When Self-Doubt Rears Its Head

After traveling for two weeks, it was time to fly home. Vacations are like a suspension of “regular life” and then, inevitably, I must come back. I refer to this as re-entry.

Re-entry started for me at the airport, waiting to board my flight. My mind churned with the various tasks I needed to do -- the work, the chores, the responsibilities. I pushed them away, banishing them to the back of my mind. After all, I wasn’t home yet.

But on Monday morning, they came crashing back.

I had to manage my internal dialog so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed. I made a list and got to work.

But the biggest challenge I was facing was self-doubt.

After being away, and feeling removed from everything, I had begun questioning myself. Was I doing the right thing? Should I just give up writing my book and building my business?

One of the voices in my head was telling me all the “have-tos” and “shoulds” I needed to do. These felt heavy and burdensome until I realized who was dictating them. My life is in my control. I get to choose what I want to do or not.

The only one putting pressure on me was me.

That felt better.

What did I really have to do? I completed the pressing tasks and attempted to relax and schedule out the rest. But I still had to face the self-doubt I’d allowed to creep in.

Being a Libra and a six on the Enneagram, I wrestle a lot with self- doubt.

I question my decisions and often weigh things out. I look at problems from other people’s perspectives, often seek their advice and am quick to question my own. I’ve been working hard on this quality –- of listening to my own inner guidance -- and there’s only one sure way for me to do that, through prayer and meditation.

This morning’s meditation began with my Course in Miracles lesson, “My thoughts are images that I have made.” I don’t think I could’ve asked for a better lesson for today. It was exactly what I was struggling with.

I was suffering from my own thoughts of self-doubt.

Then I asked God to guide me. What would you have me do today? And the answer I received was this:

Love and accept yourself, even your self-doubt.

I’d fallen into the place of feeling like I needed some kind of confirmation or validation from the world. We often seek success, fame, acknowledgement or note because we want to be deserving of love. What I was reminded of this morning is that I don’t.

I am loved simply because I exist.

I don’t have to be or have or do anything. I am loved because I am here.

I felt the thin veil that was restricting me fall away as those words washed over me. I am loved because I exist. I am love. I love me.

If you’ve ever allowed self-doubt to crowd your mind or make you feel uncertain or confused, tell yourself that you are not your thoughts. Be like a mindful gardener and pull out those thoughts that cause harm.

I was reminded this morning that my only real job is to be the presence of love. But that has to start with me –- with self-love -- with totally accepting myself and every aspect of who I am.

Have you ever felt self-doubt?

How has it affected you?

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Feeling Afraid? Try Acknowledging It

When I was in my early 20s, I was offered a job in sales and design for a manufacturer in Hong Kong. My office was in a factory located in an industrialized and severely polluted part of the territories. After arriving and settling in, I quickly realized that it wasn’t the job for me.

They hardly had anything for me to do and had hired me primarily as a favor to my mother. Every day I sat at my desk in a windowless room pretending to work. It was pretty awful.

About six months later I mustered up the courage to quit.

I made a list of what I felt like I needed in my life. Things like: sunshine, variety, more than 2 weeks vacation, connection. Between my list and my language limitations -not speaking Cantonese- I decided I should become a teacher. In fact, it met all of my requirements!

And of course that’s what happened.

I was offered a position at an international high school. I was thrilled, my first real job. I excitedly began prepping for my English literature and language classes until the night before school officially began. That’s when it dawned on me.

My job was public speaking all day, every day and I panicked.

As a child, I'd loved performing but that had all changed in high school. I had a crisis in confidence resulting from being socially ostracized. Now I was shy and scared, and most importantly, had lost my voice.

I quickly ran out of my apartment and down to the lobby then took off walking. My building was located on a cliff overlooking the harbor and was dark and quiet. As I walked, my mind whirred.

“What am I going to do? I can’t believe this. How could I have been so stupid? I can’t public speak all day everyday.” That freaked out voice went on and on until another voice interjected.

This new voice said to me, “It’s just fear. Can you do it anyway?”

Recently I’d read William Faulkner’s acceptance speech. The one he had given upon receiving the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1950. He’d spoken about the pervasive fear in the United States caused by the Cold War and the impending doom of nuclear annihilation that hovered over us. He went on to say: “[the young writer] must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afraid; and, teaching himself that, forget it forever…”

Huh. I began to reason with myself. Fear is just an emotion. Was I going to let it stop me from teaching? Could I go through with it anyway, even though I was scared?

And the answer was, “yes, I can” and that’s exactly what I did.

In that moment, I realized that I was bigger than my fear. I had allowed myself to recognize it, and then put it aside.

Shortly after this, I saw a film that reconfirmed what I had experienced. In the movie, one of the characters quotes a Spanish proverb.

Translated it was: “A life lived in fear is a life half lived.”

Sitting in that movie theatre, I resolved that I would not live a half-life. I wanted to live a full, rich, complete life; truly experience being alive. And if that meant learning how to deal with fear, then that’s what I was going to do.

That was more than two decades ago but I still feel the same way today. Of course, fear keeps knocking and every time, I have to pay attention.

And in that time here’s what I‘ve learned:

Just because I experience fear, it doesn’t mean it has to control me.

If I acknowledge it, then I can manage it. When I try to push fear away or drown it by eating too much, drinking or avoiding, it comes back even stronger. Instead, when I recognize the fear and face it, just like I did on that dark cliff in Hong Kong, then I can disable it. I relegate it to the back seat instead of allowing it to be the driver. This way fear becomes my fellow traveler and not my boss.

What have you found helpful in managing fear?

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A Life Lesson from my 14-Year Old

Last week my 14-year old was being just that, a 14-year old. When I’d ask a question, I’d get a grunt or if I was lucky a one word answer. I knew in my heart that it wasn’t about me but as the days wore on and the behavior stayed the same I watched my tolerance expire.

Finally, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Fortunately, I didn’t lose it in front of her, yell or express my frustration. Instead, I called a friend. “I need help. My daughter won’t talk to me and I’ve reached the end. I don’t think I can take another day of this.”

In our conversation, what ended up emerging wasn’t my daughter’s behavior but rather my response to her behavior. After all, I want to show up and be loving, supportive, kind, empathetic. Don’t you?

Instead I felt frustrated, irritated and annoyed. And that made me feel embarrassed.

What I wanted was to be able to keep riding it, let it wash over me like a wave, knowing that it was just temporary. I wanted to allow her the freedom to be where she was and how she was without being affected by it. But sometimes, in the moment, that’s hard to realize and easy to fall into defeat.

So why did my response bother me?

Underneath my disappointment about not showing up as a loving presence, was the fear that I was being a bad parent AND that behavior would have lasting effects.

Here’s how the unconscious thought went, “because I’m being a bad parent, I’ll never have a good, loving relationship with her.”

Talk about projection! Wow.

Once I got clear about my underlying fear and could satisfactorily let it go, I instantly felt calm, refreshed and no longer annoyed. In fact, I actually forgot that her behavior had been bothering me at all.

And guess what happened?

The next day my daughter was Miss Chatty in the car!

I’m constantly amazed at the truth of this. Every time I let go and shift my behavior, the whole dynamic changes.

So often we feel out of control or feel the need to change someone else or their behavior.  But the ultimate lesson is that we can only control us or in my case, me. And when I do, when I own my reactions, face the triggers and release them, I free myself. And then, like magic, everything else changes.

Do you have a teenager? Have you experienced this?

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Yes My Family Can Drive Me Crazy

Ram Dass says, “if you think you’re enlightened go live with your family for a week.” Most days I’m thankful for the lessons I’ve learned from my loved ones. But some days, I’d rather be left alone.

Recently I had an opportunity to examine my own judgment from a situation that occurred. In my opinion, one of my family members, let’s call him Dave, had intentionally hurt another human being. I was deeply bothered by this.

The act seemed selfish and irrational and I was having a really hard time getting beyond it.

The phrase that kept repeating in my mind was, “ you can’t just kick people to the curb.”

I actually got angry about it and purposefully distanced myself, choosing not to be around Dave. Then unexpectedly, he pulled into my driveway embodying everything that I felt like I didn’t stand for, selfishness, inauthenticity, and selling out. I struggled to plaster a smile on my face and couldn’t wait for him to leave.

5 minutes later I walked into my house ranting. “How could he… this is why I am the way I am…”

The knowing voice inside kept reminding me that I had to let it go.

This was his choice. It was his life. I had to forgive Dave but it was hard! I was clinging intensely to my own self-righteousness.

The next morning in my meditation, I received a teaching to release judgment for the day. I decided to embrace this lesson and have a judge free day.

There would be no “I like.”

No “What is he thinking?”

No “that was a silly choice…”

And I did!

It was wonderful. I felt free and light, clear and present. Later in the afternoon, I thought about Dave and suddenly realized I wasn’t angry anymore. It had floated away during my judge free day because after all, that’s what it was, my judgment of his behavior, my righteousness and desire to make his actions wrong.

Then something amazing happened.

Dave approached me having realized he was not proud of his behavior. We had an amazing heart to heart talk. I was able to say through love what I had observed and how it made me feel. And Dave could hear me because I wasn’t judging him, making him wrong or angry.

Because I forgave him, healing took place.

This never would have happened if I hadn’t released my own anger, judgment and righteousness. I felt so much gratitude for the entire event. Because what I was reminded of is that we never know the big picture, God’s plan. Maybe Dave needed that experience to finally stop a life long pattern. Maybe the (in my opinion) wronged person needed to learn something too. I’ll never know. I’m just grateful that I was able to show up open heartedly when the moment arose and love my family member completely.

Have you ever felt frustrated by a member of your family? What happened?

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Who Just Said That?

Lately I've been hearing people talking about their anxiety. One man I know can't stop thinking about his health. He recently had a check up and was told he has high blood pressure.

Now he's obsessively thinking about the blood pumping through his body. His thoughts make him fearful and anxious, that he's going to have a heart attack or stroke at any moment.

Then a pregnant woman mentioned almost the same thing. Even though this isn't her first child, she's finding herself fixated on the future pain and all of the awful complications that could happen despite the fact that she's already had near perfect birthing experiences.

So what is this?

I like to think about it as our brains highjacking us. When this happens to me, I have to remind myself of a few things.

#1. Like Mike Dooley says, "Thoughts are Things, Choose the Good Ones."

If my thought is causing me worry, fear, anxiety or discomfort then I change it! When I first realized that I had control over this, it was amazingly powerful.

Here's an example of how it manifests in my life. Lately it's been focused on my sinuses. When I'm in negative thinking it sounds like: "My sinuses are never going to clear up. My allergies make my nose run and my eyes itchy. I'm so uncomfortable."

Then I can remember that these are just thoughts and thoughts can be changed. So, I can catch myself and shift it to "I am healthy. My sinuses are healthy and happy." Immediately I begin to feel better.

We forget that we are not our thoughts, not our brains. I like to think of the brain a little bit like a computer. It's a tool that we can control. Most of us don't realize this so we allow IT to control us. BUT we have the choice to think thoughts that we want and eliminate ones we don't.

#2 What We Focus On Expands

This is the power our thoughts have. You know it's true. The more I think "I have no money," the poorer I feel and the less money I actually do have. Instead, when I feel gratitude for what I have in my life, it helps me feel abundant and I attract more money to me.

Think the thoughts you want in your life. Thoughts of success and happiness. Thoughts of safety and perfect health. Mine your thoughts, become aware of what you say to yourself and choose kindness, love and compassion. For then you will have more of these in your life.

#3 We Aren't Our Thoughts

I'm stuck in my negative thought, "Why can't my sinuses heal?" and over and over the tape repeats until finally someone else in my head hears it. Who is that? The other voice who says, "Enough! Change that thought!"

Some people call this Self the eternal observer, the watcher, the aspect of us that is aligned with God. Ever present without beginning and without end, eternal. Some say this is the voice of God or the Universe or whatever label works for you.

When we can silent that small voice (the computer) we open ourselves up to hear from Divine source. This is true guidance, it's pure love and is our essential nature.

The way to hear this voice isn't by making the other voice wrong or bad, it's by going within, getting quiet and recognizing that we aren't that voice (the computer). We are so much more. We can ask for help, to be guided, to be able to hear this voice speak to us. It will for it is always there, waiting.

So the next time you catch yourself stuck in a rut of negative thinking, use these 3 reminders to get you unstuck, back on track and listening to the right voice.

How can this work for you?

Share one of your negative thoughts and how you changed it below in the comments.

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Is This Really the World of Dating?

My friend Heidi posted a link to a Huffington Post article, My “Naked” Truth yesterday. It's Robin Korth’s account of dating a man who enjoyed her “head and heart” but not her body.

He told her he couldn’t get turned on by her physically because she was “too wrinkly.”

After reading the piece, I found that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

First it just made me sad that this is where we are in the United States in 2014. That despite all of our technological advances we are still so emotionally immature towards one another as individuals and as one gender relating to another. It also implies that we are woefully unaware of the power of words to harm one another and the pain that judgment brings.

Brené Brown tells us, the primary shame trigger for women is our bodies.

We women are all intensely aware of what we look like and are usually our own worst critics. So for Dave (the guy in the article) to not understand how hurtful his words and rejection of Robin’s body were to her is just plain stupid.

As my husband said to me after I read him the article, this is about objectifying women. Wanting the woman to live up to an image he has rather than the ability to actually see, love and accept what is right in front of him.

It made me sad too that this is the world of dating for older women.

I was reminded of some of the comments my father used to make about women. “She’s too overweight” or “she looks my age.” He often dated women decades younger than he was. Perhaps they were more nubile but what did they have in common?

Then one day I wondered, “What was he bringing to the table?”

The spare tire encircling his waist, his gray, balding head, wrinkles. Why was it okay for him to be imperfect, old, saggy and not her? It shouted of being a double standard. Yet most women are used to this and maybe that’s the worst part of all. That, having been objectified or pummeled by societal expectations of beauty for so long, we think it’s okay for men to have false expectations.

Fortunately, Robin provides us with a silver lining in her article.

Instead of accepting Dave’s words and allowing herself to be shamed, she took her power back. And she’s absolutely right. We all deserve to be loved exactly for who we are, what we look like clothed and naked, and for all of our opinions, beliefs and quirks.

That love starts with us, with us accepting ourselves exactly as we are from head to toe.

Read Robin's article and tell me what you think! (click here)

If you’re a woman, have you ever had something similar happen to you?

If you’re a man, how can you relate to what Robin experienced?

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Wait for the Answer?

I don’t know about you but when I have a question or am unclear about something, I always want it resolved immediately. Yup, you can call me impatient. I want to know, to be clear, sure, certain.

Part of why I’m like this is because I’m an action oriented person and can only act once I know what to do. When I don’t know it’s like being on an airplane circling the airport in a holding pattern. I don’t like that feeling on in-action, confusion, or lack of clarity. It is uncomfortable.

Lately, though, I’ve been toying with this idea of allowing for space.

What I mean by that is to ask a question and be okay with not immediately knowing the answer, being okay with allowing room for possibility and for answers to percolate up rather than be instantaneous.

It’s almost like being more patient with life, allowing it to unfold rather than be pushed along.

I suppose being comfortable with space means that I’m okay with uncertainty or not knowing. And when I think about it from that perspective, it’s about trusting. Trusting that an answer will be revealed. Maybe not on my timeline or schedule, maybe not even my predicted outcome but an answer that is divinely perfect.

What’s interesting is that as I allow myself to relax into that space, I find ironically, that I’m less anxious!

And I actually forget I’ve even asked a question! It’s like being in a space where life is okay no matter what. Where I don’t have to be so vigilant and work so hard. Where I can relax and enjoy myself more, knowing that it’s all fine.

As I think more about this idea of space, I realize that here –in the in between place- is where all the answers lie, where creativity lies, the place of pure potential. And thinking about that makes me feel excited to be in that space- the birthplace of creativity.

So instead of feeling worse, anxious or stressed, I actually feel more excited, more alive, more in harmony with life and divinely guided. Who would’ve thought!

What do you think? Are you willing to allow for more space in answering your questions?

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The Ugly Twins – Guilt & Shame

Probably two of the most painful culprits in the emotional arsenal are guilt and shame. These two can seriously wreak havoc on us. It wasn’t until I read Brené Brown's work that I fully understand the difference between them AND how to let go of one and positively utilize the other.

Guilt is the feeling we have when we know we’ve done something wrong or hurt another. We feel bad about our actions. Perhaps I yelled at my daughter in an unkind way or I forgot to leave a tip for the waiter. My action results in me feeling guilty.

Guilt can act as a reminder for right or wrong.

It’s like an internal morality indicator, letting you know if something you’ve done goes against your value system. Brené Brown writes, “[Guilt] is an uncomfortable feeling, but one that’s helpful. The psychological discomfort, something similar to cognitive dissonance, is what motivates meaningful change.”

Overall, when we experience guilt, it can propel us to make amends and change our behavior and so is seen as a potentially positive force.

Obviously taken to the extreme, guilt can be harmful and is especially destructive if we attempt to “guilt” another person, as in making someone feel bad if they don’t do what I want them to do.

Shame, on the other hand, is the internalization of wrongdoing with the interpretation not that my actions were wrong (that’s guilt) but that I’m a bad person because I’ve done this – (yelling, stiffing the waiter.) Then the berating, negative self-talk ensues. “How could I have done that? I’m so stupid, bad, a terrible mother…”

According to Brown, “…shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we can change and do better…” Shame harms us in that moment and her research indicates that, “shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders and bullying.”

Shame is the voice of “I’m not good enough. I’m not lovable.”

It is who we become when we feel not enough. It is the choices we make to escape, check out, hurt ourselves or hurt others.

Because we’ve all been shamed in our lives and believed it, we now walk around feeling less than, feeling flawed, feeling like we are works in progress instead of wholly loved, talented, incredible beings.

As Brown notes, “Shame is so painful for children because it is inextricably linked to the fear of being unlovable. For young children who are still dependent on their parents for survival- for food, shelter and safety- feeling unlovable is a threat to survival. It’s trauma. I’m convinced that the reason most of us revert back to feeling childlike and small when we’re in shame is because our brain stores our early shame experiences as trauma, and when it’s triggered we return to that place.”

Now that we know more about shame and guilt, we can choose to listen to those old stories about who we are or make new ones. In the 25 years I’ve been working on myself, I see more and more clearly how simple it actually is. In fact, it comes down to one concept – are you ready?

Self-acceptance.

That’s it!

All the words of criticism I heard growing up made me think I wasn’t enough and hell, I wasn’t ever going to be enough. But really, whose words were those? Those were the words my father said to himself, my mother said to herself, my stepfather said to himself, and on and on and on. It really was never about me, I just mistakenly thought it was.

Now I know it isn’t.

As one of my favorite teachers, Dr. Robert Holden says, “no amount of self-improvement can make up for a lack of self acceptance.”

So there it is – self acceptance is the shame-buster.

It starts right here, right now by saying to myself, “Shakti, I totally love and accept you. Right now, just as you are. Just as I am.”

Okay, now it’s your turn. Let me know how it goes.

How have you experienced guilt and shame? Share with me by leaving a comment below! 

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Wait, What? No Skiing?

The view from my condo window,

I have been so lucky this past week. I've been on vacation with my family in Colorado, skiing. We love to come out in March because, typically, it's sunny and warm but there's still a solid base of snow. Normally, I'm up and out every day, maximizing my time and skiing until my legs hurt and I'm basically wasted for the rest of the night (and pass out around 9). But this trip has been different and today while the flurries fall from the sky, I am stuck inside with an awful head cold watching colorful skiers and snowboarders glide past my window.

Part of me wanted to push myself. After all, it's my last day, my final chance to ski in 2014- for an entire year. I only get one week a year to ski which is why I typically give it my all. I did that yesterday, dragged myself out. It was sunny and warm and I simply could not resist but EVERY chairlift ride up, I was blowing and blowing- a real snot queen. Of course, I probably overdid it which is why I feel even worse today. So it was no surprise when I got an enneagram email today reminding me that:

"True love of self entails a profound acceptance of ourselves—returning to Presence and settling into ourselves as we actually are without attempting to change ourselves or our experience." (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, 345)

Okay, I reasoned, I just have to accept that I feel like crap right now and appreciate that instead of wanting it to be different. But, I have to say, it's kind of hard! I mean really, everyone hates being sick but this is like a double whammy. No skiing and sick! Boo!

Sometimes acceptance comes to us in strange moments and I feel like I'm in one now. Life is what is in this moment and I am often reminded that if I can embrace and love what is happening right now, it will set me free. Instead, I fight and resist and want to change it. But maybe for today I won't. Maybe I will just vicariously enjoy the winter wonderland outside my door. And take a nap instead.

Is the Answer Yes or No?

Is your answer YES to life or NO?

How many times in your day do you find that you say yes to life? Maybe you get invited to lunch with a friend or it's a beautiful day out, perfect for a walk on the beach. Is your response a resounding yes? I hope so. I know for me sometimes I say yes and sometimes I don't. And there may be a reason why I'm not saying yes. These are some of my personal selections. Do any of these sound familiar? "I don't have time. Today's my chore day. I have to work. Maybe another time." Or my absolute favorite, "I don't feel like it." (Usually this one is reserved for me and I come up with a more lofty excuse to say out loud.)

 Life is always offering us opportunities to expand and to grow. To reach out of our comfort zone or complacency and connect more deeply be it with one another, with nature and even with ourselves. Invariably when we do this, what happens? We feel more fulfilled and engaged. So why is it that we don't always do it?

Sometimes we simply can't because we do legitimately have prior commitments. I have appointments to keep, deadlines to meet, tasks to complete. We all do. And yet it's important to remain vigilant to our own choices - how we may or may not be limiting ourselves. It can be insidious. Work and "busy" can take over pretty fast. 

Lately I've been watching my pattern of saying yes to life or saying no. And here is what I am observing. In general, when I say yes and then do it (have a meeting, teach a class, complete my to do list, go birdwatching, work out, play...) I feel great! I truly do feel more engaged and present in my life. I feel alive and happy. When I say no because I don't think I have time or maybe feel too stressed or simply don't want to, here's how I usually feel - worse.

This got me thinking about my life in general and it seems to me that essentially, in each moment, we are being asked to open, open to life, open to love, open to the moment. Feel the sun on my face, hear the sounds of the lawnmowers in the distance, smile at the cashier at the bank. Or not. It is always my choice, to open to what is happening right now or to close off, hunker down, disconnect.

That is my practice for right now, to recognize that in EACH moment, I am being asked to open. And then to become the witness as much as the actor and simultaneously open to possibility as well as observe my choice.

Ultimately our lives are filled with the choices we make in each moment - to open or close. All of us know people on both sides of that spectrum. People who say yes and lots of people who say no. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. Yet we all know that when we do open, it feels natural. We are connecting to who we truly are. We just seem to need a moment to moment reminder.

Acceptance - What Does That Mean?

Most mornings I meditate for 20 minutes or so. Lately I've been enjoying a CD created by Deepak Chopra and Adam Plack called The Soul of Healing Affirmations and have incorporated it into my daily practice. At some point during my meditation- first thing, maybe mid way or towards the end- I feel inspired to listen to a selection. I have the album on shuffle figuring that the Universe will play me the affirmation I need to hear. Each are about 3 minutes long. I love listening to Deepak Chopra's voice. it's deep and calming and his pronunciation of Sanskrit words always brings a smile to my face. (No matter how hard I try, I just cannot seem to get the American twang out of mine!)

So today's was A for acceptance. It starts out, "Today I will accept myself just as I am." What's interesting about this statement emanating from my iphone today was that yesterday while I was working, I had a little confidence crisis. The old tapes were playing in my head and I couldn't seem to shut them up. "Who cares what you have to say? You're nothing, nobody, not good enough." Sound familiar?

So this morning when I heard that first line it was like, "oh right, that's it, that's all I have to do." 

And that's when the magic really happens. I hear, "Today I will accept myself just as I am." I breathe in and my entire being just relaxes, as if my insides have been working so hard trying to be someone else and now they're off the hook, they can just be them.

I breathe and it's like the sun opens up in my chest and fills my whole body with light. I feel utterly happy, blissful, magnificent. Like anything could happen and it would flow down my back like water off a duck.  

So what exactly is this thing acceptance anyway? For me it is the abandoning of the self improvement hamster wheel and the "shoulds." It's not taking that voice in my head seriously. It's allowing myself to relax and surrender into this moment, to just be in it and it feels so free. 

Deepak then goes on to suggest that "I will see the world just as it is." Because that is the second step of acceptance. The first is to accept ourselves, to quiet the inner critic. Then we have to dissolve the judge who is constantly looking outside at everything that is wrong with the world and all the people in it. So that's the other half of self acceptance, accepting everbody and everything else just the way they are. When we allow ourselves to do this, we are set free. Life feels harmonious, everything seems lighter and the seriousness just melts away.