3 Ways to Claim Your Full Authority
The other day, one of my daughter’s said to me, “no one was going to save me. I have to save myself.”
I nearly fell off my chair.
Why?
Because she’s 24-years-old!
I don’t even want to think how long it took me to understand that idea!
Instead, for SUCH a long time, I was hooked on the fairy tale of being rescued. Think about it, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel… ugh.
As I began to awaken to the truth of who I am, I began to see that, just as my daughter reminded me, the only one who was going to save me was ME.
At first, it felt like a big blow. Ouch. I was upset. My paradigm was getting busted.
The other day, one of my daughter’s said to me, “no one is going to save me. I have to save myself.”
I nearly fell off my chair.
Why?
Because she’s 24-years-old!
I don’t even want to think how long it took me to understand that idea!
Instead, for SUCH a long time, I was hooked on the fairy tale of being rescued. Think about it, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel… ugh.
As I began to awaken to the truth of who I am, I began to see that, just as my daughter reminded me, the only one who was going to save me was ME.
At first, it felt like a big blow. Ouch. I was upset. My paradigm was getting busted.
But then, as I allowed this idea that someone was going to save me to fall away, I quickly began to feel the power of claiming full ownership of myself. Knowing that I was completely responsible for EVERY part of my life.
Here’s how I broke it down.
Forget about the knight in shining armor.
When I first began my love affair with Govinda (my husband), he often joked that I was his knight in shining armor come to rescue him. Naturally, I saw myself as a Lady Godiva-type figure (this is a fantasy after all!) whisking him away on my mighty steed.
But in truth, it was always a joke. He said that because he was cloistered on a celibate ashram in a tiny town, and then I showed up…
In truth, I didn’t do anything. My presence was a catalyst. It helped him to see what was missing in his life and what needed to change. He was the one who did all the work.
And what is that work?
The decision that you are responsible for everything in your life. Everything single thing. It can feel unreasonable, heavy, or burdensome, but once you really accept this truth, it’s actually transformational.
Why?
Because you have 100% empowered yourself.
Here are the 3 parts to it:
1. Responsible for your Thoughts
As Louise Hay reminds us, “you are the only one thinking inside of your mind.”
Take those words in for a moment.
This means that every single thought you have, you control.
What if you really did it?
How different would that experience be for you?
And if you have a thought you don’t like, you can change it!
We know from Mike Dooley that thoughts are things, they have power.
Choose wisely.
2. Responsible for your Words
Whenever I think about this, the small book, The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz comes to mind. One of the tenets is: Be impeccable with your word.
He tells us: “Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”
3. Responsible for your Actions
This feels like the most obvious one. The one we learned when we were little, yea? That actions have consequences.
I think about action as a bi-product of thought, and sometimes of words. We have an idea, perhaps we speak it out loud, and then we act on it.
Can you see that progression inside yourself?
It’s rare that action comes without thought, right?
Another way to think about this notion, is to take full responsibility for your body. It is, after all, through your physical body that you act.
Being responsible for your body and your physical health, can feel like a radical idea. Essentially, it means you are not a victim of your body, nor is someone else an expert on it.
Is there some way you can more fully claim authority over your body?
What might that look and feel like?
You may have resistance to doing this, but I encourage you to try. Again, it is the opposite of what you think. You will actually feel more empowered.
Think about taking full responsibility of yourself as a goal you want to attain. Some days are easier than others, but if you’re willing to make the decision that you can save yourself, it will get easier and easier to claim that authority and feel empowered.
You have nothing to lose.
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Being 100% Responsible
When I was a girl, I couldn’t wait to grow up. At ten, I fantasized about having my own apartment in New York City and running a chic restaurant.
I yearned to be an adult because I wanted to be in charge. I hated feeling like I had no control over my life – of where I lived, went to school, what I ate.
All too quickly, my wish was granted and I was a young, clueless adult overwhelmed by the world. It was easy to feel oppressed. I couldn’t get a good job because the market was tight and there was too much competition. Poor me, no one could see the value that I offered.
I fell into feeling like a victim.
When I was a girl, I couldn’t wait to grow up. At ten, I fantasized about having my own apartment in New York City and running a chic restaurant.
I yearned to be an adult because I wanted to be in charge. I hated feeling like I had no control over my life – of where I lived, went to school, what I ate.
All too quickly, my wish was granted and I was a young, clueless adult overwhelmed by the world. It was easy to feel oppressed. I couldn’t get a good job because the market was tight and there was too much competition. Poor me, no one could see the value that I offered.
I fell into feeling like a victim.
Life was too hard. I was misunderstood. I couldn’t stop eating the plate of cookies, the bag of chips, but it wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t help myself.
Slowly, as I began making my way in the world, I saw how I was giving my power away by being a victim. Maybe it was true that I couldn’t control the weather or the attitude of my boss or co-workers, but I could control my response to them.
What if I stood up to my colleague and told her that I didn’t’ appreciate her lack of professionalism?
What if I really looked at how I avoided going to the gym, making excuses every night to watch TV on the couch?
In my journey to self awareness, I’ve realized that I must take 100% responsibility for my life, for everything in my life.
- My Finances
- My Health
- My Relationships
- My Career
When you do this, you officially become a grown up.
Responsibility is about ownership, about acknowledging when things work and when they don’t work. It’s the difference between saying the company almost went under because I didn’t manage the financials instead of blaming the near bankruptcy on the economic downturn.
It is the acknowledgment that I am in charge – always. Even when I choose to watch a movie instead of run errands.
If you’re ready to take 100% responsibility in your life, here are 3 questions to ask:
1. Are you willing to own whatever happens in your life?
Yes, that means the buck stops with you. No excuses.
2. Can you discern between what you do and don’t have control over?
In other words, you only have control over you, and how you respond to life’s challenges and opportunities. You do not have any control over what other people say or do.
3. Ready to accept yourself?
Are you ready to be okay when you screw up and when you succeed? We're often our own worst critics, hard on ourselves when we fail and unwilling to savor when we succeed.
Can you be gentle and loving with you – knowing that everyone makes mistakes from time to time?
Taking responsibility for your life will transform it!
Here's why you'll want to:
Feel Empowered
When you decide to take charge, YOU have the power. You're no longer a victim. You haven’t given it away to anyone or anything. Take charge of your life and create all that you most deeply desire.
Not Beholden to Anyone or Anything
When you decide that YOU own your life, no one or thing has any power over you.
Set Yourself Free
Taking 100% responsibility is the path of spiritual growth, of total freedom.
When have you felt like a victim or decided to take responsibility?
Share one of your stories with us below.
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No Excuses!
Last week I was super lucky! I listened to a talk by business coach, Amanda Moxley. One of my big takeaways from her hour-long webinar was this:
We have to take 100% responsibility for our lives. For what we do AND what we don’t do.
Hmmmmm.
I remember that word, responsibility.
It was the agreement I made with myself when I left my spiritual teacher in 2004, when I agreed that I would be in charge of my life – good and bad. That whatever happened, I would own it.
Had I forgotten or was I now at a new level?
Last week I was super lucky! I listened to a talk by business coach, Amanda Moxley. One of my big takeaways from her hour-long webinar was this:
We have to take 100% responsibility for our lives. For what we do AND what we don’t do.
Hmmmmm.
I remember that word, responsibility.
It was the agreement I made with myself when I left my spiritual teacher in 2004, when I agreed that I would be in charge of my life – good and bad. That whatever happened, I would own it.
Had I forgotten or was I now at a new level?
Yesterday I learned that Dr. Wayne Dyer had passed away. I knew he’d been diagnosed with Leukemia years ago but he’d continued to travel, speak and write. In fact, I’d just seen him in Ft Lauderdale, last May where he’d been energetic, peppy and full of inspiring stories.
I pulled one of his books off my shelf. It was his autobiography, I Can See Clearly. I opened it to this: take full responsibility of your life and shed all the excuses.
Hmmmmmm.
He wrote, “I have compiled a list of the most common excuses that I have heard over the years as a therapist, lecturer, media personality, and parent of eight children. In addition, I have created an Excuses Begone! paradigm that consists of seven questions I’ve used with clients to help them see that all of these excuses that are so frequently employed are really a way to avoid responsibility and shift to a blame mentality.” (p. 318)
I read this and thought: What am I not taking responsibility for?
What aspect of my life am I not 100% owning?
My query had something to do with success and value. About honoring who I am, what I do and putting an economic value to it.
Then I had to ask myself, what’s my excuse? Why am I not doing it?
Is it fear of not knowing how? Is it because it’s scary? Too hard? Other people will feel bad? I won’t be spiritual? I have to be more accountable?
And then it hit me – the excuse underneath all of it – it’s too much work.
I knew immediately that was it!
Why? Because when I’d transitioned into my new venture, I knew I didn’t want to be a slave to work. I’d already done that, created a business while having young kids and the experience had left me exhausted and drained. I wanted more balance in my life. I didn’t want to be crazed and turn back into a workaholic.
So I was actively resisting anything that felt like it was pulling me toward working too hard.
Now that I’d identified my excuse, it was time to utilize Wayne Dyer’s seven Excuses Begone! questions. (pp. 322-3)
1. Is the fear of working too hard excuse true?
No. Success doesn’t have to equal working too hard. It can be about working smarter or more strategically.
2. Where did the excuse come from?
Good question! I think it comes in part from my parents. I grew up learning that we have to work hard for what we want. We also live in a workaholic society. Americans are rewarded for working longer and more hours and take less vacation time than ever. Most Americans don’t even use the vacation time they earn.
I have never wanted to live like that and yet the messages from society are really loud.
3. What’s the payoff for using the excuse?
It justifies my not working too hard or too long. It’s an excuse for procrastinating or putting off tasks that I don’t know how to do.
4. What would my life look like if I couldn’t use this excuse?
I would feel more effective and fulfilled and I’d have the online presence I visualize for myself. I would also step fully into a thriving and balanced life.
5. Can I create a rational reason to change?
Yes, because I do believe that I don’t really have to work harder, I just have to work smarter and I know I can do that if I choose.
6. Can I access Universal cooperation in shedding this excuse?
Definitely YES!
I can meditate and ask.
When I did, the answer I got was this: Don’t try just ask.
Wow! That was huge. This was the biggest a-ha for me.
Because somewhere my belief has always been that I have to do everything myself. If I can let go of this false belief, my life will change. Instead, I simply have to ask and I will get the help I need.
Talk about not having to work harder!
7. How do I continually reinforce this new way of being?
Remind myself to ask for help. Remember that I already am smart and successful and know exactly what I need to do. Open up to the love that surrounds me and know that I am being guided.
Thank you Amanda Moxley for the reminder to take 100% responsibility for my life and thank you Dr. Wayne Dyer for this terrific tool to unpack the excuses that prevent us from living more truly who we are meant to be. You were a guiding light in the world and bravely helped move psychology towards spirituality. Thank you for all your books, insights and wonderful humor. Your light will be sorely missed.
What excuse is holding YOU back from doing what you want and being more successful, happy, healthy, and prosperous?
See if you can dig out that reason and when you do, walk it through these seven steps of Wayne Dyer’s.