psychotherapy Vero Beach

Being Okay With Change

Being Okay With Change

Change is everywhere, whether we recognize it or not.

Day turns into night, flowers bloom and wither, stocks rise and fall. We move houses, change jobs, meet new people, and shift our mindsets.

Change is a natural part of life but sometimes, especially in our intimate relationships, change can be a challenge.

Part of what makes change difficult is that most of us prefer certainty.

We want to know that there is routine, that things will stay the same. That my assistant will be at work on time, that the bus will stop at the corner at 8:30 every morning, that Safeway always carries the deodorant I prefer.

Consistency gives us a sense of stability, of reassurance.

Just as we have our coffee every morning, we come to expect people to be the same day after day, too, and when they shift, that can upset out status quo.

So the question then is, how do we give each other space to change?

Awakening to Spring and New Beginnings

Awakening to Spring and New Beginnings

Across the globe, signs of spring are here! For those who live where it gets cold, it’s easy to see the world re-awaken with the flowers and trees, the birds returning and people emerging from their houses.

On Facebook, my New England friends post pictures of budding purple crocuses and brave blades of grass emerging after the deluge of snow.

Even in Florida, there are signs of spring (mostly because everyone complains about their allergies) but I smell the orange blossoms and see the palms flowering. The signs are more subtle here and disappear fast into the broiler -commonly known as summer- but before they do, spring is a wonderful time to re-awaken.

There is a rune that looks like a capital I, Isa. When I used to read my runes regularly, I’d always kind of gasp when I’d pull this one because Isa symbolizes “no movement” but to me, that meant stuck. Isa is more accurately described as standstill and metaphorically corresponds to the season of winter, a time of dormancy, of seeds waiting. 

When I put my own self-process into the natural life cycle, I quickly understand the need for stasis before activity. This has enabled me to embrace the stillness, the emptiness, the waiting -  the winter before spring.

But now this season of gestation is over, the seeds are awakening, ready to germinate and create new life, new beginnings, new opportunities.

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Not long ago, I was at a conference and heard a journalist share about her recent interview with Dr. Wayne Dyer. She’d asked him about the Serenity Prayer, wondering how we can develop the wisdom to know the difference.

Her query got me thinking. How do I know when to surrender and when to act? And then it hit me. 

I can only change one thing, ME -- my words, my actions and my thoughts. 

When I decide to take control, I’m in charge and responsible for my life. From this place I feel empowered because I can indeed effect change and evolve myself.

Accepting the things I cannot change is harder.

3 Reasons Why Rejection’s a Good Thing

3 Reasons Why Rejection’s a Good Thing

It’s nearly that time of year when high school seniors start hearing from colleges – hoping to be accepted and dreading the rejection letters. I remember those days, the anxiety and nervous energy, waiting to see what the future held. 

In the 30 years since I awaited my own set of letters, I’ve learned a lot about rejection. That contrary to popular belief, rejection may not be the enemy, but instead can often be a helpful guide. 

I say this because we don’t always know what’s in our best interest. I might think that working for large corporation A is my dream job only to find when they don’t hire me, that small organization B was exactly where I fit and what I needed to both build my skills and open new doors. Rejection offers us a chance to re-think our plan, to realign or challenge our initial beliefs and ensure that where we think we want to go is indeed in our highest and best good.

Here’s How Rejection is Helpful

Getting Beyond BUT

Getting Beyond BUT

I don't know about you but there are some days when I don't feel like doing anything. I want to roll over and turn off my alarm clock, put the pillow back over my head and sleep. Then there are days when I actually do get up because I have to take my daughter to school and I have all the best intentions. I actually dress in my workout gear drive her to school only to come back home and, you can guess, climb back into bed. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great to have a day off, or even a mental health day, a day to do nothing or even a day to simply be unstructured. In this work obsessed culture, it's totally healthy and necessary. But what happens when the once in awhile turns into every day? Every day turns into week after week and suddenly your year is filled with - I don't want to... 

A Prisoner to Anger?

A Prisoner to Anger?

Recently I found myself irritated and annoyed by someone in my life. I was struggling with acceptance and found myself aggravated and put out. My mind was on a circular track, like a broken record stuck in a groove, repeating over and over again, allowing me to wallow in my negativity. 

A Life of The Mind? What About A Life of the Heart?

A Life of The Mind? What About A Life of the Heart?

Growing up in New York City, I was surrounded by intellectuals and an analytical culture. Both my father and stepfather relished doing the Times crossword puzzles, looking forward to completing them daily (without Google). My father even undertook the Sunday diagram-less ones, sketching them out onto graph paper. He was stingy by nature but never scrimped when it came to learning. He'd pay for any course I wanted to take to "better myself." Meanwhile, my mother and stepfather spent every evening discussing politics and theatre. So naturally, as a teenager that's what I emulated. For "light reading" I chose novels like Sophie's Choice and The Sound and The Fury. In high school, I began reading about current events so I could sound knowledgeable but towards the end of my college years, I began to wonder about all of this critical analysis and the pursuit of a 'life of the mind.'

You - The Only Relationship That Really Matters

You - The Only Relationship That Really Matters

About a month or so ago, she and I'd been on the phone when she'd started crying telling me about the inner work she'd begun, trying to understand herself better and address her "issues." In the journal entry/email she'd forwarded to me, I could see her honesty right there on the page. She was indeed delving into areas of discomfort like self esteem, body image and negative habits.

Piglet and the Art of Gratitude

Piglet and the Art of Gratitude

When I was a little girl, I loved Winnie the Pooh. He was the character from the A.A. Milne books that I most identified with and consequently, had a small, stuffed doll in his likeness. His simplicity and unfailing kindness always cheered me. I cherished my Pooh bear and every summer when my sister and I went to sleepaway camp, I'd bring him with me.

I Am Here To Be Seen

I Am Here To Be Seen

In 2011, I signed up to attend a 5-day professional training called "Coaching Happiness" with Dr. Robert Holden. I arrived in New York City in November, a year after my father had died there. A year of grieving that had left me pretty vulnerable. It was time for some happiness in my life after so much sadness. I was excited about the workshop but nervous too. I had been reading Robert's book, Be Happy and knew right away that his message was for me.