I have been so lucky this past week. I've been on vacation with my family in Colorado, skiing. We love to come out in March because, typically, it's sunny and warm but there's still a solid base of snow. Normally, I'm up and out every day, maximizing my time and skiing until my legs hurt and I'm basically wasted for the rest of the night (and pass out around 9). But this trip has been different and today while the flurries fall from the sky, I am stuck inside with an awful head cold watching colorful skiers and snowboarders glide past my window.
Part of me wanted to push myself. After all, it's my last day, my final chance to ski in 2014- for an entire year. I only get one week a year to ski which is why I typically give it my all. I did that yesterday, dragged myself out. It was sunny and warm and I simply could not resist but EVERY chairlift ride up, I was blowing and blowing- a real snot queen. Of course, I probably overdid it which is why I feel even worse today. So it was no surprise when I got an enneagram email today reminding me that:
"True love of self entails a profound acceptance of ourselves—returning to Presence and settling into ourselves as we actually are without attempting to change ourselves or our experience." (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 345)
Okay, I reasoned, I just have to accept that I feel like crap right now and appreciate that instead of wanting it to be different. But, I have to say, it's kind of hard! I mean really, everyone hates being sick but this is like a double whammy. No skiing and sick! Boo!
Sometimes acceptance comes to us in strange moments and I feel like I'm in one now. Life is what is in this moment and I am often reminded that if I can embrace and love what is happening right now, it will set me free. Instead, I fight and resist and want to change it. But maybe for today I won't. Maybe I will just vicariously enjoy the winter wonderland outside my door. And take a nap instead.