How Porous Are Your Boundaries?

Boundaries often get a bad rap, as if they’re not a good thing, as if they prevent us from genuine connection.

Is that really true?

First off, let’s define what we’re really talking about.

A boundary can be physical like a fence or a wall, even your skin is a natural physical boundary.

Boundaries can also be set by social or cultural standards. For example, in Japan, people greet one another with a bow, rather than in the United States where we often shake hands or hug.

Boundaries – in terms of dictating behavior- also differ in public versus private spaces, and vary depending on the types of relationship you have with someone.

I might sidle up close to my child or spouse, rub their back in a way I would never touch a colleague or stranger.

Much of this we pick up from our culture and family, although there are nuances to that, right? We all know friends and family who may not enjoy being physically touched.

Boundaries imply limit – physical and emotional.

The physical ones are often more obvious and straight forward, while the relationship or interpersonal ones can sometimes me murkier.

And when it comes to these, sometimes things can get unclear.

Why?

There are many reasons.

One is that we might not know what we want.

In order to have more clarity, we need to be willing to do a self-inventory. That way we can be more aware of what feels supportive to us personally, both physically and emotionally.

It also requires the ability to communicate our needs to others in clear and loving ways.

This can sometimes feel difficult.

After all, if you’re a sensitive person, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel bad.

The goal therefore, is to state your needs as clearly as possible. Not by saying what you don’t want, but by saying what you do want and by being okay at holding any hurt feelings that might arise.

Why is this important?

When we don’t advocate for ourselves, we can feel taken advantage of, resentful, misunderstood, or at a more extreme level, violated.

Anyone who cares for you would never want you to feel these ways!

But they don’t know if you don’t tell them!

Another aspect of boundaries in interpersonal relationships is around how we live with each other. What are the “rules.”

You can think about it like a set of regulations that you often see when you check into a hotel. What you can and cannot do.

The same could be said about how we live in relationship with one another.

If it’s really important to me that the bed is made every morning, for example, then I need to communicate that to my partner.

Another aspect of this is with children, creating a schedule or structure for how your day with your child goes.

Establishing clear ways of being allows everyone to feel safe.

In truth, the idea of boundaries as limitations is actually one of life’s funny ironies.

We all want freedom and the ability to do whatever we want when we want, and we can assume that boundaries will prevent that from happening. But it’s in having structure around behavior, having clarity of where the end points are, that provides parameters and support which ultimately enables us to do everything we want and feel safe.

Want to do a deeper dive into emotional boundary setting? Here’s a great blog:

https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

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Feel the Presence of God with You Always

When you were a child, did you have an imaginary friend? Someone you held tea parties with, read to in bed, played hide and seek with, or blamed for the mess in your room?

According to WebMD, around 65% of children under the age of seven have them, so if you did, you’re in the majority!

Naturally, there are social and emotional reasons that children have imaginary friends. It’s good company. It’s also a way to try out new social behaviors, or process feelings. An imaginary friend can offer support, too. After all, it’s YOUR special friend, someone who loves you, won’t leave, and doesn’t judge.

Honestly, it sounds pretty good!

Which got me thinking about it in a different way.

Before you roll your eyes, hear me out.

What if God, or the presence of love, or your guardian angel was, in fact, your imaginary friend?

Someone who goes EVERYWHERE with you! You are NEVER alone. You have this loving presence beside you all the time.

Frankly, I’m really liking this idea.

AND it reminds me of the poetry of the Sufi mystic Hafiz. Frequently, in his lines, he refers to God/love/unity consciousness as the Friend.

Like in this example from the poem entitled, Cast All Your Votes for Dancing. Here is an excerpt:

So, what do you say?

Are you willing to consider the idea of having God, your guardian angel, a guide, or the presence of love be YOUR imaginary friend?

I know I am.

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The Key to Having a Lasting Romantic Relationship

February is the month for lovers, for love, for reminding us of what our hearts yearn for.

Are you like me? Have you always been a romantic, from the time you were little?

I completely bought into the fantasy. You know it, right? Get rescued from your unhappy situation when you meet the love of your dreams, and live happily ever after.

As part this, I was HOOKED on the idea of falling in love even though I had NO idea of what love actually was.

I harbored this romantic dream for years.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I was ready to release this myth that I could actually experience true love.

I had to face my own unhappiness and learn to love myself. And surrender the idea of romance and relationship to God.

That’s when I learned the secret I wish I’d known when I was 13: Be Friends First. 

I know it sounds simple and I suppose it is, but simple can be true, and simple can be real, and simple can lead you everywhere you want to go.

What do I mean when I say be friends first? Well… 

Hot and heavy is short lived. 

When we get honest with ourselves, we know it’s true. Sex is great but that intense physical attraction isn’t sustainable in the long run. 

Shared interests is. Having fun together is. Enjoying one another’s company is. 

Not long ago I was talking to a friend who’s always looking for love and is chronically disappointed.

This was my advice to him. Be friends first.

Because even if your sex life is INCREDIBLE, it isn’t happening 24 hours a day (be honest).

BUT you are in an emotional relationship with someone 24 hours a day. And it makes a huge difference when that person is your confidante, best friend, most fun playmate and lover.

Don’t believe me? Look around.

Who do you know that’s in a romantic relationship and is happy, fulfilled, growing?

My guess is, they are couples who really value one another, genuinely care about each other and relish spending time together.

So, the next time you find yourself looking for Mr. (or Mrs. Right), think about being their friend first.

Take it slowly.

Get to know one another and allow that love to grow naturally.

You might just be amazed.

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Your Time to Vision

Now that you’ve landed on a word to be your guidepost for the year, it’s time to REALLY vision into how you want 2024 to unfold.

We can choose to be intentional AND allow the universe to support and provide us with mystery, too.

My all time favorite tool for doing this is to create a vision board. It’s such a great way to launch the year with intention, guidance and inquiry.

In fact, doing this activity has become one of my family’s New Year’s traditions! The fireplace is roaring, the Christmas lights (and music) are blasting, and I’m typically on the rug, ripping, cutting and gluing, making a giant mess!

Normally I’m extremely intentional about creating a vision board, thinking about the different areas of my life and how I want to experience them. I’ll have imagery for my spiritual development – perhaps a picture of a book, goddess or teacher. I’ll have a picture of a place I want to visit (typically someplace where I can ski). For years I had African animals – elephants, giraffes… I find images of things I’d like to accomplish – pictures of art, words that are inspiring…

But a few years ago, I began doing my vision boards slightly differently. I call it a Soul Vision Board!

Essentially, I incorporated a new collage technique I learned from a friend called SoulCollage® and use it to make my vision board.

Soul Collage is an intuitive, contemplative way to collage using ONLY imagery (no words). With this technique, you typically make a set of cards, then read/interpret them- eliciting meaning from the images you’ve assembled.

Adapting this idea to a vision board, I allow my intuition to guide me RATHER than control it by looking for specific images and words. Instead, I choose pictures that catch my eye. I don’t worry about finding the “right” word or picture but relax into the process, trusting that the images (and words) I find are the perfect ones.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Before you begin, take a moment to think about the year ahead. How do you want to feel? To experience it?

2. Allow yourself to browse images, choosing things that appeal perhaps from an emotive, metaphoric, or unconscious space, as opposed to being so concrete. If you feel inclined, add words that speak to you, too.

3. Once you have a pile of stuff, follow the basic vision board instructions.

4. After the collage is assembled, step back and take in the whole board. What is it telling you about how you want to live your year?

Perhaps what you’ll hear isn’t so much about WHAT you will specifically accomplish, instead it may be more about HOW you will experience your everyday life.

How does that sound?

I’m excited to see how this new technique influences your year.

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How to Solve Your Problems

I admit it. We think the idea of life is to NOT have any problems. 

But seriously, when has that ever been true for you?

There's always something, right?

So what do we do about this?

First (of course) we have to get past the feelings of “ugh, I don’t want this problem! I’ll just pretend I don’t have it, ignore it, push it away…

Then we have to acknowledge that the problem is lingering at the edges of our awareness, pressing in on us.

And finally make the decision to deal with it.

That’s when the fun really starts!

I say fun because that’s where the opportunity for growth and learning lie, yay!

Let’s say your problem seems small, even petty. You’re bickering with a colleague. Your neighbor’s lawn is always full of litter and totally bugs you. You can’t seem to resolve a minor conflict with a family member. In the scheme of problems, yours is trite. It isn’t about Covid, or world peace, or a life threatening illness.

And because it’s small, it’s easy to judge it and yourself. Why aren’t I over this little issue yet?

Sound familiar?

Here’s an example.

The other day a woman shared about her anxiety having to go to the store to buy a new smartphone. Immediately I wanted to judge her. Who on earth has anxiety about buying a new phone? I kept listening though as she went on to explain how she allowed herself to experience her anxiety and then remember that she was always supported by God/universe to make perfect decisions.

It wasn’t until later that it hit me.

Whether you’re buying a phone, irritated with your co-worker or bugged by a neighbor, it’s the SAME as wanting to heal the world from Covid, or desiring world peace.

Here’s what I mean.

We judge something as being big or small, worthy of our attention or not. But what if we didn’t?

In A Course in Miracles, the first principle we learn about miracles is that, “There is no order of difficulty in miracles. One is not "harder" or "bigger" than another. They are all the same. All expressions of love are maximal.”

When we think about these “problems” or “challenges” we’re experiencing, the same is true! Every learning opportunity is maximal.

Because EVERY TIME we choose to view the situation differently, we are healed.

Big or small, trite or enormous, every time we ask, “please let me see this person differently.” “Please let me experience this situation differently,” we open the door to love, to expansiveness, to love.

All the rest is simply our judgement and a way of blocking our own learning and opening.

So what do you say? Willing to try?

I am so excited about this – I’m going to use it every time I feel myself get upset!

How about you?

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Overcoming Loneliness: 3 New Mindsets

I was lying in bed thinking about a friend of mine. She's absolutely amazing - beautiful, talented, funny, kind, and single.

Apart from feeling like she wants a partner, it's more the feeling of BEING ALONE that plagues her.

Have you ever experienced that?

I know I have.

And let's be honest. Even if you are in a committed relationship, you can still feel alone. Or lonely. Right?

So what can we do about it? 

Here are 3 beliefs to help when you find yourself stuck in that place.

1. Illusion of Separation

In A Course in Miracles, we are told that the Original Sin is that we have forgotten that we are a part of God! 

So for all of you recovering Catholics and Christians, this new definition might help. 

We believe we are a separate self- a physical body and brain- but in fact we are a thought in the mind of God.

In Hinduism, we also learn that EVERYTHING is part of God. You, me, the rock, the tree, the water... you get the idea.

In essence it is our perception that we are separate that causes us pain.

How can you reconnect and remember that you actually are not a separate body, but spirit having a human experience? 

2. Ask for Help

When you think you are alone, it's easy to feel like you have to do everything by yourself. There is no one you can truly trust or rely on. No one who really has your back. 

It's you against the world.

And yet guidance is there, patiently waiting for us. We simply have to ask. 

Spirit has so much integrity that it does not presume. It won't jump in and volunteer. We have to ask. 

Ma Jaya, my guru, used to say that God waits and waits for us to ask. Happy to help. If we would just do it!

What guidance do you need in your life right now?​ What's preventing you from asking for it?

3. You Are Surrounded By Love & Support

At a workshop I attended years ago, the facilitator said, "In order for us to be in this time/space existence, we have to filter out 99.99999% of what is around us" because we are ALWAYS surrounded by our angels and guides. 

And, we can call on our teachers and ancestors any time, too.

Everything in life wants to support us.

Here is a meme to help you remember:

What would you do if you believed you were never alone?

It's easy to falsely presume that you're weak if you need help. But really it's the opposite. 

It is in opening and receiving true guidance that gives us real, genuine strength.

Why not try it and see how you feel?

I guarantee you'll never feel lonely again!

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Time For A Miracle

This week, I thought I'd share a question I received from a student who is taking my Insight Timer course on mastering uncertainty. 

She asks, how can she befriend fear when she has real life problems of paying her rent and health insurance for herself and her small child?​

My heart went out to her. Because life can sometimes feel really hard.

But how do we manage fear when it can feel so paralyzing?

When I get stuck in fear, it's as if all the doors shut, the windows are locked and I feel trapped and desperate, as if there are NO answers or ways to move. 

So what helps?

Of course breathing. 

Breathing helps immediately ground me back into my body and slows me down. It helps create a crack in the doorway back to the present moment and out of the whirlwind of future focused anxiety.

The goal is to return to the present, to the place of receiving, of openness, right? Because in that space and place, we can receive guidance.

Recently, I also learned a wonderful new affirmation that can both remind us and support us to move out of fear and open again to opportunity, the flow, love... whatever word you like.

Here it is:

​According to A Course in Miracles, a miracle occurs when we choose love instead of fear - in any relationship or situation. When we choose love, it allows us to be in that flow of GRACE.

So if you find yourself tensing up, procrastinating or avoiding doing what you have to do, use this affirmation, breathe and see how things change!

Ready For A Miracle?

As you know, I’m a big fan of the book, A Course in Miracles (ACIM), which is often described as a self-study curriculum designed to help the reader experience personal transformation.

In Chapter 1, it literally defines miracles. (Isn’t that so cool!?) There are 50 points, or ways that miracles are described. I've chosen my top 5 to share here:

1. Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle. (3)

That last sentence is balm to my heart, the gentle reminder that love heals all.

I recently listened to a podcast in which they quoted from Martin Luther King’s 1967 speech to the 11th Convention of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. In it he said,

“…I know that love is ultimately the only answer to mankind's problems. And I'm going to talk about it everywhere I go. I know it isn't popular to talk about it in some circles today. And I'm not talking about emotional bosh when I talk about love; I'm talking about a strong, demanding love. For I have seen too much hate. I've seen too much hate on the faces of sheriffs in the South. I've seen hate on the faces of too many Klansmen and too many White Citizens Councilors in the South to want to hate, myself, because every time I see it, I know that it does something to their faces and their personalities, and I say to myself that hate is too great a burden to bear. I have decided to love. If you are seeking the highest good, I think you can find it through love."

Talk about a miracle worker.

2. Prayer is the medium of miracles. It is a means of a communication of the created with the Creator. Through prayer love is received, and through miracles love is expressed. (11)

In other words, don’t underestimate the power of prayer! Everything is mind, and everything is being created by mind. So, use your thoughts, and prayers to open up to the Oneness, and co-create exactly what you want life to be, full of peace, love, solidarity, kindness, and respect.

3. Miracles are teaching devices for demonstrating it is as blessed to give as to receive. They simultaneously increase the strength of the giver and supply strength to the receiver. (16)

If this isn’t a universal spiritual principle, what is? In every major world religion, from Christianity to Buddhism, we hear this, right? And yet, it’s good to be constantly reminded.

4. Miracles reawaken the awareness that the spirit, not the body, is the altar of truth. This is the recognition that leads to the healing power of the miracle. (20)

Part of our job is to always remember that we are spirit beings having a human experience. We feel trapped and limited when that thinking is reversed. This definition of a miracle is an invitation to remember who you truly are.

5. A major contribution of miracles is their strength in releasing you from your false sense of isolation, deprivation and lack. (42)

The core of our pain is that we feel alone, lost, or disconnected. When we remember that this is absolutely NOT true, it invites us to reconnect to the One-ness, the refuge of being part of it all.

As ACIM reminds us, “If you knew Who walked beside you at all times; On this Path that you have chosen; You could never experience fear or doubt again.”

So what do you say? Ready to embrace your new role as a miracle worker?

Say yes!

Not only will it transform your life but the entire world, and we really need that right now. I can’t even go outside because the smoke from the wildfires is so thick!

Not only is your soul shouting for this shift, so is our planet. It’s time for us to up-level our collective consciousness!

Will you help?

I’m all in and right here with ya.
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Manifest Your Holiday Miracle

The other morning I turned the page for my new lesson in A Course in Miracles (ACIM) and here is what it said; “I am entitled to miracles.”

I smiled.

First because I love that idea, and second because it felt so timely, given that Christmas and Chanukah are right around the corner.

I’ve always been fascinated with miracles, magic and what seemed like “other-worldly stuff.” To me, miracles were the foray of Gods, of holy people, of wonder. They weren’t something that a mere mortal such as myself could perform.

Until I learned more - that we, you and I, co-create our world with God.

One thing that I really appreciate about A Course in Miracles it that it’s like a handbook for how to do that. In fact, on page 3 it details 50 principles to describe a miracle!

Here Are my Top 10 Definitions of a Miracle

1.     There is no order of difficulty in miracles.

One is not "harder" or "bigger" than another. They are all the same. All expressions of love are maximal.

2.     Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.

The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.

3.     Prayer is the medium of miracles.

It is a means of communication of the created with the Creator. Through prayer love is received, and through miracles love is expressed.

4.     Miracles are both beginnings and endings, and so they alter the temporal order. 

They are always affirmation of rebirth, which seem to go back but really go forward. They undo the past in the present, and thus release the future.

5.     Miracles are teaching devices for demonstrating it it as blessed to give as to receive.

They simultaneously increase the strength of the giver and supply strength to the receiver.

6.     A miracle is a service.

It is the maximal service you can render to another. It is a way of loving your neighbor as yourself. You recognize your own and your neighbor's worth simultaneously.

7.     Miracles reawaken the awareness that the spirit, not the body, is the altar of truth.

This is the recognition that leads to the healing power of the miracle.

8.     Miracles are natural signs of forgiveness.

Through miracles you accept God's forgiveness by extending it to others.

9.     The miracle acknowledges everyone as your brother and mine.

It is a way of perceiving the universal mark of God.

10.  The miracle is a learning device that lessens the need for time.

It establishes an out-of-pattern time interval not under the usual laws of time. In this sense it is timeless.

As we head into the holidays, think about Jesus as an example of one who recognized his own divinity.

Why not embrace your own ability to manifest miracles?

Be love, share love and open up to the wonderment of life this season.

Use prayer to set intention and visualize perfect healing, manifestation or whatever it is that your life needs.

You can do this – it is your nature and right. And as we are taught in ACIM, “Miracles are natural. When they do not occur, something has gone wrong."

So get to work!

Don’t forget to let me know how it goes – share your miracles with me.

Leave a comment below.

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PS - If you’re interested, here’s a link to see all 50.

3 Simple Tools for Creating A Future YOU Want

Do you want to keep living the life you’ve always led or are you ready to shift into a new way and a new life?

Choosing to live your life’s purpose, requires you to undo much of what you’ve been taught. After all, you want to create a future different from the past.

So how do you do that?

1.  Forgiveness

 As A Course In Miracles tells us, forgiveness is our only true function. Forgiveness, however, is one of those things that sounds easy but can actually be hard.

A strategy that’s really helped me with this, is the recognition that the person I want to forgive - a former boss, parent, acquaintance - was actually doing his or her best in that moment.

Here’s an example.

My father was completely emotionally absent during my childhood. There were times when I hated him for that, for not paying attention, not seeming to care, not showing me that he loved me in a way I could understand (hugs, praise.)

In my early 20s, I decided I wanted to shift our relationship, from a child / adult one to an adult / adult one. But I quickly discovered that in order to do this, I had to accept him just as he was, imperfect, critical and sometimes really annoying.

As I let go of my disappointment that he wasn’t who I needed or wanted him to be, (a caring, positive presence in my life), I began to see that even if he’d wanted to, he just couldn’t. He wasn’t capable of it. He’d been so wounded by his family that he simply couldn’t show up any other way.

And then I saw that he was trying his best.

It may have been limited but it wasn’t personal or intentional. It was all he could do. At that moment, my heart opened for him and I was filled with compassion. Interestingly, once I completely accepted him, he was actually able to be there for me!

Who in your life are you ready to release?

Can you see him or her as having tried their best?

2. Limiting Beliefs

Bad things happened in your past and you suffered. People put you down, maybe you decided you were flawed, or couldn’t be successful.

Isn’t it time to shed all that old stuff?

What do you want to believe is true for you now?

Doesn’t it feel better to believe that you deserve happiness, success and love? It’s time for you to know that it’s true and own it!

3. Write a New Story

Just because something bad happened in your past, it doesn’t have to define you. We get to define ourselves.

Who do you want to be?

Do you want to be the daughter of an alcoholic who can’t get it together and continues to blame her terrible life on her mother? Or do you want to transcend your past by owning it, learning from it and moving beyond it?

Maybe you still are the daughter of an alcoholic. And? You are reliable, independent, hard working, successful, loving and perfect. Now you get to model healthy behavior for your family.

We are all co-creating our futures.

Why not make it exactly what you want? All it takes is awareness and the willingness to release the past so it no longer has a hold over you. Remember, you can change the future and it starts right now!

Share ONE thing you're ready to let go of today!

Write it below.

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Being In the World But Not of the World

How do we take our spiritual practice and live it everyday?

Those of us who are committed to a spiritual path can sometimes feel split in two. There’s the contemplative, ascetic side of our nature, the part that loves meditation, silence and oneness with God.

Then there’s the other side of us that’s out there in the world earning a living, being a consumer, friend and partner.

How do we merge these two aspects of ourselves that seem disparate but in reality are one?

Is there a way to apply our spiritual practice into everyday living?

The exciting answer is, YES!

As Pema Chodron reminds us, “Whatever is happening is the path to enlightenment.”

Enlightenment isn’t just happening on an ashram or in a cave or in front of your altar, it’s happening in every minute of every day in how you choose to show up and live your life.

Here are 5 ways to apply your spirituality into your everyday life:

1. Don’t Take the World So Seriously

One of the main reasons I meditate is because it creates space around me, space that gives me room to not be so reactive to life – to the chaos, confusion or intensity that swirls around us all the time.

It gives me room to be reflective instead of reactive.

And from this place, I don’t take life so seriously.

I used to wear the face of intensity everywhere. Life was painful. People were suffering. The climate was being destroyed. There was nothing funny about any of that. Being an adult was serious work.

Until I realized that my intensity and seriousness wasn’t helping. It was making me miserable and was turning other people off.

Think for a minute about His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. He’s always smiling and laughing. He loves to tell jokes and he has certainly experienced suffering. His people no longer have a homeland.

2.  Recognize that Life is Happening For You Not to You

When we reframe life and look at it through this lens, it allows us to make a positive shift. Instead of obstacles we see opportunities. Rather than challenges we see growth.

What is life trying to teach you today?

Is it to slow down and enjoy more? Perhaps it’s about taking action and implementing one of your ideas.

Having an issue with another person? Some of my profoundest teachers have been the most challenging people in my life – from family members to customers.

Look at life as a great game we are playing to teach us lessons we’ve come here to learn.

3.  Practice Mindfulness

What exactly is mindfulness?

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness means, “paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

In other words, mindfulness is being fully present in every moment.

When you’re driving, are you looking at the road, watching the other cars and people or are you distracted by your phone or thoughts – pushing you into the future or ruminating on the past?

When you’re listening to another person, are you really hearing them or has your mind wandered to your shopping list or the movie you want to watch later?

The challenge – just as when we meditate- is to bring our minds back to the present, to what is happening right now.

Being fully aware is about being conscious in the moment and doing whatever it is you’re doing one hundred percent.

4.  Loving Kindness

What would happen if you made the decision to show up as your best self every day?

What would that look like? How would it feel?

Take your spiritual practice and put it to work today in the form of loving kindness. It’s easy to have compassion when we sit and pray. Extend that into the here and now, into your relationships with your family, friends, colleagues and customers. Even beyond that to everyone.

Could you choose to say hello to a stranger? Offer help to someone you don’t know? Smile for no reason?

5.  Remember that You Are a Vessel

My Course in Miracles lesson today was a reminder that my mind can only serve. So who should be its master? I choose: The Holy Spirit, God, the Universe, Source, Oneness to guide me.

When I get out of the way and allow spirit to work through me, I remember my function. I remember to be the embodiment of love and forgiveness, kindness and patience.

How can you get out of your own way and allow the flow of higher knowing to pour through you today?

Every minute of our lives, we’re on this path. Instead of leaving your spirituality behind with your meditation pillow, try incorporating these five principles into your life today. See how it goes!

Which one is your favorite? Tell me BELOW.

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Moving From Fear to Love

Last week I was scheduled to make a brief speech in front of an audience of about 200 people. Normally, I enjoy speaking in public but sometimes it can make me a bit anxious.

And this turned out to be one of those times.

I woke Friday morning feeling my nerves racing around in my belly like fiery little sparks.

I consciously worked at taking my mind off the event, focusing instead on my immediate tasks.

I had emails to write, phone calls to make. I wasn’t scheduled to speak until the afternoon, leaving for the venue around 4 pm.

At about 2:00, I quickly glanced through my emails and spotted one from a coaching client I currently have. Since January, he and I had been working on resolving an issue with one of his employees.

The employee was not doing a satisfactory job. Instead of firing him in January, my client chose to see if things could change and had spoken with the man on several occasions as well as given him two formal reviews.

None of his interventions had worked and recently he’d let the employee go.

My client had copied me his response to a recent email from this disgruntled employee.

As I read both what the employee had written as well as my client’s reply, my entire insides roiled.

His former employee had refused to take any responsibility for being fired, was blaming my client and choosing to be a victim.

I was appalled but worse began feeling a panic run up my throat.

I was angry about the timing – reading it right before my speech - and shocked by the level of physical discomfort I was feeling.

After all, the email wasn’t even addressed to me!

Why did criticism launched at someone else have this effect on me?

I got up from the chair wishing I hadn’t read the email and began pacing – trying to work through my discomfort and manage it so I could show up and speak from my heart later that afternoon.

I began using the tools I know – I breathed deeply in and out- calming myself down.

And as I did, I asked “Why is this upsetting me so much?”

The answer I received was that it was simply triggering all the times I’ve let an employee or customer go and been personally attacked, criticized or blamed.

I was astonished that someone’s unrelated words could have this great an effect on me.

After about 30 minutes, I got into my car needing to pick my daughter up from school. I kept breathing mindfully when I remembered the Course in Miracles lesson I’d read that morning.

Simply stated it reminded me that I am one with God.

I began saying this to myself over and over again. “I am one with God. I am one with God.” And as the words sank in, I felt a calm begin to permeate me. My affirmation morphed into “I am one with God. No one can hurt me.”

Then it hit me – by reading that email I’d fallen into fear.

It had triggered the place in me where I felt attacked and needed to defend myself and my client.

As Marianne Williamson suggests, I prayed for a miracle.

My miracle was to remind myself that I am one with God and no one can hurt me. She describes a miracle as a shift in perception from fear to love.

Well, you can guess what happened.

I even began to see the author of the original email (the disgruntled employee) as one with God. By the time I arrived at the auditorium, I was ready to be there – in my heart.

I no longer felt angry or wronged.

The event went off without a hitch and I participated in my small part, able to be fully present. I felt relief as well as immense gratitude for the opportunity to show up differently.

Instead of holding on to the fear, I was able to gracefully move through the emotional obstacle. I used the opportunity for growth and came out on the other side with humility and love.

Have you ever experienced something like this?

Share your story with me - leave a comment below!

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A Simple Way to Move Into Forgiveness

According to A Course in Miracles, forgiveness is our only function.

Forgiveness sounds easy but can seem awfully difficult to actually do.

A great tool that has really helped me on my journey to forgiveness was one that I learned from Louise Hay.

Louise Hay shares many affirmations focused on and about forgiveness.

One of my personal favorites is when she talks about the willingness to forgive.

Sometimes we’re in a situation where the hurt, anger or upset seems too much to let go of and for whatever reason we aren’t ready to forgive. This is when willingness is a great bridge.

Willingness to forgive opens the door. We don’t have to walk through it yet, but it offers us another possibility.

Willingness allows us to expand and gives us the potential to move beyond the hurt- in our own time, when we're ready.

Willingness is an opportunity for something new to unfold.

Sometimes we can get attached to the pain. It just becomes familiar and we get ensnared in it without realizing it. Willingness offers a wedge and provides some space between us and the pain. Sometimes, that’s all we need, a little space to help us re-direct and refocus.

Willingness is a great first step in letting go of anger and upset.

Here’s the thing. The person with whom I’m upset has no idea. He can be walking around happy and carefree while I’m sitting in a place of misery - unhappy, angry and seething.

Who is really suffering? I want this other person to suffer, but the reality is that I’m the one in pain.

Forgiveness sets us free from this jail cell of negative thoughts and feelings.

The next time you find yourself face-to-face with anger about an injustice you’ve experienced and you aren’t quite ready to let it go, ask yourself. “Am I willing to forgive?” See if those five words can help open the door to a shift and enable you to begin the process of releasing yourself from the pain.

Let me know if this helps you!

Leave me a comment below the blog.

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