Embracing Your Process: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Can you relate?
Things are going exactly according to plan and you are clearly in charge of your life. But then- all of a sudden- life takes charge and is controlling the wheel of your destiny.
When that happens, tasks take forever to complete. No one calls you back. Or maybe you think things will go a specific way just to get entirely rerouted.
When life seems to be in charge - it can trigger uncertainty or the internal skeptic- and make us feel unsure or cloudy.
We wonder things like:
- Is this really the right direction?
- Am I doing what’s in my best good?
- Is this moving my career/life forward?
Here’s the good news, if it’s happening then it’s exactly what you need.
Can you relate?
Things are going exactly according to plan and you are clearly in charge of your life. But then- all of a sudden- life takes charge and is controlling the wheel of your destiny.
When that happens, tasks take forever to complete. No one calls you back. Or maybe you think things will go a specific way just to get entirely rerouted.
When life seems to be in charge - it can trigger uncertainty or the internal skeptic- and make us feel unsure or cloudy.
We wonder things like:
- Is this really the right direction?
- Am I doing what’s in my best good?
- Is this moving my career/life forward?
Here’s the good news, if it’s happening then it’s exactly what you need.
Maybe you think I’m crazy to say this but in my experience both from my own life and from my clients, this is what I see over and over again.
Because here’s the dirty little secret that no one openly talks about: If a behavior, a job, a relationship or mindset is persisting, it’s because we aren’t ready for a new one.
When we are ready, it will magically shift!
Here’s an example.
The economic downturn and housing collapse started earlier in Florida and by 2007, the school my husband and I had founded was floundering. We’d lost a lot of students who simply couldn’t afford to pay private school tuition.
We hunkered down, tightened our budgetary belt and successfully weathered the storm.
Coming out of that, I realized that I was ready to do another kind of work. It wasn’t the recession per se, it was that I’d worked in education the majority of my adult life and I was ready for something else.
But what?
In 2008 I figured it out. I wanted to continue working with people but in a more intimate setting, as a life coach, and therapist. So, I went back to school, earned a degree in social work and then set about getting licensed. During that entire time I still worked at the school. It wasn’t until 2013 that I finally quit.
Why? Because I wasn’t ready yet.
- I might have thought I was prepared.
- Felt I’d outgrown my job.
- Was time for a new challenge.
But I wasn’t actually ready until I was ready. And then I leapt and (apart from a second of fear) haven’t looked back. I love what I do, move more fully into it everyday and have no regrets.
Here’s why.
If we trust our process then when we do implement the change (behavior, career, relationship) it will stick because inside and out, we’re prepared for it.
Perhaps you feel like your process is dragging, been sidetracked or is not happening on your timeline. Think again. Know that life is unfolding for you in exciting new ways and that you are getting exactly what you need in this moment.
Decide where you want to go. Hold on to that vision and trust that everything happening right now is helping you get there.
These 5 Steps Will Help:
1. Relax and Release Internal Stress
When things aren’t unfolding at the pace we expect or our current reality isn’t what we planned, we can feel stressed, anxious, uncomfortable or just plain annoyed.
What if, instead of trying to control the timeline, you let God or the Universe do it?
Could you then relax and let go of that tension?
How would that feel?
Ask yourself this: If you knew your outcome was assured, would you be concerned about the timeline?
2. Be Clear About Exactly What You Want
Hold on to your goal, your vision regardless of what is or is not happening. Focus on the outcome that you want. See it clearly. Imagine yourself already there.
Be firm in your conviction of this outcome and do not give up. It will happen.
Say it, write it down or make a visual representation of what you want to solidify the direction you want to move toward.
3. Use the Affirmation – Life Loves Me
When we see the Universe as a safe, supportive place, life automatically begins to flow much more easily.
And it feels way better than having to fight, feel afraid or be defensive.
Repeat this affirmation, Life loves me, to yourself over and over again.
The more you remind yourself that you are loved and supported, the more open and willing you will be to allow the new in and watch your life unfold. It’s an exciting adventure!
4. Enjoy the Ride
What if everything that was happening right now was to support you, to teach you and to help you get exactly what you want? Would knowing that enable you to enjoy it more?
Believe it, because it’s true!
Everything in your life – every person, situation and “challenge” is being presented for your learning.
As the famous Indian avatar, Swami Nityananda said: "God is conducting tests all the time; every occurrence in life is a test. Every thought that crops up in the mind is in itself a test to see what one's reaction will be. Hence one must be always alert and aloof, conducting oneself with a spirit of detachment, viewing everything as an opportunity afforded to gain experience, to improve oneself and go on to a higher stage."
Instead of seeing an annoying person or situation through a negative lens, ask yourself: What is this situation (person) trying to teach me?
Watch how it miraculously shifts.
5. Practice Patience
If you are one of those people who has the unique ability to see into your future, consider yourself lucky! The downside, however, is that once we know it, we all want to be there right NOW!
What I’ve experienced over and over again when I find myself facing the dissonance between where I am and where I want to be, is that I have to be patient, put one foot in front of the other and walk to my destination.
Things don’t magically transform unless we act.
All those steps executed one after the other is what manifests the change. And then before you know it, you’ll have arrived, all the wiser for the time spent getting there.
Life is meant to be a fun adventure.
It isn’t a race to the grave. Embrace and enjoy all that comes to you be it the good, the bad and the ugly. Use it to grow and become exactly who you want to be.
Can you embrace YOUR process?
Leave me a comment below! I'd love to know what will work for you.
The Magic of Shifting Perspective
It's often easy to look at my life and be filled with petty grievance, annoyance or irritation. My neighbor’s kids are shouting in the pool. A client cancels last minute. I have a cavity. But then I have to remember how good things really are.
Today was a glorious sunny day and as I parked my car near my office, my eye spotted a man delicately and gently coaxing his wife – who was clearly paralyzed – into a wheelchair. I watched them do this exquisite dance, where he led her shoulders while stepping back and one of her feet dragged forward. They did this two-step fluidly, again and again, until she was safely in the chair. I nearly burst out crying because what I saw in that parking lot was absolute devotion despite tragedy.
And I’m annoyed because someone beeped at me earlier?
An hour later, I was online, researching and found an article that caught my attention. It was about embracing change. I was struck by how well it was written, noted the author’s name and decided to Google her. Only to discover that she died in 2012 at the age of 56 from metastasized breast cancer. I read her obituary in the New York Times and an article she wrote for O Magazine about living with cancer, which, I soon discovered, she’d had for 25 years.
And I feel sorry for myself because my hip hurts?
It's often easy to look at my life and be filled with petty grievance, annoyance or irritation. My neighbor’s kids are shouting in the pool. A client cancels last minute. I have a cavity.
But then I have to remember how good things really are.
Today was a glorious sunny day and as I parked my car near my office, my eye spotted a man delicately and gently coaxing his wife – who was clearly paralyzed – into a wheelchair. I watched them do this exquisite dance.
He led her shoulders while stepping back and one of her feet dragged forward. They did this two-step fluidly, again and again, until she was safely in the chair. I nearly burst out crying at that display of absolute devotion despite tragedy.
And I’m annoyed because someone beeped at me earlier?
An hour later, I was online, researching and found an article that caught my attention. It was about embracing change. I was struck by how well it was written, noted the author’s name and decided to Google her.
Only to discover that she died in 2012 at the age of 56 from metastasized breast cancer. I read her obituary in the New York Times and an article she wrote for O Magazine about living with cancer, which, I soon discovered, she’d had for 25 years.
And I feel sorry for myself because my hip hurts?
For many of us, it’s as simple as shifting our perspective and remembering what we have RIGHT NOW.
A client I worked with this past fall had a chronic illness. For several years she was in so much pain that it required nearly Herculean effort for her to get out of bed and walk her dogs. She went into great detail about how she often slept in her clothes because it was too difficult and painful to change in the mornings. My heart went out to her.
I simply could not imagine being in that level of pain all the time. She went on to tell me that now, every morning, she wakes up grateful that she can move, that her body listens to her and doesn’t ache.
Is the glass half full or half empty?
I find myself thinking about Morrie Schwartz. He was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s disease, in 1994 and became an immediate celebrity when he was interviewed by Ted Koppel for Nightline. He was facing his own mortality and spoke honestly about it.
He said, “when all this started, I asked myself, ‘Am I going to withdraw from the world, like most people do, or am I going to live?’ I decided I’m going to live – or at least try to live – the way I want, with dignity, with courage, with humor, with composure. There are some mornings when I cry and cry and mourn for myself. Some mornings, I’m so angry and bitter. But it doesn’t last too long. Then I get up and say, ‘I want to live…’ So far, I’ve been able to do it. Will I be able to continue? I don’t know. But I’m betting on myself that I will.”
These stories of the heroes among us, speak to me.
They remind me why I’m here. They shift my perspective back to how I want to see the world. And then I remember too, how I want to live my life- with humility, gratitude, kindness and love- everyday.
I know I’m human so sometimes I forget.
That’s why I say a prayer of thanks for the man I saw earlier in the parking lot, for the brave woman honestly sharing about her own physical challenges and for men and women who speak openly about illness and death.
Each of them reminds me of my own mortality, and inspires me to make the most of this auspicious day that I will never have again. This gift of the present. And it reminds me to shift my perspective back to appreciation and gratitude for all that I do have right now.