What Do You Deserve?

How much we allow ourselves to have in our lives is a function of what we think we deserve.

Let me ask you this:

Have you ever been at a party or a club or walked down a block of a ritzy area of town and wished that it was your life, that you lived there or had those friends?

I sure have.

And over the summer I had an interesting realization.

I was visiting a place I really liked. It had everything I was ready for in my life. It was rural but not too rural. It was progressive but not weird. It was close to a metropolitan area but still felt like a small town.

I asked myself: Could I have this? Could I live here? Was it too good to be true?

I was charmed by this place and wanted to be part of what I perceived as its coolness. Wondering if I would be accepted.

I stood looking at the view and taking in the sea and snow capped mountains. Before long, I got my answer. The words rushed over me as I stood staring out at the ocean.

“You can have everything.”

“Really?” I asked the wind.

The reply was resounding and reverberated across the sky. “Yes.”

At first I was awed by this realization. Wow, how cool. I leaned into the sun, allowing it to shine directly into my face. I could have this. I could have everything.

Awesome.

But then my logical brain pushed through and wanted to know what that would entail. It asked bossily. “How? What do I have to do?”

The knowing voice answered affirmatively. “By believing that you deserve it.”

Deserve perfect health, happiness, success, prosperity… everything.

As I allowed myself to open up more to that idea, I began to understand the guidance I was being given.

I was limiting myself.

Why was it that I thought I didn’t deserve?

Was it an old voice in my head? Was it a belief that was no longer true for me? An expired message?

I had to dig out that negative root that was telling me I could only have so much and plant a new one. This required a journey within, to extricate that old thought pattern, the one that was now limiting me and dictating how much good, happiness or success I could expect.

Whose voice was it? Whose belief? Was it my father telling me to play it safe or my sister invalidating my “new age-y-ness”?

Whoever or whatever it was, it had to go. Because the message it was telling me had long been outgrown.

On this spiritual path, we always have the opportunity to open up to life or to close.

Each and every moment.

Was I limiting what I was willing to accept by seeing myself as undeserving?

Was I ready to open up and allow more in?

And if so, how?

The odd part is that we want so much to know what we have to do. But in reality, there isn’t anything to do, we just have to accept, embrace and open up to receive.

In a class I took with happiness expert, Robert Holden, PhD, he gave us this scenario: “You are walking down a hallway. On one door it says, ‘Happiness.’ On the other door it says, ‘Lecture on Happiness’. Which door would you choose?”

In that moment, I was busted because I knew I would have chosen the lecture door. My ‘do-er’ mind always wanting to know how. When in reality, it is all here for us right now. All we have to do is open up to it and allow it in.

Is there something that you’ve been longing for in your life? Are you ready to see it manifest for you?

Are you ready to believe that you deserve it?

What will it take?

A shift in mindset? An opening of your heart? The willingness to accept?

Can you allow yourself to deserve it? To know that it is your divine right to be happy, thin, wealthy, healthy?

I will hold that vision for you. Now step into it and believe it for yourself.

What shift do you need to allow you to open up and receive?

Write it down just below the blog! 

Are Your Beliefs Holding You Back?

Since it’s the middle of January I’ve still got resolutions on my mind. Last week I wrote about turning those resolutions into goals and then taking action by identifying the: what, why, how and when. If you need help with that, download my FREE Goals and Action Step worksheets HERE

But if you’ve already done that and are still struggling to get going, it may be time to dig a little deeper and uncover any negative beliefs that might be getting in your way.

What is a belief?

Stated simply, a belief is an idea or concept that we believe is true about ourselves, others or the world at large.

The first time I heard that definition, I was at a weekend workshop about money and wealth lead by Harv Eker and a light bulb went on. I suddenly realized my beliefs weren’t set in stone. They were just ideas I had decided were true for me. Instantly I got that I was in control AND could change them! It was exciting, thrilling and aweing.

If you’re like I was before I attended that workshop, you probably haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about your beliefs. But here’s the thing, what we believe is dictating how we feel, what we think and how we show up in our lives.

So it’s time to dig in and figure yours out.

How are your beliefs hindering you?

• Is the Universe benevolent or dangerous?

• Do you deserve success?

• Are you loveable?

Your answers to these 3 basic questions can help you identify some core beliefs that may be keeping you stuck.

For example, I used to think that the world was an unsafe place. This belief was developed over years, starting from when I was a young girl. My sister and I went to boarding school the year I turned 8 (and she 7). I had to take care of her. I was scared all the time. Every weekend we traveled from a small town in Connecticut to Manhattan. I constantly felt afraid and alone.

My belief that the world is an unsafe place arose as a response to what I was experiencing.

I decided that I had to be vigilant because no one would be there for me, that there was danger everywhere. These beliefs got solidified over the years every time I was unsupported or rejected.

Since I took that money workshop, I’ve come to see how this basic core belief has severely hindered my ability to trust, take risks, make deep connections, and instead propelled me to hide or check out using food, drugs or alcohol.

Changing Your Beliefs

So, I decided to shift my belief. I wanted to have hope and not fear, feel supported not threatened, be accepted not rejected.

I worked on this using self-reflection and awareness. When I noticed that my body felt anxious or my mind was tense or nervous, I calmed myself with breathing, meditation and positive self talk using affirmations such as: “I am safe in the Universe and all life loves and supports me.”

I also talked about what I was experiencing and feeling with a life coach. I wanted to understand where this belief came from and actively pull it out by its emotional roots. When that process was completed, I had to replace it with a new belief.

If you’re ready to dig in, start by answering those 3 Core Questions from above:

• Is the Universe benevolent or dangerous?

• Do you deserve success?

• Are you loveable?

If you answered any of these in the negative, take a closer look.

Why is it that way?

What happened in your past that lead to this belief?

Are you ready to let those old stories about who you were go?

What can you tell yourself instead?

The process of delving into this might seem scary but it will change your life. The only thing limiting you is you and that starts with your beliefs. So jump in, have fun and reach out if you need any help!

Let me know how it goes by leaving me a comment below or sending me an email.

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4 Secrets to Being More Self Motivated

Last week I was talking to my 19 year-old about motivation. Why is it that certain people are motivated and others aren't? That some folks seem to walk through life stress-free while others wear it all over them? And that got me thinking.

When I was in my 20s, I needed extrinsic (outside of myself) means to keep me motivated. Partly because I was struggling with addiction issues and avoidance issues. I was easily stressed and lacked the confidence to get things done on my own. Work and school did that well, although not without stress and weight gain. I had to turn in my paper by Friday or be prepared for a dozen phone calls on September 12th. Deadlines helped keep me on track but I wasn't sure what to do with my stress and wasn't great at time management, often waiting until the last minute to get stuff done. But working a regular job helped ground me. That and dealing with my eating disorder and anxiety. A job required me to show up. I knew where I had to be and when. These kinds of responsibilities helped instill discipline and over time I became skilled at getting things done well and on time.

As I continued to work and mature, this motivation started becoming intrinsic (from inside of me) and I began to develop the habit of learning for myself how to structure my time, create my own deadlines and work towards goals. This has given me the freedom to have more flexibility in my life and feel happy that I can accomplish tasks when I put my mind to them!

So what helped me with that transition? The most important component is to recognize that our behaviors are habits. We talk all the time in our society about bad habits (smoking, fingernail biting, technology addiction) but we don't talk much about creating healthy habits. Things that we want in life such as working out regularly, eating well, and time management. Mastering motivation is another of these habits and is totally learnable!

If you feel like you could be more self motivated, perhaps these tips will help you!

1. The first step is dealing with your mind - A positive, can do attitude makes all the difference.

• Speak to yourself in kind and loving ways.
• Give yourself a pep talk, you can totally do it.
• If confidence falters, again support yourself with gentleness. Remind yourself of how much progress you have already made. It's so easy to always be looking ahead to where we want to go and forget to look behind at what we've already accomplished.

2. Focus on what needs to get done - Let's say that you have a huge project on rainfall to put together. 

• Break it down into parts - when we focus on smaller bits, everything feels more do-able.
• Make a list of everything you have to do
• Schedule it!
  • I really like to start with my deadline as a date, (usually I move that 2-3 days before the actual date).
  • Then I work backward filling in what has to happen in order for me to get there - this might be (next to each of these is a date):
    • outline of project
    • research
    • write first draft
    • add slides/images
    • edit and re-write
    • assemble, practice
• Falling behind? Get help! Ask a colleague for help or see if you can find a buddy or coach to help you stay on track and accountable.

3. Reward yourself!

What do you get for a job well done? A pedicure? A nice dinner at your favorite restaurant? It's critical to congratulate ourselves when we accomplish our goals. Choose something that feels special to you.

4. Surround yourself with support.

Your friends need to be positive and motivating. They  can help you if you have a crisis in confidence or can't seem to get passed completing the bibliography. Find ways to keep learning and growing yourself too! There are tons of resources available. Research it and get new insights and answers. Then you can help others accomplish their goals and that feels awesome!

Let me know how this works for you!

Leave a comment below about any of these "secrets" that you tried. Share your thoughts about other ideas. I would LOVE to hear from you!

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