Shakti Sutriasa
Experiencing Well-Being Part III

We’re already at the 3rd pillar of well-being!

As a quick review, the first two are:

1.Awareness

-Meaning, the ability to be more present, tuned into your here and now as well as to your mind chatter.

From Dr Davidson directly:

“Awareness: A heightened, flexible attentiveness to one’s environment and internal cues such as bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings.

Skills: Mindfulness, attention, self-awareness”

Experiencing Well-Being Part III
Shakti Sutriasa
Cultivating Well-Being Part II

How is your practice of awareness coming along?

Another way to think about awareness, is mindfulness. If you google that word alone, you’ll find loads of practices (in addition to the pause one I gave you) to support you in cultivating more awareness.

Today we’re exploring the 2nd pillar of well-being that Dr Richard Davidson identified with his neuroscience research.

Cultivating Well-Being Part II
Shakti Sutriasa
Cultivating Well-Being Part I

Have you heard of a neuroscientist named Richard Davidson?

He’s been doing research on the brain specifically related to mindfulness, meditation, and well- being for decades. And his research is fascinating!

One of his key findings is around the idea of well-being. Through extensive study, trials and research, he has identified what he calls 4 pillars of well-being.

The really exciting news is that these so-called pillars aren’t inherent qualities, or even simply acquired knowledge. They are qualities that each and every one of us can cultivate and apply every day of our lives! Wahoo!

Cultivating Well-Being Part I
Shakti Sutriasa
3 Ways to Manage the Rate of Change in the World

Have you experienced the past few months as intense, chaotic, and full of uncertainty?

Yes?

You’re not alone.

Some days feel like a tough slog. Like we’re moving through dense resistance. Which is all the more reason to embrace your spiritual practice and deepen into it. 

Many seers have spoken of this time we are in as an amplification, when everything is speeding up and gaining power. This is exactly why you have to choose your own sanity, clarity and peace.

Not only because the chaos is ever growing, but because the benefit of you doing your inner work is amplified during this time. In other words, you can use this time to fast track your liberation.

3 Ways to Manage the Rate of Change in the World
Shakti Sutriasa
How to Know What Archetype You Embody

Recently, we explored the big idea in which I asked you what myth are you living. If you’re still ruminating on this, here’s another tool that might help you drill into it: archetypes.

The concept of archetype is something Carl Jung spent a tremendous amount of time exploring and is so rich! Caroline Myss has built on Jung’s work and expounded on how we can access and utilize archetypal energy to better understand ourselves and the world.

How to Know What Archetype You Embody

How Do You See Your Partner?

How Do You See Your Partner?

The other night I had dinner with a friend and she asked me about the agreements my husband and I had made when we decided our relationship would be different from anything either of us had ever had before.

Listening to her question, I was suddenly silent. Apart from the one I’d recently written about - - to not go to bed angry -- what were our other agreements?

Then I remembered the first one we made. It was shortly after we’d confessed our love to one another.

It began with a conversation.

“If we’re going to be together it has to be totally different from anything we’ve ever had before,” I’d offered. “So many relationships end up being about power or control and I don’t want that anymore.”

He’d agreed and added, “Most relationships are based on conditional love, too. The ‘you only love me because.’ Those end up being about tearing each other down.”

“Can’t there be another way? Another kind of relationship that lifts both people up?”

“Yeah,” he replied, “but it has to be about God first and about honoring the God within each other.”

The Power of Presence: Daily Mindfulness

The Power of Presence: Daily Mindfulness

We hear a lot about being mindful not just within spiritual circles but more and more in the work place.

What exactly is mindfulness?

Mindfulness stated simply is awareness of the present or the ability to be present in all aspects of our lives.

It’s a honing of the mind to focus on what is happening right now.

Since the 1970s, there’s been a growing recognition and movement towards embracing mindfulness.

This is due in large part to the many Buddhists teachers who have come to the United States over the past few decades as well as the American practitioner, Jon Kabat-Zinn, who began teaching mindfulness courses in 1979.

The first time I recognized mindfulness occurring in my life was shortly after I met my first husband. He’s from Bali and since he's Hindu, learned meditation at a young age.

Part of what had attracted me to him in the first place was his calm demeanor and indefatigable kindness. 

The day I noticed his mindfulness in action, we were in Indonesia visiting his family.

A Simple Way to Move Into Forgiveness

A Simple Way to Move Into Forgiveness

According to A Course in Miracles, forgiveness is our only function.

Forgiveness sounds easy but can seem awfully difficult to actually do.

A great tool that has really helped me on my journey to forgiveness was one that I learned from Louise Hay.

Louise Hay shares many affirmations focused on and about forgiveness.

One of my personal favorites is when she talks about the willingness to forgive.

Sometimes we’re in a situation where the hurt, anger or upset seems too much to let go of and for whatever reason we aren’t ready to forgive. This is when willingness is a great bridge.

Willingness to forgive opens the door. We don’t have to walk through it yet, but it offers us another possibility.

Willingness allows us to expand and gives us the potential to move beyond the hurt- in our own time, when we are ready.

Willingness is an opportunity for something new to unfold.

Pushing Past Our Own Limitations

Pushing Past Our Own Limitations

I miss my father.

We used to have great conversations especially over dinner.

A really memorable one took place in the fall of my junior year when I was at boarding school.

In early October, my Dad picked me up and we sped off to our favorite place, the Fox & Fox, a fine dining restaurant on a winding road in western Connecticut.

When Dad learned I was taking a U.S. History class, he happily engaged me, debating  about the early days of our country and the founders. We argued over Hamilton’s Federalist views and Jefferson’s Republican ones.

I was impressed at his recall and easy acquisition of dates, names and events as if he’d just read them – like I had.

I’d chosen an Advanced Placement (AP) U.S. History class because if I wanted to get into a decent college, I was going to have to seriously apply myself. But this was a real AP class, a college course, and the work was punishing.

I jocularly debated with him but then I made a confession.

The Magic of Shifting Perspective

The Magic of Shifting Perspective

It's often easy to look at my life and be filled with petty grievance, annoyance or irritation. My neighbor’s kids are shouting in the pool. A client cancels last minute. I have a cavity. But then I have to remember how good things really are.

Today was a glorious sunny day and as I parked my car near my office, my eye spotted a man delicately and gently coaxing his wife – who was clearly paralyzed – into a wheelchair. I watched them do this exquisite dance, where he led her shoulders while stepping back and one of her feet dragged forward. They did this two-step  fluidly, again and again, until she was safely in the chair. I nearly burst out crying because what I saw in that parking lot was absolute devotion despite tragedy.

And I’m annoyed because someone beeped at me earlier?

An hour later, I was online, researching and found an article that caught my attention. It was about embracing change. I was struck by how well it was written, noted the author’s name and decided to Google her. Only to discover that she died in 2012 at the age of 56 from metastasized breast cancer. I read her obituary in the New York Times and an article she wrote for O Magazine about living with cancer, which, I soon discovered, she’d had for 25 years.

And I feel sorry for myself because my hip hurts?

The Key to a Great Relationship – Don’t Go To Bed Angry

The Key to a Great Relationship – Don’t Go To Bed Angry

The first time I got married, I was pretty young, naïve and foolish. I didn’t genuinely understand what it meant to share a life with another person (although I was convinced I did.) 

I was, however, absolutely certain of one thing. 

I wanted to do my marriage differently than my parents had. I’d witnessed the hostility, anger, frustration, hurt and dysfunction first hand. I definitely did not want that. But let’s face it, my mom, dad and stepdad were my role models so naturally, I ended up re-enacting what I’d experienced even when it was the last thing I’d wanted.

Meanwhile, my heart craved something else entirely.

Something other than what I was creating. My heart longed for intimacy, love, connection, to be understood. All these desires sounded romantic and simple… but somehow, they eluded me. 

What I had and what I wanted were miles apart only I pretended that wasn’t the case and acted as if everything was perfect. 

Until it all came apart.

Looking back I see that the main challenge, the thing that successfully unraveled my relationship, wasn’t any one singular event. In fact it was the opposite. It was the small, ever day, ordinary moments that poked the holes.

What am I talking about?

Awakening to Spring and New Beginnings

Awakening to Spring and New Beginnings

Across the globe, signs of spring are here! For those who live where it gets cold, it’s easy to see the world re-awaken with the flowers and trees, the birds returning and people emerging from their houses.

On Facebook, my New England friends post pictures of budding purple crocuses and brave blades of grass emerging after the deluge of snow.

Even in Florida, there are signs of spring (mostly because everyone complains about their allergies) but I smell the orange blossoms and see the palms flowering. The signs are more subtle here and disappear fast into the broiler -commonly known as summer- but before they do, spring is a wonderful time to re-awaken.

There is a rune that looks like a capital I, Isa. When I used to read my runes regularly, I’d always kind of gasp when I’d pull this one because Isa symbolizes “no movement” but to me, that meant stuck. Isa is more accurately described as standstill and metaphorically corresponds to the season of winter, a time of dormancy, of seeds waiting. 

When I put my own self-process into the natural life cycle, I quickly understand the need for stasis before activity. This has enabled me to embrace the stillness, the emptiness, the waiting -  the winter before spring.

But now this season of gestation is over, the seeds are awakening, ready to germinate and create new life, new beginnings, new opportunities.

Stressed by Your To Do List? 4 Simple Strategies to Lighten the Load

Stressed by Your To Do List? 4 Simple Strategies to Lighten the Load

I recently got back from a family holiday in France. Because I wanted to be “on vacation,” I’d decided to get a bunch of work done early so I wouldn’t have it hanging over my head while I was away. Sound familiar? We all do this, right?

Naturally, I made a list.

My list included what I needed to do for my business as well as all the personal issues that had to be addressed. Things like paying the mortgage, the electric and cable bills, getting cash for travelling, stopping the mail, etc.

I wrote my list about two weeks before we left. Almost immediately I was stressed out. My mind whirred with, “I have so much to do. I have to hurry to get it all done. The clock’s ticking. I’m running out of time.” My chest started contracting and it was hard to breathe. I’m sure my blood pressure spiked too.

For the first time since I started writing a weekly blog 18 months ago, I had writer’s block.

I literally sat down to start an article and my mind was a complete blank. I had no creativity, no ideas, nothing sounded interesting or compelling.

I just sat there and stared at my computer as the panic rose and the chant continued. “You can’t do this. You have too much to do. You have to get this piece written. Your list is waiting… And nothing.

I finally got up and walked away.

Gratitude – the Antidote to More

Gratitude – the Antidote to More

As an American, I’m pretty good at being a consumer. In fact, I think most of us are. Americans are constantly encouraged to buy. It’s how we fuel our economy. But the underbelly of our consumer economy is the never-ending quest for more.

More manifests itself obviously with technology since technology changes so rapidly.

I suddenly find myself convinced that I need the iPhone 6 even when my current phone works fine. Or I immediately want the Apple watch when I don’t even like wearing watches. And although I just bought a new MacBook, I now must have the lighter than Air model.

But it isn’t just with technology, it’s with everything partly because we strive to keep up with others around us. I need a pair of LeBrons or Timberland boots. I have to get some new Beats by Dre headphones. This April, I simply must have a purse for spring.

Sure enough, buying that new hobo handbag does make me feel happy and satisfied but only briefly because soon my pastel blue purse is passé and I’m hankering for a black one for fall…

This craving for more is a never-ending cycle. It’s a treadmill we get on of wanting more or better - a bigger house, a newer car- and on and on.

What’s the solution? Gratitude

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Not long ago, I was at a conference and heard a journalist share about her recent interview with Dr. Wayne Dyer. She’d asked him about the Serenity Prayer, wondering how we can develop the wisdom to know the difference.

Her query got me thinking. How do I know when to surrender and when to act? And then it hit me. 

I can only change one thing, ME -- my words, my actions and my thoughts. 

When I decide to take control, I’m in charge and responsible for my life. From this place I feel empowered because I can indeed effect change and evolve myself.

Accepting the things I cannot change is harder.

3 Reasons Why Rejection’s a Good Thing

3 Reasons Why Rejection’s a Good Thing

It’s nearly that time of year when high school seniors start hearing from colleges – hoping to be accepted and dreading the rejection letters. I remember those days, the anxiety and nervous energy, waiting to see what the future held. 

In the 30 years since I awaited my own set of letters, I’ve learned a lot about rejection. That contrary to popular belief, rejection may not be the enemy, but instead can often be a helpful guide. 

I say this because we don’t always know what’s in our best interest. I might think that working for large corporation A is my dream job only to find when they don’t hire me, that small organization B was exactly where I fit and what I needed to both build my skills and open new doors. Rejection offers us a chance to re-think our plan, to realign or challenge our initial beliefs and ensure that where we think we want to go is indeed in our highest and best good.

Here’s How Rejection is Helpful

Moving Through Fear In 3 Easy Steps

Moving Through Fear In 3 Easy Steps

Last week I got a call from a woman in tears who confessed that she was incapable of completing even simple tasks anymore, like phoning a sick friend. She then said, “I’m paralyzed by fear.”

My heart went out to her.

Obviously she was in a lot of pain. Sometimes it’s easy to look at people who are successful or brave and feel like they must be cut from a different cloth. They must have mastered fear and no longer have it. We compare ourselves and feel woefully inadequate. Then we can think things like, “That person is so unlike me. I’m just a big scardey cat, afraid all the time.”

I knew this woman felt like she was alone in her suffering. 

So I resolved to support her just as I had been helped years earlier to walk through my own fear.

About fourteen years ago, I was a martial arts student, preparing for an upcoming rank test in Tae Kwon Do. This meant I’d have to break a board. I never felt terribly confident in sports and saw myself as clumsy and awkward.

I was slowly working myself into a panic about performing. Not only would I forget the moves for the form I was required to do but I’d get hurt or worse. I’d make a fool out of myself and feel embarrassed in front of the other students, my teachers and family. 

I finally said something, knowing I needed encouragement. My teacher, who had also been a spiritual practitioner for more than 30 years, shared his wisdom with me.

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Ready To Get What You Want?

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Ready To Get What You Want?

I can have the intention to learn how to ride a bike or to lose 20 pounds. I can think about it, visualize it and imagine it but unless I’m willing to take some action towards achieving my goal, it’ll never happen.

Am I going to learn to ride a bike from saying I want to? Not likely. But I’ll master it if I get on it and practice. It’s the same for losing weight. I can write down my intention or say it out loud but unless I do something, nothing will change.

I first heard Marci Shimoff talk about a secret formula for success in her book Happy for No Reason. In it she says she learned this from performance consultant, Bill Levacy. To me, it encapsulates exactly how to use intention and harness its power to create results in your life.

And the best part, it’s really easy to remember.

Here’s the formula: Intention, Attention, No Tension.

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The Power of Visualization

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The Power of Visualization

My 15 year-old daughter is taking a standardized test in English and as I think about preparing her for it, I’m reminded of an exam I took not so long ago. It was for Psychopathology, a required class for my graduate program in Social Work. We were essentially required to memorize the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), read scenarios and apply diagnoses. 

All of us students were struggling. 

On the last day of class, we showed up on Saturday morning for our final. Before our professor passed out the exams she said, “I want you to close your eyes.”

 Being the dutiful student I am, I complied.

 She then went on. “Imagine yourself in a library. See the rows of books and all the information. This is what is within your brain. It has all the knowledge and answers. Allow yourself to access this, remembering it is here for you as you read each question and answer it.”

As I listened to her words, I saw myself in the library. I observed how my mind was made up of all this information, of the countless hours I’d spent studying notecards, discerning the differences between types of schizophrenia and personality disorders, between major depression and dysthymia, and on and on.

I took a deep breath acknowledging that all the answers would revel themselves to me. Then I opened my eyes and took the test.

 

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5 Ideas for Managing This Anxious World

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5 Ideas for Managing This Anxious World

Worried about the next snowstorm hitting your city or that your flight will be delayed? You’re not alone. In fact, every single one of us experiences anxiety. But when we constantly avoid socializing, excessively sweat before a presentation or are unable to sleep because our minds won’t stop, then anxiety may be taking us over.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 40 million Americans or 18% of our population is suffering from this level of anxiety making it the top mental illness diagnosis. Anxiety is clearly the malady of our modern day life.

What Exactly is Anxiety?

Anxiety, as I mentioned earlier, is a normal human response to uncertainty and we experience it often in our lives at work, in school (such as before tests), when we make decisions or if something unexpected arises.

Anxiety becomes a problem when our feelings and thoughts prevent action or cause symptoms that render us unable to cope. These include constant worry, panic, fear and apprehension. There can also be physical symptoms such as sweating, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, and restlessness.

Why Are We So Anxious?