Ready To Get What You Want?

In New Age circles, one hears a lot about intention.

“Set your intention. Be clear about what you want. Ask for the what, let God figure out the how.”

And like most things, we do it and have mixed success, right?

But here’s the thing. Intention isn’t enough.

I can have the intention to learn how to ride a bike or to lose 20 pounds. I can think about it, visualize it and imagine it but unless I’m willing to take some action towards achieving my goal, it’ll never happen.

Am I going to learn to ride a bike from saying I want to? Not likely. But I’ll master it if I get on it and practice. It’s the same for losing weight. I can write down my intention or say it out loud but unless I do something, nothing will change.

I first heard Marci Shimoff talk about a secret formula for success in her book Happy for No Reason. In it she says she learned this from performance consultant, Bill Levacy. To me, it encapsulates exactly how to use intention and harness its power to create results in your life.

And the best part, it’s really easy to remember.

Here’s the formula: Intention, Attention, No Tension.

How does it work?

1.     Intention

The first thing we have to do is set an intention. Just like above. What do I want?

a.     I want to lose 20 pounds

b.     I want to have a successful massage practice with 20 clients a week.

c.      I want to get As in all of my classes.

Make sure to be specific. Once you’re clear about your intention, write it down. Say it out loud. Hang it up somewhere you can see it. Now it’s time to activate step 2.

2.     Attention

How am I going to achieve my goal or intention? What actions, steps, and imagery can help my intention to manifest? Try to make these specific too.

a.     Losing Weight 

Researching diets or finding a local support group might be a great first step. Once I have some help, the next step is changing eating and exercise habits, slowly. Set goals that are realistic, safe and feel attainable.

b.     Successful Massage Practice

Have I tried advertising my massage business locally or attended a networking event? What about referrals from other healthcare practitioners? Have I made a brochure?

c.      Getting all As

Am I utilizing a planner to ensure that I get all my work done? Do I have a quiet place to study? Have I scheduled time to get work done?

Putting attention on what I want to accomplish focuses the mind, emotions and actions towards the goal. Think about step 2 like action steps to get a desired outcome (intention). We can write them down and check them off one by one.

Now for step 3. Some people think this is the easiest step while others think it’s the hardest!

3.     No Tension

What’s that? Another way to say this is relaxing into the process. I relax, knowing that all my thoughts, visioning and actions will produce an outcome.

We can’t push the river. What do I mean? We have to surrender and allow things to unfold in divine time not on our timeline.

If you’re anything like me, who wants everything done yesterday, it’s often difficult to wait and allow things to unfold naturally. Sometimes when I’m in the middle of striving for my goal it can be hard to grasp why it’s taking so long. Yet, despite my impatience, when I do get results, I always see the magnificence and perfection in the timing.

When I remember to NOT push the river, I can actually float down in it, knowing that divine action is moving me exactly where I need to go. And it feels infinitely better and more fun than being uptight, annoyed and irritated that I’m not getting results fast enough.

Step 3 is about learning how to relax and enjoy the ride, enjoy the wait, enjoy the process.  After all, this is what life is, a process.

So try this great and easy to remember formula for success. Use it to manifest what you want. Be sure to let me know how it goes!

Leave a comment below sharing how you'll use this technique!

I'd love to hear it.

Sign up today to get my blogs in your inbox FREE!

Leave your comment below!

The Power of Visualization

My 15 year-old daughter is taking a standardized test in English and as I think about preparing her for it, I’m reminded of an exam I took not so long ago. It was for Psychopathology, a required class for my graduate program in Social Work.

We were essentially required to memorize the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), read scenarios and apply diagnoses.

All of us students were struggling.

On the last day of class, we showed up on Saturday morning for our final. Before our professor passed out the exams she said, “I want you to close your eyes.”

 Being the dutiful student I am, I complied.

 She then went on. “Imagine yourself in a library. See the rows of books and all the information. This is what is within your brain. It has all the knowledge and answers. Allow yourself to access this, remembering it is here for you as you read each question and answer it.”

As I listened to her words, I saw myself in the library. I observed how my mind was made up of all this information, of the countless hours I’d spent studying notecards, discerning the differences between types of schizophrenia and personality disorders, between major depression and dysthymia, and on and on.

I took a deep breath acknowledging that all the answers would revel themselves to me. Then I opened my eyes and took the test.

Upon finishing, I felt relieved. I’d confidently answered many of the questions although there’d definitely been a few that had stumped me. Either way, I knew I’d passed. Phew.

When I returned to school the next semester, I had the same professor for another class. After the first lecture, she approached me and told me I’d only missed two problems on that Psychopathology exam. I was shocked.

Why did I do so well?

The Power of Visualization.

I truly believe that if my professor hadn’t reminded me that I knew everything and walked us through that activity, I wouldn’t have done so well.

Can you think of a time when you’ve visualized success and it’s worked? Maybe before a race or a big event? Prior to a lecture or trip?

Using Visualization Does Two Things:

1.     It Keeps Worry at Bay

We’re focusing on what we want and not spending a lot of time and energy on what we don’t want (that’s worrying).

2.     It Invites the Universe to Help Us Create the Future We Intend

We’re always creating our world even though we don’t often realize it. By becoming aware of our thoughts, emotions and imagery, we can begin to manifest more of what we want into our lives.

Recently I used visualization as a way to staunch my panic and manifest a last minute solution.

I was heading to Morocco and accidentally misread the boarding paper. It was in military time, 17:50, but somehow I was reading it as 7:50 pm. Not so good. We got on the bus at 4:30 pm when I realized my error giving us a little over an hour to go 30 miles on the bus, get through security, and clear immigration to make our international flight.

Needless to say, my traveling companion was furious but I kept telling her: “Visualize us being on the plane. See us sitting there.”

Then she replied, “Fine. Imagine yellow seats because that’s what Ryan Air looks like.”

Sure enough, we got on that plane! The power of visualization.

I seem to always remember to use this tool when I’m in a crisis or to deal with anxiety but the key is to remember to use it all the time. When we plan our lives. When we see our future. When we think about our health. When we find ourselves worried about our children.

Visualize What You Want.

See yourself in perfect health.

See our world at peace.

See your business thriving.

Your children safe.  

Your finances growing.

See it, feel it, bring in as much emotion and meaning as you can and watch the magic unfold.

Let me know how YOU use visualization in your life.

What works for you?

Leave me a comment below!

And get my blogs in your inbox FREE

5 Ideas for Managing This Anxious World

Worried about the next snowstorm hitting your city or that your flight will be delayed? You’re not alone. In fact, every single one of us experiences anxiety. But when we constantly avoid socializing, excessively sweat before a presentation or are unable to sleep because our minds won’t stop, then anxiety may be taking us over.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 40 million Americans or 18% of our population is suffering from this level of anxiety making it the top mental illness diagnosis. Anxiety is clearly the malady of our modern day life.

What Exactly is Anxiety?

Anxiety, as I mentioned earlier, is a normal human response to uncertainty and we experience it often in our lives at work, in school (such as before tests), when we make decisions or if something unexpected arises.

Anxiety becomes a problem when our feelings and thoughts prevent action or cause symptoms that render us unable to cope. These include constant worry, panic, fear and apprehension. There can also be physical symptoms such as sweating, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, and restlessness.

Why Are We So Anxious?

Our modern world is exciting and fast. Thanks to technology we’re also hyper connected and constantly exposed to vast quantities of information. It’s simply too much to process.

In addition, anxiety is effortlessly fed by looming uncertainties like the slow economic recovery, rising terrorism, constant environmental stressors, and managing life’s increasingly complex responsibilities.

If we’re forward thinking, we easily become habituated toward worry, fear and anxiety. What’s going to happen? How am I going to manage it? What if I get Ebola?

To cope with anxiety, many people take Benzodiazepine medications such as: Xanax, Ativan, Valium or Klonopin. These pills target the gamma-aminobutyric acid or GABA, a neurotransmitter chemical, enabling the user to feel more relaxed, and less anxious. They can be addicting and often, when a pill wears off, can make a person feel even more anxious.

What Else Can We Do?

Here are 5 Easy Ways to Address Anxiety Without Medication

1.     Manage It

The number one thing we can do to help ourselves deal with anxiety is to change our thinking.

Let’s reframe anxiety and accept that it exists, that we will feel it and experience it. Anxiety will never go away because we are hard wired to have it. Instead, we have to manage it and recognize it as a warning.

What Does Anxiety Want to Teach Me Right Now?

Do I need to make sure my car is filled with gasoline before the storm? Should I double check my alarm clock so I won’t be late for the meeting? Anxiety is a natural warning system but it doesn’t have to become a way of life.

2.     Be Present

Often we fall into anxious thoughts because we’ve moved ourselves out of the present moment and into a future scenario.  We imagine terrible suffering and awful possibilities. To quote Mark Twain, “.. life does not consist mainly -- or even largely -- of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.”

Instead, if we can bring our attention back to this moment, most of the time, nothing awful is happening. It’s all in our heads. When I find my mind careening forward and painting scary scenarios, I remind myself to come back to now, back to this present moment.

Then I ask questions like:

Am I safe right now?

Am I supported right now?

Are my children okay?

Am I healthy?

And nearly all the time, the answer is yes.

3. Foster Healthy Mind Habits

Left to its own devices, our minds wander, projecting lots of “what if” scenarios or telling us scary stories and other negative things like: “They don’t like me.” “I’ll lose my job.” ”He’s talking about me.” “They’ll never hire me.” “I won’t have enough money.”

Catching ourselves thinking like this is the first step.

Then we can begin to change those thoughts and shift into healthier patterns. Choosing positive self-talk, reassuring words and kind messages instead. Phrases like:

“I’m doing a good job.”

“I can ask for help if I need it.”

“I’m an excellent money manager.”

4.     Limit News

We can also support ourselves by limiting our exposure to the news. Today we can see what is happening across the globe and sometimes that level of knowledge can feed our anxiety. Learning about a military coup or suicide bomber can fuel our fear and propel us into anxiety when, in all likelihood, that occurrence will have no real impact on our lives. Especially avoid watching the news before bed.

5.     Exercise

The research that exercise reduces stress and anxiety is overwhelming. We all know it immediately makes us feel better, boosts our immune system and releases endorphins. And yet, when I’m in an anxious state, it can be hard to get myself motivated.

So the best strategies to ensure that exercise is part of your life are to:

• Create a regular routine.

  • Maybe it’s a walk with friends once a week or an evening yoga class. For me it’s running 4-5 times a week.
     
  • Creating a routine can help us stay exercising even when anxiety appears.
     

• Have a buddy.

  •  Initially it was really hard for me to be self-motivated to exercise.
    I relied on my husband to get me going. He loves working out and was like a cheerleader for me.
     

  • Another way to have accountability is to meet someone at the gym or studio. Knowing someone is waiting can get you there when you feel unmotivated.

So the next time you find yourself feeling anxious and stressed, try incorporating some or all of the above. If you need more help, reach out to a friend, coach or therapist. There’s no reason to feel oppressed by this life. It’s here for you to be lived and enjoyed to the fullest. So get out there, have fun and live anxiety free!

What do you do for anxiety?

Leave a comment below!

And get my blogs straight to your inbox today, FREE!

Is the Answer Yes or No?

Is your answer YES to life or NO?

How many times in your day do you find that you say yes to life? Maybe you get invited to lunch with a friend or it's a beautiful day out, perfect for a walk on the beach. Is your response a resounding yes? I hope so. I know for me sometimes I say yes and sometimes I don't. And there may be a reason why I'm not saying yes. These are some of my personal selections. Do any of these sound familiar? "I don't have time. Today's my chore day. I have to work. Maybe another time." Or my absolute favorite, "I don't feel like it." (Usually this one is reserved for me and I come up with a more lofty excuse to say out loud.)

 Life is always offering us opportunities to expand and to grow. To reach out of our comfort zone or complacency and connect more deeply be it with one another, with nature and even with ourselves. Invariably when we do this, what happens? We feel more fulfilled and engaged. So why is it that we don't always do it?

Sometimes we simply can't because we do legitimately have prior commitments. I have appointments to keep, deadlines to meet, tasks to complete. We all do. And yet it's important to remain vigilant to our own choices - how we may or may not be limiting ourselves. It can be insidious. Work and "busy" can take over pretty fast. 

Lately I've been watching my pattern of saying yes to life or saying no. And here is what I am observing. In general, when I say yes and then do it (have a meeting, teach a class, complete my to do list, go birdwatching, work out, play...) I feel great! I truly do feel more engaged and present in my life. I feel alive and happy. When I say no because I don't think I have time or maybe feel too stressed or simply don't want to, here's how I usually feel - worse.

This got me thinking about my life in general and it seems to me that essentially, in each moment, we are being asked to open, open to life, open to love, open to the moment. Feel the sun on my face, hear the sounds of the lawnmowers in the distance, smile at the cashier at the bank. Or not. It is always my choice, to open to what is happening right now or to close off, hunker down, disconnect.

That is my practice for right now, to recognize that in EACH moment, I am being asked to open. And then to become the witness as much as the actor and simultaneously open to possibility as well as observe my choice.

Ultimately our lives are filled with the choices we make in each moment - to open or close. All of us know people on both sides of that spectrum. People who say yes and lots of people who say no. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. Yet we all know that when we do open, it feels natural. We are connecting to who we truly are. We just seem to need a moment to moment reminder.

Getting Beyond BUT

I don't know about you but there are some days when I don't feel like doing anything. I want to roll over and turn off my alarm clock, put the pillow back over my head and sleep. Then there are days when I actually do get up because I have to take my daughter to school and I have all the best intentions. I actually dress in my workout gear drive her to school only to come back home and, you can guess, climb back into bed. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great to have a day off, or even a mental health day, a day to do nothing or even a day to simply be unstructured. In this work obsessed culture, it's totally healthy and necessary. 

But how do we know when we should honor that voice telling us we need more rest, time off, etc and when we need to move past it and get on with our day, our year, our life? For most of us, it's by having eternal accountability which typically takes the form of boss. We know that if we're late to work again or absent another day, we'll get fired. If we miss too much school we could fail or get expelled. So these external factors motivate us to get up and go. And they work great at that, right? Most people roll out of bed, into the shower and are dressed and off to work even on the days they might not want to be going. Typically we are happy we have shown up in our lives too.

We can use this same concept of external accountability to help us with other things we want to accomplish but face similar resistance about. Things ranging from weight loss to running a marathon to completing any task or chore. Often we neglect to give ourselves the time to do the things we most want in our lives and find loads of reasons why we simply don't have time or have to clean all the windows in the house instead.

Is there something in your life that you've been hankering to do but haven't gotten around to yet? Maybe it's planting a vegetable garden, learning how to surf or making a photo album of your last trip. If we can create a way to include some kind of accountability, it will help us achieve that goal. Maybe a friend can help or we sign up for lessons or simply give ourselves a completion date. All of these can help to create motivation so we can get beyond BUT.

A Prisoner to Anger?

Recently I found myself irritated and annoyed by someone in my life. I was struggling with acceptance and found myself aggravated and put out. My mind was on a circular track, like a broken record stuck in a groove, repeating over and over again, allowing me to wallow in my negativity. 

Later that day, I went to a discussion group. We read and talked about passages reminding me that I am not my mind. I am not even my thoughts! The conversation gave me objectivity and helped me break out of my negative pattern. I began to let it go. As I sat there contemplating my own process, I started to see how my anger and frustration were holding me prisoner in my mind. It had control over me because all I could think about and fixate on was feeling wronged. Then I thought, "do I really want to give this person that power over me?" Wow. Of course the answer was a resounding, "NO!"

Toward the end of the discussion, another member shared that he also was trapped in resentment. Those weren't his words, exactly. What he said was that he wasn't able to get passed a person who'd wronged him. It sounded like it had happened a long time ago. 

Of course the first words that came to my mind were, "you have to forgive him, the person who wronged you." But the gentleman wasn't hearing this. I looked at him and could see that his anger had distorted his facial features. Listening, it became clear that he'd allowed the bitterness to even define him. Who was he if he wasn't betrayed?

This man was mirroring my own inner conflict. I saw in front of me how the anger we hold onto, really holds us. Just as I'd been locked in a prison cell all day with my obsessive thoughts, I could see this man was too. For him though, it had been years. 

There is a quotation often attributed to the Buddha or Pema Chodrun but the origin is actually from Alcoholics Anonymous, "Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

What I felt inside myself on Monday and what I saw with this gentleman, was that quotation playing out exactly. We are the ones who feel the anger so ultimately it is punishing us. When we forgive, we set ouselves free. It's the irony of forgiveness. Our egos resist it so much, "we've been wronged! She's hurt us!" But the reality is that we are the ones who go on hurting ourselves over and over again by holding onto that pain. So I am resentful. How does she know? She has no idea. She doesn't feel my anger, only I do.

When we forgive, it doesn't mean that we forget or even deny that another person hurt us. It doesn't remove their responsibility, minimize or justify their actions. We can release the emotions without excusing the wrong. Forgiveness allows for an internal peace, helping us go on with life.

Sometimes when we've been holding anger for so long it can be hard to forgive. Louise Hay recommends that even if we're not ready to forgive we can be "willing to forgive." The Universe will support even our willingness and help us get there. Along with the mental health benefits of releasing resentment are the physical health benefits. As the Mayo Clinic reports, forgiveness allows for less anxiety and stress, lower blood pressure and reduced risk or alcohol or substance abuse.

So don't think about forgiveness as something we do for another person, think about it as a gift we give to ourselves. Be willing to walk over that proverbial bridge to the other side, the side of healing, love and empowerment. As Louise Hay says, "I forgive and I set MYSELF free." 

A Life of The Mind? What About A Life of the Heart?

Growing up in New York City, I was surrounded by intellectuals and an analytical culture. Both my father and stepfather relished doing the Times crossword puzzles every day. My father even undertook the Sunday diagram-less ones, sketching them out onto graph paper. He was stingy by nature but never scrimped when it came to learning. He'd pay for any course I wanted to take to "better myself." Meanwhile, my mother and stepfather spent every evening discussing politics and theatre. Naturally, as a teenager that's what I emulated. For "light reading" I chose novels like Sophie's Choice and The Sound and The Fury. In high school, I following current events so I could sound knowledgeable but towards the end of my college years, I began to wonder about all of this critical analysis and the pursuit of a 'life of the mind.'

My first inclination that maybe this wasn't the exact path for me was when I took a class on Eastern philosophy and religion. One student presented an argument juxtaposing 'critical anlysis' or breaking things down in order to understand them, to a Buddhist concept of embracing the whole. I suppose that conversation planted a seed because after that I was never quite the same. Yeah, I could banter and hold my own dissecting a film or criticizing a political perspective but I'm no intellectual, not in the way many of my family members were, and I started to see that I was moving in a different direction anyway. After all, wasn't I more than just my mind?

As I let go of the obsessive need to follow the daily news and began my own inner journey, reading books and finding teachers, I kept encountering this idea, to live from the heart. I didn't know what that meant or how to do it- so I went searching. One of the things I learned was that the mind isn't in fact all there is. It's just a muscle that likes to think it's in charge. It'll boss you around forever if you let it. It can create countless fantasies, both good and bad, is a master at imparting fear and loves to judge BUT if you tame it, it can be an amazing machine. 

When we choose to approach the world from the place of the heart, we allow ourselves to open up to the experience rather than the constant narration our head's telling us about what we 'should' be seeing or doing. We defer judgment or rationalization and allow ourselves a more holistic and accepting view. People often say the heart is the home of intuition, the place where your true self lives. I would argue it is also the place of knowing. 

So to live from the heart isn't about not using the critical mind, being lazy or for people who are intellectually inferior. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Leading with your heart invites a person to tap into innate knowing as well as honing the mind to do the heart's bidding. Then we can live from a place of purpose and fulfillment instead of criticism and arrogance.

I know sometimes now when I go out to dinner with my family or intellectual friends in New York, they think I'm weird. Instead of tearing down the latest production of Macbeth, I prefer to talk about the talent. Or better yet, important subjects like the meaning of happiness or success. I'm sure that after some of these evenings my friends go home scratching their heads but at the end of the day, I feel peace and clarity, am not relying on Xanax or Ambien to alleviate my anxiety and sleep like a baby, contented. 

You - The Only Relationship That Really Matters

I woke up this morning, checked my email and found one from my 19 year-old daughter, Ayu, with the subject line PLEASE READ. Of course it was the first thing I did. 

My gorgeous daughter, Ayu.

About a month or so ago, she and I'd been on the phone when she'd started crying telling me about the inner work she'd begun, trying to understand herself better and address her "issues." In the journal entry/email she'd forwarded to me, I could see her honesty right there on the page. She was indeed delving into areas of discomfort like self esteem, body image and negative habits. But what she said that really got my attention was:

People my age are obsessing about their relationships with other people: friends, lovers, family, professors, coworkers, etc. But the relationship I am most interested in right now, is my relationship with myself. Sure, we go through rough patches. Sometimes I’m a little more judgmental than I should be, and sometimes I get mad at myself. But hey, that’s normal. What’s important is that I’m in a committed relationship with myself, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, because I’m worth it.    

And I realized that she was absolutely right, our relationship with ourselves is the only one that really mattters.

Recently I was working with a woman who just retired. She'd been looking forward to this for quite a while but was being undermined daily by her high level of anxiety. In our talks, she realized that throughout her life, she'd allowed herself to be so "busy" she never had time to deal with herself. Suddenly, her all consuming job had dropped away and she was left face to face with herself.

Why is it that we spend so much time, like Ayu says, focused on our relationships with others or like the retired woman, on our jobs while avoiding our relationship with ourselves? Is it that we are afraid? What do we think we might find? If I look in the mirror of my soul, what will I see?

I first started doing this internal work in my early twenties, when I was trying to release myself from an eating disorder. It was through this inquiry that I began to see my eating was just a symptom of something deeper. As I delved into that, I learned that I ate to give myself love, to be nurtured and to quell my anxiety. But inner work, the real work of our lives- to understand and love ourselves- is on-going. I have heard it described like peeling away the layers of an onion, spiraling back around again and again. 

We are all afraid of what we are going to see when we look into the mirror of our souls but the truth is, if we are wounded, what we see is a little girl (or boy) desperate to be loved. As we open our hearts with compassion and love to that "inner child" we allow ourselves to be healed. The old wounds fall away and our true beauty shines through. We release the pain and it sets us free.

It's easy to avoid ourselves and focus instead on a family member, job or numbing out with drugs, alcohol or too much TV. We're all inclined to run away from understanding who we truly are and what we are doing here. But if we can pause long enough to be with ourselves, we might discover that contrary to what we were taught or what was modeled for us, we are all profound, capable of loving and of being loved and can be our own best friends. This is truly the relationship that matters most and deserves our total commitment.

Living with Anxiety: 5 Ways to Cope

 Seems like every time I turn on the news, the world gets more crazy. Recently it's the government shut down, unsettling not just to Americans but financial markets the world over and the furloughed workers... no paychecks but bills constantly piling up. Sounds stressful.

It isn't just them either. Perhaps I have a job but find an abnormal growth on my neck or a typhoon is bearing down on close relatives. How do we live with this level of chaos? It's hard not to let anxiety creep in, take over and steer life. Anxiety is caused by big events but also the little ones too. I have to get to work on time, my car won't start, I forgot my computer cord at home... sound familiar?

What do we do? Do we allow ourselves to get sucked into the vortex of chaos, stress out and be overwhelmed by anxiety? It's an option, for sure but the price is pretty high, especially on our bodies: increased heart problems, stroke, thyroid and adrenal troubles, challenges sleeping, alcohol/drug addiction, obesity. Truthfully, it's hard not to get affected. After all, life's often crazy and chaotic. It's easy to get sucked into it despite our best efforts.

I used to think, "when this is over (fill in the blank), everything will settle down and I can get on with my regularly scheduled life." That was my false belief for years. Until one day it suddenly dawned on me that what I was experiencing was life! Things are going along and then invariably, slam! Something happens - the water boiler explodes, a daughter gets stranded at the airport, the dog breaks his leg, Aunt Helen gets rushed to the hospital. Sound familiar? Of course because we all experience it every day; Life. Somehow the exciting events- the raise, the anniversary celebration, the new car,  never seem to undermine us, only the unexpected ones. So how do we take the upswings, the excitements, as well as the downturns in stride? Here are some ideas to help make life's unexpected ups and downs more accepting:

1. Perpective /Gratitude - Some people say perspective helps. Perhaps another way to think about this is being grateful for what we have in life. "I have a warm bed. I live in a safe community, I have a solid job. I have a supportive spouse. I have a reliable car. I am healthy." When we focus on what we have in our lives, what is good, we can attract more of that to us. We can also feel lucky as so many people struggle to feed their families, to have a roof overhead. So when unexpected things do happen, we feel more of a cushion. It seems small compared to all the good we are experiencing.
2. Breathing - Sometimes when I get really nervous or anxious, I stop breathing. The first time I noticed this was when I was in a crew regatta in high school. My boat was sitting under a bridge on the Stotesbury River in Philadelphia. It was the final heat and our coxswain was trying to get us in position, always a challenge with 8 oars. I was so scared I simply ceased breathing, the worse thing to do while exercising! Suddenly I realized, "I'm not breathing!!!" I then had to consciously think about it, "inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale." before I knew it the gun went off and we were rowing our guts out toward the finish line. Breathing is a great way to help the body relax. Anxiety causes us to create adrenalin and puts us on hyper alert: fight or flight. But most of the time we are not about to be attacked by a lion. Maybe we are stuck in traffic or have a term paper to complete in 10 hours. Breathing can help the body relax and help us to  step out of the freneticism caused by anxiety. It can clear the mind too to think more rationally so as not to just react to the current situation.  
3. Positive Thinking & Affirmations - Many people wake up feeling anxious or dread. Every Monday for the last month or so, that's been me. As if the week is daunting and I think, "Gulp, here I go, into unknown territory. So much to do..." How do I manage those feelings? I talk to myself as Lousie Hay would say, "in kind and loving ways." I use affirmations to help manage my mind talk. I have a great CD of hers entitled "101 Power Thoughts." It's a little intense because she literally powers through this massive list of affirmations. A few years ago when I had a long commute, I would listen to it in the morning and it made a huge difference for my day. One that really stuck with me from those drives was when she says, "my thoughts are my best friends." And my mind responded, "really, since when?" Then I realized, why not? Why should our thoughts be our worst critics? Can't they be our best friends instead? Now when I find myself feeling afraid, feeling dread, I try to channel my inner cheerleader and remind myself that "only good lies before me" that "everything I do brings me joy" and it really helps.
4. Meditation - Of course I also meditate which is my biggest savior. I started meditating in 1997 when a teacher/friend of mine said. "you need to meditate every morning." To which I replied, "I don't have time." She looked at me and said, "Make time." I am grateful to Lily Diamond for that because it has changed my experience of living. Sometimes I describe what meditation does for me as creating space around me so that I don't take the craziness of the world so seriously. Most of the time that works but I am human and sometimes life just seems to push me over the edge and I fall right into the chaos. Many Spiritual teachers talk about not getting sucked into the chaos of the world - the politics, the environmental degradation, the pain and suffering, our own personal challenges. And I think sometimes this can be misunderstood and interpreted as that they don't care, not true. I care deeply about the world so much so that the poverty, clear cuts, and violence I read about have often left me in a heap of tears. I have been physically affected by global tragedies but this response isn't helpful to me or the world. To "live in the world but not of it" allows me to operate from a place of compassion without physically taking on the pain. This is why I love meditation.    
5. Exercise - Anxiety is felt in our minds and in our bodies. One of the best ways to manage it is to do physical exercise, particularly aerobic exercise. Not only does it help to clear the mind, it makes us feel physically better from the release of endorphins. Sometimes when I am really stressed, I go for a run and when I'm done, I feel like a different person!  

We all get to experience this world and we get to decide how that is. Are we going to allow the chaos to unseat us and fill our bodies and minds with anxiety? Or are we going to utilize tools to help us manage our lives and ultimately feel more in control? Of course the choice is up to us. 

Choice Words RSS

Acceptance - What Does That Mean?

Most mornings I meditate for 20 minutes or so. Lately I've been enjoying a CD created by Deepak Chopra and Adam Plack called The Soul of Healing Affirmations and have incorporated it into my daily practice. At some point during my meditation- first thing, maybe mid way or towards the end- I feel inspired to listen to a selection. I have the album on shuffle figuring that the Universe will play me the affirmation I need to hear. Each are about 3 minutes long. I love listening to Deepak Chopra's voice. it's deep and calming and his pronunciation of Sanskrit words always brings a smile to my face. (No matter how hard I try, I just cannot seem to get the American twang out of mine!)

So today's was A for acceptance. It starts out, "Today I will accept myself just as I am." What's interesting about this statement emanating from my iphone today was that yesterday while I was working, I had a little confidence crisis. The old tapes were playing in my head and I couldn't seem to shut them up. "Who cares what you have to say? You're nothing, nobody, not good enough." Sound familiar?

So this morning when I heard that first line it was like, "oh right, that's it, that's all I have to do." 

And that's when the magic really happens. I hear, "Today I will accept myself just as I am." I breathe in and my entire being just relaxes, as if my insides have been working so hard trying to be someone else and now they're off the hook, they can just be them.

I breathe and it's like the sun opens up in my chest and fills my whole body with light. I feel utterly happy, blissful, magnificent. Like anything could happen and it would flow down my back like water off a duck.  

So what exactly is this thing acceptance anyway? For me it is the abandoning of the self improvement hamster wheel and the "shoulds." It's not taking that voice in my head seriously. It's allowing myself to relax and surrender into this moment, to just be in it and it feels so free. 

Deepak then goes on to suggest that "I will see the world just as it is." Because that is the second step of acceptance. The first is to accept ourselves, to quiet the inner critic. Then we have to dissolve the judge who is constantly looking outside at everything that is wrong with the world and all the people in it. So that's the other half of self acceptance, accepting everbody and everything else just the way they are. When we allow ourselves to do this, we are set free. Life feels harmonious, everything seems lighter and the seriousness just melts away.