February is the month for lovers, for love, for reminding us of what our hearts yearn for.
Are you like me? Have you always been a romantic, from the time you were little?
I completely bought into the fantasy. You know it, right? Get rescued from your unhappy situation when you meet the love of your dreams, and live happily ever after.
As part this, I was HOOKED on the idea of falling in love even though I had NO idea of what love actually was.
I harbored this romantic dream for years.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I was ready to release this myth that I could actually experience true love.
I had to face my own unhappiness and learn to love myself. And surrender the idea of romance and relationship to God.
That’s when I learned the secret I wish I’d known when I was 13: Be Friends First.
I know it sounds simple and I suppose it is, but simple can be true, and simple can be real, and simple can lead you everywhere you want to go.
What do I mean when I say be friends first? Well…
Hot and heavy is short lived.
When we get honest with ourselves, we know it’s true. Sex is great but that intense physical attraction isn’t sustainable in the long run.
Shared interests is. Having fun together is. Enjoying one another’s company is.
Not long ago I was talking to a friend who’s always looking for love and is chronically disappointed.
This was my advice to him. Be friends first.
Because even if your sex life is INCREDIBLE, it isn’t happening 24 hours a day (be honest).
BUT you are in an emotional relationship with someone 24 hours a day. And it makes a huge difference when that person is your confidante, best friend, most fun playmate and lover.
Don’t believe me? Look around.
Who do you know that’s in a romantic relationship and is happy, fulfilled, growing?
My guess is, they are couples who really value one another, genuinely care about each other and relish spending time together.
So, the next time you find yourself looking for Mr. (or Mrs. Right), think about being their friend first.
Take it slowly.
Get to know one another and allow that love to grow naturally.
You might just be amazed.
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Image by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash