gratitude is at your core level and it radiates out from you because it is you.

It’s the recognition that you are what you seek. It’s the celebration of life and the awe and wonder of being alive.

I am grateful to all of you and I wish you a happy and healthy holiday week and a beautiful Thanksgiving! Enjoy!

How are you celebrating this week? Leave me a comment below!

The Magic of Shifting Perspective

It's often easy to look at my life and be filled with petty grievance, annoyance or irritation. My neighbor’s kids are shouting in the pool. A client cancels last minute. I have a cavity.

But then I have to remember how good things really are.

Today was a glorious sunny day and as I parked my car near my office, my eye spotted a man delicately and gently coaxing his wife – who was clearly paralyzed – into a wheelchair. I watched them do this exquisite dance.

He led her shoulders while stepping back and one of her feet dragged forward. They did this two-step  fluidly, again and again, until she was safely in the chair. I nearly burst out crying at that display of absolute devotion despite tragedy.

And I’m annoyed because someone beeped at me earlier?

An hour later, I was online, researching and found an article that caught my attention. It was about embracing change. I was struck by how well it was written, noted the author’s name and decided to Google her.

Only to discover that she died in 2012 at the age of 56 from metastasized breast cancer. I read her obituary in the New York Times and an article she wrote for O Magazine about living with cancer, which, I soon discovered, she’d had for 25 years.

And I feel sorry for myself because my hip hurts?

For many of us, it’s as simple as shifting our perspective and remembering what we have RIGHT NOW.

A client I worked with this past fall had a chronic illness. For several years she was in so much pain that it required nearly Herculean effort for her to get out of bed and walk her dogs. She went into great detail about how she often slept in her clothes because it was too difficult and painful to change in the mornings. My heart went out to her.

I simply could not imagine being in that level of pain all the time. She went on to tell me that now, every morning, she wakes up grateful that she can move, that her body listens to her and doesn’t ache.

Is the glass half full or half empty?

I find myself thinking about Morrie Schwartz. He was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s disease, in 1994 and became an immediate celebrity when he was interviewed by Ted Koppel for Nightline. He was facing his own mortality and spoke honestly about it.

He said, “when all this started, I asked myself, ‘Am I going to withdraw from the world, like most people do, or am I going to live?’ I decided I’m going to live – or at least try to live – the way I want, with dignity, with courage, with humor, with composure. There are some mornings when I cry and cry and mourn for myself. Some mornings, I’m so angry and bitter. But it doesn’t last too long. Then I get up and say, ‘I want to live…’ So far, I’ve been able to do it. Will I be able to continue? I don’t know. But I’m betting on myself that I will.”

These stories of the heroes among us, speak to me.

They remind me why I’m here. They shift my perspective back to how I want to see the world. And then I remember too, how I want to live my life- with humility, gratitude, kindness and love- everyday.

I know I’m human so sometimes I forget.

That’s why I say a prayer of thanks for the man I saw earlier in the parking lot, for the brave woman honestly sharing about her own physical challenges and for men and women who speak openly about illness and death.

Each of them reminds me of my own mortality, and inspires me to make the most of this auspicious day that I will never have again. This gift of the present. And it reminds me to shift my perspective back to appreciation and gratitude for all that I do have right now.

Can you relate? Tell me YOUR story.

Leaving a comment directly below this blog!

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Gratitude – the Antidote to More

As an American, I’m pretty good at being a consumer. In fact, I think most of us are. Americans are constantly encouraged to buy. It’s how we fuel our economy. But the underbelly of our consumer economy is the never-ending quest for more.

More manifests itself obviously with technology since technology changes so rapidly.

I suddenly find myself convinced that I need the iPhone 6 even when my current phone works fine. Or I immediately want the Apple watch when I don’t even like wearing watches. And although I just bought a new MacBook, I now must have the lighter than Air model.

But it isn’t just with technology, it’s with everything partly because we strive to keep up with others around us. I need a pair of LeBrons or Timberland boots. I have to get some new Beats by Dre headphones. This April, I simply must have a purse for spring.

Sure enough, buying that new hobo handbag does make me feel happy and satisfied but only briefly because soon my pastel blue purse is passé and I’m hankering for a black one for fall…

This craving for more is a never-ending cycle. It’s a treadmill we get on of wanting more or better - a bigger house, a newer car- and on and on.

What’s the Solution? Gratitude

Gratitude Brings Us Back to Now.

Instead of focusing on what we don’t have -the apple watch, the new car- we focus on all that we do have - clean water, loving relationships, a closet full of clothing, 50+ pairs of earrings, a pool, fresh food, healthy children…

Gratitude is a Reorientation.

Think about yourself for a minute. How do you like yourself better?

When You’re in a Place of Wanting or in a Place of Thankfulness?

Does it feel healthier when you think: “If only I had a new office chair, I’d get so much more done…. If I had 20 clients this week, I’d feel successful.”

Versus when your thoughts say: “My office is filled with beautiful sunshine and my desk is large and holds all my work easily. My schedule is flexible and enables me to work with people as well as spend time with my family.”

The Trick is to REMEMBER.

Remember to look around our lives and see all the beauty, abundance, love and happiness that exists right now.

Gratitude is Recognizing and Appreciating What We Have in the Moment.

This way of thinking fills us up with happiness and contentment.

The cycle of more pushes us into a place of lack where we’re constantly left wanting and that pulls us into the future toward more or better.

Instead, if we can use gratitude as a tool, it can easily and simply bring us back to now. Back to feeling satisfied and whole, happy and content.

The next time you find yourself yearning for a new dress or a power tool that you might not need, check in.

Are you feeling happy and grateful for the life you’re living right now?

Or are you trying to fill an emptiness or void through materialism?

Remind yourself how good your life is. Look around at all the abundance you have right now and watch that desire for more slip away. 

How does gratitude manifest in your life? Leave me a comment under the blog!                                                                       

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Lost and Found

A few months ago one of my former high school students found me on Facebook. She still lives in Hong Kong these 20+ years later and last Friday night we finally caught up. It was like time collapsed and we spoke as if resuming a conversation we'd been having the previous day.

I looked at her face over Skype, and she at me, she was exactly the same! She still had her innocence, sense of wonder and curiosity about the world. She went on to share what she'd been doing these past two decades and her words were balm to my soul.

She told me that she had been searching for meaning in her life, to assert her own independence and find her way in the world. Having grown up in an Indian family, it was assumed that she'd never attend college but marry after finishing high school. She had decided not to pursue that path, putting herself through university instead and is now an English teacher herself. 

But she didn't stop there, she went on elaborating about her own personal journey of healing and of trying to understand what she (and all of us) are doing here. I heard her fearlessness and desire to know speak to me through her words. I was simply silenced by her willingness to break free from what anyone was "telling" her to do and live for herself. It is never an easy path but it certainly is the most fulfilling. 

Toward the end of our conversation, she thanked me for caring about her. When she'd been 17, she'd told me a secret which last night confirmed she had never told anyone else. All of these years I had wondered what had happened with her. If she had indeed done what her family wanted and married an Indian man and possibly moved to the subcontinent. I'd always kept her in my heart, she was such a precious, beautiful child and I'd cherished knowing her. 

Maybe her family is unhappy with her as she didn't follow their expectations. Maybe they created this outcome through their own actions. But this young woman decided to wake up and live her life for her. Looking at her across the computer screen and 10,000 miles all I could feel was awe for her willingness to be vulnerable, her desire to heal herself and walk through her painful past, and her intention to then help others along the way. I could not have felt more proud if she were my own child. I was humbled by her passion, commitment to living truthfully and her compassion not only for herself but for others. I know that she will shine her light in our world and be a guide post for many and I am filled with gratitude to have had the opportunity to play a small role in helping her along the way.

Piglet and the Art of Gratitude

When I was a little girl, I loved Winnie the Pooh. He was the character from the A.A. Milne books that I most identified with and consequently, had a small, stuffed doll in his likeness. His simplicity and unfailing kindness always cheered me. I cherished my Pooh bear and every summer when my sister and I went to sleepaway camp, I'd bring him with me. For years, my closest friend at Echo Camp for Girls was Darcy and she favored Piglet. So, you can imagine that we paraded around pretending to be and/or carrying our totems as we went on overnight trips or talked late into the nights. 

In my twenties, I read The Tao of Pooh which brought me back to that wise and silly bear and gave me an even deeper understanding and appreciation for his timeless lessons. So I was surprised recently when I stumbled upon this A. A. Milne quotation, "Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” I never really thought all that much about Piglet but after reading that, I realized he could not be underestimated. After all, many of us may think we have small hearts. Piglet can serve as our inspiration in knowing that size is irrelevant when it comes to gratitude.

Seven days ago, I accepted my friend Gretchen's challenge to think of 5 things I am grateful for each day for a week with no repeats. Everyday I dutifully made my list, shared it on Facebook and Twitter, invited my friends to join. What was fascinating for me in this week was to realize just how much I am grateful for. The first "obvious" ones were the biggies that I think about a lot like my family, my health, and my career. But as I started to dig in, I noticed that everything from the shoes I wear to the face cream I apply I am grateful for. Then I also realized the gratitude I have for nature- for the sunsets, the rain, and the incredible array of animals in our world like Orca and Humpback whales, sea turtles, and Sandhill cranes. 

In the mornings I experienced how, especially if I was tired or dragging, simply naming the 5 things I was grateful for changed my focus. Very quickly I'd be transported from feeling bad, thinking about lack or negativity, to an uplifting freer place. My breaths would deepen and I'd look around with smiling eyes, immediately reminded of all the good surrounding me in this moment. 

Practicing gratitude is something found not just in children's books but in many spiritual practices. In an interview on UC Berkeley's Greater Good website, Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk, author and leader in the gratitude movement discusses its power, not only to the individual practicing it but to society and ultimately the world at large. He says, "...grateful individuals live in a way that leads to the kind of society human beings long for. In many parts of the world society is sick. Keywords of the diagnosis are: Exploitation, oppression, and violence. Grateful living is a remedy against all three of these symptoms. Exploitation springs from greed and a sense of scarcity. Grateful living makes us aware that there is enough for all. Thus, it leads to a sense of sufficiency and a joyful willingness to share with others. not only to the individual practicing gratitude but to society and ultimately the world at large..."*

Sometimes it's easy to read quotations from great thinkers like Brother David, Maya Angelou or Eckhart Tolle and feel intimidated, like they can do this because they are so much more advanced. This is when I remember Winnie the Pooh, the most simple of bears and his friend Piglet who is a rather timid little fellow, always afraid but wanting to be brave. If he can acknowledge that his heart is small but can hold a lot of gratitude, then so can you and so can I. It's easy to underestimate the capacity of the heart but it will grow. I promise. 

With this, I invite you today to undertake Gretchen's gratitude challenge. Do it for 1 week, and see how you feel. Feel your heart and experience how it will grow and expand. Watch how your mouth turns to smile more readily and see how you feel lighter. Before you know it, you may even find yourself humming while you hunt for acorns.

*Read More Here from Brother David