5 Ideas for Managing This Anxious World

Worried about the next snowstorm hitting your city or that your flight will be delayed? You’re not alone. In fact, every single one of us experiences anxiety. But when we constantly avoid socializing, excessively sweat before a presentation or are unable to sleep because our minds won’t stop, then anxiety may be taking us over.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 40 million Americans or 18% of our population is suffering from this level of anxiety making it the top mental illness diagnosis. Anxiety is clearly the malady of our modern day life.

What Exactly is Anxiety?

Anxiety, as I mentioned earlier, is a normal human response to uncertainty and we experience it often in our lives at work, in school (such as before tests), when we make decisions or if something unexpected arises.

Anxiety becomes a problem when our feelings and thoughts prevent action or cause symptoms that render us unable to cope. These include constant worry, panic, fear and apprehension. There can also be physical symptoms such as sweating, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, and restlessness.

Why Are We So Anxious?

Our modern world is exciting and fast. Thanks to technology we’re also hyper connected and constantly exposed to vast quantities of information. It’s simply too much to process.

In addition, anxiety is effortlessly fed by looming uncertainties like the slow economic recovery, rising terrorism, constant environmental stressors, and managing life’s increasingly complex responsibilities.

If we’re forward thinking, we easily become habituated toward worry, fear and anxiety. What’s going to happen? How am I going to manage it? What if I get Ebola?

To cope with anxiety, many people take Benzodiazepine medications such as: Xanax, Ativan, Valium or Klonopin. These pills target the gamma-aminobutyric acid or GABA, a neurotransmitter chemical, enabling the user to feel more relaxed, and less anxious. They can be addicting and often, when a pill wears off, can make a person feel even more anxious.

What Else Can We Do?

Here are 5 Easy Ways to Address Anxiety Without Medication

1.     Manage It

The number one thing we can do to help ourselves deal with anxiety is to change our thinking.

Let’s reframe anxiety and accept that it exists, that we will feel it and experience it. Anxiety will never go away because we are hard wired to have it. Instead, we have to manage it and recognize it as a warning.

What Does Anxiety Want to Teach Me Right Now?

Do I need to make sure my car is filled with gasoline before the storm? Should I double check my alarm clock so I won’t be late for the meeting? Anxiety is a natural warning system but it doesn’t have to become a way of life.

2.     Be Present

Often we fall into anxious thoughts because we’ve moved ourselves out of the present moment and into a future scenario.  We imagine terrible suffering and awful possibilities. To quote Mark Twain, “.. life does not consist mainly -- or even largely -- of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.”

Instead, if we can bring our attention back to this moment, most of the time, nothing awful is happening. It’s all in our heads. When I find my mind careening forward and painting scary scenarios, I remind myself to come back to now, back to this present moment.

Then I ask questions like:

Am I safe right now?

Am I supported right now?

Are my children okay?

Am I healthy?

And nearly all the time, the answer is yes.

3. Foster Healthy Mind Habits

Left to its own devices, our minds wander, projecting lots of “what if” scenarios or telling us scary stories and other negative things like: “They don’t like me.” “I’ll lose my job.” ”He’s talking about me.” “They’ll never hire me.” “I won’t have enough money.”

Catching ourselves thinking like this is the first step.

Then we can begin to change those thoughts and shift into healthier patterns. Choosing positive self-talk, reassuring words and kind messages instead. Phrases like:

“I’m doing a good job.”

“I can ask for help if I need it.”

“I’m an excellent money manager.”

4.     Limit News

We can also support ourselves by limiting our exposure to the news. Today we can see what is happening across the globe and sometimes that level of knowledge can feed our anxiety. Learning about a military coup or suicide bomber can fuel our fear and propel us into anxiety when, in all likelihood, that occurrence will have no real impact on our lives. Especially avoid watching the news before bed.

5.     Exercise

The research that exercise reduces stress and anxiety is overwhelming. We all know it immediately makes us feel better, boosts our immune system and releases endorphins. And yet, when I’m in an anxious state, it can be hard to get myself motivated.

So the best strategies to ensure that exercise is part of your life are to:

• Create a regular routine.

  • Maybe it’s a walk with friends once a week or an evening yoga class. For me it’s running 4-5 times a week.
     
  • Creating a routine can help us stay exercising even when anxiety appears.
     

• Have a buddy.

  •  Initially it was really hard for me to be self-motivated to exercise.
    I relied on my husband to get me going. He loves working out and was like a cheerleader for me.
     

  • Another way to have accountability is to meet someone at the gym or studio. Knowing someone is waiting can get you there when you feel unmotivated.

So the next time you find yourself feeling anxious and stressed, try incorporating some or all of the above. If you need more help, reach out to a friend, coach or therapist. There’s no reason to feel oppressed by this life. It’s here for you to be lived and enjoyed to the fullest. So get out there, have fun and live anxiety free!

What do you do for anxiety?

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Getting Beyond BUT

I don't know about you but there are some days when I don't feel like doing anything. I want to roll over and turn off my alarm clock, put the pillow back over my head and sleep. Then there are days when I actually do get up because I have to take my daughter to school and I have all the best intentions. I actually dress in my workout gear drive her to school only to come back home and, you can guess, climb back into bed. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great to have a day off, or even a mental health day, a day to do nothing or even a day to simply be unstructured. In this work obsessed culture, it's totally healthy and necessary. 

But how do we know when we should honor that voice telling us we need more rest, time off, etc and when we need to move past it and get on with our day, our year, our life? For most of us, it's by having eternal accountability which typically takes the form of boss. We know that if we're late to work again or absent another day, we'll get fired. If we miss too much school we could fail or get expelled. So these external factors motivate us to get up and go. And they work great at that, right? Most people roll out of bed, into the shower and are dressed and off to work even on the days they might not want to be going. Typically we are happy we have shown up in our lives too.

We can use this same concept of external accountability to help us with other things we want to accomplish but face similar resistance about. Things ranging from weight loss to running a marathon to completing any task or chore. Often we neglect to give ourselves the time to do the things we most want in our lives and find loads of reasons why we simply don't have time or have to clean all the windows in the house instead.

Is there something in your life that you've been hankering to do but haven't gotten around to yet? Maybe it's planting a vegetable garden, learning how to surf or making a photo album of your last trip. If we can create a way to include some kind of accountability, it will help us achieve that goal. Maybe a friend can help or we sign up for lessons or simply give ourselves a completion date. All of these can help to create motivation so we can get beyond BUT.

What, You Don't Want My Help?

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Growing up I definitely took on the role of peacemaker in my family, taking care of everyone's needs and reducing conflict. As I approached my early twenties, this morphed into wanting to save people (and the world). Somehow I was convinced that was my job. I could see other people's suffering so wasn't it my responsibility to rescue them - even if they didn't want to be rescued?

This belief persisted even into my early thirties as I began to deepen my spiritual practice. I remember having a conversation with my friend Lily around this time. I wanted to help my parents- each in a slightly different way- but primarily for both of them to live with more joy and less anxiety around security and safety. I said something to Lily like, "but I have to. It's my job to help my mother understand. I mean if I don't, who will?"

She just looked at me and replied, "It's not your job."

Huh. That was like a mini revelation. Really? I don't have to help them? I soon discovered that she was right. The only job I did actually have was to help myself and maybe, I reasoned, if I did that, showed my loved ones my own transformation, I could set an example and then they might be inspired to change too.

After that conversation, I pretty much got off of the savior wagon but as with all things, old habits die hard and my need to help people continued only in different ways. I created healthy avenues for it by doing service work and being a teacher, therapist and life coach. But I have definitely come face to face with situations where I have tried to push my agenda onto others and have had the door shut in my face.

Most of the time that's when my help seems to be unwanted. The number one most challenging person this happened with over and over again was my sister, Melissa. Because even though Lily reminded me saving my family wasn't my job, it was really hard for me to give up on Melissa. She was my baby sister and for most of her life suffered greatly with depression. I made countless suggestions over the years from joining clubs to moving but it all fell on deaf ears. Even my mom and many of her friends and acquaintances tried too - with professional coaching, resume writing, dating, social skills training... Mel wouldn't hear any of it.

But in the end, here's what I learned. We can truly only help ourselves. We all have to do the work. If someone I love suffers but refuses to change or even see there is another way, nothing I say or do will make a difference. And let me tell you, I HATE this. It makes me feel helpless, inadequate and frustrated.

So then is it really about me, that I want to feel special and important, valued or vital? That is certainly an important question I have to ask myself when I come face to face with the "I don't want your help" situation. When I do take that step back, it gives me time to question and understand more deeply. In that process, I have come to see that I can't help someone when she is not willing to be helped. Being a do-er this can be hard. Instead sometimes those situations call for other responses - things like listening, being present and loving someone just as they are, in their place of pain or suffering. I have also learned not to judge my loved one for refusing to change. Sometimes we simply aren't ready or the pain is familiar, comfortable and gives life purpose. Again, instead of labeling it, I can simply accept it. 

Like with everything, the only way I seem to get clarity is by asking for guidance and praying for the words, actions or non-actions. Then I can trust that God will work through me and resolve this situation in everyone's highest and best good. I'm not actually the do-er, God is. I am merely the vessel for divine grace to flow through me. That clarity allows me to see she will sort it out in her own time and in her own way. After all, she's the one in charge of her own life.

A Prisoner to Anger?

Recently I found myself irritated and annoyed by someone in my life. I was struggling with acceptance and found myself aggravated and put out. My mind was on a circular track, like a broken record stuck in a groove, repeating over and over again, allowing me to wallow in my negativity. 

Later that day, I went to a discussion group. We read and talked about passages reminding me that I am not my mind. I am not even my thoughts! The conversation gave me objectivity and helped me break out of my negative pattern. I began to let it go. As I sat there contemplating my own process, I started to see how my anger and frustration were holding me prisoner in my mind. It had control over me because all I could think about and fixate on was feeling wronged. Then I thought, "do I really want to give this person that power over me?" Wow. Of course the answer was a resounding, "NO!"

Toward the end of the discussion, another member shared that he also was trapped in resentment. Those weren't his words, exactly. What he said was that he wasn't able to get passed a person who'd wronged him. It sounded like it had happened a long time ago. 

Of course the first words that came to my mind were, "you have to forgive him, the person who wronged you." But the gentleman wasn't hearing this. I looked at him and could see that his anger had distorted his facial features. Listening, it became clear that he'd allowed the bitterness to even define him. Who was he if he wasn't betrayed?

This man was mirroring my own inner conflict. I saw in front of me how the anger we hold onto, really holds us. Just as I'd been locked in a prison cell all day with my obsessive thoughts, I could see this man was too. For him though, it had been years. 

There is a quotation often attributed to the Buddha or Pema Chodrun but the origin is actually from Alcoholics Anonymous, "Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

What I felt inside myself on Monday and what I saw with this gentleman, was that quotation playing out exactly. We are the ones who feel the anger so ultimately it is punishing us. When we forgive, we set ouselves free. It's the irony of forgiveness. Our egos resist it so much, "we've been wronged! She's hurt us!" But the reality is that we are the ones who go on hurting ourselves over and over again by holding onto that pain. So I am resentful. How does she know? She has no idea. She doesn't feel my anger, only I do.

When we forgive, it doesn't mean that we forget or even deny that another person hurt us. It doesn't remove their responsibility, minimize or justify their actions. We can release the emotions without excusing the wrong. Forgiveness allows for an internal peace, helping us go on with life.

Sometimes when we've been holding anger for so long it can be hard to forgive. Louise Hay recommends that even if we're not ready to forgive we can be "willing to forgive." The Universe will support even our willingness and help us get there. Along with the mental health benefits of releasing resentment are the physical health benefits. As the Mayo Clinic reports, forgiveness allows for less anxiety and stress, lower blood pressure and reduced risk or alcohol or substance abuse.

So don't think about forgiveness as something we do for another person, think about it as a gift we give to ourselves. Be willing to walk over that proverbial bridge to the other side, the side of healing, love and empowerment. As Louise Hay says, "I forgive and I set MYSELF free." 

A Life of The Mind? What About A Life of the Heart?

Growing up in New York City, I was surrounded by intellectuals and an analytical culture. Both my father and stepfather relished doing the Times crossword puzzles every day. My father even undertook the Sunday diagram-less ones, sketching them out onto graph paper. He was stingy by nature but never scrimped when it came to learning. He'd pay for any course I wanted to take to "better myself." Meanwhile, my mother and stepfather spent every evening discussing politics and theatre. Naturally, as a teenager that's what I emulated. For "light reading" I chose novels like Sophie's Choice and The Sound and The Fury. In high school, I following current events so I could sound knowledgeable but towards the end of my college years, I began to wonder about all of this critical analysis and the pursuit of a 'life of the mind.'

My first inclination that maybe this wasn't the exact path for me was when I took a class on Eastern philosophy and religion. One student presented an argument juxtaposing 'critical anlysis' or breaking things down in order to understand them, to a Buddhist concept of embracing the whole. I suppose that conversation planted a seed because after that I was never quite the same. Yeah, I could banter and hold my own dissecting a film or criticizing a political perspective but I'm no intellectual, not in the way many of my family members were, and I started to see that I was moving in a different direction anyway. After all, wasn't I more than just my mind?

As I let go of the obsessive need to follow the daily news and began my own inner journey, reading books and finding teachers, I kept encountering this idea, to live from the heart. I didn't know what that meant or how to do it- so I went searching. One of the things I learned was that the mind isn't in fact all there is. It's just a muscle that likes to think it's in charge. It'll boss you around forever if you let it. It can create countless fantasies, both good and bad, is a master at imparting fear and loves to judge BUT if you tame it, it can be an amazing machine. 

When we choose to approach the world from the place of the heart, we allow ourselves to open up to the experience rather than the constant narration our head's telling us about what we 'should' be seeing or doing. We defer judgment or rationalization and allow ourselves a more holistic and accepting view. People often say the heart is the home of intuition, the place where your true self lives. I would argue it is also the place of knowing. 

So to live from the heart isn't about not using the critical mind, being lazy or for people who are intellectually inferior. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Leading with your heart invites a person to tap into innate knowing as well as honing the mind to do the heart's bidding. Then we can live from a place of purpose and fulfillment instead of criticism and arrogance.

I know sometimes now when I go out to dinner with my family or intellectual friends in New York, they think I'm weird. Instead of tearing down the latest production of Macbeth, I prefer to talk about the talent. Or better yet, important subjects like the meaning of happiness or success. I'm sure that after some of these evenings my friends go home scratching their heads but at the end of the day, I feel peace and clarity, am not relying on Xanax or Ambien to alleviate my anxiety and sleep like a baby, contented.