5 Secrets Successful People Know

Have you ever asked yourself what success really means to you?

Look around. People hurry and rush, busy chasing someone else’s definition of success – be it a parent, society, or cultural expectation.

Isn't it time to define success for yourself?

Take a minute, well okay, maybe 20, and dive in.

Ask yourself:

1. What does success look like?

Is it a big house? A fancy car?

Is it your own business?

Is it lots of money in the bank, thousands of Twitter followers or being on Oprah?

Most people have the idea that lots of money = success.

But what if earning that big bank account meant you worked 15 hours a day and always felt stressed out and tired? What if it meant you had to rip people off or be dishonest?

Is that the life you really want?

Make a list or envision what success looks like to you.

When I started this inquiry, I realized that for me success meant freedom: the freedom to do what I love AND love what I do. The freedom to have my own schedule and be my own boss. The freedom to decide every day what I was going to do!

2. How does success feel?

This is critical. Because a genuine definition of success isn’t just about what you want, it’s about how you experience every day of your life.

Do you want to just survive, go through the motions, live for the weekend? Or do you want to really thrive and feel genuinely excited, fulfilled, rewarded and passionate?

I see many clients who strive to please someone else, to earn someone’s love or to feel respected.

But all of these are external drivers.

What if you could be loved, accepted and appreciated no matter what?

Would that change what you were doing right now?

Would you stop working your corporate job and instead start a non-profit to help animals?

Write down exactly how success feels to you.

For me, it's about being excited and passionate about what I do so I orient myself towards joy. Then I ask, what fuels my creativity and energizes me? What makes me happy?

My answer is simple. It’s sharing and giving – helping others, writing (about things I’ve learned, a-has I’ve had), and in being visually creative.

3. How do you want your life to be?

Lately, as I start my morning run, overlooking the Puget Sound, the sun on my face, I think, “it doesn’t get better than this.”

Vision your life.

Are you surrounded by loving friends and family?

Are you alone in a large mansion?

Are you active and engaged in service to others or for a cause that feels meaningful?

See yourself not only in a “work” environment but holistically.

Where are you living and with whom? Do you have time to exercise, meditate, play? Are there ample funds and time for health and holidays?

4. Take Action

Now that you've defined exactly what success is, what it looks like and feels like, it’s time to jump in.

What’s the first thing you can do to move closer to having that experience of success in your life right now?

List three actions you can take this week.

Do this EVERY week, maybe even every day!

5. Persevere

Changing habits and re-aligning yourself to your new definition of success takes time and patience.

But now that you’re clear about where you want to go, and have actions to help get you there, you only need to keep going.

Simply remember Dory’s little song from Finding Nemo. “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.” And before you know it, your life will feel full, rich, rewarding and successful!

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3 Ways to Be More Mindful Every Day

Are you ready to feel more aware, caring and mindful?

Do you want to appreciate the spring flowers, savor that fresh cup of coffee, or be fully present with others?

But instead, you find yourself distracted in the moment, either internally by the cascading river of thoughts, or externally by demands from traffic, job, family, smartphone… In other words, the chaos of life.

What if there was a way to step into the silence even if only for a moment?

Of course the best way to do this is through meditation, having a daily practice, (click here to get started).

AND by taking that essence out into the world and living it.

Here are three ways to bring mindfulness into your every day:

1. Intend Your Day

Every morning when you wake up, decide how you want your day to be.

Happy? Disappointing? Exciting? Frustrating?

Take a moment to envision it.

What will you do? How will it progress? Will it be easy or hard?

Intentionally or unintentionally, you decide how you want your day to be from the moment it starts.

Infuse this time with clarity, with mindfulness, with right thinking. So that your day can reflect exactly what you want.

I like to use affirmation to support my visioning.

“I see myself vibrant and healthy, engaged and creative. I know I will live this day to the fullest and savor every moment of it.”

2. Cultivate Appreciation

Appreciation is perspective.

Appreciation is noticing all the little things in life that are working, going well, successful. It’s recognizing the love you feel for your husband, and appreciating the bond you have. It’s honoring your body, and having gratitude for it’s incredible capacity to heal and support you. It’s recognizing all the abundance and beauty that surrounds you in every moment.

When I lived in Hong Kong, a very busy, dirty (and smelly!) city, most evenings as I boarded the ferry to head home, I’d gaze out at the shimmering harbor that perfectly reflected the sun setting across the skyscrapers. Sheer beauty.

It’s even about appreciating the hard things in life as lessons to be learned or challenges to overcome.

3. Return to Now

If you find yourself distracted during the day by the chatter in your head, take a deep breath and come back to now.

I have a very active mind so it is common that as I do a task or listen to someone, a voice offers ongoing commentary in my mind.

Nowadays this voice is quieter and I’m able to more easily silence it.

But the first step is to become aware of this mind habit. “Oh look, I’ve just gone down the rabbit hole and am miles away, thinking about my trip to Hawaii instead of here sitting at the table with you.”

When this happens, take a deep breath, oxygenate yourself and re-focus. Listen to your friend in the here and now, finish that assignment, close the deal.

Mindfulness is really about mind training and creating new habits. Use these three tools to help you build those muscles and experience more happiness, gratitude and love in every moment.

What will you do?

I'd love to hear which one of these resonates with you? Leave me a comment below ~ I'll see you there!

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Step Into Your Future: 3 Ways to Manifest Exactly What You Want

Last weekend I attended a writer’s conference. There were classes and opportunities to network but most importantly, I got to pitch my book to potential agents.

Before I went, I was kind of nervous.

I had never done anything like that before.

What if none of the agents were interested?

Even when we want something to happen, dream about it, and vision it, we can be afraid when we’re looking right at it.

Which is why I found the guidance from a recent meditation so helpful. My anxiety was swirling when I heard a very distinctive voice. She cut right through the chaos and said, “Step into your future. The door is right there, in front of you.”

Whoa.

I looked and saw exactly what she meant.

If you’re standing on a threshold too, about to walk into your new future, here are 3 ways to make it real.

1. Believe It

It isn’t enough to vision. You have to see a new version of you.

See yourself having passed the test, already earning that killer salary at the hospital, happy and successful in your new social media job.

Once you really envision it wholly, then you can believe it. Within every part of your being, you have to embrace this version of you, know it is real, true and right.

This is knowing on a cellular level.

It's meant to be. You can feel it.

2. Own It

When I was facing my anxiety about finding an agent, I flipped the tables and looked at it through their perspective. I am a talented, successful, healthy, vibrant person.

I am a gift to them!

Step into your own magnificence and greatness. See how much you are bringing to your new job, organization or partnership. Allow yourself to fully embrace exactly what YOU offer.

In my home office, I have Macrina Wiederkehr’s quote, “Oh God, help me to believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful!”

When you own our magnificence, you radiate it out!

3. Live As If

Whatever your dreams and aspirations for the future are, they are only ONE step away. So live right now as if they have already occurred.

This is moving out of lack thinking - of being in the place of wanting - into a space of satisfaction, abundance and gratitude.

One of the ways I do this is through gratitude.

I say thank you for finding me the right and perfect agent, thank you for landing me a lucrative publishing deal, thank you for the money that pours in from seen and unseen sources…

Get the idea?

What hasn't already happened that you're grateful for?

Perfect health? A loving partnership? 

When you step into the vibration of who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world, you attract exactly what you desire.

Your future is right here, right now. It’s so exciting. The threshold beckons. The world needs your insight, guidance, creativity and love.  

I see the doorway, you’ve just stepped through!

Tell me what you desire, leave a comment below and I'll help manifest it by seeing you there!

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Procrastinate Tomorrow: 5 Ways To Push Through

For many of us, procrastination feels like the bane of our existence.

It’s the voice saying, “I know I should be…,” the project you just don’t have time for, or the dream going unfulfilled.

I used to procrastinate with everything. I’d drag my feet, wait until the last minute, freak out and then just before the deadline, get it done. But after awhile, I realized that my pattern was causing so much stress. I hated feeling the pressure and tension.

That’s when I decided to make some adjustments in how I approached my life. And here’s what I found most useful:

1. Just Start

What you’re dealing with is the mind, your own resistance to taking action.

Be gentle with yourself. Suggest that you do one thing, one small act: an email, a blog post, a phone call, a walk around the park, reading 10 pages of your assignment.

Do one thing to get you started.

For whatever reason, the mind is fearful- fear of change, of growing, of an unknown. And the best way to deal with fear is to take action.

When you don’t take action, you’re stuck in the loop.

The mind is always saying, “you know you should be reading, researching, walking…” You ignore the voice and watch TV, eat chips, do the crossword puzzle. But it’s still there, like a broken record.

I was most chronic with this about exercising. And one day my Dad said to me, “You’d have been done hours ago if you’d just gone for a run. Think of all the time and energy you’ve wasted thinking about it.”

Stop thinking about what to do and take action.

2. Small Pieces

Sometimes a project can seem or feel overwhelming. It’s a massive undertaking. Something you’ve never done before. Where do you start?

Break it down into steps or pieces.

Think about your project as stepping stones. What is the first thing that needs to get done? And the second?

When we put things into bite size pieces, it suddenly doesn’t feel as overwhelming or huge.

Now it’s manageable.

I took a writing class recently and the instructor was talking about completing a manuscript, which, as you can imagine, consists of many chapters. (and chapters are comprised of scenes.) She suggested you write the titles of every scene on scraps of paper, cut them up and throw them into a jar. Then when you’re ready to sit down and write, you pull one of your pieces of paper out of the jar and write that scene.

Talk about bite size pieces!

3. Schedule Time

There’s a huge project on your horizon. You’ve decided to break it into small pieces. Now make sure that you schedule it out.

Plot out over time exactly when you're going to do each piece.

When I was completing my Master’s program in Social Work, I was taking care of my family and had a full time job so time was tight. The only way I was able to manage the workload was to create a schedule. 

At the beginning of the semester, I reviewed everything I was required to do: tests, papers, presentations, and then I scheduled them – when I would work on each one - which days, which projects.

And then I did it.

Some days I definitely did not want to, but it was what I had to do in order to stay sane and complete all the work.

4. Ask For Help

A number of years ago, I was tasked with accrediting the school my husband and I founded. That process required clearly communicating all of the school’s operating procedures and processes through writing and massive documentation.

I had never done a project like that. It was enormous and felt totally overwhelming.

I created a timeline and broke down each part so I knew exactly what I had to do by a certain date. But even then I watched myself delay.

That’s’ when I realized I needed help. I needed to understand exactly how to complete the accreditation paperwork. So I went and received professional training which I was able to do for free!

Getting the help you need can be key.

What do you feel like you don’t know? Who can help you?

5. Create Space

Where is your special spot for work, exercise, creativity?

Overcoming procrastination is about creating healthy habits and one of the easiest ways to do that is to have a designated space. When you go to this specific place, you’re ready to work, play, draw or run.

I know a woman who always carries her gym bag in her car. That way she has no excuse for not going to exercise after work. She creates the opportunity.

Clean off that desk, create a beautiful space for you to want to be in to get those exciting projects done!

As Robert Holden reminds us, “procrastinate tomorrow.”

Nowadays when I find myself not wanting to begin a project, I will actually say those words to myself and they help me get going. I pick one thing to start and before I know it, the entire day has flown by!

Let me know how it goes for you.

Which of the above do you think is most helpful? Leave me a comment below!

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Shift Your Life With Mantra

Feel like your life needs a shift?

Have you considered trying mantra?

A mantra is a word or phrase that, according to Yogic philosophy (Vedanta), has power.

The story is that the ancient sages, (Rishi) could hear the vibrations of everything in nature and made these sounds into words and phrases known as mantra.

Mantra is the literal creation of form from energy.

I’ve used mantra on and off. But the first one that I chose for myself was in 2000, when I moved to Florida. I decided to learn a long chant called the Hanuman Chalisa that an Indian friend of mine had been reading in Sanskrit.

The Hanuman Chalisa is 40 verses dedicated to the monkey God, Hanuman, the god of service and devotion. Purportedly, doing this mantra gives the practitioner Hanuman’s grace.

All those years ago, I sang that long song every day – initially for forty days in a row – but then kept going, memorizing it completely.

Excited by the results, I tried other ones.

But, to be honest, I hadn’t done mantra in a really long time, well, not until a few weeks ago.

I’d been sick and was ready for a shift, physically, energetically, emotionally. I needed to kick myself into a new space of action and clarity. And what better way to do that than to create sacred space with ritual?

I bought flowers, lit incense, offered some fruits and sweets and lit the candle on my altar. I rang the bell and called to the gods and goddesses, and then I did mantra.

The one I chose was to Laxmi, the goddess of prosperity. Om Shree Maha Laxmi, Namaha.

After I finished the mantra and my subsequent meditation, I realized I wanted to continue doing this mantra for forty days. We say forty days because that’s the approximate time it takes to change a habit.

If you’re ready to give mantra a try, here are the details.

1. Choose a word or phrase to repeat

2. A mantra can be given by a teacher and/or it can be chosen by a student

Think about what you would like in your life right now: strength, peace, clarity, insight.

Use your intuition to guide you to sources that might have a good selection.

Read through each mantra and it’s meaning before making a choice. Then try it for a few days and see how it feels.

3. The goal is to repeat the mantra for forty consecutive days

Mantra is said to gain power the more it is repeated.

4. Say it once a day or, if you like, choose a number of repetitions

Hindus traditionally do 108.

Repeating a mantra is just like doing rosary.

In Sanskrit, this is called Japa (to repeat). Normally practitioners use a Japa mala, the Hindu equivalent of a rosary. Hindu mala are made with either 27, 54 or 108 beads. It is customary to count mantra in sets of 108.

There are many reasons the number 108 is significant in Hinduism. It is said that there are 108 names for the Goddess. There are also 54 letters in the Sanskrit alphabet. (54 x 2 = 108) Apparently there are also 108 energy lines that cross our bodies, intersecting at our chakras and converging at the heart center. 

If you decide to repeat your mantra, place the mala in your right hand and count each bead with your thumb as it slides over your index finger. The larger guru bead or meru (mountain) bead is where you begin (but don’t count it!) When you hit it again, you know you’ve done one round.

But remember, if you miss a day, start over again at day 1!

5. When you’re ready, find a comfortable place to sit.

Close your eyes.

If you choose, have your japa mala in your right hand.

Focus on correctly pronouncing the sound, word or phrase of your mantra silently or aloud.

If you don’t have a japa mala or feel daunted by this part, simply say your mantra once a day, or use your fingers and say it ten times. The point is to use mantra for clarity, invocation, and grounding.

You can use a Sanskrit one or say a word or phrase that resonates with you.

If you’re interested in a Sanskirt one, here is a short list:

• Om: (vibration of the universe, the word that means God, it has also been translated to mean:  Everything; it is, will be, will become
• Shanti: Peace
• Om Tat Sat: – I am that; what is everlasting and unchanging is God
• Sat Nam: – Truth is my name; I recognize the divinity within you.

Give mantra a try and let me know how it goes!

Tell me which one you chose below!

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Feel It & Heal It: 5 Steps to Transform Pain

I was 15 years old the first time I consciously felt anxiety and had just started my sophomore year at a new boarding school. The souring in my stomach and the fear that blinded me was terrifying. So I bolted down the stairs of my dorm, and headed straight to the vending machines. I wanted to push away and bury all that anxiety and uncertainty.

By October, I’d gained twenty pounds because I didn’t know how to deal with dark emotions like: discomfort, anxiety, pain, anguish, frustration, resentment…

It took me 10 years to learn how to be present and experience these uncomfortable feelings.

Now when they come up, do I like it? Not really.

Is it fun? Absolutely not.

Is it worth it? Definitely.

And here’s why – because you can’t heal something unless you allow yourself to feel it.

If you're ready to open up and move through your own emotional pain, here's a road map:

1. Make Space

Be okay with whatever you’re feeling. Allow it to be in the room, to be in your body.

Instead of trying to push the uncomfortable feeling away, avoid it or, like I used to do, stuff it under food, allow it to exist. Rumi’s Guest House poem is the perfect reminder. In it, he describes himself as a  guest house – opening the door and welcoming all visitors (his emotions)- whatever they may be, and inviting them in. Here’s a link to it.

2. Give Yourself Permission

It’s okay to have bad thoughts, cruel thoughts, unkind thoughts. We all do, we’re human! Give yourself permission to just feel what you feel. Mad at yourself or another, rage, vindictive.

When I was a girl, my mother used to say, “you’re not responsible for your feelings, only your actions.” Maybe at times I did want to kill my sister but I never actually did it.

3. Release Judgment

Part of why we don’t even allow ourselves to feel dark emotions, is because we immediately judge ourselves. The inner critic starts, “don’t think that” or “who are you to…” or “you shouldn’t feel angry about that because…”

Try allowing yourself to experience anger, hurt, jealousy without judging it – no inner critic, no running dialog. Just feel it and see where that takes you.

Do this without judging it or you.

4. Get Dirty

Once you make space for these dark emotions without judgment, the real work begins. Dig in. What is the source of the frustration? Hurt? Anxiety? What does it trigger or link to? See if you can find the root, because that is where the healing is.

As a teenager, my anxiety got triggered because I felt stupid, inadequate, not enough. Sometimes these same ghosts pop up when I try new things, take risks or new chances. Today, I sit with that feeling of inadequacy to see where it takes me. Usually it goes back to childhood where I can love the little girl and cherish her.

5. Let It Go

Once you’ve processed those uncomfortable feelings, you can release them. As we free up these internal spaces, we make room for more clarity, more energy, more focus and power. It’s like cleaning house, internally.

The real work of our lives is to be present with our own beings – when we feel elated and blissful as well as when we feel frightened and insecure. Allow it all to be. Experience the good and the bad, knowing that every moment offers insights and lessons. Heal and keep opening to life, to love and to you.

Life is a process requiring us to constantly open. Open to our own inner beings as much as anything else. Take some time to explore your triggers, the places where judgment and anxiety lie. What lessons are waiting there for you?

The work may not be “fun” but it is powerful and transformational and SO worth it. 

Be sure to let me know how it goes - feel free to drop a message below!

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How To Be Fully Present

Have you ever wanted your moment – whatever was happening to be different?

When that occurs, how do you feel? Frustrated? Annoyed? Aggravated? Whatever the emotion, it’s a form of suffering.

For the past week, I’ve been exploring this idea – of wanting my moment to be other than it is - on a microcosmic level because I’ve been sick. And I was pissed about it.

I did not want to be sick.

Instead, I wanted to jump back into work, hang out with my family, enjoy the emerging days and flowers of spring. But I couldn’t.

As I saw it, I had two choices. I could fight my illness, pretend I wasn’t sick and work while I felt terrible. Or I could surrender.

Surrender isn’t giving up.

It’s accepting what is.

It’s letting go of wanting the moment to be different.

So I surrendered to being sick. To not being able to enjoy the first sunny day we’d had in a week, to feeling like a bad mom because I couldn’t take my daughter shopping like I’d promised, to feeling frightened for our future as I watch our president potentially start a nuclear was with North Korea.

Surrendering isn’t giving up, it’s accepting what is.

As I explored this idea, I also realized that suffering is when we want the moment to be different that what it actually is.

You want to get to the meeting on time and instead are stuck in traffic so you feel... You regret the way you spoke to your significant other and it burns in your belly. You’re excited about all you’re gonna get done this week and then land in bed with an awful head cold. Well, no, that wasn’t you, that was me.

Just because I accept it and surrender to what is, it doesn’t mean I have to like it. And it doesn’t mean I can’t be pro-active.

But the reality is that sometimes life has other plans for us. We can fight them or we can allow them to happen.

I can’t see the larger picture. Maybe there is a reason that I had to lie in bed for a week. Maybe there’s a reason that our country has to experience polarization and pain. I don’t know.

But I can accept that it is what it is.

And then I can act.

I can take care of myself with vitamins, supplements, support and I can stay involved politically.

None of it works without a level of acceptance.

In a technique I use with my clients called, NET (neuro emotional technique), we often talk about being okay with something. “I’m okay having breast cancer. I’m okay that my father died. I’m okay with the current political situation.”

Being okay doesn’t imply preference.

Obviously no one wants cancer. The idea behind the “okay” statement it is to neutralize any emotions you have around the issue so it doesn’t cause you stress. So you can move forward without so much emotional baggage attached to it.

Surrendering is exactly that – it’s being okay with whatever life throws at you. Releasing the frustration, irritation, annoyance and getting on with life just as it is.

So what do you say? Are you ready to let go?

Share your thoughts with me, below the blog. I'd love to hear them!

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Ready to Speak Your Truth? 4 Reasons Why It’s Time

Today more than ever it seems like we’re struggling with this idea of truth. We’re being bombarded with talk about real news, fake news, and it begs the question, what is truth?

Truth is fact, truth is honesty, and in personal life, truth is the willingness to put what you say and believe on the line.

Are you motivated to be more truthful with your loved ones?

Here are 4 reasons why it’s time for you to speak your truth.

1. Take Your Power

As women it can be hard to stand in your power. Many of us were trained to be gentle peacekeepers. And oftentimes when women do stand up, they’re branded as “bitches.”

Of course there’s another way – to bring the heart of compassion into what we say. Think about your chakras. The chakra of power is in your belly, as you move up, the next one is at your heart center, and then your 5th chakra is your throat.

The goal is to speak your truth – moving that idea or power up from the belly – through the heart and out the throat.

There’s a world of difference between someone communicating from this space as opposed to bypassing the heart and speaking truth from a place of power.

Think about people you’ve heard talk – politicians, motivational speakers, reporters. When you listen to those voices, what do you hear? Clarity and compassion or harsh aggressive, bombastic truth?

2. Be in Integrity

When we are true to ourselves, we are in integrity.

What is integrity?

One definition, according to the American Heritage Dictionary is, “the quality or condition of being whole.”

I think about integrity as alignment. I want my actions and my words to align with my thoughts and beliefs as much as I am able to do that.

So when we choke back words or don’t speak authentically, we fall out of integrity.

How can you say the words that need to be said today?

3. Forgive

Speaking your truth allows you to forgive and I believe that forgiveness is one of our primary functions on earth.

Forgiveness is an act of release – both for you and the “other.”

When we speak to someone about what we really think, how we genuinely feel, we are opening a door through which true conversation, healing and love can occur.

This is the power of forgiveness.

4. Help Others

Are you one of those people who has the ability to see exactly what’s happening? As if you can cut through to the core of something and genuinely understand an issue?

Whether it’s a business challenge or a personal one, you sense which way to go or how it should be navigated – for the right outcome.

But then, you don’t say anything.

Maybe you stay quiet because you feel like it isn’t your place to share. Or perhaps you think it’s presumptive to offer your opinion. Maybe you don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings.

But here’s the thing, by not speaking up, you are denying that person your authentic voice, your clarity, your insight.

Think back to when a friend spoke truth to you. Maybe in the moment it wasn’t fun or you didn’t like it, but did it help? Did those words prompt action from you?

I remember the first time I got advice like this as a young adult. I was living in Hong Kong and had finally quit a job I really hated. In all honesty, I just wanted to run away from everything – the city, my failed existence, even myself.

One day I was picnicking with my best friend. We’d traveled to an outlying island and hiked up a canyon following a trickle of a waterfall. From there, we could see across the harbor to Hong Kong island with its towering skyscrapers. She turned to me and said; “What are you going to do now?”

I replied, “I don’t know, anything, as long as it isn’t here.”

Then she asked; “Where are you going to go?”

And I answered, “anywhere as long as it isn’t here.”

She looked me straight in the eye and said, “you have to make your happiness here.”

Immediately I wanted to tell her to f**k off but I also knew she was absolutely right.

What did I do?

I did what she suggested. I stayed, made peace with the city and my life, and grew up.

I still remember her honest words nearly thirty years later, that’s the impact they had. What if she’d been afraid to speak? It would have been a huge disservice to me.

Hard conversations are hard but they're also important.

Whether they are with loved ones or colleagues, speak your truth. Say what you feel, what you need and what you see. All of us need feedback even when we don’t want to hear it. But that feedback when given with love, kindness and compassion can be invaluable and life changing.

Let me know how it goes! Leave your truth below!

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4 Simple Ways to Deal with Conflict

Some people love to argue and fight. Part of me is in awe of these gutsy folks because I am the opposite. I hate arguing. I don’t even like watching other people fight.

Instead, my typical response was always one of three things: I avoided the confrontation or I worked hard at making peace, smoothing things over or acting like it was no big deal.

But as I moved more into being authentic, none of these behaviors felt genuine. They were just ways that I was ignoring myself, allowing myself to be quieted or swallowing how I really felt. And then, when I ran a business, I had no choice because conflict was in my face.

It was time to deal with it.

With guidance from co-workers and coaches, and years of practice, here’s what I’ve learned. 

1.     Think Before You Talk

Not everyone has the ability to come up with a smart reply in an instant. So, instead of reliving the moment with all of your witty “should have said” remarks, move on.

Your time is better spent thinking about what you really want to say. Create an argument, a rationale about what you believe and why. Draw on facts, and examples to lend persuasion.

2.     Keep Your Emotions in Check

Have you ever heard the expression, once you get angry, you’ve lost?

When you feel really passionate about something, whether you’ve been wronged or desperately want another person to see your point of view, it’s easy to get impassioned, heated, or intense.

But emotion doesn’t often work in your favor. Usually, as emotion escalates, the argument loses ground. In other words, it becomes easier for the person to ignore you or to discredit your ideas, chalking it all up to overreaction, melodrama or hysteria.

3.     Show Up – Don’t Avoid

Trust me when I say it’s better to speak up, get it out and move on.

I’ve spent lots of time avoiding issues both in my personal life and in business. But it’s always the same. Nothing changes until we’re ready to show up. And often times, by not confronting an issue, it can actually get worse.

The next time you find yourself wanting to avoid a sensitive topic, check in. What will it take for you to talk to that co-worker? Or tell your mate that you need help with chores? Or confront your child about the state of his room?

4.     Connect Within

Nowadays, when I find myself upset about something, the first thing I do is check in with me. Is this real? Do I have a legitimate reason to be upset or is this something I am not seeing clearly?

If my internal answer confirms that there is a problem, I then ask for guidance. How can I resolve this? What is my next step? What do I need to do?

I also use affirmation to support me during this time.

One of my favorites is something I adapted from Louise Hay and if I’m really upset or afraid, I’ll repeat it over and over again. “Out of this situation only good will come. I see this issue being resolved for the highest good of everyone involved. I am safe.”

It helps me stay brave, calms me down and has the benefit of really helping a situation shift!

Whether you like it or not, conflict is a part of life. And learning to deal with it from a place of the heart is key. It can transform your life as well as those around you.

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5 Tips for A Stress-Free Holiday Season

We’re entering into the vortex of holiday. The next 5 weeks will be a blur of excitement… and stress.

Many of us look forward to the holidays as a time for family, fun, sharing and giving. But the holidays are THE most stressful time of year.

So in the midst of decorating, shopping, cooking and partying, be sure to take extra special care of YOU.

Here are my top 5 ways to stay sane and enjoy this most wonderful time of year.

1.    Start Your Day

How you start your day is critical. 

For years my husband would say, “How you start your day is how you live your day.” 

He and I always start with meditation. Why? Because it offers a moment of silence, of unity and a way to ground and center myself before I jump into the chaos of life.

Give yourself the gift of silence in the morning. 

If you’re not ready for that, listen to a guided meditation. I have many on my website. Feel free to download some today. Click Here

2.     Schedule Timeouts

Timeouts aren’t just for toddlers anymore. Timeouts are for adults, especially Mommies and Daddies who need a little down time, relaxation and rest.

But the key is to schedule them.

I know this sounds counter intuitive – but if they aren’t scheduled, life will intercede. Here are the steps to making your timeouts a reality:

• Ask yourself: What time during the day is good for even a 20-minute time to chill? Around lunch time? During that 3pm drag? A half hour before bedtime?
   
• Now think about what day or days of the week this could work.
  Maybe Wednesdays the kids don’t need to get picked up until 4 so you could have an hour to put your feet up and read a magazine. Or Friday is a half day at work, you could do something in the afternoon...

SCHEDULE these breaks into your life.

Think of them as catnaps OR take an entire afternoon and get a massage, relax in the hot tub or simply unwind on a nature walk.

3.     Delegate / Ask for Help

Even when we look forward to the holidays, they can easily feel overwhelming.

Because in addition to the regular schedule – job, children, family, chores, school – there’s the added decorating, gift buying, socializing…

How can you manage it all?

• Make a list of all the new chores and obligations/invitations that the holidays bring.
   
• Prioritize the list. What can other people do?
   
• Enlist help from friends and family members including children – regardless of age. They love to assist and it’s fun for them to be involved.

I know a woman who confessed to being such a control freak she wouldn’t let anyone help her put the lights on the Christmas tree.

Know yourself and decide what the MUSTS are for you, then give away the other tasks. (Even if it means they don’t get done absolutely perfectly.)  

4.     Stick to the Budget

I know this one isn’t romantic but it’s a vital anti-stress tool.

Overspending for the holidays can fell good for a fleeting moment but ultimately it adds undue pressure and stress.

To avoid this, make yourself a budget.

How much available cash do you have for gifts?

Be realistic.

Once you identify that, allocate a certain amount per person. If you have specific presents in mind, subtract those costs from your budget and then get creative with the rest.

There’s always enough money for everything you need to get.

5.     Exercise

I recently finished an article that cited research about the incredible benefits to your brain of cardio exercise like running. It helps create new brain cells (wahoo!) It also benefits mitochondria which provides energy to the cells.

If you aren’t in the habit of exercising, the holidays are the perfect time to start.

You'll feel better in mind, body and spirit. It will lower your stress level and keep your neurons strong and healthy regardless of how much eggnog you imbibe!

Enjoy these next few weeks with friends and family. But be sure to take the best care of YOU!

Let me know how it goes – share your self care plan with me and leave a comment below!

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