Who’s Limiting You?

I was listening to a speaker recently explain why people don’t obtain results. And do you know what she said?

It’s about our beliefs.

Think about one of the New Year’s resolutions you made ten months ago. Maybe, like many of us, you had ‘lose weight’ on your list. Let’s say fifteen pounds.

Have you accomplished it?

Here’s the thing – if you don’t see yourself as a thin person- then you aren’t going to lose the weight because your belief and goal are not in alignment.

How do we free ourselves so that we can actually obtain what we want?

In other words, how do we begin to see how we may be limiting our own success or progress?

To understand this, we have to be willing to deep dive and go within. We have to ask ourselves three questions that will help us get to the heart of what we believe and why we think we may not deserve to achieve our goal- to be thin, healthy or rich.

Ready to dive in?

1.  How Are You Limiting Yourself?

We are the only ones thinking in our brains, so guess what? We tell ourselves every moment of every day if we’re happy or sad, feeling motivated or not, seeing ourselves as successful or as failures.

Let’s use the above example about losing weight. Can you imagine yourself as a thin, fit woman? When you look in the mirror, are you able to see yourself as a size 4/6/8?

When you do this, what happens? Is it impossible? Is there a voice that tells you, it isn’t really you?

Sometimes when we reach beyond what is familiar, what we’re used to, we have to take a leap of faith. Because we’re talking about changing our habits of thinking. We get used to our thoughts – good or bad because they’re familiar.

But if those thoughts are limiting you, it’s time to change them.

And when we first begin to do that, these new thoughts can feel ill-fitting, like wearing in a new pair of shoes.

It seems weird and at first may not feel like you but the more you affirm what you do really want and see it as already done, the more familiar and comfortable those messages will become until it is you.

So – claim what you want! Look in that mirror every day and see yourself thin, healthy and fit!

Remember, you are not your own limitations!

2. Did Your Family Give You Limiting Messages?

Maybe when you dive into uncovering the blocks preventing you from losing fifteen pounds, you hear your stepmother tell you that you’ll never be beautiful or maybe the voice is your father’s saying, “you’ve always been fat” confirming it as your identity.

Perhaps the messages you received told you that you were stupid, unaware or clumsy because you were hyperactive or learned in a different way.

We all received negative comments growing up, I know I did and I even believed many of them for years.

But at some point we have to recognize that these messages, even though we take them on, really aren’t about us.

I remember watching a movie as a teenager in which one of the characters told another she was a fat person in a skinny person’s body and a light bulb went on. I realized I was the opposite – a skinny person trapped in a fat body. That a-ha moment helped me break through messages from my family about my identity and helped me hold on to a new view of myself.

What messages have you been able to overcome?

Remember, you are not your family’s limitations.

3. How Have Society's Messages Limited You?

What are the messages we get from the media and Hollywood? How have they shaped your thinking or are limiting your dreams?

Women are constantly inundated with messages about beauty and body. According to shame researcher, Brené Brown, the number one shame trigger for women is our bodies. We are never thin enough, fit enough, pretty enough… If we buy into these messages, we can make ourselves crazy.

When do we decide that we are enough?

When we stop defining ourselves by other people’s standards.

What about society telling us how to be successful?

I know a woman who dropped out of high school at 15. Just before she turned 50, she started a new business venture and now runs a multi-million dollar company!

If she’d listened to the messages from society, that she couldn’t be successful without a college degree, without even a high school degree, she might still be a waitress.

Instead, she recognized what she was good at, passionate about and kept following it. She hustled, worked hard and is now reaping the rewards.

You are not society’s limitations

Sometimes I think about Olympic athletes, how they often go above and beyond what we think is humanly possible. They break records, they inspire us with their abilities and sheer will to succeed. They go beyond all limitations – society’s, family’s, coaches, and even their own- to achieve greatness.

We all have that ability to go beyond those limitations and achieve our own greatness.

Are you ready? 

Tell me what YOU are going to do by leaving me a comment BELOW!

Being In the World But Not of the World

How do we take our spiritual practice and live it everyday?

Those of us who are committed to a spiritual path can sometimes feel split in two. There’s the contemplative, ascetic side of our nature, the part that loves meditation, silence and oneness with God.

Then there’s the other side of us that’s out there in the world earning a living, being a consumer, friend and partner.

How do we merge these two aspects of ourselves that seem disparate but in reality are one?

Is there a way to apply our spiritual practice into everyday living?

The exciting answer is, YES!

As Pema Chodron reminds us, “Whatever is happening is the path to enlightenment.”

Enlightenment isn’t just happening on an ashram or in a cave or in front of your altar, it’s happening in every minute of every day in how you choose to show up and live your life.

Here are 5 ways to apply your spirituality into your everyday life:

1. Don’t Take the World So Seriously

One of the main reasons I meditate is because it creates space around me, space that gives me room to not be so reactive to life – to the chaos, confusion or intensity that swirls around us all the time.

It gives me room to be reflective instead of reactive.

And from this place, I don’t take life so seriously.

I used to wear the face of intensity everywhere. Life was painful. People were suffering. The climate was being destroyed. There was nothing funny about any of that. Being an adult was serious work.

Until I realized that my intensity and seriousness wasn’t helping. It was making me miserable and was turning other people off.

Think for a minute about His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. He’s always smiling and laughing. He loves to tell jokes and he has certainly experienced suffering. His people no longer have a homeland.

2.  Recognize that Life is Happening For You Not to You

When we reframe life and look at it through this lens, it allows us to make a positive shift. Instead of obstacles we see opportunities. Rather than challenges we see growth.

What is life trying to teach you today?

Is it to slow down and enjoy more? Perhaps it’s about taking action and implementing one of your ideas.

Having an issue with another person? Some of my profoundest teachers have been the most challenging people in my life – from family members to customers.

Look at life as a great game we are playing to teach us lessons we’ve come here to learn.

3.  Practice Mindfulness

What exactly is mindfulness?

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness means, “paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

In other words, mindfulness is being fully present in every moment.

When you’re driving, are you looking at the road, watching the other cars and people or are you distracted by your phone or thoughts – pushing you into the future or ruminating on the past?

When you’re listening to another person, are you really hearing them or has your mind wandered to your shopping list or the movie you want to watch later?

The challenge – just as when we meditate- is to bring our minds back to the present, to what is happening right now.

Being fully aware is about being conscious in the moment and doing whatever it is you’re doing one hundred percent.

4.  Loving Kindness

What would happen if you made the decision to show up as your best self every day?

What would that look like? How would it feel?

Take your spiritual practice and put it to work today in the form of loving kindness. It’s easy to have compassion when we sit and pray. Extend that into the here and now, into your relationships with your family, friends, colleagues and customers. Even beyond that to everyone.

Could you choose to say hello to a stranger? Offer help to someone you don’t know? Smile for no reason?

5.  Remember that You Are a Vessel

My Course in Miracles lesson today was a reminder that my mind can only serve. So who should be its master? I choose: The Holy Spirit, God, the Universe, Source, Oneness to guide me.

When I get out of the way and allow spirit to work through me, I remember my function. I remember to be the embodiment of love and forgiveness, kindness and patience.

How can you get out of your own way and allow the flow of higher knowing to pour through you today?

Every minute of our lives, we’re on this path. Instead of leaving your spirituality behind with your meditation pillow, try incorporating these five principles into your life today. See how it goes!

Which one is your favorite? Tell me BELOW.

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What My 'Ready or Not' Baby Taught Me

When I was twenty-six, I discovered, quite to my surprise, that I was pregnant.

I panicked because I was not ready to have a baby.

I’d only been married three short months. My new husband and I were still getting to know one another. Were we, as a couple, prepared for a child?

And I certainly didn’t know enough about anything – life, parenting, culture... There was so much more I needed to learn before I could be a mom, wasn’t there?

After spending a few weeks in denial, I quickly moved into anger. How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking?

From there, I made my way through bargaining: Is there any way I can get out of it? Then to depression: Why me?

Until I finally got to acceptance.

Because despite all of my intellectual rationale, I had always known what would happen. I didn’t have one good reason not to have this baby.

The bottom line: I was scared.

That’s when I realized, ready or not, I was going through with it.

“Okay,” I thought. “Here I go.”

Once I accepted the situation AND got over morning sickness, I began embracing the experience.

It was, after all, a gift!

Having the baby’s energy merged with mine, made me feel high all the time. My memory seemed to burn away and I was in a perpetual happy haze, always enjoying the present moment.

I was also uncharacteristically clairvoyant and often had dreams that would then unfold in real time.

After forty weeks, my baby girl was born in Hong Kong, far away from my parents, aunties, and friends. Even my husband worked all the time.

I didn't know what to do.

Fortunately, she was angelic but her rag doll body petrified me and I was constantly afraid that I’d drop her or trip and fall on top of her. She seemed so fragile and vulnerable.

Things escalated when I began nursing.

Initially, she had trouble “latching on” which sent me into stress mode. What was I doing wrong? Why wouldn’t she eat?

I had a sudden insight, the more tense I was, the more she fussed. She was energetically responding to me!

So I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and relaxed my entire body. I did it again and low and behold, she started sucking away, happy as can be.

She began to thrive and quickly became the source of joy in my home. In fact, she stole my heart.

I had no idea I was capable of such love. It poured out of me.

That was twenty-one years ago. In fact, my gorgeous girl celebrates her birthday this week. And the blessings she has given me in my life continue to unfold.

Here’s what she’s taught me thus far:

1. Do it Anyway- Ready, Fire, Aim

I didn’t know everything at twenty-six, but I don’t know everything now, either. And part of what I’ve realized is that I never would have felt adequately prepared. It's impossible. So we just have to do it anyway.

There’s also tremendous benefit to learning along the way.

It’s easy for us to underestimate our ability or allow fear in the guise of “I’m not ready” to stand in the way. I cannot imagine my life without this extraordinary presence and I would do it all over again, exactly the same, in a heartbeat.

2. We’re More Ready Than We Think

If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt than you know this is true. It’s an internal fight. One part of us is cheering, saying, “yes, you can, go for it!” While another voice is saying, “no, not yet, I’m not enough yet.” We have to choose who to listen to.

3. When We Don’t Know, All We Have To Do Is Ask

There I was 10,000 miles away from anyone I knew and what happened? I met a wonderful Danish midwife who counseled me, taught me how to prepare for the delivery and the baby. Then I hired a Filipino Nanny. She’d already raised three of her own children and immediately became like a second mother to mine.

Also, when I relaxed, I allowed myself to open up to my own inner wisdom. That’s how I figured out the nursing dilemma.

4. Trust Yourself, Trust Life

Life is always giving us what we want. Sometimes we just don’t realize it. When we open up to the notion that life supports us, we begin to see all the gifts we are being given to help us grow and evolve.

The more we trust ourselves the more confident we feel that we are making the right decisions in our lives, that we do, indeed, know the answers, and when we don’t, to seek help and guidance. Trust opens us up to live life more fully and joyfully.

5. Loving Someone More Than Myself

Having a child helped me step out of the selfish bubble of being consumed only by me.

Suddenly there was someone who was one hundred percent dependent on me for her very survival.  Her needs were more important than my own.

I remember when I made the transition from seeing the world as a daughter to seeing the world through the eyes of a mother. It happened when I was six months pregnant.

I was watching the movie Philadelphia, with Tom Hanks. Towards the end of the film, when he’s dying of AIDS, his mother walks into his hospital room. I burst out crying – not because I identified with him but because I identified with his mother -and the pain of watching your child die.

Mother love opened me up to compassion on a higher level and I am thankful to my girl for that.

6. Understanding And Compassion For My Parents

Having my own child helped me see, admire and respect my parents in a way I never had before. I’d always felt like a victim of their dysfunction and inadequacies. After having a child, I was humbled and realized how very hard the task of raising, caring for and providing is.

And I was filled with gratitude for all they had done for me.

Perhaps life is always giving us exactly what we need, whether we think we are ready or not. Certainly looking back twenty-one years, it’s crystal clear. At the time I certainly didn’t feel ready and yet I was. And look at all I’ve learned!

Have you ever been forced to jump before you felt ready?

Share your story with me! Leave a comment below.

Time to Stop Struggling

Ever have one of those days when you just hit the wall? When your efforts create no results and nothing seems to work?

Days like that are frustrating, tiring and, frankly, discouraging.

The good news is that tomorrow you get to start again, fresh.

And what if tomorrow you embraced a new idea, a new way of looking at life? One that felt more invigorating and enlivening. A perspective that was less about doing and more about receiving.

I recently had an a-ha about this when I saw a post on Facebook. It was an image of a woman floating effortlessly in the water and said:

When I stop struggling, I float. It is the law.

I’ve loved water for as long as I can remember and am an avid swimmer. Maybe that’s why the image spoke so clearly to me.

Surely, we all know that when a person struggles and fights in the water, s/he is likely to drown. Maybe it’s one of life’s ironies that there really isn’t anything at all to do in the water, because most of us are naturally buoyant. 

I leaned back and found myself contemplating this idea. When I stop struggling, I float.

Could I do this not just in the water but in life?

And if so, how would that be? What would it look like?

I realized that here was a universal law of life. That despite what we think, there really isn’t anything to do (except maybe get out of our own way.)

What does struggling look like in life? For me it’s:

• When the current moment is not in alignment with what I want so I impose my will on it.
• The need to feel in control.
• To make it happen anyway, on my timeline.
• Struggling, in essence, is like fighting life. Ouch.

As I delved in deeper, I realized there was a root to this behavior. It was a response to being caught in lack, feeling like I’m not enough or I that have something to prove - my success, talent, self worth. I was trying to push the river of life to support my insecurities.

What if, instead of pushing, we floated? What would floating through life be like?

Think about being in the water. Floating is relaxing and effortless. We relinquish control and allow ourselves to be guided. We truly let go.

Could I do that?

I spent the rest of the week in this peaceful place, knowing that all was well, that I was completely supported.

That’s the other thing about water, right?

We can relax because we know the water is supporting us. It effortlessly holds up huge aircraft carriers and tankers. Of course it can bear a single human.

If I extend this analogy to life, than I allow myself to know life is supporting me, buoying me, sustaining me in exciting and new ways. When I trust it, life can be just like water, a constant source of unconditional support.

And in that place of trust, I open up to receive all the good from life.

So what do you say? Is it time to give up the struggle and allow life to support you? Doesn’t that sound so much better? Are you willing to give it a try? I know I am!

Let me know what you think!

Leave a comment below.

Get Your Creativity Flowing

Have you ever wanted to paint, throw a pot or play an instrument?

Turns out that you aren’t alone. More than ever, Americans are enhancing their every day lives by incorporating some kind of creative outlet. Whether it’s painting a plate on date night or joining a weekly Bollywood dance class, we’re choosing to spend more of our time in creative pursuit.

This is great news and here’s why:

•  Creativity Increases Balance

Most of us tend to work too much. By finding an artistic endeavor that is fun and inspiring, it can pull us away from work – in a good way. It helps us balance our right and left brains – our analytical and creative sides.

I have a friend who recently took up the tablas, a drum used in Indian and Pakistani music. She’d always loved percussion, and briefly took lessons as a teen but never got serious and soon abandoned it. Her desire to play, however, was always there. So a few months ago, she decided to take lessons.

Now she tells me she’d rather drum than work! She uses it as a reward for getting her ‘work stuff’ done. The other night she sat down to play and before she knew it, two hours had flown by. She now has something she genuinely enjoys and looks forward to doing. What a great way to spend part of your day!

• Art is Stimulating and Relaxing

When we open ourselves up to creativity, it can often have surprising outcomes. Last year I began an apprenticeship in silk screening and printmaking. Every week I met with my teacher for three hours. Together, we worked on the various aspects of design and developed each project, walking it through the many steps it took for completion.

I began looking forward to these afternoons. I even started doing block print projects at my house, on my own, and used this creative outlet as an antidote to left brain fatigue on the days I’d work almost exclusively on my computer. After five or six hours, my brain felt fuzzy and my eyes hurt– time for a break. Instead of zoning out, I’d grab my tools and my rubber stamp and begin working. Within ten minutes, I’d feel completely rejuvenated, awake and clear.

• Art Opens Us to Our Own Creativity

I don’t know if it’s because we’re using the right side of our brain or something else, but the act of doing art helps unleash that creative flow. It’s like a weird free association that goes on when you’re not really thinking and yet completely in the flow.

During these times, I find that I often get answers to questions related to business or different projects or am able to see a situation or challenge in a new way.

We are all creators. That’s what we’re here to do, create a masterpiece of our lives.

If you’re ready to incorporate a creative outlet in your life, here are a few easy ways to do that:

1.     Think About What You Love

Hark back to activities you enjoyed as a child. Did you love singing in the choir, acting in the school play or hanging out in the darkroom? Allow yourself to ruminate on this. Think, too, about what attracts you now. Are you drawn to jewelry and beading? Fabrics? What do you browse on Pinterest? Start paying attention to what catches your eye and makes your heart beat faster.

2.     What’s Happening Where You Are?

Thanks to sites like Pinterest, CraftDaily and ClothPaperScissors.com, it can be easy to get started with DIY projects. If you’re like me, though, and want a little more guidance, check out your local art museum, studios (art, dance, yoga), community center, galleries and music stores. It’s amazing the talent that’s out there and the myriad of classes being offered.

3.     Not 100% sure? Try It!

Before I settled on printmaking, I played around with other materials. I beaded for a while, then I did some mixed media stuff. I even went to a clay sculpture class before I took a printmaking one. There was something about printmaking that seemed really fun to me and it had a lot of avenues of exploration. I decided I wanted to gain proficiency in one technique before I went on. But I tried a bunch first to find my niche.

The exciting news is that you don’t have to be the next Picasso or Eric Clapton to simply explore and have fun. Tapping into your creative expression will bring more joy and more fulfillment into your everyday life. Get on board today!

Tell me what YOU'RE gonna do! Leave a comment below.

No Excuses!

Last week I was super lucky! I listened to a talk by business coach, Amanda Moxley. One of my big takeaways from her hour-long webinar was this:

We have to take 100% responsibility for our lives. For what we do AND what we don’t do.

Hmmmmm.

I remember that word, responsibility.

It was the agreement I made with myself when I left my spiritual teacher in 2004, when I agreed that I would be in charge of my life – good and bad. That whatever happened, I would own it.

Had I forgotten or was I now at a new level?

Yesterday I learned that Dr. Wayne Dyer had passed away. I knew he’d been diagnosed with Leukemia years ago but he’d continued to travel, speak and write. In fact, I’d just seen him in Ft Lauderdale, last May where he’d been energetic, peppy and full of inspiring stories.

I pulled one of his books off my shelf. It was his autobiography, I Can See Clearly. I opened it to this: take full responsibility of your life and shed all the excuses.

Hmmmmmm.

He wrote, “I have compiled a list of the most common excuses that I have heard over the years as a therapist, lecturer, media personality, and parent of eight children. In addition, I have created an Excuses Begone! paradigm that consists of seven questions I’ve used with clients to help them see that all of these excuses that are so frequently employed are really a way to avoid responsibility and shift to a blame mentality.” (p. 318)

I read this and thought: What am I not taking responsibility for?

What aspect of my life am I not 100% owning?

My query had something to do with success and value. About honoring who I am, what I do and putting an economic value to it.

Then I had to ask myself, what’s my excuse? Why am I not doing it?

Is it fear of not knowing how? Is it because it’s scary? Too hard? Other people will feel bad? I won’t be spiritual? I have to be more accountable?

And then it hit me – the excuse underneath all of it – it’s too much work.

I knew immediately that was it!

Why? Because when I’d transitioned into my new venture, I knew I didn’t want to be a slave to work. I’d already done that, created a business while having young kids and the experience had left me exhausted and drained. I wanted more balance in my life. I didn’t want to be crazed and turn back into a workaholic.

So I was actively resisting anything that felt like it was pulling me toward working too hard.

Now that I’d identified my excuse, it was time to utilize Wayne Dyer’s seven Excuses Begone! questions. (pp. 322-3)

1.     Is the fear of working too hard excuse true?

No. Success doesn’t have to equal working too hard. It can be about working smarter or more strategically.

2.     Where did the excuse come from?

Good question! I think it comes in part from my parents. I grew up learning that we have to work hard for what we want. We also live in a workaholic society. Americans are rewarded for working longer and more hours and take less vacation time than ever. Most Americans don’t even use the vacation time they earn.

I have never wanted to live like that and yet the messages from society are really loud.

3.     What’s the payoff for using the excuse?

It justifies my not working too hard or too long. It’s an excuse for procrastinating or putting off tasks that I don’t know how to do.

4.     What would my life look like if I couldn’t use this excuse?

I would feel more effective and fulfilled and I’d have the online presence I visualize for myself. I would also step fully into a thriving and balanced life.

5.     Can I create a rational reason to change?

Yes, because I do believe that I don’t really have to work harder, I just have to work smarter and I know I can do that if I choose.

6.     Can I access Universal cooperation in shedding this excuse?

Definitely YES!

I can meditate and ask.

When I did, the answer I got was this: Don’t try just ask.

Wow! That was huge. This was the biggest a-ha for me.

Because somewhere my belief has always been that I have to do everything myself. If I can let go of this false belief, my life will change. Instead, I simply have to ask and I will get the help I need.

Talk about not having to work harder!

7.     How do I continually reinforce this new way of being?

Remind myself to ask for help. Remember that I already am smart and successful and know exactly what I need to do. Open up to the love that surrounds me and know that I am being guided.

Thank you Amanda Moxley for the reminder to take 100% responsibility for my life and thank you Dr. Wayne Dyer for this terrific tool to unpack the excuses that prevent us from living more truly who we are meant to be. You were a guiding light in the world and bravely helped move psychology towards spirituality. Thank you for all your books, insights and wonderful humor. Your light will be sorely missed.

What excuse is holding YOU back from doing what you want and being more successful, happy, healthy, and prosperous?

See if you can dig out that reason and when you do, walk it through these seven steps of Wayne Dyer’s.

And then get ready to jump! Your life is waiting for you!

What do you think?

Leave me a comment below!

Embracing Your Process: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Can you relate?

Things are going exactly according to plan and you are clearly in charge of your life. But then- all of a sudden- life takes charge and is controlling the wheel of your destiny.

When that happens, tasks take forever to complete. No one calls you back. Or maybe you think things will go a specific way just to get entirely rerouted.

When life seems to be in charge - it can trigger uncertainty or the internal skeptic- and make us feel unsure or cloudy.

We wonder things like:

• Is this really the right direction?
•  Am I doing what’s in my best good?
• Is this moving my career/life forward?

Here’s the good news, if it’s happening then it’s exactly what you need.

Maybe you think I’m crazy to say this but in my experience both from my own life and from my clients, this is what I see over and over again.

Because here’s the dirty little secret that no one openly talks about: If a behavior, a job, a relationship or mindset is persisting, it’s because we aren’t ready for a new one.

When we are ready, it will magically shift!

Here’s an example.

The economic downturn and housing collapse started earlier in Florida and by 2007, the school my husband and I had founded was floundering. We’d lost a lot of students who simply couldn’t afford to pay private school tuition.

We hunkered down, tightened our budgetary belt and successfully weathered the storm.

Coming out of that, I realized that I was ready to do another kind of work. It wasn’t the recession per se, it was that I’d worked in education the majority of my adult life and I was ready for something else.

But what?

In 2008 I figured it out. I wanted to continue working with people but in a more intimate setting, as a life coach, and therapist. So, I went back to school, earned a degree in social work and then set about getting licensed. During that entire time I still worked at the school. It wasn’t until 2013 that I finally quit.

Why? Because I wasn’t ready yet.

•  I might have thought I was prepared.
• Felt I’d outgrown my job.
• Was time for a new challenge.

But I wasn’t actually ready until I was ready. And then I leapt and (apart from a second of fear) haven’t looked back. I love what I do, move more fully into it everyday and have no regrets.

Here’s why.

If we trust our process then when we do implement the change (behavior, career, relationship) it will stick because inside and out, we’re prepared for it.

Perhaps you feel like your process is dragging, been sidetracked or is not happening on your timeline. Think again. Know that life is unfolding for you in exciting new ways and that you are getting exactly what you need in this moment.

Decide where you want to go. Hold on to that vision and trust that everything happening right now is helping you get there.

These 5 Steps Will Help:

1.     Relax and Release Internal Stress

When things aren’t unfolding at the pace we expect or our current reality isn’t what we planned, we can feel stressed, anxious, uncomfortable or just plain annoyed.

What if, instead of trying to control the timeline, you let God or the Universe do it?

Could you then relax and let go of that tension?

How would that feel?

Ask yourself this: If you knew your outcome was assured, would you be concerned about the timeline?

2.     Be Clear About Exactly What You Want

Hold on to your goal, your vision regardless of what is or is not happening. Focus on the outcome that you want. See it clearly. Imagine yourself already there.

Be firm in your conviction of this outcome and do not give up. It will happen.

Say it, write it down or make a visual representation of what you want to solidify the direction you want to move toward.

3.     Use the Affirmation – Life Loves Me

When we see the Universe as a safe, supportive place, life automatically begins to flow much more easily.

And it feels way better than having to fight, feel afraid or be defensive.

Repeat this affirmation, Life loves me, to yourself over and over again.

The more you remind yourself that you are loved and supported, the more open and willing you will be to allow the new in and watch your life unfold. It’s an exciting adventure!

4.     Enjoy the Ride

What if everything that was happening right now was to support you, to teach you and to help you get exactly what you want? Would knowing that enable you to enjoy it more?

Believe it, because it’s true!

Everything in your life – every person, situation and “challenge” is being presented for your learning. 

As the famous Indian avatar, Swami Nityananda said: "God is conducting tests all the time; every occurrence in life is a test. Every thought that crops up in the mind is in itself a test to see what one's reaction will be. Hence one must be always alert and aloof, conducting oneself with a spirit of detachment, viewing everything as an opportunity afforded to gain experience, to improve oneself and go on to a higher stage."

Instead of seeing an annoying person or situation through a negative lens, ask yourself: What is this situation (person) trying to teach me?

Watch how it miraculously shifts.

5.     Practice Patience

If you are one of those people who has the unique ability to see into your future, consider yourself lucky! The downside, however, is that once we know it, we all want to be there right NOW!

What I’ve experienced over and over again when I find myself facing the dissonance between where I am and where I want to be, is that I have to be patient, put one foot in front of the other and walk to my destination.

Things don’t magically transform unless we act.

All those steps executed one after the other is what manifests the change. And then before you know it, you’ll have arrived, all the wiser for the time spent getting there.

Life is meant to be a fun adventure.

It isn’t a race to the grave. Embrace and enjoy all that comes to you be it the good, the bad and the ugly. Use it to grow and become exactly who you want to be.

Can you embrace YOUR process?

Leave me a comment below! I'd love to know what will work for you.

Being Okay With Change

Change is everywhere, whether we recognize it or not.

Day turns into night, flowers bloom and wither, stocks rise and fall. We move houses, change jobs, meet new people, and shift our mindsets.

Change is a natural part of life but sometimes, especially in our intimate relationships, change can be a challenge.

Part of what makes change difficult is that most of us prefer certainty.

We want to know that there is routine, that things will stay the same. My assistant will be at work on time. The bus will stop at the corner at 8:30 every morning. Safeway always carries the deodorant I prefer.

Consistency gives us a sense of stability, of reassurance.

Just as we have our coffee every morning, we come to expect people to be the same day after day, too, and when they shift, that can upset out status quo.

So the question then is, how do we give each other space to change?

Whether your loved one is transitioning in a job, graduating from college, following a new career path, been recently diagnosed with an illness or is coming more into him or herself, our job is to embrace theses changes and welcome them.

Here are a few ideas to make change more comfortable:

1.     Right Mindset

Becoming aware of what is happening and recognizing it can help us move into a transition with more grace and ease. Holding onto old behaviors, habits or beliefs makes us feel rigid and reluctant to evolve.

Try being open-minded about what’s happening.

Look for the good, for the excitement, for the shedding that’s taking place as the new unfolds. Things typically get worse before they get better. Think about it like painting a house. It will look great when it’s done, but before then, it’s a huge mess.

2.     Make Room for Change

We have to give our loved ones space without judging them or making their transition about us. Sometimes when people evolve, the growing pains don’t feel so nice. Be patient, talk about it, honor each other through the process. Take time to be together in nurturing ways.

Change can be rocky too before things relax into a new routine.

No one typically follows a clean and perfect trajectory. Change often takes place with fits and starts, one step forward and two steps back.

Shortly after launching my new business, after I’d rented office space, created a logo, business cards and brochures and set up a website, I got cold feet. Actually, I panicked and thought I should go back to my old job.

I didn’t. Instead, I stayed with those uncomfortable feelings, recognizing that it was fear of change, fear of the new and I kept going anyway. During that shift, my spouse was supportive and encouraging and stuck with me through that tough transition. 

3.     Create a New Normal

Once the transition period is over, it’s time to settle in. That’s the new routine. The problem is that our egos love status quo so change is always upsetting to our personalities. It ruffles us and makes us feel threatened, uncomfortable or unsafe.

Knowing that we can create a new normal can help counteract that ego pushback, or as I call it, the “No response.”

Be patient with yourself when you watch your desire to say “no” to change.

Breathe and relax, and remind yourself that it’s just change and change can be great.

See if these ideas can open up some space to allow for change to flow more easily within your relationships. When we honor or own evolution and that of our loved ones, life is much richer and fuller, and way more fun.

Let me know what you think!

Leave me a comment directly below.

Connecting to Your Inner Truth

A question I hear a lot from clients is how do I know what to do?

How do I know what action to take? Where to live? How to follow my passion?

Whether you’re just about to graduate from college, a millennial rethinking your career path or in your 50s looking at being an empty nester, the answer is the same.

We have to turn within and listen to our inner guidance.

This can be hard because it often seems like there are multiple people speaking to us all day long. It isn’t just one clear voice guiding us.

If we stop and really listen to the voices in our heads, we can begin to identify them.

This is a really useful tool. Because it can help us distinguish which aspect of ourselves we might be listening to or activating.

For example, one of the voices that speaks to me is the voice of fear.

Sometimes she takes the form of caution or apprehension. But at other times she can get pretty agitated and loud especially when I move out of my comfort areas – whether that’s with a relationship, financial decision or physical challenge. 

Now, I know that this voice of fear is part of my personality.

It’s the part of me that’s a little girl, afraid of the world.

Another aspect of this voice sometimes sounds like my father who was extremely cautious and risk averse. I hear him especially loudly if I’m contemplating making a financial decision that seems risky or a bit out of my depths.

Personally, I think this voice is good.

It reminds me not to be reckless or impulsive in my decision making. It encourages me to take my time and not rush (which I can tend to do.)

But I also have to temper it.

What I mean is to not simply react but listen to the fear voice with an objective mind, a neutral mind. Listen as if the voice wasn’t talking to me but to someone else.

I want to make sure that it’s viewpoint is valid and not a gut reaction impeding me from embracing change or stretching myself.

Then I listen again.

I put aside the small child shouting at me, and walk past by father’s caution and enter the silence.

The silence is where our inner guidance lives.

This place is in the center of our chest cavity, in the 4th chakra, the heart space.

Imagine that within this space lies a sacred cave in which sits the omniscient power of love.

Sometimes we want to give this place, or feeling an identity. You can imagine the Christ or Lord Buddha sitting there. Perhaps you prefer Mother Mary or Tara. Maybe it’s a voice or a hum.

Whatever image or sound suits you, envision that.

Next, see yourself sitting in this place of knowing, in the cave of infinite intelligence.

Tapping into this place, into this inner knowing, is connecting with our true guide, our faithful compass.

You’ve heard this voice before.

We all have. Sometimes it comes to us in desperate moments. Often it arrives unexpectedly and tells you something important.

The first time I heard it I was just about 20 years old.

For most of my teenaged years I’d seriously abused drugs and alcohol. By 20, I was unable to remember basic information. At times it felt like there were little explosions going on in my brain.

I was scared and knew I needed to stop using but I was afraid of quitting too. I was stuck, frozen in this vicious cycle until one day the voice spoke to me.

It was so clear. I knew instantly it was speaking truth.

I still remember exactly what the voice said. “You have to stop doing drugs. You’re killing yourself.”

I answered. “I know but I’m afraid.”

“You can do this. Just stop for a month and see how you feel.”

But that wasn’t it.

The voice went on to tell me that I’d forgotten who I was, that I had to leave my university and my boyfriend and go away. I had to be alone to come back to me.

I was so angry.

I knew I had to quit my dangerous lifestyle but leave my boyfriend?

Initially, I fought against it but in the end I listened because in my heart of hearts, I knew it was exactly what I needed. Not only was I addicted to drugs and alcohol but I’d become completely co-dependent.

That six-month trip truly changed my life. I got clean, sober and woke back up to myself.

No one helped me. No one needed to. I just had to listen. And then do it.

If you’re ready to really listen to your inner voice, here are a few tools that will help you:

1.     Psychotherapy

We must have a healthy psyche in order to discern which voice is speaking, and which one we are choosing to listen to. Working with a therapist or coach, can help clear away the samskara, the baggage you’ve taken on in this life.

It’s imperative to do this inner work to really get in touch with yourself.

2.     Meditation

When we have a practice of meditation it helps us learn how to quiet the mind. Sometimes I think about my brain like a radio, constantly tuning in to a new station yakking away about trivialities. Sitting soundlessly helps us learn how to quiet that noise.

When we get silent, we more easily open ourselves up to hear our inner guru (teacher), that inner truth.

3.     Prayer

Prayer is asking. If you need guidance, get calm and ask! Pray for what you want in your life- even if that is clarity. Then get quiet and listen. Prayer is the asking and meditation is the listening (for the answer.)

4.     Community

We’re talking about listening to our own inner voice. Yet having a supportive community where you feel connected, heard and held makes the journey so much more enjoyable and attainable. It helps us stay accountable too.

As Marianne Williamson famously said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

We are all afraid of our own greatness.

But our greatness is what's calling to us everyday AND what the world desperately needs.

So what are you waiting for?

What is it that YOU really want to do?

Share your story below!

What My Anxiety Taught Me About Love

It’s never easy when you come up against your ego.

Or to be more specific, when your shadow behavior is pointed out to you by someone you love and trust.

Recently I had a conversation with my husband in which he shared that over the past year I’d demonstrated more controlling behavior.

He gave a few specific examples, some I agreed with and others I wanted to immediately reject.

My insides squirmed listening to him.

I just wanted him to stop, to go away and leave me alone.

Didn’t he understand anything?

It wasn’t that I was being more controlling it was that I was finally coming in to my own, doing what I wanted as opposed to what other people were telling me to do.

I felt hurt and rejected. Because that’s the only way an ego can feel.

My husband was infinitely kind, loving and soft when he spoke to me but what I heard was, “You’re a controllingbit** and I don’t want to be with you.”

My ego had been bruised. I felt raw, almost like a frightened little child.

After our conversation, I slowly began to unpack it, trying to make meaning of his words and my reactions.

I realized that my initial response to the conversation was defense. “No. You’re wrong. This is really all about you. You don’t want me to take my power because then you’ll feel threatened.”

Perhaps some of that was true.

In relationships, we always have to be sensitive to power issues between partners.

However, being in a loving relationship, I knew his intention wasn’t to hurt me.

As I began to work through his words and, more importantly, my response to his words, I began to entertain the notion that he could (maybe) be correct. So I asked myself: “What if he’s right? What could your behavior be showing you?”

I realized that I was acting more uptight and clinging to control as a response to moving in a new direction.

In other words, because there was more uncertainty in one aspect of my life (career) it was triggering my anxiety. And I was compensating by trying to control other areas of my life, ones I could actually be in control of (my home life).

When I got to this level of understanding, I was ready to talk about it again.

I shared my new insight with my husband. And he heard me – listening quietly - and responded with love and compassion.

Within that context, my behavior made sense.

It wasn’t really that I wanted (or want) to control him or anyone, it’s just an automatic default setting my ego falls into when I come up against anxiety.

Then my husband went one step further. Thinking out loud, he wondered if what was really being triggered by this uncertainty was my core issue: abandonment.

Lots of us struggle with abandonment issues.

My mom left my sister and me when I was four years old. Although we saw her frequently and went to live with her six years later, that time was filled with upheaval. We moved so often that I went to five different schools. In my young mind, I became convinced that somehow it was all my fault and that I was not lovable.

I initially turned to food and ate to fill that void, the emptiness of undeserving.

After I released that, I filled it with people, activities, and by never letting really anyone in because then they could hurt me. I spent years yearning for love but being too afraid to actually open up to it.

In a way, it’s actually a loss of faith.

It’s my forgetting that I am safe and that the Universe loves and supports me. Instead, I fall into a fear reaction that drives me to do everything because no one can be trusted.

Over time my behaviors have changed and by deepening my spiritual practice, I now trust in God, in other people and in the Universe. And I know that I am loveable and loved.

This internal relaxing has allowed me to open up to new possibilities, to stretch myself emotionally and let love in even more.

Yet those of us on this spiritual path know that we move in a spiral direction.

We keep coming back around to the same issues over and over again. Only each time they get more subtle.

So I shouldn’t really be surprised that I'm facing my abandonment once again.

The old feeling that conjures up a scared little 4-year old girl.

In this turn in my road, I’m working on loving both the feeling as well as the frightened child.

Reminding her that she is safe and loved, that those old stories are just that, old and not real anymore.

As I embrace these aspects of myself and let love in, I know I am being healed.

Instead of rejecting my anxiety or my abandonment, my job right now is to love them and embrace them- these dark emotions that I don’t want to feel or acknowledge.

I bring them into my heart and relax.

Light and love come streaming in and I don’t have this frenzied or uptight need to control. It’s a relief in a way to be able to relax.

For me trust is the opposite of abandonment.

As I dissolve my old ties of abandonment, and let them go, I replace them with faith and trust. I breathe into my heart and know that I am loved, and that I am never alone, ever.

Curiously I came back to love through looking at my shadow behavior – my need to staunch my anxiety with control.

I’m grateful to have people in my life who love me enough to show me even what I don’t want to see. Because despite the pain of hearing the truth in that moment, the lesson it has taught me has been well worth it.

And I am the better for it.

What's your take? How do you respond to uncertainty?

Let's start a dialog. Leave your ideas below.

Where Is Your Soul Sister?

Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone and, after a brief period of time, it’s as if you’ve always known them?

Or perhaps you have a good friend you haven’t seen in years (or decades) and as soon as you’re together, it’s like no time has passed?

Don’t you love when that happens?

I have a soul sister like that and I’ll call her Natalie.

Last year I stayed in a town just a few hours from where she lives. I hadn’t talked to her in awhile but we’d stayed in touch on Facebook. I messaged her letting her know I was nearby.

Natalie immediately called and said she was on her way to this very same town as her daughter was participating in a state event!

Meant to be?

I was a little nervous to see her again. Even though we’d reconnected via social media and the phone in the last few years, I hadn’t seen her or physically been with her in almost 20 years.

The last time we were together, we’d had a falling out.

Maybe it was disappointment at some of my life choices or that I’d backed out of a plan we’d made together. Either way, I felt stifled and judged and in need of some space and time. I’d relocated, moving a thousand miles away, so it became easy to stop communicating with her.

And, as often happens in life, I got busy and left her behind to drift out of my life.

We’d patched things up since then, talking over the phone about what had transpired, but I was still anxious to see her in person.

When I arrived at the park that Saturday to meet her and her family, my body thrummed with excitement and tension. I walked around the crowded fields glancing at the people camped out everywhere and then I spotted her.

She looked exactly the same.

Natalie stood to greet me and it was as if time stood still. I walked up to her and we embraced – tears sprang to my eyes. Holding her was like being home. It was so familiar and nothing had changed.

Well, that isn’t true.

So much had changed.

We both had partners, and children, and more wrinkles. We’d both been working on ourselves too. But instead of growing apart as is so often the case, she was right where I was.

The tension that had existed after that rough phase was long gone.

Once again we were in alignment just like it had been years earlier, when we’d lived together in our early 20s, trying to understand ourselves and our lives and this crazy world we live in. Now we were more mature, had learned a bit and were simply in another phase of existence.

I marveled at how comfortable it was to be with her and I cursed myself for waiting so long to reconnect. I could have had this person in my life all these years and I hadn’t because of distance and pettiness and misunderstanding.

In general, I strive to live without regret.

One of the top regrets of terminally ill and dying patients, is not having spent more time with the people they love, both family and friends. I knew this and yet somehow had allowed it to happen with Natalie, until now.

Instead of punishing or berating myself, I simply accepted what was – that she was back in my life now.

I accepted my past choice of pushing her away and felt grateful that we could resume a close friendship going forward because that was all that mattered.

It’s been a year since I saw her and I look forward to being with her again soon. To hang out and laugh, walk along the seashore or help her weed her garden. I don’t actually care what we do together, just being with her eases my heart as only a soul sister can.

Connections like these are little miracles in our lives.

But they need to be nurtured and cherished. It’s so easy to fall away from people we love because we feel hurt or wronged by a decision they make or a partner they choose. Through my actions (or inaction), I lost 20 years of a close friendship. Thankfully it wasn’t too late.

When we can look beyond our judgment and reconnect the thread that binds us, we know that these soul sisters and brothers are always a part of us and our journey.

Think back to the people who are special to you in your life.

Is there anyone you yearn to find or connect with again?

Someone you loved that fell away due to a misunderstanding or argument?

Thanks to the Internet and social media, it’s even easier than ever to find a loved one. Just remember that reconnecting may involve some forgiveness work or at least being open to another’s point of view. But it’s worth it.

Rekindle those heart relationships.

Seek them out and you’ll be amazed at how full and rich your life can feel.

Tell me your story - leave a comment below.

Fee free to share my blog with your loved ones or anyone you think will relate.

Wherever You Go, There You Are

I used to think that if I could just move somewhere else, everything would be better.

And believe me, I sure tried.

On average, I lived in a place for four years although sometimes my stays could be as short as a few months. I bounced around for years until I had my first child. Then, one of my friends finally scolded me. “You can’t keep moving, it’s bad for the baby.”

At first I ignored her. Infants cling to primary support not place but her words rang in my ears and I finally had to stop running.

Because that’s what I was doing. Running away from me.

I was convinced that each new place was the answer to my unhappiness. It wasn’t that the dissatisfaction was within me, NO! It was the pollution, the traffic, the unaware people, the lack of opportunities.

God forbid I actually take a look within.

I exchanged traffic for trees, noisy neighbors for none but I still always brought my emotional baggage with me; my procrastination, unresolved issues or negativity because, they were all a part of who I am.

I finally stopped long enough to look inside and began the work of healing.

That’s the secret.

We think our happiness, value, love, or belonging all lie outside of ourselves. I ought to know, I travelled across the globe and back looking. But all I ever found was lack.

Because everything I saw mirrored back my own inadequacies, unresolved issues and lack of self-love.

When you’re ready to stop thinking that your next destination will solve all your woes and do the inner work, here are a few tips to get you started.

1.     Look Within

Contrary to what we might think, we have all the answers within us.

We just forget or get afraid to ask.

Get quiet, light a candle, put on some soothing music and get back in touch with your heart.

Go within and allow yourself to reconnect with you. Ask your heart for guidance.

Sometimes we’re afraid to ask because it might mean we have to change – change the way we relate to ourselves and to others. But if we want to live authentically, this is the only path, through the heart.

Pray, sit quietly, journal or even try vlogging to get back in touch with you.

2.     Seek Guidance

There are many people, books, and on-line courses that can help guide us to unlock the mystery that lies within.

One of my favorite authors is Joseph Campbell. He writes extensively about mythology and linking it to the soul’s journey. His interview with Bill Moyers entitled, The Power of Myth is a great place to start.

Another book like Be Here Now by Baba Ram Dass can be insightful and help illuminate the internal path. He is a wonderful teacher and has plenty of experience to share.

Anything by the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron will offer guidance and instruction too. 

The trick is to find an author or speaker whose words speak to your soul.

3.     Find Your Tribe

A local teacher or community of like-minded people can also help.

In the Hindu faith, this is referred to as satsang, in the Buddhist, sangha. Both words are derived from Sanskrit. Sat refers to truth (satya) and sang means community or gathering.

The idea is to find a group you can connect with - of people wanting to live a spiritual life, understand Truth and support one another on this path.

A great place to start is with your local yoga studios, churches, temples or meditation groups. Go online and check them out. Then follow up with a visit to see if it’s a good fit for you. Do you like the people and can you make a connection? Feel free to join my global community here.

We’re all afraid of doing this inner work but it’s the reason we’re here.

To truly understand our place and purpose and reconnect with the Universe- Oneness- God- the Supreme Being or whatever word is comfortable to you.

The good news is you don’t have to do it alone.

By reading about other people’s journeys and finding like -minded souls, you can get lots of help, support and guidance.

As the saint Ramana Maharishi stated, “Instead of indulging in mere speculation, devote yourself here and now to the search for the Truth that is ever within you.”

If you’ve decided that the next place is going to have everything you desire or, if you’ve recognized you’re ready to stop running, it may be time to take a good look in the mirror. Undertake the ultimate journey and find out what is within you instead.

What do you think?

Leave me your comments below!

Within and Without

Have you heard this before?

Your inner world creates your outer world.

I interpret this to mean that what I feel, how I view my life and process it affects me more than where I physically am, or what I am actually doing.

Kind of like attitude is everything.

A few years ago I was skiing in Colorado. It was a cloudless, sunny day in the high 40s, the snow conditions were perfect and I was surrounded by my loved ones.

But as I rode up the chair lift looking out at the forest of frosted fir trees and mountains, I felt terrible. Inside of me was like a gray, gloomy day. I was in a funk.

Maybe it was the stark contrast that I was experiencing in that moment- between being in such a gorgeous place and feeling so dark inside- but something finally clicked.

I saw vividly how my inner world was clouding over and coloring my outer world.

I even pointed it out to myself. “What reason exactly do you have to feel disconnected, shut off or unhappy?”

“None.”

“Are you not in a magnificent place doing your favorite activity ever?"

"Is this day not exquisite and aren’t you lucky to be here enjoying it?”

Part of me wanted to say no – but I couldn’t really.

I did not have even ONE legitimate excuse for being in a gray mood other than maybe my hormones.

So I made a conscious decision to shift out of it.

To allow the sun to shine not just around me but from within me too and burn away all of that gray matter that was clouding my vision and making me unhappy.

If you’ve ever been in this kind of situation, you know what I’m talking about. And here are a few reminders to help you transition back into a more positive mindset.

1.     You Are In Charge of Your Thoughts

No one else but YOU thinks in your brain! We always have the ability to change what we think and feel – the trick is to become aware of it, just like I did that day on the chair lift.

When we can catch ourselves, then we can make a change.

Use affirmations to help you shift your thinking from lack to abundance, from negative to positive.

I often start with “I am safe and I am loved.”

Others that can also be helpful include:

The world loves and supports me.

I can relax knowing that I am always taken care of.

I am surrounded by love.

2.     Create the Inner World You Desire

When we look for connection, acknowledgement or love from outside of ourselves, we inevitably feel disappointed.

Why?

Because all of those ways of feeding us are temporal, changing and finite. And contrary to what we might want to believe, the hole within can only be filled by us, with self love.

Instead, we have to become everything we think we want from others and from the world.

• Love
• Abundance
• Creativity
• A Great Partner
• A supportive Friend

If we embody those traits, they will not only flow out of us but we will also attract them to us.

Like attracts like

3.     Develop A Spiritual Practice

For me, the only thing that really matters is my practice. It’s how I stay sane and how I catch myself when I get caught in the chaos of the world – when I forget that my outer world is simply a reflection of my inner work.

What do I do?

I meditate and pray.

I think of them as going hand in hand.

Prayer is asking for what I want – for myself, for loved ones, and for the world. I pray for guidance and clarity, I pray for health and I pray for world peace and sustainability.

And I meditate

If prayer is about asking, then meditation is about listening.

Listening for the answers, for the guidance and wisdom.

And remembering. Meditation brings me back into the silence, the one-ness, the connection to all.

The next time you find yourself in an internal fog, remember that there are tools available to you.

Observe those thoughts and feelings. If any of them have merit, delve into those and identify the cause, but if they don’t use, affirmation, prayer and meditation to help shift you back to where you most want to be.

In a loving and supportive mind, viewing the world as full of opportunity and adventure.

Will these help you? Leave me a comment below.

Are You Willing?

I have a good friend named Robin who’s a Unity minister. She’s a dynamic speaker and a riveting storyteller.

Reverend Robin has a knack for tying metaphysical concepts with everyday reality and infusing them with heart and humor.

One of her sermons -that really stuck with me- was a story in which she likened life to a game.

So, play with me here for a minute.

Imagine if you will, that life really is a game.

We choose our player and then embark onto the board.

Sometimes we get a good break (we skip three spaces) and sometimes we have to go backward (or worse to jail!)

Maybe we meet a partner, have a child, get divorced, buy a car, lose a job, go back to school, fall into bankruptcy, need hospitalization…

But inevitably, whatever new adventure life throws at us, we have to continue playing.

We can’t give up.

The phrase Reverend Robin kept repeating was, “nevertheless, I am willing.”

• Willing to play
• Willing to move ahead
• Willing to get through the adversity
• Willing to open up to life
• Willing to embrace change
• Willing to invite in miracles

When we think about life as a game it:

1.     Provides Space

Sometimes life can feel oppressive, heavy or burdensome. When we shift into thinking about life as a game, it gives us more objectivity.

It’s like a bird’s view.

We see the whole board- where we’ve come from and where we’re going- rather than simply seeing the catastrophe of the moment (a stain on my new blouse, bills piling up, cracking my cellphone, breaking my ankle.)

We can view the momentary set back for what it is, not life threatening or shattering, just a small bump in the road. Being objective often helps us see a strategy for moving to our next goal more easily, too.

2.     Allows for Relaxation

When I see life as a game, suddenly every decision I make doesn’t feel quite so fraught. It’s more like a turn down a wrong street that may take me ten minutes longer but shows me an exciting new view.

Nothing actually feels quite so dire. After all, it’s just “Monopoly money.”

We often stress over decisions and the worry about making a wrong one. But here’s the thing, we simply have to choose. And if it turns out to be wrong, make a new decision!

When we can relax about our decisions, we allow ourselves to move more into the flow. This is when we invite in our intuition and that always helps us make better decisions!

3.     Is more FUN

I know that I can take life WAY too seriously and then I get caught in that grouchy head space where everything feels wrong, hard or difficult. Instead, I have to re-orient myself back to purpose.

What is the purpose of my life?

What is the purpose of a game?

Some would say to win. Some would say to have fun. Some would say to spend time with others.

When I think about life as a game, it reminds me that my ultimate goal here is happiness. Games are fun and fun makes me laugh and smile and feel happy.

Seeing life as a game reorients me back to my purpose. And as happiness guru Robert Holden reminds us, “your happiness is your gift to the world.”

I wish to live my life with a smile on my face, with lightness in my heart and with an eye for strategy. Because this game of life is meant to be lived, savored and enjoyed.

So, what do you say?

Nevertheless, are YOU willing?

Tell me what you think by leaving a comment below! 

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What My Dying Sister Taught Me About Courage

June 30 marks the 5th anniversary of my younger sister, Melissa’s, death from metastasized breast cancer.

Almost as soon as June begins I think of her constantly. And in these past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on what she taught me, particularly about courage.

It’s one of life’s ironies that Melissa and I looked so much alike but in many ways couldn’t have been more different.

As a child, I was self-deprecating and acted as the family peacemaker while Melissa was the rebel, the one who was so clearly out of the box.

A born risk-taker, she was always more daring than I was.

I remember the first time we went skiing. I was about nine.

My Dad had successfully maneuvered us up the chairlift and onto the bunny slope. He was busy adjusting my binding when he looked up, glanced around and then turned to me. “Where’s your sister?”

She was already down the hill!

And she kept living like that.

At 18, she went skydiving, at 20 biked alone across the Netherlands and France and at 22 moved to Cairo. She was her own person and was a great teacher for me about living courageously.

Here are just a few of the lessons she taught me:

1.     Don’t Be Afraid To Be Yourself

Melissa was a one of a kind.

She wore some of the craziest combinations of clothes you could imagine. She loved to don wigs and colorful hats. Her favorite place to shop was the thrift store and she often wore her finds from there although was partial to Who t-shirts and jeans.

She was outspoken and honest, almost to a fault. Sometimes she’d make me cringe and think, “I can’t believe you just said that!”

Her ability to speak her truth, to wear her truth and live it were inspirational.

It has helped me transition more from doing what other people want to truly listening to the voice of my soul. When I can listen to that voice within and be guided by it, I can show up and be authentically me.

That is truly living.

2.     Go For It

Melissa was a thrill seeker and was never afraid to try something new – if it was the latest roller coaster or a crazy, high jump she could coax her horse over.

When she lived in Cairo, a place most single women would never go, she often took the public bus to visit friends in a densely populated neighborhood. These city busses were so full that passengers were commonly hanging off of them. Mel actually told me that the busses didn’t stop so people had to literally jump on or off.

When I asked her how she managed to wedge herself on, she just shrugged as if it were no big deal.

In my life, I’m most afraid with physical challenges and that’s why Melissa was such a great teacher for me. I don’t want to experience pain or discomfort. But when I push myself through, it’s always rewarding.

Some aspects of our beings are more easily motivated and change can feel effortless.

While in other areas, we need more coaxing, inspiration or confirmation.

When we can identify the areas in our lives that we’ve ignored or let lie fallow, and move into them courageously, we can awaken to a greater sense of who we genuinely are – and become more balanced and whole.

3.     Live Every Day As If It Is Your Last

The most profound lesson Melissa taught me was how she handled her terminal cancer diagnosis.

After chemotherapy and a mastectomy, we assumed Mel would live a long healthy and cancer free life. After all, she was in her 30s. But almost immediately, she learned that there were tumors everywhere  - in her spine, brain and liver.

This time, she chose not to do chemo. As she said, “I don’t want to be sick and bald for the rest of my life.”

Here was her gamble – quality over quantity.

For the next two years, Mel only did what she really wanted to do.

She quit her job, rode her horse (her first love) nearly every day and trained for competitions. She travelled the world visiting some of her favorite places like the United Kingdom and Syria as well as some new spots such as Portugal, Chile and Argentina.

When her liver began shutting down and her oncologist told her it was the end, Melissa faced death head on. She talked about what was happening with her doctor, nurses, social worker and us.

She was no stranger to pain, and endured chronic throbbing in her body. Yet she held on to say goodbye to all of the people she cherished, her large circle of friends and her family.

She allowed us – her loved ones - to take care of her and be there for her final transition. She never wavered in her decision to face her physical demise with eyes wide open.

I hope that when my time comes, I can show as much dignity, grace and honesty.

In the meantime, I cherish every day I’m on this planet, in a healthy body.

I savor the sun as it warms me and feel my legs pump as I climb up a hill. I relish the sheer beauty all around me – in nature, art work and in another person’s smile.

I try hard not to take anything for granted.

I still miss Melissa everyday but the empty place her absence has left in my life feels less painful the more I hold on to her essence and the multitude of gifts she has given me.

Her love, courage and zaniness live on in me.

I carry her with me everywhere as I remember to live my life fully everyday.

Can you learn from Melissa too?

How can you be more courageous today?

Let me know by leaving me a comment below.

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