You Said NOTHING?

Sometimes life can feel like an endless To Do List. This weekend, while I contemplated relaxing, got eaten up instead with household chores, entertaining and childcare.

Suddenly it's Monday again! The have-tos start as soon as the alarm goes off and the week can easily be absorbed with task fulfillment and checked boxes.

When this happens, my life begins to feel like a treadmill.

I walk, run, sprint but am on this endless go round. That’s when a little thought enters my mind and suggests it might be time to stop and do... nothing.

That's right, I said it, do nothing.

This is like the antithesis of the American way now. In fact, think about how we meet and greet people. More and more often we say, "Hey, how ya doin'?" or  "What did you do over the weekend?" We're conditioning ourselves to be rewarded by accomplishments, achievements, lists completed.

Isn't it a little embarrassing to walk into work after a long weekend and in response to "What did you do?" your answer might be "nothing." Do we not want to admit that? If we do we might be perceived as lazy, a slacker or even an avoider.

And it isn’t just weekends, Americans take less time off than any other workers in developed nations.

Not only do we have less vacation days than other countries -on average Americans get 10 paid days per year and 6 paid holidays versus a minimum of 20 in the EU. Studies also indicate that 51% of American workers don't even use all of their vacation time. What's more 61% actually work while they're on vacation. So even when we do finally take a few days off, it’s pretty common to be on the phone or checking email. Like we just can’t turn off or unplug.

For the past year, I've consciously made an effort at being less of a Do-er. Trying to slow down and check out.

To transition myself, I’ve been actively working on two concepts:

The first one is busyness.

Somehow because Americans have become these formidable Do-ers, we derive our self worth from that: doing- accomplishing, achieving, crossing all the items off the to-do list. When I’m trapped in that cycle I never have enough time. There's always too much to do. I run from task to task feeling rushed and anxious, knowing I'll never get it all done. 

My first step was getting off the busy ride.

I decided it was okay not to get everything done. I was going to survive if I sent that email tomorrow, went to the post office on Friday or delayed a meeting until next week. The sky didn't fall, the business didn't close, and no one seemed put out.

Slowing down and being more realistic with my "have tos" has made my life feel increasingly peaceful and less stressful. In fact, I’m even learning how to say no! As in, it's ok not to do everything!

The second lesson as I keep moving away from busy is toward relaxing.

At first I implemented this just with my schedule. I started limiting the hours that I worked in a day adding more down time, exercise time, and trying to find a balance that felt good to me. I no longer wanted to feel like my life was so heavily lopsided by work.

It's been about a year since I've implemented this and overall, I accomplish as much if not more than I did rushing and feeling stressed. But I don't feel nearly as much anxiety, worry or tension.

Now the next phase is relaxing even more into the flow.

What I mean exactly is that I tend by nature to be impatient. I want everything done yesterday. Because of this, I can push, push, push instead of allowing something to unfold.

As part of my year exploring trust, I’ve come to understand that relaxing into life is really an exercise in trust. If I trust that my outcome is assured, or that only good will come to me then I can relax and not worry. I don't have to constantly shore up, fixate or feel the need to do, do, do. I can relax into knowing.

Last week I read a line in A Course in Miracles that says, "who would attempt to fly with the tiny wings of a sparrow when the mighty power of an eagle has been given him?"

And to me, that's relaxing into trust.

Why should I constantly try to flap with these mini wings, pushing with all my might when the Universe (or God or whatever word you like) can do it for me? 

This feels so much better. It doesn't mean I lie on the couch ALL day, reading and watching movies. But it does mean that I smile more, am clear about how to cherish everyday and enjoy the ride that is this amazing journey of life, knowing that it’s all happening in the perfect time.

How do you experience your life?

Do you make time to relax?

Tell me what works for you by leaving a comment below.

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Keeping Yourself on Track

It’s so easy to look at other people and feel like they’re way more motivated than I am. Other people seem to get so much done while I can often feel like it takes me ages. Ever feel like that?

Over the years, my self-motivation has definitely ebbed and flowed. There’ve been times when I’ve been really unmotivated. Mostly during those times I was an avoider- checking out and not wanting to deal with my life- with the stress and with pushing through.

Nowadays I really work on finishing what I’ve started. Why? Because I had the realization that it isn’t until I actually finish something that I have a breakthrough. So if I say yes, I do my best to accomplish it.

In thinking about staying on track, I realized there are a few strategies I use that might help you! Here are some of the ways I keep myself motivated – even when I don’t want to!

Shakti’s Top 5 Strategies for Staying Motivated

1.     Schedule Yourself & Make Sure to Take Breaks

These days I schedule my whole week and what I plan to do each day. Some mornings I look at my list and think, “ugh, I don’t really want to work on my website today.” But then, because I’ve scheduled it, I start doing it and soon my resistance clears and I find I’m enjoying myself! I can’t work for too many hours in a row without taking a break though. Not only do my legs need a re-adjustment but so does my brain. Breaks help keep the creative juices flowing.

2.     Be Realistic About What You Can Get Done

When I first started scheduling myself, it was a little like lesson planning. I always overdid it. Fortunately I knew ahead of time that I might not get everything done so I wasn’t upset- more like –“oh, so this is how much I can reasonably get done in 4 hours.” Now I schedule more realistically.

3.     Go the Distance

Think marathon, not sprint. Many people start strong only to peter out and then drop out. When I want to quit, I often think about Aesop’s fable, The Tortoise and the Hare. The tortoise was so slow and plodding but won the race. My inclination is to be more like the hare and run and leap and fly and then crash. Knowing this about myself, I recognize when I have creative bursts and take advantage of them just as I give myself down time when I need it but I’m always on the look out for that finish line. It helps me get back up- knowing that’s the goal- and I’m gonna get there.

4.     Ask for Help

When you feel like you’re flagging or down, discouraged or wanting to quit- reach out. There are sooo many people around you all the time who love and support you and truly want you to succeed. So don’t be afraid to reach out. Friends can lend moral support, help with chores or provide ideas. Colleagues can provide guidance and assistance. We often forget that we are not alone- all we have to do is ask and it is given.

5.     Celebrate the Small Victories

A successful strategy I used while going through social work school, was to focus ONLY on what was right in front of me – my current 2 or 3 classes- and their work load. This helped me avoid the pitfall of overwhelm if I looked at everything I would have to do. Chunking it down to 12 weeks made the workload doable and felt manageable. When a semester was over, I celebrated! And before I knew it, I was done!

Alright, so there’s my 5 tips. Let me know if they help YOU!

Leave me a comment BELOW. Tell me what helps you stay motivated.

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Getting From Almost to Always

Ever noticed how just when you're about to finish something- a project, a goal, the finish line, you want to quit? And it takes as much effort to do that last final push as it did to do all the work to get there combined!

This is something I've seen happen in my life again and again. I notice it when I go for my morning run. Toward the end, I just want to stop and walk and I have to push through and force myself to "finish strong."

Or maybe I spend hours working on an article and then never actually send it to the publisher. Sound familiar? We all do it - in subtle or more obvious ways. And once we know this is a potential pitfall for success, how do we get ourselves to push through?

From a developmental perspective, what's going on is that we're expanding ourselves.

It isn't until the completion of something that we gain a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction and breakthrough. When we prevent ourselves from finishing, we cheat ourselves of that expansion, that new skill acquisition or accomplishment, landing us back where we started.

So, if we know this trait may pop up in our lives, how do we deal with it?

Try these 4 simple steps and see if they help:

1. Finish Big

Set your mind on a big splash at the end. For many joggers, this is a sprint done just as they're approaching the end of a run. Have a party to celebrate an accomplishment or even just do a little happy dance. When we honor ourselves for breaking through, it creates more momentum and motivation to keep doing it.

2. Be Gentle

Sometimes our self talk can be really scolding or harsh. The voice might say something like: "You're so lazy, why can't you just finish that paper?" or "Seriously, you're not gonna send that email after all the work you did?" or "Who do you think you are anyway? Why would someone want what you have to offer?" These self-defeating statements harm us and can prevent us from doing what we know is best for us - because when we stretch ourselves it's scary. Being gentle can really help. Try something like, "I know this is hard but you can do it." or "Maybe you're afraid and that's okay." or "Just run to the end of the road."

3. Ask for help

Maybe it's hard because I'm not really sure what to do. In this instance, I can ask for clarity, guidance or support. Is there a person in my network who can offer assistance? We're often afraid to ask for help because we think we should know how or that we might look ignorant. What I've found when I'm willing to be humble, is that people are so happy to help me and through that process I learn even more AND feel better.

4. Accountability

Often one of the best ways to complete things is to be accountable to someone else. This can be a super motivator for a number of reasons. First, we don't want to look bad or flakey in front of others. We also don't want them to be disappointed or angry. We might even lose a job or not get paid. This is why people hire personal trainers, life coaches and mentors.

So, the next time you get almost done, don't abandon ship, push through it and use these steps to help. You'll be amazed at how great it feels to accomplish what you set out to do and it will energize and motivate you. After all, success breeds success!

How do YOU get from almost to always? Share what works for you!

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4 Secrets to Being More Self Motivated

Last week I was talking to my 19 year-old about motivation. Why is it that certain people are motivated and others aren't? That some folks seem to walk through life stress-free while others wear it all over them? And that got me thinking.

When I was in my 20s, I needed extrinsic (outside of myself) means to keep me motivated. Partly because I was struggling with addiction issues and avoidance issues. I was easily stressed and lacked the confidence to get things done on my own. Work and school did that well, although not without stress and weight gain. I had to turn in my paper by Friday or be prepared for a dozen phone calls on September 12th. Deadlines helped keep me on track but I wasn't sure what to do with my stress and wasn't great at time management, often waiting until the last minute to get stuff done. But working a regular job helped ground me. That and dealing with my eating disorder and anxiety. A job required me to show up. I knew where I had to be and when. These kinds of responsibilities helped instill discipline and over time I became skilled at getting things done well and on time.

As I continued to work and mature, this motivation started becoming intrinsic (from inside of me) and I began to develop the habit of learning for myself how to structure my time, create my own deadlines and work towards goals. This has given me the freedom to have more flexibility in my life and feel happy that I can accomplish tasks when I put my mind to them!

So what helped me with that transition? The most important component is to recognize that our behaviors are habits. We talk all the time in our society about bad habits (smoking, fingernail biting, technology addiction) but we don't talk much about creating healthy habits. Things that we want in life such as working out regularly, eating well, and time management. Mastering motivation is another of these habits and is totally learnable!

If you feel like you could be more self motivated, perhaps these tips will help you!

1. The first step is dealing with your mind - A positive, can do attitude makes all the difference.

• Speak to yourself in kind and loving ways.
• Give yourself a pep talk, you can totally do it.
• If confidence falters, again support yourself with gentleness. Remind yourself of how much progress you have already made. It's so easy to always be looking ahead to where we want to go and forget to look behind at what we've already accomplished.

2. Focus on what needs to get done - Let's say that you have a huge project on rainfall to put together. 

• Break it down into parts - when we focus on smaller bits, everything feels more do-able.
• Make a list of everything you have to do
• Schedule it!
  • I really like to start with my deadline as a date, (usually I move that 2-3 days before the actual date).
  • Then I work backward filling in what has to happen in order for me to get there - this might be (next to each of these is a date):
    • outline of project
    • research
    • write first draft
    • add slides/images
    • edit and re-write
    • assemble, practice
• Falling behind? Get help! Ask a colleague for help or see if you can find a buddy or coach to help you stay on track and accountable.

3. Reward yourself!

What do you get for a job well done? A pedicure? A nice dinner at your favorite restaurant? It's critical to congratulate ourselves when we accomplish our goals. Choose something that feels special to you.

4. Surround yourself with support.

Your friends need to be positive and motivating. They  can help you if you have a crisis in confidence or can't seem to get passed completing the bibliography. Find ways to keep learning and growing yourself too! There are tons of resources available. Research it and get new insights and answers. Then you can help others accomplish their goals and that feels awesome!

Let me know how this works for you!

Leave a comment below about any of these "secrets" that you tried. Share your thoughts about other ideas. I would LOVE to hear from you!

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