When Self-Doubt Rears Its Head

After traveling for two weeks, it was time to fly home. Vacations are like a suspension of “regular life” and then, inevitably, I must come back. I refer to this as re-entry.

Re-entry started for me at the airport, waiting to board my flight. My mind churned with the various tasks I needed to do -- the work, the chores, the responsibilities. I pushed them away, banishing them to the back of my mind. After all, I wasn’t home yet.

But on Monday morning, they came crashing back.

I had to manage my internal dialog so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed. I made a list and got to work.

But the biggest challenge I was facing was self-doubt.

After being away, and feeling removed from everything, I had begun questioning myself. Was I doing the right thing? Should I just give up writing my book and building my business?

One of the voices in my head was telling me all the “have-tos” and “shoulds” I needed to do. These felt heavy and burdensome until I realized who was dictating them. My life is in my control. I get to choose what I want to do or not.

The only one putting pressure on me was me.

That felt better.

What did I really have to do? I completed the pressing tasks and attempted to relax and schedule out the rest. But I still had to face the self-doubt I’d allowed to creep in.

Being a Libra and a six on the Enneagram, I wrestle a lot with self- doubt.

I question my decisions and often weigh things out. I look at problems from other people’s perspectives, often seek their advice and am quick to question my own. I’ve been working hard on this quality –- of listening to my own inner guidance -- and there’s only one sure way for me to do that, through prayer and meditation.

This morning’s meditation began with my Course in Miracles lesson, “My thoughts are images that I have made.” I don’t think I could’ve asked for a better lesson for today. It was exactly what I was struggling with.

I was suffering from my own thoughts of self-doubt.

Then I asked God to guide me. What would you have me do today? And the answer I received was this:

Love and accept yourself, even your self-doubt.

I’d fallen into the place of feeling like I needed some kind of confirmation or validation from the world. We often seek success, fame, acknowledgement or note because we want to be deserving of love. What I was reminded of this morning is that I don’t.

I am loved simply because I exist.

I don’t have to be or have or do anything. I am loved because I am here.

I felt the thin veil that was restricting me fall away as those words washed over me. I am loved because I exist. I am love. I love me.

If you’ve ever allowed self-doubt to crowd your mind or make you feel uncertain or confused, tell yourself that you are not your thoughts. Be like a mindful gardener and pull out those thoughts that cause harm.

I was reminded this morning that my only real job is to be the presence of love. But that has to start with me –- with self-love -- with totally accepting myself and every aspect of who I am.

Have you ever felt self-doubt?

How has it affected you?

Share your story below. I’d love to read it.

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