5 Major Blocks to Happiness & How to Release Them

When people are asked what they want in their lives, it’s always more happiness.

Then as a society, why aren’t we happier?

According to research, happiness levels in industrialized countries have stagnated since the 1950s and are now actually declining.

And it isn’t about needing more stuff, earning more money or having a bigger house.

As many of you know, I’ve been actively studying happiness since 2011 when I became a certified happiness coach. Since then, I’ve taught workshops on happiness as well as continued to dive into the practice of daily happiness on a deeper level in my life.

And here are the 5 biggest blocks to happiness.

1. I'm Too Busy

Have you filled your time and energy with events, bookings, appointments, and jobs, in other words, tasks that keep you running and “busy” all day everyday so that you don’t have to be alone with you?

 If you just answered yes, here’s your solution:

Schedule an afternoon with yourself. Check in with you. Be willing to go within and ask:

~What does happiness mean to me?

~When do I feel happy?

Sit down with a pen and paper and ask yourself these questions.

Even though we all say we want more happiness, how many of us have actually sat down and thought about what makes us feel happy?

The first time I answered the question, when do I feel happy? My immediate answer was, when I ski! Guess what I schedule once a week during the winter and early spring?

2. There's Not Enough

 Does it always feel like there’s never enough time, money, friendships, love?

The easiest way to shift out of that deep well of lack, is to practice gratitude.

AND, it turns out that gratitude is the shortest short cut to happiness!

Why not start a gratitude practice today?

It’s really easy.

All you have to do is make a list of 5 things you’re grateful for. Do it right now, even if it’s in your head.

At this moment,

• I am grateful for my reliable computer that allows me to create and communicate easily and effortlessly with countless folks across the world.
• I am grateful for my healthy body.
• I am grateful for my loving family who support me, protect me and nourish me with their kindness and devotion.
• I am grateful for the nutritious, wholesome food I am able to put into my body everyday.
• I am grateful for the countless opportunities – in business, marketing, creativity, wellness, friendship and on and on- that I have in my life right now.

I love to do this activity at night, right before I go to bed. It’s a positive review of the day and brings happiness, peace, satisfaction and love to me to fall into dreams.

3. No Reception

Often times we forget to open up, to receive because it might mean we have to do two things: Ask and then listen.

God or the Uni-verse or whatever word you like to use for the great mystery that surrounds us, is always trying to support us.

Our task is to help God by allowing ourselves to open up and receive all the love, goodness, kindness, prosperity, and health that it has for us.

Here’s an easy exercise: try asking for something you want more of in your life (like creativity) then lie down with your arms over your head and feel that creativity raining down on you.

4. Lack of Intimacy

Are you spending more and more time interacting with people online, on Facebook and Twitter and less time talking face to face?

Well, you’re not alone. But you might feel lonely.

One of the best ways to feel happier and more fulfilled is to have meaningful, deep relationships with real, live human beings.

Reach out to people you genuinely care about – friends, family members, cherished loved ones.

Schedule time to be with them. We are all social beings. The love, generosity and support you get will pay off in dividends.

5. Pursuit of Happiness

We are taught that happiness is some elusive thing that we have to chase, and I did this for years. I’d already figured out that stuff didn’t make me happy. Yes, it’s pleasurable, and enjoyable but my new bottle of perfume isn’t going to sustain my happiness day in and day out.

Instead, I went seeking for happiness, learning everything I could, working with different teachers, traveling. I thought, if I kept looking, eventually I’d find it.

And what I found was that I had it all along!

HA

Because joy is who we really are. It is our innate nature.

And the ONLY thing that keeps you from experiencing joy all the time, is you.

We all tune in and out of joy.

It’s so easy to forget happiness and get consumed with emotion or worry, allow fear or anxiety to crowd in. Even when that happens, joy is still there. It waits patiently for you to return.

Think of joy like the radiant sunshine. Even when it’s raining or the clouds have covered over the sky, that sun is still there above it all, beaming down, right?

Joy is the same way.

Sadness, stress, or worry might crowd in and narrow the view, make the winds tremble, the rain fall. But above it all, beams happiness, waiting patiently for us to clear away those clouds.

Take a self inventory and scan how many of these happiness blocks are preventing you from accessing that bright sunny joy.

Happiness is there – waiting patiently for you.

What's the major block you're ready to release?
Share it with us below so we can see you stepping more into joy today!

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3 Ways to Manifest Exactly What You Want

What do you want?

Seriously. Do you even know?

About a year ago I read a book called, The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles.

In it, he explains that EVERYTHING comes from our minds.

Okay, I know that sounds weird, but hear me out.

A light bulb wouldn’t exist if Thomas Edison hadn’t conceived of it in his mind. Nor would a car, an airplane, or an iPhone. See where I’m going with this?

All of these tangible, physical “things” were ideas first. They were conceived in someone’s mind and that person or group of people then went about creating a physical product.

Isn’t that great news?

This means that with intention, and belief, (and inspired action) you can manifest whatever you want in your life too.

Wattle suggests an exercise that looks like this:

Use your mind to form a mental image of what you want, and to hold that vision with faith and purpose...The picture of your desires, held with faith and purpose, is taken up by the Formless, and permeates it to great distances-throughout the universe.

As this impression spreads, all things are set moving toward its realization; every living thing, every inanimate thing, and the things yet uncreated, are stirred toward bringing into being that which you want. All force begins to be exerted in that direction; all things begin to move toward you. The minds of people, everywhere, are influenced toward doing the things necessary to the fulfilling of your desires; and they work for you, unconsciously.

WHOA!

Ernest Holmes, the founder of Science of Mind also writes about this phenomenon in his book, The Art of Life.

In it, he tells a story about one of his congregants, a piano teacher who was trying to use this manifesting tool to attract new students, only it wasn’t working. When Holmes heard what she was saying, he immediately knew why. She was using vague statements like, “God is the only mind there is.”

He explained that, “she labored under the misperception that abstract statements can produce definite results.”

So he helped her create a new affirmation using precise wording and soon she was meeting people left and right who wanted to study with her or recommend her.

Her new, successful affirmation reads:

I have a service to render. My business is to teach the piano. Whoever needs my service, whomever I can peculiarly and personally benefit, those whom I can particularly aid in this art, are irresistibly drawn to me now, today, this moment.

It specifically stated exactly what she wanted. And it was written in the present tense.

(Because the only time is now.)

Both of these examples give you a template to use so you can precisely word what it is that you want.

If you’re ready to manifest more good in your life, here are 3 easy steps:

1. Decide What You Want

Be as crystal clear as possible. Take some time to really think about it and be precise and accurate with your words. Tailor the words above to meet your needs.

2. Time Is Now

Speak in the present tense. It is happening right now, today, this exact moment.

3. Be Bold

Say your statement with conviction, emotion, and power. Feel that it is true within your being.  And repeat your affirmation often. The more you do it, the faster your results will flow.

The universe waits patiently to support and help us. But it needs to know exactly what we want!

Try using one or both of these incredibly powerful statements. Make them yours and claim what it is you most desire.

Let me know how it goes! Leave me a message below.

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6 Keys to Longevity: What Centenarians Know

Researchers have spanned the globe – from China, to Italy, to Nova Scotia- in search of healthy, vibrant centenarians. Their quest: to understand longevity.

I’m absolutely fascinated with older folks. I love listening to their stories and learning from their insight and wisdom. Recently, I had lunch with a spry retiree who regaled me with his adventures traveling solo throughout South America in the late 1960s after he’d finished his year in the Peace Corps.

I was struck by his lucidity and spunk.

What is it, then, that these wise men and women know about happiness, longevity and success that we can learn from?

After reading a number of articles, here’s what I’ve gathered:

1. Eat Plants

From the farmers in China to the shepherds in Sardinia, people who live to be 100 eat lots of fruits and veggies. They also ingest legumes (lentils, fava beans, edamame, black beans…) on a regular basis.

What’s on your plate?

See if you can consume at least ONE fruit or vegetable with every meal. The goal is five a day, right?

(And don’t forget olive oil – great for increasing good cholesterol and fabulous for the skin.)

2. Move

Most centenarians, it turns out, don’t go to the gym. But they are regularly active in their daily existence. Physically moving is key to keeping your body strong and healthy.

Think brisk walks. They help maintain bone density and oxygenate your lungs and organs. And the best part? You only need to move for 15 minutes a day. So whether it’s walking the dog, shopping, raking leaves or gardening, have fun moving!

3. Connect

We all need social interaction (with actual people). Turns out that social connection, with family and friends, IS a major factor for both happiness and longevity.

Do an inventory of the people with whom you spend time. Could you grow your social network or spend more quality time with people you really love and appreciate?

4. No Stress

Stress and anxiety are the bane of our modern existence. In order to live a long and happy life, we have to learn how to deal with them and ideally, reduce them in our lives.

Using anchors like breath work, affirmations and meditation, are great ways to neutralize stress, as is physical exercise.

Relaxation techniques, time in nature or in the tub help too.

Utilizing these strategies will help you sleep better, which is another key to longevity.

5. Purpose

Have you noticed that when someone retires, they can often wither? Like, without a job, they have no reason to exist?

We ALL need to feel like we have a purpose. What's yours?

Is it really selling real estate, running a clothing store or doing corporate training?

Or is your purpose larger than that? Dig deep and find what it is for you. I promise, once you do, it will transform your existence.

6. Optimism

Maintaining a positive attitude. Not taking life so seriously. Letting things roll off your back are common themes seen with healthy centenarians.

And what is optimism if not a perspective? A lens through which we view the world.

Remember the old adage: “Is the glass half empty or half full?”

What do you want it to be? 

Many years ago, I decided to choose optimism because, if nothing else, it felt so much more comfortable. Here’s my truth, I want to live in a world where I believe we can rise to our highest potential. Where we can honor and respect one another. Where there is justice and empathy. Maybe I’m a dreamer, but if I always think the worst, my life then becomes small and petty. AND I’m always a grouch.

Instead, I choose optimism and who knows, maybe I’ll live to be 100 too!

Wanna read more about longevity? Here are a few of the articles I found:

Centenarians in Nova Scotia

What Centenarians Can Teach Us About Success

Sardinians Teach the Secrets to Longevity

Centenarian Profiles from The New York Times

4 Reasons to Be Your Own Valentine

Love is in the air!

Especially today, Valentine’s Day, a holiday dedicated to pondering love and relationships. But seriously, what’s the MOST important relationship in your life?

The one with yourself.

Whether you're in a committed intimate relationship or not, it's critical to have a fabulous, loving relationship with you. Because the more you can honor, love and respect yourself, the more others will too.

So if you’re ready to treat yourself like the best Valentine ever, here’s 4 ways to do that:

1. Be Your Own Best Friend

Yup, love starts right here, right now with you loving on you. What’s that inner voice saying? Is she telling you how smart and capable you are? How gorgeous you look today? How you can do anything?

If she's being mean, you're NOT being a nice friend to yourself, so kick those thoughts out and bring in the love.

2. Start the “I Love You” Affirmation

Every time you see yourself reflected back to you- whether it’s in a mirror, a car window, walking by a shop, or from a puddle, stop and look at yourself.

Look yourself right in the eyes and say, “I love you.”

It might seem a little strange at first but it is so powerful, empowering and energizing.

Try it!

3. Embody Love

Looking for love? Who isn't?

Here’s exactly what you need to do:

Make a list of every trait your ideal mate would have; kindness, generosity, patience, tenderness, willingness to listen…

Now that you have your list, begin to embody each and every one of those traits right now. In other words, become what it is that you're looking for. Like attracts like so as you up-level your vibration, you will attract exactly that to you.

Years ago, I read that the author Isabelle Allende said that life is not measured by how many people love you but by how many people you love.

Be the embodiment of love and watch how it reverberates throughout your life.

4. Banish Unworthiness

Many of us fall into feeling like we aren’t enough. Not smart enough, doing enough, successful enough…

Even if you’ve done years of therapy, inner work, or meditation, strands of unworthiness can suddenly appear. Usually when you least expect it and often when you’re trying something new or putting yourself out there and feeling more exposed.

So here’s my latest unworthiness reframe- pretending I’m Muhammad Ali!

Because what I realized is if I don’t think I’m the greatest, who will?

So I leave you with a few of his inspired quotes. Pick one or say them all. His power of conviction and absolute belief in himself literally transformed his life. And it can yours too. Enjoy being your greatest Valentine.

The Secret To An Ideal Work - Life Balance

Ready to experience a better work – life balance?

Isn’t everyone?

But how?

It’s often easier to identify what we don't have than what we do. So here’s a list of symptoms to see if you’re out of balance:

Tired?

Can’t catch up on sleep? Or dragging by the middle of the day?

You’re not alone. Most Americans are sleep deprived. Why? Because there’s lots of pressure to be busy, not only with work but also with family, with socializing, networking… Let’s face it, there’s simply too much to do!

Poor Health?

Keep getting sick? Are you plagued with colds, sore throats, aches and pains? This is another symptom of being out of balance. If you’re like many busy people, you don’t often stop to take a break until your body forces you to, by getting sick.

Stressed or Irritable?

Grouchy all the time lately or feeling anxious? And it’s not PMS. Maybe you just have too much on your plate.

You know, those days, the ones where you feel like you simply can’t get things done quickly enough or go fast enough before more obligations get piled on…

Sorry, I have to work.

Is that your excuse for missing the birthday party, the Super Bowl or a night at the theatre?

Work is the only legitimate excuse everyone will accept when you’re unable to do anything. But ask yourself, is it really worth it?

Checking out?

Stress and fatigue have a way of inspiring poor choices. Whether it’s coming home to the TV with a pizza and a liter of Pepsi or hitting the bar. Numbing the pain only makes it worse.

In our 24-hour, 7-day a week work world, it can feel really hard to be balanced. After all, you’re not supposed to stop answering emails – even at midnight - or, God forbid, totally unplug.

But that’s exactly what has to happen if you’re to stay sane.

So if you’re ready to have a better experience of life, here’s what you can do:

1. Decide

Make the decision that you’re willing to change. This is the first step!

We all get into ruts and habits. But it’s critical to shift your lifestyle choices before it’s too late. After all, we are not human do-ers- working like automatons. We are human beings. We need to honor all aspects of who we are

2. Create A Schedule

The reality of our modern lives, is that if something is not scheduled it won’t happen. Recently, I even heard Cheryl Strayed, the author of the bestselling book, Wild, say she’s even an advocate for scheduled sex! Her rationale, if it isn’t planned, it just doesn’t happen. So much for spontaneity!

3. Identify Your Personal Needs

Body: How can you best take care of your body? What do you need to help you incorporate healthy foods, exercise, and adequate sleep into your schedule?

I have a friend who makes all of his meals on Sundays, then grabs his To Go breakfast and lunch on his way out every weekday!

Some people prefer to exercise in the mornings, others in the evenings. How can you take one class a week (yoga, Zumba) or add a few strolls into your day? I have a friend who wears her Fitbit and just walks all day long...

Mind: What feels like down time, relaxation and fun? What kinds of activities can you easily pop into your schedule to really enjoy your day? Join a book group? Laughter club or garden group? Schedule a monthly massage or hike?

And, what feels stimulating? Is there a course you’ve been wanting to take or a new skill you’d like to acquire? Painting? Pickle Ball? German?

Spirit & Connection: As you probably know, I’m a huge advocate for meditation.

Incorporating just 5 minutes of meditation or guided visualization every day will do wonders to bring you more peace of mind and balance. Do this first thing in the morning or right before bed. I know people who do it at work, on a break! You can always find 5 minutes.

What about your social life? Recent longevity studies have shown that THE most important attribute to your overall health and longevity is sustained, deep relationships. How can you ensure you have time for those? Not only with a spouse but with friends or other family members as well.

We’re at a point in our evolution where the paradigm is shifting. One example of this is the advent of flexibility in the traditional work schedule. Many employees now work remotely.

Another is our outmoded definition of success, that it requires sacrifice. The old thinking is, I have to sacrifice everything else – family myself, health… to work and make money. Then I’ll be successful.

Good NEWS, this is changing – but it starts with you!

So I leave you with two deep questions:

What are your values? (As in, what really matters to you?)

AND

What is your definition of success?

Is it making 6-figures a year and working 80-100 hours a week? Or making 6-figures a year and having 3 months holiday every year? Hmmm…

It’s critical to define and KNOW what you’re values are and what your definition of success is, otherwise, you’re chasing the wrong dream and your work-life balance won’t feel satisfying.

Once you’re clear, you can easily create a schedule and a life that reflect the beauty of you. Vision well!

Let me know what you're ready to change to have more balance. Leave a comment below!

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4 Ways to Bring the Sacred into Your Holiday Season

Ready to infuse your holidays with some spirituality and really deeply feel the impact of this time of year?

It’s too easy to get caught in the frenzy and rush with holiday parties, travel, and gift buying. But there's more to the holidays than eating and stuff.

Around this time of year in my old Florida neighborhood, I often saw a yard sign that said, “put the Christ back in Christmas.”

What does that mean?

To me, it’s about remembering the true spirit of the holidays, which is ultimately about giving, and receiving from a deep heart level. 

So here’s my interpretation of doing just that:

1. Family Ritual or Tradition

Is their something special that you do this time of year with your loved ones? Perhaps you bake cookies to distribute to friends, throw an eggnog party for your neighbors, or maybe even go on a horse drawn carriage ride.

Whatever your tradition is, how can you really show up with the spirit of love? This year, before your annual event, set an intention to be truly loving and present with your guests and family.

If you’re ready to create a new tradition or ritual with your friends or family, the sky’s the limit!

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Share a meal together with special symbolic foods.
• Create a circle where everyone contributes something. Maybe each person gives someone else in the circle a compliment or says something positive about them.
• Come together to make gifts or food for someone in need. Think about infusing those goodies with love, healing and peace.

2. Honor the Light

All of the traditions at this time of year- Christmas, Hanukkah, and Yule (Winter Solstice)- are celebrations to honor the light.

Christmas honors the birth of Jesus, a light in the world.

Hanukkah is a celebration in remembrance of the re-dedication of the great temple in Jerusalem and the lighting of the Menorah, the candelabra with nine branches.

And Yule, or the Winter Solstice, honors the shortest day of the year, December 21st, and the symbolic rebirth of the sun. This is why there are lots of fires and lights for Yule! Here’s a great website to learn more or get into Yule:

Remember that as we celebrate the light, we must also honor the dark, for without it, we could not see the light. Honor any darkness that comes up for you. Bless it and release it.

3. Visit a Church, Temple or Holy Place

There are so many wonderful services this time of year, from choir concerts to midnight masses, to bonfires. Check out the local listings in your area and see if anything peeks your curiosity.

One year, my family was in Cusco, Peru on Christmas morning so, my husband, mother and I all attended morning mass at the cathedral that was completed in 1654. The night before, there’d been a huge handicraft fair throughout the plaza. In the morning, everything was quiet, deferential. It was an inspiring celebration. The priests in their ceremonial robes, the massive silver altar decorated for the holiday.

4. Pay it Forward

This time of year is truly about giving and receiving. And we all know that when we give, it opens our hearts.

Who can you help this holiday season?

Think beyond your loved ones. Is there a neighbor in need? A colleague? How can you help in a larger way? Wanna make lunch bags for the homeless or donate to a cause you care about?

How can you really embrace that feeling of caring in your community?

Infuse your holiday season with love and peace, with true giving and receiving. Do this by coming back to your heart and remembering what this season is really all about. Enjoy and have a happy holiday!

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5 Tips for a Stress Free Holiday

We’ve hurdled past Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Giving Tuesday.

Now on to Chanukah, Yule, Christmas and the New Year!

Take a minute.

How do you actually want your holidays to be? Fun, relaxed, enriching?

How do you actually want to feel? Happy, satisfied, warm?

Unfortunately, how we want to experience something and how we actually experience it, can often be worlds apart.

Right?

So in an effort to really create exactly what you want this year, here are my top 5 ways to have a stress free, relaxed and wonderful holiday season!

1. Self Care

Even if you have a house full of guests, are cooking up a storm or have a packed schedule of holiday parties, be sure to schedule time just for YOU.

Maybe it’s spending an hour journal writing and meditating.

How about an early evening soak in the tub?

Maybe you want to curl up by the fire with a good book, or go for a solitary walk.

Find time to give to yourself over the next few weeks so that you have the energy to give to others. 

2. Clear Boundaries

Make a plan.

First, let's talk money.

What’s your holiday budget? In other words, how much money are you willing to spend on gifts, meals and outings?

Honestly look at what you have and what you can comfortably afford.

Now let's talk about tasks.

Having guests and family?

Why not make a chore list.

Decide what needs to be done, write it out, then have people sign up. That way the burden of cooking, cleaning and shopping doesn’t solely fall on you.

Plus then you're not angry, resentful or overworked!

3. Schedule Fun

Make sure that throughout the next few weeks, the activities and tasks you do are FUN for you.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the hype or get completely focused on taking care of everyone else. Don’t forget about yourself and what you love most about this time of year.

For me, it’s getting a fresh tree and decorating it along with the house. I play all of my favorite holiday music like A Charlie Brown's Christmas. 

I also love special holiday foods (especially desserts). So I enjoy researching new recipes, making them and then, of course, eating! 

4. Seek Balance

Since I was just mentioning indulging in special holiday treats, be mindful about it. In other words, enjoy and savor those specialities - be it fudge, gingerbread, yule logs, eggnog and the like. But also counterbalance that with exercise, movement as well as fresh fruits and vegetables.

5. Make Your Time Meaningful

How can you really savor this special time?

Be truly present with yourself, your loved ones and each and every moment. 

Throughout your day, take a minute to breathe in and express gratitude for all you have. That can instantly change everything.

Think too about the customs or traditions you enjoy around this time of year - lighting candles, going to mass, chorale singing.

How can you feed your soul this holiday season?

Try incorporating these 5 tips and see how much of a difference they can make for you.

My wish for you is that the next few weeks are the most fulfilling, inspiring, loving weeks in your life, and that you have a peaceful, joyful rest of 2017. AND may you get everything your heart desires!

Stay in touch! Feel free to leave a comment below about your holiday season.

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What’s Your Preference? Routines or Goals

Tell me about your schedule:

• Do you wake up everyday at exactly the same time?
• Often eat the same meal for breakfast?
• Don’t particularly like it when there are last minute changes in your day?
• Work best knowing there’s a deadline?
• Enjoy crossing items off your To Do List?
• Prefer projects with clear beginning and end dates?

If the first 3 questions resonated with you, you’re likely more of a routine person. Meaning that you prefer life to be consistent, regular. You do your best work when things are humming along and you are in your flow.

If, instead, the latter 3 seemed more fun and fitting to your personality, you’re likely to be more goal oriented.

Neither one is bad or good. It’s just helpful to understand yourself and your own rhythms.

And even if you find that you have a preference, one over the other, they are not mutually exclusive!

Lots of people who prefer routine also have goals, and goal oriented folks need routine to get stuff done!

Here are a few tips to keep you on track:

Routine Folks

Be aware that you thrive best with a steady daily schedule.

1. Create a Healthy Routine

You want your life to support you in mind, body AND spirit. That includes scheduling time for exercising, play, social, and contemplative time.

2. Mix It Up

See if you can throw a little spice into your routine now and again just to get you out of that box! Maybe it’s a spontaneous movie night or social engagement.

Goal Peeps

Goal people can tend to procrastinate and wait until the last minute to get stuff done. This can be SUPER stressful.

1. Think about Time Management

This is where lists and spreadsheets come in really handy as does scheduling. Because like it or not, goal oriented people need some kind of plan/schedule to get everything done!

2. Make Lists

I used to work with a wonderful coach and this was her method:

• Write everything that you have to do down on a piece of paper. Research shows it's actually MORE effective writing by hand!
• Next, put 1s next to each item that has to get done immediately, 2s next to the second most urgent tasks, etc.)
• Step it out from there, looking at all the 1s, prioritize them so you have 1a, 1b, 1c… you get the point.

3. Create a Timeline

Excel is a simple tool for project management. I use it all the time to break down projects into smaller bits then I assign each one a deadline. Of course there are LOTS of time management softwares out there too. If you want an app (many of which are FREE), here are some to check out:

•    RemindMe
•    RescueTime
•    Remember the Milk
•    Focus Booster
•    Toggl (Here's a great review on this app)
•    Evernote
•    Mind42
•    MyLifeOrganized
•    Zendone

Kinda feeling like your both goal oriented and need a routine?

Good!

Because if you REALLY want to accomplish and achieve an amazing life, you’re gonna have to learn to master both.

But don’t worry, nothing is ever too hard, especially with all the support and tools at your disposal.

Celebrate whichever you are – goal oriented or routine based- and honor yourself for your own unique and creative way to live and be of service.

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3 Steps for Anxiety Free Decision Making

What if you’ve spent a ton of time heading down the road to your awesome new promotion, house or relationship when you realize it’s going south fast?

Do you keep your head down, stay on track and ignore the whisper that’s telling you something is wrong?

Or do you cut your losses and come up with a new game plan?

This was me last Saturday.

My daughter, Maya, decided after 9 months of college planning, to scrap her first choice school and begin at square one AGAIN.

She explained that the reality of living in Southern Cal and going to that school didn't match her fantasy of it. In other words, what she thought is was and what it actually was, were two very different things.

As her mom, I was both proud of her and angsty. Because now we had more work to do.

So here’s what we did:

1. Be Willing to Re-Evaluate

Rather than being resolute about sticking to a game plan, allow yourself to consider alternatives. Willingness opens the door to sight, to viewing something with fresh eyes, to the possibility of new opportunities.

You may decide not to go ahead with a new plan, but having the willingness to at least look gives you options and helps you to not feel trapped.

2. Explore Your Options

Give yourself time and space for this part.

Start drawing (even if it’s just a figure 8) or go for a walk so you can access your right brain. This will allow your creativity to flow and help you come up with lots of ideas.

Write every idea down even if it sounds crazy!

3. Look at the Cold Hard Facts

Now it’s time to get clear on your priorities. Take your list of options and evaluate each one. Use your analytical brain for this task.

• What happens if you stay on the original course?
• Where do your other paths lead?

Now ask yourself: What do YOU really want?

In other words, what’s the most important thing for you? Is it square footage? Geography? Paycheck? Commonalities?

Make a list of the pros and cons for each viable possibility.

When you're done, it's time to take action. This is key to combatting stress and anxiety. Getting clear and then moving forward is empowering. Plus now you know exactly what you want and where to go!

Once you have a new plan, you can look back at that sidelining as a blessing. It allowed you to get super clear about exactly what you wanted and which direction to move in. Even if you do stay the original course, now you're even more sure why.

At a crossroads? Share your story with me below!

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Finding Real Belonging

Feel like you don’t belong in your family? In society? In the world?

Me too.

I used to think I was the only one who felt like this. Something was terribly wrong with me - I was flawed, broken because I felt disconnected. Everyone around me seemed content, loved, successful. They were all normal and happy.

Why wasn’t I?

Then I convinced myself that there must be a place, an actual physical place, where I could feel all of that- where I genuinely belonged.

So I went looking. First I crossed the country, from Boston to Portland. Then I went to Asia- Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia. I even tried the Middle East and Europe.

I thought I’d found it in Bali, but no…

It took fifteen long years for me to clue in.

The place I was looking for was inside of me, it was me.

True belonging is about connecting to your heart, to your core, to the YOU within you.

I finally had to stop “searching” and dive in.

If feeling alone and alienated resonates with you, here are the steps to your salvation:

1. Be Present With You

Stop running away from yourself. Happy, sad, angry, suffering. Be okay with whatever you feel right now. There’s so much power in moving into the pain or discomfort. That’s where true healing lies. In seeing what’s really real for you every second of every day.

A super powerful way to dive right into this is to do mirror work. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you. I really, really love you.”

The first time I did this, I started sobbing. Now I smile.

2. Connect

Even though peace and abiding happiness come from within you, we are social creatures. How can you feel more connected to like-minded people? Is there a faith based organization or spiritual center that you resonate with nearby? Is there a book group or club doing things you enjoy?

3. Seek Refuge

In Buddhism, you often hear the phrase, “Seek refuge in the Buddha, dharma and sangha.”

I love the word refuge because to me, it’s a place of safety, a place to lick your wounds, replenish and be refilled.

I interpret this Buddhist phrase to mean that:

• First we find our salvation and our home through connection to God-the Universe-Oneness (Buddha).

What path speaks to you? What form of the divine can you connect to?

Is it Buddha, Tara, or any one of the Hindu gods or goddesses? Jesus or Virgin Mary? Is it the great earth Mother? Nature? Or simply that which is un-nameable? The great unknown?

• Second, commit to a practice. This is dharma. The way of right action and right living.

Find a teaching- book, lectures, etc. where the words resonate with your beliefs. There are countless paths and ways: Bible, Talmud, Koran, A Course In Miracles, Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, Buddhist scripture, Wiccan, Pagan, Celtic, Native American...

Maybe you want a teacher who speaks to you.

Here are some resources to check out:

1. Hay House Radio (or their website)
2. Lion’s Roar (for Buddhist teachers)
3. Oprah’s Super Soul Sundays
4. Krista Tippet’s Podcast, On Being

• Third, connect to others who are on a similar path.

This is sangha, or satsang. It is spiritual community. Seek out your spirit brothers and sisters. It’s hard to do this work, and we all need love and support. This is where community comes in.

Truly, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. This is why the world feels unnatural because we don’t really belong here. And yet, here we are, contracted to experience human existence in all its messiness and glory.

Isn’t it time to fully embrace it and genuinely live it open heartedly and unapologetically?

I say yes. And welcome to the club.

Where will you start? Share your ideas just below the blog!

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5 Strategies To Deal with Uncertainty

Sometimes the news feels like too much.

• Hurricanes
• Earthquakes
• Fires
• Threat of Nuclear War

I wouldn’t blame you if you just wanted to stick your head in the sand, or in a pint of ice cream and check out by binge watching Game of Thrones.

I used to do that all the time.

As soon as the anxiety would flutter into me, I’d run straight to the cupboard and eat my way into not feeling it anymore.

But then I realized there was another way to deal with anxiety and uncertainty.

Here’s my top 5:

1. Feel It

One of the things I learned when I overcame my binge eating disorder was that I was eating because I didn’t want to feel negative emotions – like fear, anxiety or uncertainty. Instead I buried them under pounds of junk food.

Now I allow myself to experience those uncomfortable emotions in my body. I feel my stomach clench, my lungs that want to start panting, my heart palpitating.

And then I look out my eyes at my surrounding world and ask myself:

Am I okay right now?

Am I safe in this present moment?

Almost always the answer is YES.

2. Get Grounded

Often when we get scared or anxious, we want to avoid or distract ourselves.

Instead, see if you can come down, come into the present moment.

The easiest way to do this is by breathing.

Take a deep breath and allow your entire body to relax. Breathing oxygenates the body and immediately grounds us.

So that rather than emotionally reacting to a situation or a perceived threat, you can feel more centered, and have more clarity and insight.

3. Ask for Guidance

Information, like action, reduces anxiety. Do some research about the situation whether it’s a storm, stock market fluctuation or political threat.

After you’ve read, use your discernment and ask:

What’s real?

What’s hype?

What do you believe?

Then take a moment to check in with yourself. What feels right for you? Use your internal compass to help guide you.

4. Avoid Chaos

The world is filled with craziness and in our highly networked, 24-hour news cycle, life can feel increasingly stressful. We now hear about every disaster the world over, natural or man made – from droughts and climate change to drownings and even genocide.

You need information to make smart decisions however, watching too much news or spending excessive time on social media can increase anxiety.

Avoid falling into the swirl of chaos by being mindful of your exposure.

Know your ability to manage information so it doesn’t overwhelm you. Be kind to yourself and know when you’ve had enough.

5. Seek Peace

Who or what in your life helps you feel connected, relaxed and peaceful?

Are there friends or family members, perhaps a chaplain or monk, whose presence offers solace?

Maybe you prefer a boat ride? A walk in the woods, or on a beach. Perhaps visiting a garden or even gardening will bring peace.

Some find baths and massages work wonders and bring relaxation.

Others enjoy crafts.

Meditation is always a popular way to feel more comforted.

Incorporate ONE of these ideas into your life every day and see how much that supports your mindset and eases the uncertainty.

Life is filled with the unknown. And even though it can cause us anxiety, it’s also ripe with opportunity, and excitement.

But when you find yourself feeling dread about the future, lean on these 5 tools to bring you back to a place of clarity, peace and presence.

Which one will you try first? Leave a comment below!

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Feel More Deeply Connected: 3 Simple Ways

Let’s face it, life, especially in the USA, has felt polarized and chaotic. Even Mother Nature seems to agree. Forest fires from Montana to California, and TWO Category 4 Hurricanes making landfall in a matter of weeks.

This is NOT a political message, this is a call to action.

Because when I think about the devastation in Houston, along the coasts in Florida and in swaths of land across the west, the message seems loud and clear.

All it took was seeing the Facebook video of the line of pickup trucks towing boats toward Houston to know.

These disasters are a reminder for us to come together.

It's time for us to put our differences – be they race, gender, ethnicity, political view, education or religion – to the side and remember that underneath all of that, we are all human beings who share the same needs and wants.

If you’re ready to lay down those outer differences and step back into a bigger picture, and if you’re willing to hold a higher vibration, here a 3 actionable steps you can take right now:

1. Reach Out

Who in your community needs support or help?

Wherever you are – from New York City to Santa Barbara, Cape Town to Wellington- there are people and animals who are suffering.

Contact a local shelter, community organization or religious institution. Maybe a food pantry needs donations or volunteers. Perhaps an elderly neighbor could use some help raking leaves. The local pet shelter might need dog walkers.

Don’t have time? Find a local organization or environmental cause you care about and make a financial donation.

2. Start A Conversation

For all that technology has enhanced our lives, it’s made it easier for us to ignore true human interaction. I’m talking real face-to-face time.

Make it a goal to meet ONE new person a week.

It could be in the supermarket, at church, at a yoga class… and beam love at him or her. This isn’t about trying to find common ground or being persuasive, it’s simply about showing up as the embodiment of love.

Because if we really want to shift the vibration of our world, we all have to step into the frequency of love.

3. Find A Bigger Pond

What, apart from your family and job, are you passionate about? Arts? Social Justice? The environment? Is there a cause that you’d like to see transformed or well funded? How could you get involved?

Last weekend, I went to a free theater production of The Odyssey, a musical based on Homer’s classic epic. It was done by Public Works Seattle, an organization committed to being theater of by and for the people.

Nearly the entire cast was volunteers (except for the main parts) and came from their partner organizations: local Boys & Girls Clubs, senior centers, and homeless transition programs. The performance was fun, professional and inspiring.

And it's exactly what I’m talking about, being a part of something bigger than you.

What do you say?

It’s so easy to fall into us versus them thinking, or to feel like everyone is doing better than you. But if you’re ready to move that aside, there’s plenty to do. And as we come together and celebrate each other, we not only heal ourselves, we heal one another.

Are you ready?

Let me know what you plan to do! Leave a comment below.

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The Real Inside Job: 4 Ways to Harness the Power of Your Mind

Okay, I admit it. I have a monkey mind.

I love that Buddhist expression because it encapsulates exactly how it feels. My thoughts skitter and jump. They careen from ideas about breakfast to forest fires, to my kids.

My mind can work non-stop. It’s just how I’m wired.

Some days I’m good at ignoring it. Other days, not so much. But then, when I catch myself going down yet another rabbit hole of triviality, I remember to use the tools.

Here’s a quick list to help you stay focused, feel present and harness the power of your over-active mind:

1. Meditation

Meditation can initially feel like punishment to the mind. The thought of sitting and doing nothing, thinking about nothing is sheer torture. And yet, what meditation really is, is mind training.

It helps you remember that you’re not your thoughts.

It allows you to connect to the infinite.

It creates serenity and peace.

Commit to sitting 5-minutes a day.

Listen to some peaceful music, follow a guided meditation. Check out Insight Timer. It’s a free meditation app.

2. Affirmation

When you take charge of your thoughts, you rule your life. 

Don’t you want happy thoughts? Kind thoughts? Loving thoughts?

Louise Hay, who died last week, was a genius at this. Not only did she understand the power of thought, she grasped the power of words to help mold them.

I call her the Queen of Affirmations. She had positive statements posted around her house and used them constantly, like mantra, all day long.

Here are a few of my top favorites from her:

• Life loves me.
• I love and approve of myself right now.
• I am safe in the universe and all of life loves and supports me.
• I am willing to forgive.

Affirmation is a way to re-wire your brain and move from negative, self destructive, or potentially harmful thoughts to ones that support and nurture.

3. Intention

I was talking to my girlfriend over the weekend and she was telling me about her daily practice of setting intentions.

She told me she’s been focused on manifesting things she wants in her life right now. One of them was to get great paying work that she really enjoyed. Sure enough, the jobs keep pouring in.

Then she said she wanted to meet other women with whom she felt a deep, heart connection. In a few weeks, she’s met three!

Be clear on what you want in your life. Set goals – both long term and short term. And then say them everyday.

What we think, say and then do, manifests!

4. Take Action

One of the best ways to focus the mind and stop it from perseverating, is to take action.

Sometimes on Sunday nights I’ll lie in bed and think about all the things I have to do on Monday. If I let it, it can cause me stress. But then I began to notice that as soon as I started knocking those things off the list, my stress was gone.

Action.

I also recognized that when I exercise regularly, my mind is much more calm and focused.

Action.

Your mind is so powerful. Isn’t it time for you to be in charge and direct the show? Use these 4 simple strategies to experience not only more peace in your life but success and happiness too.

Let me know how your progress goes! Leave a comment below the blog.

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What The Eclipse Taught Me About Faith

The week before the eclipse life felt tense, unsettled, frustrating. Curiously, the eclipse seemed to clear the air!

So why not use it as a reset?

Because, more than anything, this eclipse experience reminded me to have faith.

What is faith?

Faith is a decision to believe in something you cannot verify.

For me, it's an act of letting go of fear, of control, of a desired outcome, and relaxing into a space of grace, of knowing that all is well, that I am safe and life is good.

I’d heard about the eclipse for months but had blown it off until a few weeks ago when my husband was eager to go. Since we waited so long to make plans, the closest motel we could find was 3 hours from the path of totality in Oregon.

We decided to book it anyway and drive from Washington on Monday morning as far south as we could get.

As Monday grew closer, reports about the number of people descending on Oregon circulated. The governor had called up the National Guard. It would be a traffic nightmare.

Then we heard no one was allowed to watch from the side of the road. Now where would we go? None of this helped my anxiety.

Getting ready on Sunday morning for our 36-hour road trip. I sat to meditate and got a gentle reminder. It was a voice I often hear, kind, wise and loving.

It said, “Relax. Everything always works out perfectly.”

Up until that moment, my entire week had been emotional, angsty, difficult so it was the exact reminder I needed.

Driving east, we encountered no traffic and decided to stop and walk around a picturesque mountain lake before heading into town.

That night at the motel, I got confirmation from an Oregon rancher I’d contacted that we could park on his land. Relieved that we had a destination and wouldn’t be hassled by police, we left early Monday morning, hoping to make it all the way to totality.

Again there was no traffic.

In less than 3 hours, we arrived in time to enjoy the sun rise over the high desert, the smell of Juniper in the breeze.

Before I knew it, the eclipse began.

A quick hour passed and then came the 90 seconds of totality. The temperature dropped, the sky darkened to resemble twilight. The sun was a ball of white wavy lines dancing and swirling around the shadow of the moon. It was nothing I’d imagined.

And then it was over.

The bright sun and warmth returned and soon and we were on our way home, ambling along small highways and by-ways, following rivers and canyons. In the afternoon, we crested Mt Rainier and stopped to take in the Cascade range, the fields of wild flowers and the snowy glacier.

Even though it took 9 hours, it was an absolute joy ride.

Back at home, feeling refreshed and renewed, I’m reminded to have faith.

Like me, use the eclipse as a reset.

Remember that everything is possible when you bring to mind 3 things:

1. Relax

When you relax, it stops the mind whir.

It cancels out anxiety.

It brings you back to the breath. And you come into the moment.

2. Affirm that everything always turns out perfectly

When I start to get anxiety about a situation- be it financial, professional or logistical- one of the ways I deal with those negative feelings and mind chatter is to look at the past.

Whenever I have dealt with a similar situation it has easily been resolved.

~My bills always get paid.

~I consistently arrive at my destination safely.

~I’ve successfully done (a similar task) in the past.

Simply because this is a“new” situation does not mean it will be any different.

3. Go for It

This is the reminder to do whatever it is that you’re afraid to do

-with confidence

-with eyes wide open

-with certainty that the outcome is assured

Usually what happens is better than you even expected!

How does faith or lack of faith show up in your life?

Try using these 3 steps to help you move into the future with greater confidence, assurance and ease. Life certainly feels more exciting and vibrant when we jump in and stretch ourselves.

Let me know how it goes!

Or share your eclipse story with me and leave a comment below!

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Live a Passion Filled Life In 3 Simple Steps

Have you ever met someone and been truly inspired?

That happened to me with my first yoga teacher, Jayanta. His classes immersed us in bhakti or devotion. With every pose that we did, it wasn't about sweating or getting a work out, it was prayer in motion.

It was an act of connecting to the divine and expressing that love through movement.

Recently we reconnected and it inspired me to remember to infuse life with love and embrace prayer in action.

Because everything we do – from brushing our teeth, to mowing the lawn, to making a phone call - is an opportunity to share the love of God and to celebrate being alive.

Each person is an incarnation of the beloved. God is in all of us, shining forth. So as you go about your day, see if you can embrace this essence of prayer-filled living.

It’s simple and requires only 3 things:

1. Awareness

Awareness is the choice to be present in all things.

I once had a friend who told me to be proud of whatever job you have, do it with gusto and put in 100% effort. He said, “even if I was a garbage man, I’d do it to the best of my ability.”

I’ve never forgotten his words. He was suggesting to be fully present and aware in everything you do. Do it with pride, care and diligence.

When you choose this attitude, you feel alive, capable, satisfied and attuned to life in a deep and fulfilling way.

2. Practice Gratitude

When I have thanks in the moment for my life, my entire chest expands. I feel spacious, full, rich, content.

Try it right now.

Look around you and think of 3 things you’re grateful for in your life. Inhale that feeling. Don’t you feel bigger and more expansive?

All the research tells us that gratitude is THE fastest way to experience happiness. Gratitude is also an excellent way to feel alive, present and to view the world through the eyes of love.

A wonderful short video to help you experience gratitude was done by Louie Shwartzberg. He uses his exquisite time-lapse nature photography while you listen to Brother David Steindl-Rast , a Benedictine monk, describe exactly what gratitude is. This film is one of my most favorite TedTalks. Check it out here

3. Foster Empathy

Empathy is compassion, or caring about others because you have either experienced a similar pain or can put yourself in that person’s shoes.

An excellent example of empathy at work is Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12-step program. People who are active alcoholics go there for help and support. They are not judged – often for the first times in their lives. Instead, they are embraced and supported by other recovering addicts who know exactly what it feels like to walk into that room, wanting to stop but are scared to death.

We know from studies that it is low and medium income people who are often the most generous donors to charities which may be surprising when you think their incomes aren’t as high as say, a hedge fund manager.

Yet, there have been times in my life when I was one pay check away from homelessness. We can relate, we have empathy.

Infuse this day and every day with the power of love. Allow grace to wash over you and through you as you meet this moment with compassion, awareness, and gratitude.

Life feels so much more fulfilling, rich and satisfying when we choose to see everything as love, as God, as one.

See if you can be the beloved and infuse your life with that love.

Let me know what YOU think! leave a comment below.

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