3 Ways To Have More Gratitude in Your Life

Of all 52 weeks in the year, this is the one when Americans reflect the most on gratitude.

It’s hard not to when you sit down at a beautifully decorated table, in front of a mouth watering feast that typically includes a succulent, roasted turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, candied yams, piping hot green bean casserole, chestnut stuffing, cranberry sauce… hungry?

Gratitude, just like delicious food, fills us up. Only it fills our souls not our bellies.

If you’re ready to use Thanksgiving as a springboard to deepen your gratitude practice, here are 3 ways:

1.     Attitude of Gratitude

Normally, when we think about gratitude and applying it into our lives, this is what we do.

Having an attitude of gratitude is all about appreciation for the things in your life. Many people make lists of what they’re grateful for. Yours might include: a reliable/new car, your job, family, health, etc. Perhaps you’re also grateful for the glorious sunset, an incredible piece of music, that sweet parking space!

Typically, adopting this attitude is a reaction, a response to life.

It’s choosing to look at the blessings you have in your life rather than all the things you don’t have or wish you had.

2.     Philosophy

If you want to go a step further, you can adopt a philosophy of gratitude. This becomes like an orientation, a way of experiencing life.

In a way, it’s a change of prepositions. It’s going from “to” to “for.” Here’s what I mean.

Most people believe that life happens to them. If this is your mindset, it’s easy to feel like a victim. You lost your seat on the bus. Your co-worker gossiped about you and now you feel awkward in the office. You can’t seem to land the job of your dreams.

When you change the preposition, it shifts the perspective. Life happens for you.

What opportunity has life brought you to learn and grow?

When we shift into thinking that the goal of earth school is to learn, then everyone and everything that happens is an opportunity for growth.

Now, when a conflict arises say, with someone at work, you can ask: What is the lesson in this for me? What do I need to learn?

Think about a person or situation that created conflict for you and look at it through this lens. How was it asking you to grow?

Was it about speaking your truth? Being in integrity? Asking for what you deserve? Setting healthy boundaries?

Adopting a philosophy of gratitude helps us experience thankfulness for our lives.

3.     Identity

The last and deepest place to go with gratitude is the notion that you can embody gratitude. That gratitude is you.

Think about these three attributes like layers. The attitude of gratitude is like the frosting, the outer shell. It’s how we begin to re-orient and see the world - by actively choosing what we focus on.

As you incorporate that “seeing” more and more into your life, then it evolves into a philosophy, a way of life. You see how every thing and everyone is an opportunity for growth and you have thanks for the learning.

Deepening your philosophy and moving through life with this new orientation, gratitude gradually become who you are until you’re actually identified with gratitude. Now gratitude is at your core level and it radiates out from you because it is you.

It’s the recognition that you are what you seek. It’s the celebration of life and the awe and wonder of being alive.

I am grateful to all of you and I wish you a happy and healthy holiday week and a beautiful Thanksgiving! Enjoy!

How are you celebrating this week? Leave me a comment below!

Pushing Through- 5 Tools to Achieve Your Goals

We all have dreams and goals.

The question is: How do you successfully achieve them?

Often, in order to attain your goals, you have to push yourself a little harder, a little bit more.

You have to move out of your comfort zone, and into a space of uncertainty, of unknowing.

When you come up to the edge of what you know, do or know how to do, it frequently feels scary, and kicks up insecurity, vulnerability or fear.

In spite of these scary feelings, how can you succeed anyway? How can you move into that next level of creativity, success, satisfaction or weight goal?

Here are Five Ideas to Help Get You There:

1.     Anger

Anger might seem like a counterintuitive emotion because normally we equate anger with hurting ourselves or hurting others. But here’s how anger can be channeled positively: Have you ever been furious that something didn’t work out for you?

Think about a time when you failed. Perhaps it was an experience where something didn’t go as you planned.

Last year I was going for a certification and needed to demonstrate my mastery of the technique. I was nervous because, like most people, I can be self-conscious AND the test required that I both memorize a procedure and the “exact” wording. My fear and insecurity got activated because I’m not a brilliant memorizer.

I’m sure you can guess what happened. I failed.

I walked out of the testing room fuming mad. I was angry at the test, at the person who developed it, at the entire workshop but mostly at myself.

What did I do?

Instead of turning that anger inward, feeling sorry for myself, and bolting to my car, I used the anger as fuel. Because here’s the thing with anger, when used correctly, it can provide an enormous adrenaline charge.

My fury propelled me into determination to pass. So I channeled all that frustration into focus and, twenty minutes later, re-took the test.

Think about a time when you’ve experienced anger – because things didn’t go as you expected -  and it launched you to take action.

This is exactly what I’m talking about.

2.     Insight

Have you ever had a moment of total clarity when suddenly you see exactly what you need to do? Having one of those a-ha moments can give you the momentum to move out of cloudiness or non-action into action.

Insight often comes when we least expect it (of course!) Steve Jobs loved to walk. Others find inspiration while driving. Some of us get clarity when we meditate, others from doodling.

Typically, our minds are in a state of rest, creativity or contemplation when insight strikes. So make sure to give yourself time for that to happen.

Go for a stroll, buy a coloring book or start a meditation practice.

3.     Support

Knowing that you aren’t alone can be a huge help in pushing through.

When I was in my early twenties, I was the assistant sales manager for a knitwear factory in Hong Kong. My job was in a heavily industrialized area far from central Hong Kong and, because I didn’t speak Chinese, there was little for me to do. (Looking back on it, I’m not sure why they hired me.)

I was depressed and frustrated. But because I was alone, I felt incapable of making a change. I internalized all that anger and gained thirty pounds.

Fortunately, my situation changed a few moths later when I bonded with a young British woman. We became fast friends and I finally was able to confess how much I hated my job. Having her there, knowing that I wasn’t alone, made all the difference. I quit and made a list of what I needed in my life. Soon I found a job teaching at an international school. 

All because I felt supported.

Where can you get support? Is there a spouse, friend or family member with whom you can speak honestly?

What kind of support do you need? A listening ear, a helping hand, a mastermind partner?

Make a list of people and what you need from them.

4.     Knowledge

We all know knowledge is power. When I feel scared about pushing myself, I seek out experts. I read, follow them on social media or talk face to face.

When I started my new company two years ago, I didn’t know anything about having an online business. So, I began researching and looking for guidance. It’s amazing, once we begin to ask, to look, what we can find!

There are so many online business experts, social media gurus and techies.

Where can you go to find the learning you need to push through? The library, a website, someone you know?

5.     Awareness

Ultimately everything comes down to this: Fostering awareness.

By choosing to be awake, aware and centered in your life, opens you up to see where you limit yourself and where you may need help, support, guidance or knowledge.

Cultivate awareness in every moment by learning to look at yourself objectively, as the observer. Where are you and where would you like to be?

Awareness comes with the breath. Breathe in quietly and ask – where am I stuck? Listen for an answer. And then ask? How can I push through?

Mindfulness is the art of awareness, paying attention, being fully present in life.

When we incorporate mindfulness into the equation, it offers us a way to get clarity, understanding and tools to manifest what we most desire. It also helps us effectively utilize all of the above tools.

The exciting news is that you have everything you need to succeed. Use these tools to help you accomplish your goals. The world needs you to be and feel successful! Get started today!

Let me know which ONE resonates most with you!

Leave me a comment below the form!

Your Life Is A Creative Venture

Lately I’ve been doing inventory.

I’ve been reflecting on my life and examining it by asking this question: Did I make that significant decision according to a set of rules, some kind of pre-ordained/ family inspired plan OR because it was truly and deeply something that I wanted to do for my own self growth?

Take a moment to look back at your life and ask yourself the same question.

Turns out that we make a lot of decisions based on: pleasing others, fulfilling expectations, because it’s the right thing to do or is what we’re “supposed” to do.

Ouch.

But when all is said and done, this is your life. 

It’s imperative – for you, your family, society and the world at large – for you to follow that innate knowing, that core inner voice that’s telling you what you really want to do. This voice that easily gets drowned out by all the shoulds and have-tos shouting around us.

Now is your time.

Give yourself permission to live a different way. And experience life as an exciting adventure.

I believe that we are co-creators of our lives. If you embrace this idea, then allow yourself to step into the role of creative director of your life!

We live in a world of infinite possibility. How exciting is that? Anything and everything is possible for you right now!

If you’ve decided that you don’t want to live by someone else’s rules, limitations or expectations, or perhaps you have had that creativity in your life but somehow lost it along the way, here’s how to get it back:

1. YOU Are In Charge

Embrace this idea that you are the co-creator of your life. Life is an active, creative process, one that we are manifesting and visioning into reality everyday. Think about all of the changes in technology – ipods, smartphones, apps. How did they all start? With an idea.

Your life is a creative process, too, so dream it into existence!

2. Get Really Clear

The first part of being a creator is to decide what you want. 

For many years, I didn’t know what I wanted and so I learned what I didn't want by doing lots of not so fun things. This method wasn't terribly effective and I don’t recommend it. It would have been much easier if I’d known what I'd wanted and gone for it!

Be clear on exactly what you want: a new job (where, doing what, earning how much…) The more specific you can be the easier it will manifest.

Then take focused action towards your goal. What can you do to move you towards getting that job? Write a resume, cover letter, email the company, get an internship, etc.

3.     Focus On The What

Our job is always to answer ONE question: What do you want?

Then we have to get out of the way.

We have no control over the how or even the when. Those are within the Universe’s domain.

I know this sounds hard, especially for those of us who are or were control freaks. But the most amazing part of this is once you do let go, the Universe works in ways you could never imagine from your current vantage point. I have been suprised over and over again by things that have manifested virtually out of thin air!

4.     Relax And Have Fun!

Life is meant to be enjoyed not toiled through. Doesn’t that feel so much better?

I spent years of my life under the harness of duty and obligation. It’s part of how I’m hardwired. The wonderful aspect of this is that it has always motivated me to be of service to humanity. The downside is I can get resentful when I do things because I should and not because I want to.

Now I still serve but in ways that also fuel me. I am happier, and my life is more fun and exciting.

Think about how you can enjoy this creative process of life – making it richer and fuller all the time. How could your life be even more fun?

Relax and know that if you focus on creating it, it will come.

Incorporate these 4 simple tools into your life planning, sit back and enjoy the ride!

Where are you going to start? Leave me a comment below!

What Do You Deserve?

How much we allow ourselves to have in our lives is a function of what we think we deserve.

Let me ask you this:

Have you ever been at a party or a club or walked down a block of a ritzy area of town and wished that it was your life, that you lived there or had those friends?

I sure have.

And over the summer I had an interesting realization.

I was visiting a place I really liked. It had everything I was ready for in my life. It was rural but not too rural. It was progressive but not weird. It was close to a metropolitan area but still felt like a small town.

I asked myself: Could I have this? Could I live here? Was it too good to be true?

I was charmed by this place and wanted to be part of what I perceived as its coolness. Wondering if I would be accepted.

I stood looking at the view and taking in the sea and snow capped mountains. Before long, I got my answer. The words rushed over me as I stood staring out at the ocean.

“You can have everything.”

“Really?” I asked the wind.

The reply was resounding and reverberated across the sky. “Yes.”

At first I was awed by this realization. Wow, how cool. I leaned into the sun, allowing it to shine directly into my face. I could have this. I could have everything.

Awesome.

But then my logical brain pushed through and wanted to know what that would entail. It asked bossily. “How? What do I have to do?”

The knowing voice answered affirmatively. “By believing that you deserve it.”

Deserve perfect health, happiness, success, prosperity… everything.

As I allowed myself to open up more to that idea, I began to understand the guidance I was being given.

I was limiting myself.

Why was it that I thought I didn’t deserve?

Was it an old voice in my head? Was it a belief that was no longer true for me? An expired message?

I had to dig out that negative root that was telling me I could only have so much and plant a new one. This required a journey within, to extricate that old thought pattern, the one that was now limiting me and dictating how much good, happiness or success I could expect.

Whose voice was it? Whose belief? Was it my father telling me to play it safe or my sister invalidating my “new age-y-ness”?

Whoever or whatever it was, it had to go. Because the message it was telling me had long been outgrown.

On this spiritual path, we always have the opportunity to open up to life or to close.

Each and every moment.

Was I limiting what I was willing to accept by seeing myself as undeserving?

Was I ready to open up and allow more in?

And if so, how?

The odd part is that we want so much to know what we have to do. But in reality, there isn’t anything to do, we just have to accept, embrace and open up to receive.

In a class I took with happiness expert, Robert Holden, PhD, he gave us this scenario: “You are walking down a hallway. On one door it says, ‘Happiness.’ On the other door it says, ‘Lecture on Happiness’. Which door would you choose?”

In that moment, I was busted because I knew I would have chosen the lecture door. My ‘do-er’ mind always wanting to know how. When in reality, it is all here for us right now. All we have to do is open up to it and allow it in.

Is there something that you’ve been longing for in your life? Are you ready to see it manifest for you?

Are you ready to believe that you deserve it?

What will it take?

A shift in mindset? An opening of your heart? The willingness to accept?

Can you allow yourself to deserve it? To know that it is your divine right to be happy, thin, wealthy, healthy?

I will hold that vision for you. Now step into it and believe it for yourself.

What shift do you need to allow you to open up and receive?

Write it down just below the blog! 

Re-Entry With Ease

I just got back from a 3-day business workshop that was designed to help women entrepreneurs break through success and money barriers.

It was informative, emotional and healing but it was also a bit of a marathon, going from early in the morning until late into the night.

I enjoy these kinds of events especially because I’m committed to my personal development and self-growth. I love to immerse myself in new ways of thinking, bond with other women and meet fellow entrepreneurs.

I find the experiences to be fulfilling and inspiring but then I have to come home.

This time, my re-entry was difficult.

Not so much emotionally, which is often the case, but physically. I typically drag my feet, not wanting to jump back into my life. But this time was different. I was just physically exhausted.

Coming home and diving back into my life was more about returning to my normal rhythm and routines when all I wanted to do was sleep.

And life – as it does- was hurtling along. In addition to my work obligations, I had many family ones too. And before I knew it, I was feeling utterly overwhelmed.

So I took a step back and recalibrated my To Do List.
 

1.     Look Hard At The Week Ahead

When I looked at my appointments and tasks, I immediately began prioritizing and had to genuinely reassess what I could do and what I wanted to do. This meant postponing deadlines and changing appointments that I could easily alter.

I needed to be honest with myself about what I could sensibly and sanely get done.

2.     Release that Judgment!

Doing the above step was about choosing NOT to feel crazed and insane. I really don’t like it when I have to change an appointment or modify a due date and yet, I also want to be realistic about my time, energy and commitments.

Sometimes something has to give.

In years past, that was always me. I sacrificed my peace of mind or physical health to get everything done. Now I realize that some things can be modified and it really isn’t a big deal.

See if when you make changes, you can do it without ‘shoulding’ yourself or scolding yourself for not being perfect.

3.     Honor YOU First

Many of us are givers. We freely and lovingly take care of those around us because we enjoy it and it’s fulfilling. Sometimes, givers can fall into resentment, particularly when we forget to honor ourselves.

For givers, taking care of us can be really hard because it’s easy to interpret self-care as being selfish. Yet, this couldn’t be farther from the truth!

One of my teachers used to frequently use the analogy of a water pitcher. In order to give to others, the pitcher must be full and the pitcher (which is you) can only get filled through self-care, taking care of you.

When I came home on Thursday morning, having just arrived on a red eye, my body was shaking. I needed to carve out some time to both physically rest as well as mentally, emotionally and spiritually process the event I had attended.

Even when we make plans and think we’ve factored in all the down time we need, we may just find that life has thrown us a few unforeseen snags. So, just like these unexpected commitments, we need to modify accordingly and shift around our schedule so that we can still take care of us.

Knowing how to prioritize and being sincere when you do need to cancel or postpone can be freeing. After all, we’re human, every person can understand feeling over-extended or stressed. By being honest, you may also be helping the next person to do the same.

Can you take care of you on re-entry? Let me know how that will work for you!

Leave me a comment below!

The Hazards of Busy & 4 Ways to Remedy it

I love being an American but one thing that’s been vexing me lately is how work and career have taken over our lives. It’s as if we are no longer human beings but human doers. The overriding message is that when I’m not “doing”, I’m nothing.

In essence, we’ve allowed work and success to define who we are.

It's even worse nowadays because work has become chronic overwork. In the last few weeks, I’ve read three articles about people cracking because work essentially overtook their lives.

One was continually being hospitalized for having seizures. Another, a young man just beginning his career in finance, couldn’t take the pressure and jumped off a building. A third up and quit her job and moved to Europe.

The expectation to overwork is even being written into contracts. The assumption being that you’ll be available to answer emails late into the night, work weekends and even be reachable for holidays.

How is this okay?

What can you do instead?

We need to create healthy boundaries in order to have a more balanced life. Here are four easy ways to begin doing that.

1.     Take Care of You First

Many of us, because we are so busy working or taking care of others, have forgotten or simply don’t know what this means.

But the truth is that we are not just automatons trudging to do a job. We have a physical body that needs care, exercise and healthy food, an emotional body that needs camaraderie, attention and love, an intellect that craves stimulation and a soul that yearns for peace and stillness.

Cheryl Richardson’s book The Art of Extreme Self Care is a great tool to use to delve into this idea more deeply.

But you can also start by making a list of things you love to do and then begin scheduling them into your life.

Maybe it’s signing up for that yoga class you’ve been “meaning” to do for months, or taking a nice hot bath after a long day. Perhaps it’s scheduling a massage or a pedicure.

How can you make time for you?

2.     Check Back In With Your Dreams

Where are they and where are you? Are you moving towards your dreams or have you gone far afield?

Think for a moment about your work environment. Is it feeding those dreams and inspiring you? Or did you move into a career for other reasons? If so, how can you shift or adjust your life to bring your dreams and present reality more into alignment?

If you work as a copy editor but really yearn to write, can you carve out a few evenings a week to make time for your novel? Could you get up an hour earlier and spend that quiet time writing?

If you loved art in college but find your job works your intellect and not your creativity, could you find a local studio that offers a class? It may feel like more work but will actually energize you, feed you and feel rewarding.

It will also open you up to your creativity and help you brainstorm how to find a job that better aligns with you.

3.     Start Saying No

If you’re in your first job ever, it can be hard to say no BUT once you have established your talent, capability and are sought after, it’s time to add a little enjoyment into life.

Because your life isn’t simply about working more.

How can you begin to reign in crazy overwork?

Perhaps you can hire someone or delegate tasks to another colleague or assistant. One of the suggestions I give to my clients is instead of adding yet another task to your To Do List – ask yourself: Who can do this instead of me?

Recognize what you are excellent at, where you shine and what tasks you do the best. Everything else gets delegated.

Value you – because if you don’t, no one will.

4.     Schedule Fun

What do you really love to do?

Now that you’ve answered that question, when are you going to do it? Schedule fun days into your calendar. They are imperative.

If you love to sail, how can you get back on a boat? You don’t have to own one, lots of captains need crews. Check out your local marina and get involved.

Doing things you love and experience as fun, will clear your mind, work your body and help you show up back at work revitalized and refreshed!

In truth, I think this is the lesson that corporate America needs to learn. When people have time to be human and live balanced rich full lives, they’re actually better employees. Their creativity and productivity improves. This has certainly been my experience.

Let’s shift back from being human doers to human beings. It’s time!

How are YOU going to take action?

Leave me a comment below!

Live Stress Free By Being Fully Present

It’s easy, when we talk about spirituality and living a “more spiritual life” to forget about the body.

We use expressions like, “we are a spirit having a human experience.” Or, “focus on the essence not on the form.” The emphasis is always away from the corporeal body because it isn’t really who we are.

Many of us who have struggled with weight or body image issues, certainly know this to be true.

There were years when I saw my body as the enemy – it was fat and ugly. Why would I want to be in it? I wanted to dissociate from it entirely. It was definitely not me.

Even today, working with people on stress management, I address this issue. Because we quickly dissociate from our bodies the minute we feel threatened. This can be from stress, anxiety, fear or trauma.

It’s as if we leap right out of the body and hover over it somewhere where it feels safer.

I happen to believe that we are spirits having a human experience but our job here on this planet isn’t to negate the human part, the corporeal aspect, but rather to embrace it.

Which was why I was so pleased when I recently heard an affirmation of Deepak Chopra’s in which he states: “The body is the garden of the soul.”

When we find that our consciousness has left our bodies, what can we do?

1.     Become Aware

Unfortunately, the world we live in just seems to get faster and faster all the time. When our minds get sucked into that vortex, of do-more-faster, it sends both our bodies and minds into stress.

See if you can begin to become aware of the triggers that launch you right out of your body. Is it a particular person? Your job load? Is it feeling like there is simply too much to do?

Often times it isn’t so much what is happening around us as it is our response to it.

How can you see and experience the chaos swirling around you at home, at work and in the world without taking it on?

Think about commuting.

That causes people lots of stress. What can you do to make that time more enjoyable? Could you listen to uplifting music? Maybe even a CD course? How could you shift that experience so that you arrive cheerful and grounded rather than anxious and disassociated?

2.     Breathe

Once you begin to recognize the pattern – when you are leaving your body because of stress - you can take action!

The fastest and easiest remedy is to breathe.

Take a deep breath and bring your awareness into the body by pulling your energy back down into it.

As you breathe, you can even close your eyes and feel yourself returning into your body through the chakras. Start at the top of your head, your crown chakra, and work your way down your spine all the way to the first chakra, located at the base of the spine.

 We often fly out of our bodies because someone or something triggers a fear response in us and we instantly feel unsafe. But we’re actually not terribly effective when we’re floating in orbit. In this place, we are often unclear, and unable to get focused.

Instead we have to ground ourselves back into the body. This enables us to take clear, concise and thoughtful action.

3.     Care For Your Physical Body

I used to think my body was the enemy but after years of working on myself, I overcame my eating disorder and the negative thinking around that. Now I have learned to love and appreciate my body.

Which is why I resonated with Deepak Chopra’s affirmation: “the body is the garden of the soul.”

When I think about my body as this sacred vessel that houses my soul, I want to treat it even more respectfully. That means feeding it quality foods, giving it exercise, rest, relaxation, and pampering.

Being a spiritual person means that you honor your body and care for it as much as you do your psyche. Your body is here for you, to take you through your days on this planet. It’s a vital part of who you are. The more you honor the body and keep it healthy, the happier and more relaxed you will be.

Will this help you?

Leave me a comment below!

Who’s Limiting You?

I was listening to a speaker recently explain why people don’t obtain results. And do you know what she said?

It’s about our beliefs.

Think about one of the New Year’s resolutions you made ten months ago. Maybe, like many of us, you had ‘lose weight’ on your list. Let’s say fifteen pounds.

Have you accomplished it?

Here’s the thing – if you don’t see yourself as a thin person- then you aren’t going to lose the weight because your belief and goal are not in alignment.

How do we free ourselves so that we can actually obtain what we want?

In other words, how do we begin to see how we may be limiting our own success or progress?

To understand this, we have to be willing to deep dive and go within. We have to ask ourselves three questions that will help us get to the heart of what we believe and why we think we may not deserve to achieve our goal- to be thin, healthy or rich.

Ready to dive in?

1.  How Are You Limiting Yourself?

We are the only ones thinking in our brains, so guess what? We tell ourselves every moment of every day if we’re happy or sad, feeling motivated or not, seeing ourselves as successful or as failures.

Let’s use the above example about losing weight. Can you imagine yourself as a thin, fit woman? When you look in the mirror, are you able to see yourself as a size 4/6/8?

When you do this, what happens? Is it impossible? Is there a voice that tells you, it isn’t really you?

Sometimes when we reach beyond what is familiar, what we’re used to, we have to take a leap of faith. Because we’re talking about changing our habits of thinking. We get used to our thoughts – good or bad because they’re familiar.

But if those thoughts are limiting you, it’s time to change them.

And when we first begin to do that, these new thoughts can feel ill-fitting, like wearing in a new pair of shoes.

It seems weird and at first may not feel like you but the more you affirm what you do really want and see it as already done, the more familiar and comfortable those messages will become until it is you.

So – claim what you want! Look in that mirror every day and see yourself thin, healthy and fit!

Remember, you are not your own limitations!

2. Did Your Family Give You Limiting Messages?

Maybe when you dive into uncovering the blocks preventing you from losing fifteen pounds, you hear your stepmother tell you that you’ll never be beautiful or maybe the voice is your father’s saying, “you’ve always been fat” confirming it as your identity.

Perhaps the messages you received told you that you were stupid, unaware or clumsy because you were hyperactive or learned in a different way.

We all received negative comments growing up, I know I did and I even believed many of them for years.

But at some point we have to recognize that these messages, even though we take them on, really aren’t about us.

I remember watching a movie as a teenager in which one of the characters told another she was a fat person in a skinny person’s body and a light bulb went on. I realized I was the opposite – a skinny person trapped in a fat body. That a-ha moment helped me break through messages from my family about my identity and helped me hold on to a new view of myself.

What messages have you been able to overcome?

Remember, you are not your family’s limitations.

3. How Have Society's Messages Limited You?

What are the messages we get from the media and Hollywood? How have they shaped your thinking or are limiting your dreams?

Women are constantly inundated with messages about beauty and body. According to shame researcher, Brené Brown, the number one shame trigger for women is our bodies. We are never thin enough, fit enough, pretty enough… If we buy into these messages, we can make ourselves crazy.

When do we decide that we are enough?

When we stop defining ourselves by other people’s standards.

What about society telling us how to be successful?

I know a woman who dropped out of high school at 15. Just before she turned 50, she started a new business venture and now runs a multi-million dollar company!

If she’d listened to the messages from society, that she couldn’t be successful without a college degree, without even a high school degree, she might still be a waitress.

Instead, she recognized what she was good at, passionate about and kept following it. She hustled, worked hard and is now reaping the rewards.

You are not society’s limitations

Sometimes I think about Olympic athletes, how they often go above and beyond what we think is humanly possible. They break records, they inspire us with their abilities and sheer will to succeed. They go beyond all limitations – society’s, family’s, coaches, and even their own- to achieve greatness.

We all have that ability to go beyond those limitations and achieve our own greatness.

Are you ready? 

Tell me what YOU are going to do by leaving me a comment BELOW!

Being In the World But Not of the World

How do we take our spiritual practice and live it everyday?

Those of us who are committed to a spiritual path can sometimes feel split in two. There’s the contemplative, ascetic side of our nature, the part that loves meditation, silence and oneness with God.

Then there’s the other side of us that’s out there in the world earning a living, being a consumer, friend and partner.

How do we merge these two aspects of ourselves that seem disparate but in reality are one?

Is there a way to apply our spiritual practice into everyday living?

The exciting answer is, YES!

As Pema Chodron reminds us, “Whatever is happening is the path to enlightenment.”

Enlightenment isn’t just happening on an ashram or in a cave or in front of your altar, it’s happening in every minute of every day in how you choose to show up and live your life.

Here are 5 ways to apply your spirituality into your everyday life:

1. Don’t Take the World So Seriously

One of the main reasons I meditate is because it creates space around me, space that gives me room to not be so reactive to life – to the chaos, confusion or intensity that swirls around us all the time.

It gives me room to be reflective instead of reactive.

And from this place, I don’t take life so seriously.

I used to wear the face of intensity everywhere. Life was painful. People were suffering. The climate was being destroyed. There was nothing funny about any of that. Being an adult was serious work.

Until I realized that my intensity and seriousness wasn’t helping. It was making me miserable and was turning other people off.

Think for a minute about His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. He’s always smiling and laughing. He loves to tell jokes and he has certainly experienced suffering. His people no longer have a homeland.

2.  Recognize that Life is Happening For You Not to You

When we reframe life and look at it through this lens, it allows us to make a positive shift. Instead of obstacles we see opportunities. Rather than challenges we see growth.

What is life trying to teach you today?

Is it to slow down and enjoy more? Perhaps it’s about taking action and implementing one of your ideas.

Having an issue with another person? Some of my profoundest teachers have been the most challenging people in my life – from family members to customers.

Look at life as a great game we are playing to teach us lessons we’ve come here to learn.

3.  Practice Mindfulness

What exactly is mindfulness?

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness means, “paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

In other words, mindfulness is being fully present in every moment.

When you’re driving, are you looking at the road, watching the other cars and people or are you distracted by your phone or thoughts – pushing you into the future or ruminating on the past?

When you’re listening to another person, are you really hearing them or has your mind wandered to your shopping list or the movie you want to watch later?

The challenge – just as when we meditate- is to bring our minds back to the present, to what is happening right now.

Being fully aware is about being conscious in the moment and doing whatever it is you’re doing one hundred percent.

4.  Loving Kindness

What would happen if you made the decision to show up as your best self every day?

What would that look like? How would it feel?

Take your spiritual practice and put it to work today in the form of loving kindness. It’s easy to have compassion when we sit and pray. Extend that into the here and now, into your relationships with your family, friends, colleagues and customers. Even beyond that to everyone.

Could you choose to say hello to a stranger? Offer help to someone you don’t know? Smile for no reason?

5.  Remember that You Are a Vessel

My Course in Miracles lesson today was a reminder that my mind can only serve. So who should be its master? I choose: The Holy Spirit, God, the Universe, Source, Oneness to guide me.

When I get out of the way and allow spirit to work through me, I remember my function. I remember to be the embodiment of love and forgiveness, kindness and patience.

How can you get out of your own way and allow the flow of higher knowing to pour through you today?

Every minute of our lives, we’re on this path. Instead of leaving your spirituality behind with your meditation pillow, try incorporating these five principles into your life today. See how it goes!

Which one is your favorite? Tell me BELOW.

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What My 'Ready or Not' Baby Taught Me

When I was twenty-six, I discovered, quite to my surprise, that I was pregnant.

I panicked because I was not ready to have a baby.

I’d only been married three short months. My new husband and I were still getting to know one another. Were we, as a couple, prepared for a child?

And I certainly didn’t know enough about anything – life, parenting, culture... There was so much more I needed to learn before I could be a mom, wasn’t there?

After spending a few weeks in denial, I quickly moved into anger. How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking?

From there, I made my way through bargaining: Is there any way I can get out of it? Then to depression: Why me?

Until I finally got to acceptance.

Because despite all of my intellectual rationale, I had always known what would happen. I didn’t have one good reason not to have this baby.

The bottom line: I was scared.

That’s when I realized, ready or not, I was going through with it.

“Okay,” I thought. “Here I go.”

Once I accepted the situation AND got over morning sickness, I began embracing the experience.

It was, after all, a gift!

Having the baby’s energy merged with mine, made me feel high all the time. My memory seemed to burn away and I was in a perpetual happy haze, always enjoying the present moment.

I was also uncharacteristically clairvoyant and often had dreams that would then unfold in real time.

After forty weeks, my baby girl was born in Hong Kong, far away from my parents, aunties, and friends. Even my husband worked all the time.

I didn't know what to do.

Fortunately, she was angelic but her rag doll body petrified me and I was constantly afraid that I’d drop her or trip and fall on top of her. She seemed so fragile and vulnerable.

Things escalated when I began nursing.

Initially, she had trouble “latching on” which sent me into stress mode. What was I doing wrong? Why wouldn’t she eat?

I had a sudden insight, the more tense I was, the more she fussed. She was energetically responding to me!

So I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and relaxed my entire body. I did it again and low and behold, she started sucking away, happy as can be.

She began to thrive and quickly became the source of joy in my home. In fact, she stole my heart.

I had no idea I was capable of such love. It poured out of me.

That was twenty-one years ago. In fact, my gorgeous girl celebrates her birthday this week. And the blessings she has given me in my life continue to unfold.

Here’s what she’s taught me thus far:

1. Do it Anyway- Ready, Fire, Aim

I didn’t know everything at twenty-six, but I don’t know everything now, either. And part of what I’ve realized is that I never would have felt adequately prepared. It's impossible. So we just have to do it anyway.

There’s also tremendous benefit to learning along the way.

It’s easy for us to underestimate our ability or allow fear in the guise of “I’m not ready” to stand in the way. I cannot imagine my life without this extraordinary presence and I would do it all over again, exactly the same, in a heartbeat.

2. We’re More Ready Than We Think

If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt than you know this is true. It’s an internal fight. One part of us is cheering, saying, “yes, you can, go for it!” While another voice is saying, “no, not yet, I’m not enough yet.” We have to choose who to listen to.

3. When We Don’t Know, All We Have To Do Is Ask

There I was 10,000 miles away from anyone I knew and what happened? I met a wonderful Danish midwife who counseled me, taught me how to prepare for the delivery and the baby. Then I hired a Filipino Nanny. She’d already raised three of her own children and immediately became like a second mother to mine.

Also, when I relaxed, I allowed myself to open up to my own inner wisdom. That’s how I figured out the nursing dilemma.

4. Trust Yourself, Trust Life

Life is always giving us what we want. Sometimes we just don’t realize it. When we open up to the notion that life supports us, we begin to see all the gifts we are being given to help us grow and evolve.

The more we trust ourselves the more confident we feel that we are making the right decisions in our lives, that we do, indeed, know the answers, and when we don’t, to seek help and guidance. Trust opens us up to live life more fully and joyfully.

5. Loving Someone More Than Myself

Having a child helped me step out of the selfish bubble of being consumed only by me.

Suddenly there was someone who was one hundred percent dependent on me for her very survival.  Her needs were more important than my own.

I remember when I made the transition from seeing the world as a daughter to seeing the world through the eyes of a mother. It happened when I was six months pregnant.

I was watching the movie Philadelphia, with Tom Hanks. Towards the end of the film, when he’s dying of AIDS, his mother walks into his hospital room. I burst out crying – not because I identified with him but because I identified with his mother -and the pain of watching your child die.

Mother love opened me up to compassion on a higher level and I am thankful to my girl for that.

6. Understanding And Compassion For My Parents

Having my own child helped me see, admire and respect my parents in a way I never had before. I’d always felt like a victim of their dysfunction and inadequacies. After having a child, I was humbled and realized how very hard the task of raising, caring for and providing is.

And I was filled with gratitude for all they had done for me.

Perhaps life is always giving us exactly what we need, whether we think we are ready or not. Certainly looking back twenty-one years, it’s crystal clear. At the time I certainly didn’t feel ready and yet I was. And look at all I’ve learned!

Have you ever been forced to jump before you felt ready?

Share your story with me! Leave a comment below.

Time to Stop Struggling

Ever have one of those days when you just hit the wall? When your efforts create no results and nothing seems to work?

Days like that are frustrating, tiring and, frankly, discouraging.

The good news is that tomorrow you get to start again, fresh.

And what if tomorrow you embraced a new idea, a new way of looking at life? One that felt more invigorating and enlivening. A perspective that was less about doing and more about receiving.

I recently had an a-ha about this when I saw a post on Facebook. It was an image of a woman floating effortlessly in the water and said:

When I stop struggling, I float. It is the law.

I’ve loved water for as long as I can remember and am an avid swimmer. Maybe that’s why the image spoke so clearly to me.

Surely, we all know that when a person struggles and fights in the water, s/he is likely to drown. Maybe it’s one of life’s ironies that there really isn’t anything at all to do in the water, because most of us are naturally buoyant. 

I leaned back and found myself contemplating this idea. When I stop struggling, I float.

Could I do this not just in the water but in life?

And if so, how would that be? What would it look like?

I realized that here was a universal law of life. That despite what we think, there really isn’t anything to do (except maybe get out of our own way.)

What does struggling look like in life? For me it’s:

• When the current moment is not in alignment with what I want so I impose my will on it.
• The need to feel in control.
• To make it happen anyway, on my timeline.
• Struggling, in essence, is like fighting life. Ouch.

As I delved in deeper, I realized there was a root to this behavior. It was a response to being caught in lack, feeling like I’m not enough or I that have something to prove - my success, talent, self worth. I was trying to push the river of life to support my insecurities.

What if, instead of pushing, we floated? What would floating through life be like?

Think about being in the water. Floating is relaxing and effortless. We relinquish control and allow ourselves to be guided. We truly let go.

Could I do that?

I spent the rest of the week in this peaceful place, knowing that all was well, that I was completely supported.

That’s the other thing about water, right?

We can relax because we know the water is supporting us. It effortlessly holds up huge aircraft carriers and tankers. Of course it can bear a single human.

If I extend this analogy to life, than I allow myself to know life is supporting me, buoying me, sustaining me in exciting and new ways. When I trust it, life can be just like water, a constant source of unconditional support.

And in that place of trust, I open up to receive all the good from life.

So what do you say? Is it time to give up the struggle and allow life to support you? Doesn’t that sound so much better? Are you willing to give it a try? I know I am!

Let me know what you think!

Leave a comment below.

Get Your Creativity Flowing

Have you ever wanted to paint, throw a pot or play an instrument?

Turns out that you aren’t alone. More than ever, Americans are enhancing their every day lives by incorporating some kind of creative outlet. Whether it’s painting a plate on date night or joining a weekly Bollywood dance class, we’re choosing to spend more of our time in creative pursuit.

This is great news and here’s why:

•  Creativity Increases Balance

Most of us tend to work too much. By finding an artistic endeavor that is fun and inspiring, it can pull us away from work – in a good way. It helps us balance our right and left brains – our analytical and creative sides.

I have a friend who recently took up the tablas, a drum used in Indian and Pakistani music. She’d always loved percussion, and briefly took lessons as a teen but never got serious and soon abandoned it. Her desire to play, however, was always there. So a few months ago, she decided to take lessons.

Now she tells me she’d rather drum than work! She uses it as a reward for getting her ‘work stuff’ done. The other night she sat down to play and before she knew it, two hours had flown by. She now has something she genuinely enjoys and looks forward to doing. What a great way to spend part of your day!

• Art is Stimulating and Relaxing

When we open ourselves up to creativity, it can often have surprising outcomes. Last year I began an apprenticeship in silk screening and printmaking. Every week I met with my teacher for three hours. Together, we worked on the various aspects of design and developed each project, walking it through the many steps it took for completion.

I began looking forward to these afternoons. I even started doing block print projects at my house, on my own, and used this creative outlet as an antidote to left brain fatigue on the days I’d work almost exclusively on my computer. After five or six hours, my brain felt fuzzy and my eyes hurt– time for a break. Instead of zoning out, I’d grab my tools and my rubber stamp and begin working. Within ten minutes, I’d feel completely rejuvenated, awake and clear.

• Art Opens Us to Our Own Creativity

I don’t know if it’s because we’re using the right side of our brain or something else, but the act of doing art helps unleash that creative flow. It’s like a weird free association that goes on when you’re not really thinking and yet completely in the flow.

During these times, I find that I often get answers to questions related to business or different projects or am able to see a situation or challenge in a new way.

We are all creators. That’s what we’re here to do, create a masterpiece of our lives.

If you’re ready to incorporate a creative outlet in your life, here are a few easy ways to do that:

1.     Think About What You Love

Hark back to activities you enjoyed as a child. Did you love singing in the choir, acting in the school play or hanging out in the darkroom? Allow yourself to ruminate on this. Think, too, about what attracts you now. Are you drawn to jewelry and beading? Fabrics? What do you browse on Pinterest? Start paying attention to what catches your eye and makes your heart beat faster.

2.     What’s Happening Where You Are?

Thanks to sites like Pinterest, CraftDaily and ClothPaperScissors.com, it can be easy to get started with DIY projects. If you’re like me, though, and want a little more guidance, check out your local art museum, studios (art, dance, yoga), community center, galleries and music stores. It’s amazing the talent that’s out there and the myriad of classes being offered.

3.     Not 100% sure? Try It!

Before I settled on printmaking, I played around with other materials. I beaded for a while, then I did some mixed media stuff. I even went to a clay sculpture class before I took a printmaking one. There was something about printmaking that seemed really fun to me and it had a lot of avenues of exploration. I decided I wanted to gain proficiency in one technique before I went on. But I tried a bunch first to find my niche.

The exciting news is that you don’t have to be the next Picasso or Eric Clapton to simply explore and have fun. Tapping into your creative expression will bring more joy and more fulfillment into your everyday life. Get on board today!

Tell me what YOU'RE gonna do! Leave a comment below.

No Excuses!

Last week I was super lucky! I listened to a talk by business coach, Amanda Moxley. One of my big takeaways from her hour-long webinar was this:

We have to take 100% responsibility for our lives. For what we do AND what we don’t do.

Hmmmmm.

I remember that word, responsibility.

It was the agreement I made with myself when I left my spiritual teacher in 2004, when I agreed that I would be in charge of my life – good and bad. That whatever happened, I would own it.

Had I forgotten or was I now at a new level?

Yesterday I learned that Dr. Wayne Dyer had passed away. I knew he’d been diagnosed with Leukemia years ago but he’d continued to travel, speak and write. In fact, I’d just seen him in Ft Lauderdale, last May where he’d been energetic, peppy and full of inspiring stories.

I pulled one of his books off my shelf. It was his autobiography, I Can See Clearly. I opened it to this: take full responsibility of your life and shed all the excuses.

Hmmmmmm.

He wrote, “I have compiled a list of the most common excuses that I have heard over the years as a therapist, lecturer, media personality, and parent of eight children. In addition, I have created an Excuses Begone! paradigm that consists of seven questions I’ve used with clients to help them see that all of these excuses that are so frequently employed are really a way to avoid responsibility and shift to a blame mentality.” (p. 318)

I read this and thought: What am I not taking responsibility for?

What aspect of my life am I not 100% owning?

My query had something to do with success and value. About honoring who I am, what I do and putting an economic value to it.

Then I had to ask myself, what’s my excuse? Why am I not doing it?

Is it fear of not knowing how? Is it because it’s scary? Too hard? Other people will feel bad? I won’t be spiritual? I have to be more accountable?

And then it hit me – the excuse underneath all of it – it’s too much work.

I knew immediately that was it!

Why? Because when I’d transitioned into my new venture, I knew I didn’t want to be a slave to work. I’d already done that, created a business while having young kids and the experience had left me exhausted and drained. I wanted more balance in my life. I didn’t want to be crazed and turn back into a workaholic.

So I was actively resisting anything that felt like it was pulling me toward working too hard.

Now that I’d identified my excuse, it was time to utilize Wayne Dyer’s seven Excuses Begone! questions. (pp. 322-3)

1.     Is the fear of working too hard excuse true?

No. Success doesn’t have to equal working too hard. It can be about working smarter or more strategically.

2.     Where did the excuse come from?

Good question! I think it comes in part from my parents. I grew up learning that we have to work hard for what we want. We also live in a workaholic society. Americans are rewarded for working longer and more hours and take less vacation time than ever. Most Americans don’t even use the vacation time they earn.

I have never wanted to live like that and yet the messages from society are really loud.

3.     What’s the payoff for using the excuse?

It justifies my not working too hard or too long. It’s an excuse for procrastinating or putting off tasks that I don’t know how to do.

4.     What would my life look like if I couldn’t use this excuse?

I would feel more effective and fulfilled and I’d have the online presence I visualize for myself. I would also step fully into a thriving and balanced life.

5.     Can I create a rational reason to change?

Yes, because I do believe that I don’t really have to work harder, I just have to work smarter and I know I can do that if I choose.

6.     Can I access Universal cooperation in shedding this excuse?

Definitely YES!

I can meditate and ask.

When I did, the answer I got was this: Don’t try just ask.

Wow! That was huge. This was the biggest a-ha for me.

Because somewhere my belief has always been that I have to do everything myself. If I can let go of this false belief, my life will change. Instead, I simply have to ask and I will get the help I need.

Talk about not having to work harder!

7.     How do I continually reinforce this new way of being?

Remind myself to ask for help. Remember that I already am smart and successful and know exactly what I need to do. Open up to the love that surrounds me and know that I am being guided.

Thank you Amanda Moxley for the reminder to take 100% responsibility for my life and thank you Dr. Wayne Dyer for this terrific tool to unpack the excuses that prevent us from living more truly who we are meant to be. You were a guiding light in the world and bravely helped move psychology towards spirituality. Thank you for all your books, insights and wonderful humor. Your light will be sorely missed.

What excuse is holding YOU back from doing what you want and being more successful, happy, healthy, and prosperous?

See if you can dig out that reason and when you do, walk it through these seven steps of Wayne Dyer’s.

And then get ready to jump! Your life is waiting for you!

What do you think?

Leave me a comment below!

Embracing Your Process: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Can you relate?

Things are going exactly according to plan and you are clearly in charge of your life. But then- all of a sudden- life takes charge and is controlling the wheel of your destiny.

When that happens, tasks take forever to complete. No one calls you back. Or maybe you think things will go a specific way just to get entirely rerouted.

When life seems to be in charge - it can trigger uncertainty or the internal skeptic- and make us feel unsure or cloudy.

We wonder things like:

• Is this really the right direction?
•  Am I doing what’s in my best good?
• Is this moving my career/life forward?

Here’s the good news, if it’s happening then it’s exactly what you need.

Maybe you think I’m crazy to say this but in my experience both from my own life and from my clients, this is what I see over and over again.

Because here’s the dirty little secret that no one openly talks about: If a behavior, a job, a relationship or mindset is persisting, it’s because we aren’t ready for a new one.

When we are ready, it will magically shift!

Here’s an example.

The economic downturn and housing collapse started earlier in Florida and by 2007, the school my husband and I had founded was floundering. We’d lost a lot of students who simply couldn’t afford to pay private school tuition.

We hunkered down, tightened our budgetary belt and successfully weathered the storm.

Coming out of that, I realized that I was ready to do another kind of work. It wasn’t the recession per se, it was that I’d worked in education the majority of my adult life and I was ready for something else.

But what?

In 2008 I figured it out. I wanted to continue working with people but in a more intimate setting, as a life coach, and therapist. So, I went back to school, earned a degree in social work and then set about getting licensed. During that entire time I still worked at the school. It wasn’t until 2013 that I finally quit.

Why? Because I wasn’t ready yet.

•  I might have thought I was prepared.
• Felt I’d outgrown my job.
• Was time for a new challenge.

But I wasn’t actually ready until I was ready. And then I leapt and (apart from a second of fear) haven’t looked back. I love what I do, move more fully into it everyday and have no regrets.

Here’s why.

If we trust our process then when we do implement the change (behavior, career, relationship) it will stick because inside and out, we’re prepared for it.

Perhaps you feel like your process is dragging, been sidetracked or is not happening on your timeline. Think again. Know that life is unfolding for you in exciting new ways and that you are getting exactly what you need in this moment.

Decide where you want to go. Hold on to that vision and trust that everything happening right now is helping you get there.

These 5 Steps Will Help:

1.     Relax and Release Internal Stress

When things aren’t unfolding at the pace we expect or our current reality isn’t what we planned, we can feel stressed, anxious, uncomfortable or just plain annoyed.

What if, instead of trying to control the timeline, you let God or the Universe do it?

Could you then relax and let go of that tension?

How would that feel?

Ask yourself this: If you knew your outcome was assured, would you be concerned about the timeline?

2.     Be Clear About Exactly What You Want

Hold on to your goal, your vision regardless of what is or is not happening. Focus on the outcome that you want. See it clearly. Imagine yourself already there.

Be firm in your conviction of this outcome and do not give up. It will happen.

Say it, write it down or make a visual representation of what you want to solidify the direction you want to move toward.

3.     Use the Affirmation – Life Loves Me

When we see the Universe as a safe, supportive place, life automatically begins to flow much more easily.

And it feels way better than having to fight, feel afraid or be defensive.

Repeat this affirmation, Life loves me, to yourself over and over again.

The more you remind yourself that you are loved and supported, the more open and willing you will be to allow the new in and watch your life unfold. It’s an exciting adventure!

4.     Enjoy the Ride

What if everything that was happening right now was to support you, to teach you and to help you get exactly what you want? Would knowing that enable you to enjoy it more?

Believe it, because it’s true!

Everything in your life – every person, situation and “challenge” is being presented for your learning. 

As the famous Indian avatar, Swami Nityananda said: "God is conducting tests all the time; every occurrence in life is a test. Every thought that crops up in the mind is in itself a test to see what one's reaction will be. Hence one must be always alert and aloof, conducting oneself with a spirit of detachment, viewing everything as an opportunity afforded to gain experience, to improve oneself and go on to a higher stage."

Instead of seeing an annoying person or situation through a negative lens, ask yourself: What is this situation (person) trying to teach me?

Watch how it miraculously shifts.

5.     Practice Patience

If you are one of those people who has the unique ability to see into your future, consider yourself lucky! The downside, however, is that once we know it, we all want to be there right NOW!

What I’ve experienced over and over again when I find myself facing the dissonance between where I am and where I want to be, is that I have to be patient, put one foot in front of the other and walk to my destination.

Things don’t magically transform unless we act.

All those steps executed one after the other is what manifests the change. And then before you know it, you’ll have arrived, all the wiser for the time spent getting there.

Life is meant to be a fun adventure.

It isn’t a race to the grave. Embrace and enjoy all that comes to you be it the good, the bad and the ugly. Use it to grow and become exactly who you want to be.

Can you embrace YOUR process?

Leave me a comment below! I'd love to know what will work for you.

Being Okay With Change

Change is everywhere, whether we recognize it or not.

Day turns into night, flowers bloom and wither, stocks rise and fall. We move houses, change jobs, meet new people, and shift our mindsets.

Change is a natural part of life but sometimes, especially in our intimate relationships, change can be a challenge.

Part of what makes change difficult is that most of us prefer certainty.

We want to know that there is routine, that things will stay the same. My assistant will be at work on time. The bus will stop at the corner at 8:30 every morning. Safeway always carries the deodorant I prefer.

Consistency gives us a sense of stability, of reassurance.

Just as we have our coffee every morning, we come to expect people to be the same day after day, too, and when they shift, that can upset out status quo.

So the question then is, how do we give each other space to change?

Whether your loved one is transitioning in a job, graduating from college, following a new career path, been recently diagnosed with an illness or is coming more into him or herself, our job is to embrace theses changes and welcome them.

Here are a few ideas to make change more comfortable:

1.     Right Mindset

Becoming aware of what is happening and recognizing it can help us move into a transition with more grace and ease. Holding onto old behaviors, habits or beliefs makes us feel rigid and reluctant to evolve.

Try being open-minded about what’s happening.

Look for the good, for the excitement, for the shedding that’s taking place as the new unfolds. Things typically get worse before they get better. Think about it like painting a house. It will look great when it’s done, but before then, it’s a huge mess.

2.     Make Room for Change

We have to give our loved ones space without judging them or making their transition about us. Sometimes when people evolve, the growing pains don’t feel so nice. Be patient, talk about it, honor each other through the process. Take time to be together in nurturing ways.

Change can be rocky too before things relax into a new routine.

No one typically follows a clean and perfect trajectory. Change often takes place with fits and starts, one step forward and two steps back.

Shortly after launching my new business, after I’d rented office space, created a logo, business cards and brochures and set up a website, I got cold feet. Actually, I panicked and thought I should go back to my old job.

I didn’t. Instead, I stayed with those uncomfortable feelings, recognizing that it was fear of change, fear of the new and I kept going anyway. During that shift, my spouse was supportive and encouraging and stuck with me through that tough transition. 

3.     Create a New Normal

Once the transition period is over, it’s time to settle in. That’s the new routine. The problem is that our egos love status quo so change is always upsetting to our personalities. It ruffles us and makes us feel threatened, uncomfortable or unsafe.

Knowing that we can create a new normal can help counteract that ego pushback, or as I call it, the “No response.”

Be patient with yourself when you watch your desire to say “no” to change.

Breathe and relax, and remind yourself that it’s just change and change can be great.

See if these ideas can open up some space to allow for change to flow more easily within your relationships. When we honor or own evolution and that of our loved ones, life is much richer and fuller, and way more fun.

Let me know what you think!

Leave me a comment directly below.