Finding yourself struggling with grief?
We all are. It’s collective, from this corona virus.
We're mourning the way we once lived – attending events, visiting friends, traveling, going into the office...
And we know that whatever happens next, WILL be different.
In addition to the weight of collective grief, many of us have had personal tragedies too. Loss of a loved one, a job, financial security…
So how do we manage this pain?
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief can help. They are:
Denial
Anger
Depression
Bargaining
Acceptance
Where are you?
Denial
Denial is common and widespread. Just listen to a few global leaders!
We do it personally, too, whenever we're in a pattern of avoidance.
Denial is familiar to me, especially now. If I don’t leave my house for days, I can pretend things aren’t so bad, even if I follow the news! Without physically seeing closed shopping malls, offices and homeless encampments, I can easily intellectualize the suffering, rather than feel that tremendous loss.
Know what I mean?
Anger
What about anger? Have you felt that?
There are tons of valid reasons to be angry. Maybe it’s at what we’ve lost: peoples’ lives, economic output, celebration, connection, leadership... Maybe it’s anger at feeling helpless or hopeless, or both.
Depression
Some of us are experiencing depression. And as isolation from social distancing continues, more and more people seem to be experiencing depression. Things feel bleak and eternal, hopeless. People feel lonely, disconnected.
Bargaining
Have you tried bargaining? You know this phase.
“Please, if I agree to never eat chocolate again, ______.” Or “I’ll pray every day, if only you will ____.”
Bargaining can make us feel like we’re doing something productive, but it’s always from a place of SACRIFICE.
Acceptance
Hopefully we can all, personally and collectively, get to acceptance. Although arriving at acceptance can sometimes feel like a struggle.
Acceptance is being okay, or at peace, with whatever is occurring right now, and with whatever you are feeling right now. Even when you don’t like it.
Some say acceptance takes time.
But it also takes willingness.
A willingness to let go of what we wanted.
A willingness to be okay with what is.
A willingness to trust that whatever unfolds is alright, too. Even if it is completely different.
Acceptance is a form of surrender. As if we are being asked to release what we wanted to the larger picture of God’s plan.
Acceptance doesn’t mean quitting. But it does mean no longer fighting against change.
The invitation is for us to open to possibility of what COULD be.
Hopefulness is the antidote to despair and longing.
Allow yourself time and space to experience ALL the emotions grief brings to you. Hopefully Kubler-Ross’ steps will help you arrive safely at acceptance, hopefulness and new beginnings.