Have you seen the movie The Mauritanian? It’s based on a true story about a Guantanamo Bay detainee. At one point, he explains that in his native language, Arabic, the word for freedom is the same as the word for forgiveness.*
I was struck by this. Because day after day, year after year, these words echo in my mind, “forgive and set yourself free.”
I first heard them from Louise Hay, and as I began to do forgiveness work, I found that it was true! Forgiveness does have an incredibly liberating quality, quite the opposite effect of what we think we will experience.
We think the other person who has wronged us needs to be punished, and if we forgive them, they are off the hook. In truth, we are the ones being punished every day by holding onto our grievances. And as we release them, we free ourselves.
As a student of A Course in Miracles, this message is re-enforced since one of the major themes in the book teaches that forgiveness is our function – and leads to peace, happiness and a return to abiding love.
So then, how do we go about forgiving?
There really is a 3-Part Process.
Step 1
Identify what you are feeling- hurt, wronged, slighted, angry, betrayed… Allow yourself to really feel your feelings whatever they are.
Step 2
Once you have allowed yourself to grieve, ask yourself this:
Am I willing to forgive?
If the answer is yes, keep going.
If the answer is no, ask yourself: What would it take for me to be willing to forgive?
When you are willing, ask yourself:
Can I see this situation in another way?
Please help me.
Allow yourself to be in this space. It might take a minute, it might take several months. Ultimately, this step requires a relinquishment of control.
In the 12-Step program, this is step 2, when “we come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.” But we have to be willing to let go.
Step 3
Ask God, the Universe, Source, higher power, whatever phrase works for you, to help you heal. To release you of this burden. To take away your pain.
The experience always has a similar trajectory.
Bodily, I feel my upset as a tightness, a constriction, and a constant mind loop of misery. I am stuck and this feeling will never go away.
However, if I am willing to let it go and fully release it, the feeling does get transformed!
And then I find myself back in the lap of love, feeling free and expansive once again.
That is the miracle.
So why not give it a try?
Choose someone who has grieved you and walk yourself through the steps to freedom.
Let me know how it goes!
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*If you speak Arabic and this is not the case, please help me to clarify and be more precise.
Image by Mohamed Chermiti from Pixabay.