Running Away or Running Towards?

What Are You Saying YES to? NO to?

Our life is an accumulation of decisions we've made to move toward something or shy away.

And when we come to a crossroad in life, it’s important to ask: Am I running towards something or running away?

If you find yourself in a situation where you need to make a decision, these 3 questions can help you have clarity.

1. Is This Change in Your Life a Response to Fear?

Fear is a huge motivator in life and manifests in a myriad of ways.

In my life, I’ve responded with fear countless times. From choosing to avoid my life through drugs or emotional eating, spending the day reading a novel, to not making phone calls that will move my business ahead.

In other words, are you creating change to avoid something in your life?

Maybe you want to move to a new apartment because you’re afraid of confrontation with the person you currently live with. Perhaps you want to get another job because you’re afraid of being challenged more deeply in your present job (or asking your boss for more responsibility.) 

Are you suddenly in a new relationship because you fear being alone?

I used to move a lot. My average for living in one place was four years and then I’d get this itch to go.

Once I became aware of that pattern, I began to see that I liked starting over, starting fresh.

It made me feel like I could re-invent myself but I was also moving in the same circle over and over again. Starting again meant new friends, new job, etc. I wasn’t deepening my learning or pushing beyond what was safe and comfortable.

The times that I’ve come up against my desire to flee, spoken with a confidante, and worked through it, I’ve learned a great deal, deepened my relationship with myself and forged into new business ventures and relationships.

2. What Opportunities Will This Change Bring?

Will the change bring growth in areas that you need or want?

Maybe you live in a small town and it’s time to no longer be the big fish in a small pond. Be honest with yourself about what you need right now.

When I lived in Hong Kong and quit my job at a textile factory, more than anything, I wanted to run far, far away. I didn’t know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go.

All I knew was that I didn’t want to be in Hong Kong anymore.

Then my best friend told me I had to stay and make my happiness there. After wanting to tell her to fu** off, I realized she was right. And I had to ask myself what I needed in my life. That process helped me find a job teaching and transformed my life.

3.  Are You Reacting or Responding?

Many of us spend our lives reacting to the world.

Someone cuts you off while you’re driving and you flash them the finger. Your spouse gets jealous about a co-worker and you immediately retort with a cutting remark.

Instead, of allowing our emotions to hijack us, we can choose to respond.

Sometimes this means taking a moment, a breath, asking for clarity / guidance before speaking or acting. It’s staking the higher ground both for yourself and the other person.

We’re all human so if course we react. But through meditation and mindfulness training, we can retrain our minds to respond with love and compassion instead of anger, hostility, or fear.

Use these questions the next time you want to make a change. It may mean you have to wait for an answer but be patient and know that you’ll be guided to where you need to go and what you need to do.

With every decision we make we are saying yes or no. Are you saying yes to fear or to love? Take the time to delve in before you act and it will make a world of difference for you.

Tell me about a decision YOU made - share it BELOW!

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Move Through - Make This YOUR Year

Now that January is back in swing and life has returned to business as usual, it’s time to ask yourself, is this exactly what you want? Life as usual?

If you’re really ready to take your year and your life to the next level, it will require change.

As Einstein is often quoted as saying, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

If you want different results in your life, here are 3 ideas to explore:

1.  Making New Habits Means Breaking Old Ones

One of my goals for 2016 is to be more visible on Social Media but that means I actually have to go onto my Twitter account, Instagram and Facebook.

I have to change my habit from perusal, from when I “feel” like it to actually scheduling it into my day and making a point of connecting to people.

My habit of scrolling lazily through my Facebook feed as I lie in bed is what I’m used to, so I keep doing it but it won’t help me achieve my goal. That requires me to foster a new habit.

What habit are you ready to change?

2.  This Place is Familiar and Comfortable

So many people are unhappy in some area of their lives – with their bodies, relationships, careers, yet there is a comfort in that discomfort. 

We’re used to feeling it. We’ve felt it for so long, it’s familiar. Sometimes that suffering even helps define who you are. And yet we also yearn to be free of it.

How would it feel to be without that pain?

To be in your dream body, relationship or job? Can you imagine yourself living a life of true joy, with a partner who absolutely supported you, in a body you embraced? What needs to change?

If you can imagine it, you can step into it!

3. The Upper Limit Problem

I first heard this concept in Gay Hendricks’ book, The Big Leap.

Essentially, what he explains is that we all have an unconscious set point for how much good, success, power, money, health, etc. we’re willing to accept into our lives and when we hit that threshold, we get stopped.

Think about it.

Have you ever had a huge breakthrough in one aspect of your life, maybe you got a great promotion, were ecstatic about that, came home and got in a huge argument with your spouse? That’s an example of the upper limit problem in action.

Or maybe you’re finally ready to launch your first webinar and you wake up feverish with the flu.

We upper limit ourselves because we don’t believe we deserve everything.

So when something goes well in our lives- we become super fit, publish a great article, hit a sales figure- something else in our lives has to suffer.  

The first step in overcoming this is awareness that it exists at all! Then, it’s a dive in to understand what and why we hold ourselves back.

Is it an old story from childhood? An unconscious belief that is no longer true for you?

You deserve everything and Source/the Universe/God (whatever name you like) wants to give it to you.

Are you ready to receive it?

What habits and old stories are you ready to let go? Where do you see the upper limit problem manifesting in your life? Ready to break through?

Take some time to ponder these three issues. Dive into them and see what comes up. Use them as questions to ask while you meditate. 

This is your time, claim it!

Let me know how it goes - leave me a note below.

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STOP Before You Jump Into 2016

For many of us, this was the first week back to work-school-life-as-usual after the holidays as well as the first week of the New Year. Happy New Year!

Maybe you’re like me, and want to eagerly jump back into life.

But before you leap back into the craziness and chaos of your wonderful life, do yourself a favor and stop.

Stop and get clear about where you want to go this year, what you want to accomplish and how you plan on doing that.

Here are 3 simple and easy ways to launch your 2016 so that you manifest all that you desire and rock your year!

1.  Purge & Organize

The New Year is a great time to clean out the paperwork.

If your desk looks like mine, it has a huge pile on it of stuff that needs to be filed. Take an hour (or two) and get your personal space organized, cleaned up and ready. Not only will you feel better when you look at it, but you’ll start your year out with a clean slate.

This task is also super helpful for tax time (which, if you live in the United States, is just around the corner.)

2. Write It Down

Once your space is neat and tidy, take another hour to really contemplate this year – all twelve months of it. What do you want for yourself in 2016? What goals do you have for your future? What would you like to accomplish?

When you do this activity, think holistically.

Don’t only focus on your relationship to money and career but think about your relationships to your body and health, your family, romantic partner, education and spirituality. How would you like to evolve this year? What do you want to manifest?

3.  Choose A Word

For three years now I’ve chosen one word to contemplate, explore and delve into for the year. This word – whatever it may be – becomes an overriding theme for your year.

Two years ago, I chose trust.

I had just started a business and was putting myself out into the world in a more personal way. This required me to trust in new and different ways and deepened my relationship to myself, to life and to spirit and allowed me to more fully embrace the notion that I am divinely loved and protected at all times.

In fact, about three months into that year, I made a pictorial representation of trust to remind me of free falling into God. On it, I wrote this line from the poet Rumi: “Stop acting so small. You are the Universe in ecstatic motion.”

Last year, my word was love and the exploration was vastly different.

It was subtle and gentle and deeply internal. It taught me about self-love and opened me up to more clearly understand how to love myself completely and wholeheartedly. My inquiry into love helped me see that I am healed and whole and deserve everything. Pretty cool, huh?

This year, I have chosen receive. Or perhaps it has chosen me.

I look forward to the exciting adventure!

So do yourself a favor, and take a couple of hours to stop, organize and plan out your 2016. It will be well worth it. And if you’d like a little help with that, Click Here to Download my FREE 2016 Vision Planner. Enjoy and have fun!

Share one of your 2016 goals with me!
Leave a comment below!

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The Power of Will: 4 Ways to Foster Will Power

When I was in high school, my freshman English teacher often wore a button depicting William Shakespeare that boldly stated, “Will Power.”

I was always amused at the pun for undoubtedly, William Shakespeare was a force to be reckoned with in the world of English literature but I also knew that my teacher wore the button as a plea to us students to work hard at our assignments.

Lately I’ve been thinking about will, not the man but the action.

What exactly is will?

We use the root word, “will,” in so many phrases and applications:

• Sheer force of will
• Being willful
• Having willingness
• Goodwill
• Will power

According to dictionary.com, “will” has many definitions.

It is used to imply the future, “I will go to the store.” It is also defined as: to wish, desire or like as in “go where you will.”

The definition, however, that I’m most intrigued by is this notion:

• The faculty of conscious and especially of deliberate action; the power of control the mind has over its own actions: the freedom of the will.
• The power of choosing one's own actions: to have a strong or a weak will.
• The act or process of using or asserting one's choice; volition: My hands are obedient to my will.

This leads me to wonder, how do you get will and what is it made of?

Will is a muscle that we need to nurture and develop. Here are four ways to become more aware of your own will and how to make it strong and well defined.

1. Self-Confidence

A direct correlation with will is the belief that what you think or do matters.

Self-confidence is primarily developed from two areas in life. The first is by experiencing love. If you feel loved and accepted, you naturally see yourself as whole and healthy and exude confidence about life.

The other way to build self-confidence is through success.

Think about a young child learning to ride a bicycle. As he gets the hang of holding the handlebars, balancing and pedaling, his confidence soars. Once he has mastered bike riding, he may then be more willing to try other similar sports like skateboarding or rollerblading.

What have you experienced success in that has propelled you into greater endeavors?

When you feel confident, it’s easy to try new things and exert your will.

2. Desire

Will power is easily associated with desire. Think about it like this – desire is the fuel that propels will.

Because, let’s face it, if you want something, it’s much easier to put in the effort and the work.

People talk a lot about will power when it comes to losing weight. If you’re desire to be healthy is strong and you have good motivation (desire) it’s easier to delay gratification, to listen to your body, to get up and go for a run and to make healthy choices.

But you have to really want it.

Desire and will show up in many forms.

I know a young woman who loves to swim and has swum competitively for years. She annually attends state meets, and often wins her events.

Why?

She is dedicated to her sport and to pushing herself to be the best that she can be.

How is she able to do this? Because she has desire – she wants it. She has the will to succeed.

3. Ability

Will and ability go hand in hand.

Often, when I look to undergo a project, the first thing I have to ask myself is am I willing? Then I ask, do I have the desire to undertake this task? The third question is, do I believe I have the skills to succeed?

If the answer is no, don’t be deterred because we often need to learn new skills or get help when striving to succeed.

If that’s the case, are you willing to ask for help and get the support you need to take on this task?

I believe we can do anything that we set our minds to – if we want it badly enough. Everything can be figured out.

I learned this lesson when I began a school over a decade ago. I knew exactly what curriculum to use, the school’s philosophy and even the structure but had never run a business before. So I had to learn bookkeeping, budgeting, marketing, managing, and on and on.

Now I learn this daily in running an online company. There is so much happening in the tech world and of course, I need help! I have the will to succeed and the willingness to ask for help if I don’t know something.

4. Perseverance

It’s easy to think about will power as being directly connected to perseverance, that dogged trait of not giving up. Of getting up even when you don’t want to, of showing up even when you’re afraid.

How do we foster perseverance?

Like with everything, practice.

In some ways, procrastination is the opposite of perseverance and when I find myself wanting to avoid, I remember Robert Holden’s words on my Success Now calendar: “Procrastinate tomorrow.”

Will power is doing it anyway - even when you want to give up, even when it gets hard, or uncomfortable or scary.

It’s about following through until the task/job/meet is completed. It’s about staying focused, keeping your eyes on the prize and moving toward the goal line.

Will is a powerful key to living a successful life. It can propel you into new endeavors and help you stretch yourself with people, places and projects.

Becoming more aware of how will works in your life and strengthening that muscle can yield you amazing results!

Have fun!

What are you ready to undertake with YOUR will?

Leave me a comment below!

Hello Beautiful!

I watched a video over the weekend that a college student posted on YouTube. As she explains, she did a little social experiment in which she called different young men and women ‘beautiful.’

Seeing their faces transform at her words, I was reminded of the same thing happening to me not so long ago.

As a girl and young woman I never felt especially beautiful.

From the time I can remember, I struggled with being overweight. My parents were always on my case about what I ate, how much I weighed and, being sensitive, even a drop of criticism was too much for me.

I saw myself as flawed.

It didn’t matter that I had a pretty smile or wavy hair. I was fat, not as smart as the rest of my family and… simply, not good enough.

My lack of self-love and acceptance sent me down the slippery slope of drug abuse and uncontrollable binge eating until I decided to begin the work of healing myself.

First, I quit drugs at twenty. Then I began to tackle why I was emotionally eating. And guess what? It was to give myself love and nurturing.

After many years of working on this, I successfully healed myself by twenty-six. I got to a healthy weight without dieting, without “white knuckling” around food, without any addictive need to eat or check out from life.

But I still didn’t feel beautiful.

By the time I turned thirty, married and with one child, I began feeling undesirable. Slowly and overtime, my love life had grown stale and I was emotionally distancing myself from my husband. I actually began to feel old and unwanted.

A few years later, as I deepened my own inner growth and spiritual commitment, my marriage completely collapsed. At that point, I thought I would be single for the rest of my life.

The internal work I was doing, opened me up to a greater sense of love - of myself- and feeling beautiful in the eyes of God.

Around this time, I began a new job working for a kind and gentle man. We became colleagues, then friends, and then we fell in love.

He told me I was beautiful.

Those words woke up something inside of me. It was as if I'd forgotten that I was beautiful to people, too, and not just to God. But I had to believe them for myself.

I mean, I had to really believe them and not just hear them. This can only happen if we push judgment aside and open up to love, to self-love and to total self-acceptance. 

I share this story because many of us – both men and women- don’t believe we’re beautiful.

We compare ourselves to movie stars, judge ourselves against photo-shopped pictures in magazines and see every flaw, every wrinkle, every stretch mark.

His words helped remind me that I am beautiful both on the inside and out.

Now I tell myself how much I am loved, how much I love myself and how beautiful I am, every day!

How about you? Is there someone in your life who needs to hear that he or she is beautiful? When was the last time you said it?

Tell her.

Watch the smile spread across her face as she takes in your words, as she sees herself as if through your eyes, beautiful, whole, loved. See how her eyes radiate from within as she lights up, knowing that she is beautiful.

Words have the power to change lives.

Do you agree?

Leave me a comment below.

Watch the video on my Facebook page. Click Here

4 Qualities of a Healthy Emotional Risk Taker

When you look at the phrase, risk taker, what does it evoke in you?

Fear? Irresponsibility? Crazy?

Typically, we think about risks in terms of physical ones- athletes at the X Games- rushing down a mountain and flying over a jump. Or we think of people who take monetary risks, like gamblers betting insane amounts of money at the casino.

Risk takers are often seen as thrill seekers or irresponsible.

Yet most business people, especially entrepreneurs, are risk takers, too. If not for them, we wouldn’t have boutiques, microbreweries, smartphones and on and on...

There are healthy risks and unhealthy risks, so it’s about identifying how comfortable you are with risks – in every area of your life.

In 2004, I decided to start a school in the small town where I live. I’d been working in education for a decade, having taught at an international school in Hong Kong as well as a private school in Santa Monica, California. I also had two small children and wanted the best school for them.

I had no money so I took out a home equity loan on my house, found a church willing to rent classroom space and leapt. When I told my father my plan, he said; “Why don’t you just get a job at the local public school?”

His response was indicative of his comfort with risk, especially in the financial/business arena.

People are risk takers athletically, financially but also emotionally. And in my work, I’ve come to see how people can be healthy emotional risk takers.

What is that?

Being an emotional risk taker means that you’re willing to move beyond your comfort zone, willing to push through areas that cause emotional pain or a belief that is limiting you.

If you’re ready to be a healthy emotional risk taker, here are the qualities to foster:

1.     Open Mindedness

There’s a great Louise Hay affirmation where she talks about having a flexible mind. She says: “Just as living in a flexible body is more comfortable, so is living in a flexible mind.”

Think about open mindedness as the willingness to question. Is what you know, how you do something the only answer or is there another way to view it or do it?

2.     Look at Things Differently

Once you open your mind and consider other options, then you get to decide. Our lives are an accumulation of our choices. The only thing blocking you is your mind and your willingness to try something else. What would it take for you to decide differently?

3.     Quality of Fearlessness

This is the idea that you do it anyway. Lets face it, we’re all scared, but do you let the fear stop you or do you just go for it?

You can foster fearlessness by stepping out of your comfort zone. Speak those words of truth to a loved one, make that phone call to your parent, send that inquiry email.

Do it anyway. Even though you’re scared, even though you don’t want to, even though it feels uncomfortable.

Many of us are afraid of failure and so we don’t push ourselves. But the only way to grow is to move beyond the familiar.

4.      Impervious to Judgment

For many years, I worried about what other people thought of me. Did they like me? Was I doing what they wanted me to do? Until I realized that I was living my life for me, not for anyone else.

And honestly, why did I care what anyone else thought? I was letting that fear of being judged hamper my willingness to follow my dreams, to speak my truth.

Emotional risk takers are willing to do the hard work of digging in. They want to understand their behavior, how it negatively impacts them and are willing to look at things differently.

If an old pattern isn’t working anymore, are you willing to try another way?

Often the only way to do this is to walk through the pain.

One of my client’s marriage was falling apart. Together, we worked on her healing but that meant that she had to be willing to feel the sorrow and grief, to mourn the relationship. And we also created a plan of self care for her.

Alternatively, instead of walking through that pain, she could’ve remained stuck, entrenched in a lifestyle that was no longer serving her. She was miserable but because it was familiar, it felt comfortable.

Yet she chose to be a healthy emotional risk taker, to re-examine her life, her assumptions and beliefs. Doing this enabled her to choose again and re-create her life to really serve her as she is now.

After all, we always have the opportunity to go through life or grow through life. Being a healthy emotional risk taker enables you to embrace and grow in your life right now.

Let me know what YOU think! Leave me a comment below.

3 Ways To Have More Gratitude in Your Life

Of all 52 weeks in the year, this is the one when Americans reflect the most on gratitude.

It’s hard not to when you sit down at a beautifully decorated table, in front of a mouth watering feast that typically includes a succulent, roasted turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, candied yams, piping hot green bean casserole, chestnut stuffing, cranberry sauce… hungry?

Gratitude, just like delicious food, fills us up. Only it fills our souls not our bellies.

If you’re ready to use Thanksgiving as a springboard to deepen your gratitude practice, here are 3 ways:

1.     Attitude of Gratitude

Normally, when we think about gratitude and applying it into our lives, this is what we do.

Having an attitude of gratitude is all about appreciation for the things in your life. Many people make lists of what they’re grateful for. Yours might include: a reliable/new car, your job, family, health, etc. Perhaps you’re also grateful for the glorious sunset, an incredible piece of music, that sweet parking space!

Typically, adopting this attitude is a reaction, a response to life.

It’s choosing to look at the blessings you have in your life rather than all the things you don’t have or wish you had.

2.     Philosophy

If you want to go a step further, you can adopt a philosophy of gratitude. This becomes like an orientation, a way of experiencing life.

In a way, it’s a change of prepositions. It’s going from “to” to “for.” Here’s what I mean.

Most people believe that life happens to them. If this is your mindset, it’s easy to feel like a victim. You lost your seat on the bus. Your co-worker gossiped about you and now you feel awkward in the office. You can’t seem to land the job of your dreams.

When you change the preposition, it shifts the perspective. Life happens for you.

What opportunity has life brought you to learn and grow?

When we shift into thinking that the goal of earth school is to learn, then everyone and everything that happens is an opportunity for growth.

Now, when a conflict arises say, with someone at work, you can ask: What is the lesson in this for me? What do I need to learn?

Think about a person or situation that created conflict for you and look at it through this lens. How was it asking you to grow?

Was it about speaking your truth? Being in integrity? Asking for what you deserve? Setting healthy boundaries?

Adopting a philosophy of gratitude helps us experience thankfulness for our lives.

3.     Identity

The last and deepest place to go with gratitude is the notion that you can embody gratitude. That gratitude is you.

Think about these three attributes like layers. The attitude of gratitude is like the frosting, the outer shell. It’s how we begin to re-orient and see the world - by actively choosing what we focus on.

As you incorporate that “seeing” more and more into your life, then it evolves into a philosophy, a way of life. You see how every thing and everyone is an opportunity for growth and you have thanks for the learning.

Deepening your philosophy and moving through life with this new orientation, gratitude gradually become who you are until you’re actually identified with gratitude. Now gratitude is at your core level and it radiates out from you because it is you.

It’s the recognition that you are what you seek. It’s the celebration of life and the awe and wonder of being alive.

I am grateful to all of you and I wish you a happy and healthy holiday week and a beautiful Thanksgiving! Enjoy!

How are you celebrating this week? Leave me a comment below!

Pushing Through- 5 Tools to Achieve Your Goals

We all have dreams and goals.

The question is: How do you successfully achieve them?

Often, in order to attain your goals, you have to push yourself a little harder, a little bit more.

You have to move out of your comfort zone, and into a space of uncertainty, of unknowing.

When you come up to the edge of what you know, do or know how to do, it frequently feels scary, and kicks up insecurity, vulnerability or fear.

In spite of these scary feelings, how can you succeed anyway? How can you move into that next level of creativity, success, satisfaction or weight goal?

Here are Five Ideas to Help Get You There:

1.     Anger

Anger might seem like a counterintuitive emotion because normally we equate anger with hurting ourselves or hurting others. But here’s how anger can be channeled positively: Have you ever been furious that something didn’t work out for you?

Think about a time when you failed. Perhaps it was an experience where something didn’t go as you planned.

Last year I was going for a certification and needed to demonstrate my mastery of the technique. I was nervous because, like most people, I can be self-conscious AND the test required that I both memorize a procedure and the “exact” wording. My fear and insecurity got activated because I’m not a brilliant memorizer.

I’m sure you can guess what happened. I failed.

I walked out of the testing room fuming mad. I was angry at the test, at the person who developed it, at the entire workshop but mostly at myself.

What did I do?

Instead of turning that anger inward, feeling sorry for myself, and bolting to my car, I used the anger as fuel. Because here’s the thing with anger, when used correctly, it can provide an enormous adrenaline charge.

My fury propelled me into determination to pass. So I channeled all that frustration into focus and, twenty minutes later, re-took the test.

Think about a time when you’ve experienced anger – because things didn’t go as you expected -  and it launched you to take action.

This is exactly what I’m talking about.

2.     Insight

Have you ever had a moment of total clarity when suddenly you see exactly what you need to do? Having one of those a-ha moments can give you the momentum to move out of cloudiness or non-action into action.

Insight often comes when we least expect it (of course!) Steve Jobs loved to walk. Others find inspiration while driving. Some of us get clarity when we meditate, others from doodling.

Typically, our minds are in a state of rest, creativity or contemplation when insight strikes. So make sure to give yourself time for that to happen.

Go for a stroll, buy a coloring book or start a meditation practice.

3.     Support

Knowing that you aren’t alone can be a huge help in pushing through.

When I was in my early twenties, I was the assistant sales manager for a knitwear factory in Hong Kong. My job was in a heavily industrialized area far from central Hong Kong and, because I didn’t speak Chinese, there was little for me to do. (Looking back on it, I’m not sure why they hired me.)

I was depressed and frustrated. But because I was alone, I felt incapable of making a change. I internalized all that anger and gained thirty pounds.

Fortunately, my situation changed a few moths later when I bonded with a young British woman. We became fast friends and I finally was able to confess how much I hated my job. Having her there, knowing that I wasn’t alone, made all the difference. I quit and made a list of what I needed in my life. Soon I found a job teaching at an international school. 

All because I felt supported.

Where can you get support? Is there a spouse, friend or family member with whom you can speak honestly?

What kind of support do you need? A listening ear, a helping hand, a mastermind partner?

Make a list of people and what you need from them.

4.     Knowledge

We all know knowledge is power. When I feel scared about pushing myself, I seek out experts. I read, follow them on social media or talk face to face.

When I started my new company two years ago, I didn’t know anything about having an online business. So, I began researching and looking for guidance. It’s amazing, once we begin to ask, to look, what we can find!

There are so many online business experts, social media gurus and techies.

Where can you go to find the learning you need to push through? The library, a website, someone you know?

5.     Awareness

Ultimately everything comes down to this: Fostering awareness.

By choosing to be awake, aware and centered in your life, opens you up to see where you limit yourself and where you may need help, support, guidance or knowledge.

Cultivate awareness in every moment by learning to look at yourself objectively, as the observer. Where are you and where would you like to be?

Awareness comes with the breath. Breathe in quietly and ask – where am I stuck? Listen for an answer. And then ask? How can I push through?

Mindfulness is the art of awareness, paying attention, being fully present in life.

When we incorporate mindfulness into the equation, it offers us a way to get clarity, understanding and tools to manifest what we most desire. It also helps us effectively utilize all of the above tools.

The exciting news is that you have everything you need to succeed. Use these tools to help you accomplish your goals. The world needs you to be and feel successful! Get started today!

Let me know which ONE resonates most with you!

Leave me a comment below the form!

Your Life Is A Creative Venture

Lately I’ve been doing inventory.

I’ve been reflecting on my life and examining it by asking this question: Did I make that significant decision according to a set of rules, some kind of pre-ordained/ family inspired plan OR because it was truly and deeply something that I wanted to do for my own self growth?

Take a moment to look back at your life and ask yourself the same question.

Turns out that we make a lot of decisions based on: pleasing others, fulfilling expectations, because it’s the right thing to do or is what we’re “supposed” to do.

Ouch.

But when all is said and done, this is your life. 

It’s imperative – for you, your family, society and the world at large – for you to follow that innate knowing, that core inner voice that’s telling you what you really want to do. This voice that easily gets drowned out by all the shoulds and have-tos shouting around us.

Now is your time.

Give yourself permission to live a different way. And experience life as an exciting adventure.

I believe that we are co-creators of our lives. If you embrace this idea, then allow yourself to step into the role of creative director of your life!

We live in a world of infinite possibility. How exciting is that? Anything and everything is possible for you right now!

If you’ve decided that you don’t want to live by someone else’s rules, limitations or expectations, or perhaps you have had that creativity in your life but somehow lost it along the way, here’s how to get it back:

1. YOU Are In Charge

Embrace this idea that you are the co-creator of your life. Life is an active, creative process, one that we are manifesting and visioning into reality everyday. Think about all of the changes in technology – ipods, smartphones, apps. How did they all start? With an idea.

Your life is a creative process, too, so dream it into existence!

2. Get Really Clear

The first part of being a creator is to decide what you want. 

For many years, I didn’t know what I wanted and so I learned what I didn't want by doing lots of not so fun things. This method wasn't terribly effective and I don’t recommend it. It would have been much easier if I’d known what I'd wanted and gone for it!

Be clear on exactly what you want: a new job (where, doing what, earning how much…) The more specific you can be the easier it will manifest.

Then take focused action towards your goal. What can you do to move you towards getting that job? Write a resume, cover letter, email the company, get an internship, etc.

3.     Focus On The What

Our job is always to answer ONE question: What do you want?

Then we have to get out of the way.

We have no control over the how or even the when. Those are within the Universe’s domain.

I know this sounds hard, especially for those of us who are or were control freaks. But the most amazing part of this is once you do let go, the Universe works in ways you could never imagine from your current vantage point. I have been suprised over and over again by things that have manifested virtually out of thin air!

4.     Relax And Have Fun!

Life is meant to be enjoyed not toiled through. Doesn’t that feel so much better?

I spent years of my life under the harness of duty and obligation. It’s part of how I’m hardwired. The wonderful aspect of this is that it has always motivated me to be of service to humanity. The downside is I can get resentful when I do things because I should and not because I want to.

Now I still serve but in ways that also fuel me. I am happier, and my life is more fun and exciting.

Think about how you can enjoy this creative process of life – making it richer and fuller all the time. How could your life be even more fun?

Relax and know that if you focus on creating it, it will come.

Incorporate these 4 simple tools into your life planning, sit back and enjoy the ride!

Where are you going to start? Leave me a comment below!

What Do You Deserve?

How much we allow ourselves to have in our lives is a function of what we think we deserve.

Let me ask you this:

Have you ever been at a party or a club or walked down a block of a ritzy area of town and wished that it was your life, that you lived there or had those friends?

I sure have.

And over the summer I had an interesting realization.

I was visiting a place I really liked. It had everything I was ready for in my life. It was rural but not too rural. It was progressive but not weird. It was close to a metropolitan area but still felt like a small town.

I asked myself: Could I have this? Could I live here? Was it too good to be true?

I was charmed by this place and wanted to be part of what I perceived as its coolness. Wondering if I would be accepted.

I stood looking at the view and taking in the sea and snow capped mountains. Before long, I got my answer. The words rushed over me as I stood staring out at the ocean.

“You can have everything.”

“Really?” I asked the wind.

The reply was resounding and reverberated across the sky. “Yes.”

At first I was awed by this realization. Wow, how cool. I leaned into the sun, allowing it to shine directly into my face. I could have this. I could have everything.

Awesome.

But then my logical brain pushed through and wanted to know what that would entail. It asked bossily. “How? What do I have to do?”

The knowing voice answered affirmatively. “By believing that you deserve it.”

Deserve perfect health, happiness, success, prosperity… everything.

As I allowed myself to open up more to that idea, I began to understand the guidance I was being given.

I was limiting myself.

Why was it that I thought I didn’t deserve?

Was it an old voice in my head? Was it a belief that was no longer true for me? An expired message?

I had to dig out that negative root that was telling me I could only have so much and plant a new one. This required a journey within, to extricate that old thought pattern, the one that was now limiting me and dictating how much good, happiness or success I could expect.

Whose voice was it? Whose belief? Was it my father telling me to play it safe or my sister invalidating my “new age-y-ness”?

Whoever or whatever it was, it had to go. Because the message it was telling me had long been outgrown.

On this spiritual path, we always have the opportunity to open up to life or to close.

Each and every moment.

Was I limiting what I was willing to accept by seeing myself as undeserving?

Was I ready to open up and allow more in?

And if so, how?

The odd part is that we want so much to know what we have to do. But in reality, there isn’t anything to do, we just have to accept, embrace and open up to receive.

In a class I took with happiness expert, Robert Holden, PhD, he gave us this scenario: “You are walking down a hallway. On one door it says, ‘Happiness.’ On the other door it says, ‘Lecture on Happiness’. Which door would you choose?”

In that moment, I was busted because I knew I would have chosen the lecture door. My ‘do-er’ mind always wanting to know how. When in reality, it is all here for us right now. All we have to do is open up to it and allow it in.

Is there something that you’ve been longing for in your life? Are you ready to see it manifest for you?

Are you ready to believe that you deserve it?

What will it take?

A shift in mindset? An opening of your heart? The willingness to accept?

Can you allow yourself to deserve it? To know that it is your divine right to be happy, thin, wealthy, healthy?

I will hold that vision for you. Now step into it and believe it for yourself.

What shift do you need to allow you to open up and receive?

Write it down just below the blog! 

Re-Entry With Ease

I just got back from a 3-day business workshop that was designed to help women entrepreneurs break through success and money barriers.

It was informative, emotional and healing but it was also a bit of a marathon, going from early in the morning until late into the night.

I enjoy these kinds of events especially because I’m committed to my personal development and self-growth. I love to immerse myself in new ways of thinking, bond with other women and meet fellow entrepreneurs.

I find the experiences to be fulfilling and inspiring but then I have to come home.

This time, my re-entry was difficult.

Not so much emotionally, which is often the case, but physically. I typically drag my feet, not wanting to jump back into my life. But this time was different. I was just physically exhausted.

Coming home and diving back into my life was more about returning to my normal rhythm and routines when all I wanted to do was sleep.

And life – as it does- was hurtling along. In addition to my work obligations, I had many family ones too. And before I knew it, I was feeling utterly overwhelmed.

So I took a step back and recalibrated my To Do List.
 

1.     Look Hard At The Week Ahead

When I looked at my appointments and tasks, I immediately began prioritizing and had to genuinely reassess what I could do and what I wanted to do. This meant postponing deadlines and changing appointments that I could easily alter.

I needed to be honest with myself about what I could sensibly and sanely get done.

2.     Release that Judgment!

Doing the above step was about choosing NOT to feel crazed and insane. I really don’t like it when I have to change an appointment or modify a due date and yet, I also want to be realistic about my time, energy and commitments.

Sometimes something has to give.

In years past, that was always me. I sacrificed my peace of mind or physical health to get everything done. Now I realize that some things can be modified and it really isn’t a big deal.

See if when you make changes, you can do it without ‘shoulding’ yourself or scolding yourself for not being perfect.

3.     Honor YOU First

Many of us are givers. We freely and lovingly take care of those around us because we enjoy it and it’s fulfilling. Sometimes, givers can fall into resentment, particularly when we forget to honor ourselves.

For givers, taking care of us can be really hard because it’s easy to interpret self-care as being selfish. Yet, this couldn’t be farther from the truth!

One of my teachers used to frequently use the analogy of a water pitcher. In order to give to others, the pitcher must be full and the pitcher (which is you) can only get filled through self-care, taking care of you.

When I came home on Thursday morning, having just arrived on a red eye, my body was shaking. I needed to carve out some time to both physically rest as well as mentally, emotionally and spiritually process the event I had attended.

Even when we make plans and think we’ve factored in all the down time we need, we may just find that life has thrown us a few unforeseen snags. So, just like these unexpected commitments, we need to modify accordingly and shift around our schedule so that we can still take care of us.

Knowing how to prioritize and being sincere when you do need to cancel or postpone can be freeing. After all, we’re human, every person can understand feeling over-extended or stressed. By being honest, you may also be helping the next person to do the same.

Can you take care of you on re-entry? Let me know how that will work for you!

Leave me a comment below!

The Hazards of Busy & 4 Ways to Remedy it

I love being an American but one thing that’s been vexing me lately is how work and career have taken over our lives. It’s as if we are no longer human beings but human doers. The overriding message is that when I’m not “doing”, I’m nothing.

In essence, we’ve allowed work and success to define who we are.

It's even worse nowadays because work has become chronic overwork. In the last few weeks, I’ve read three articles about people cracking because work essentially overtook their lives.

One was continually being hospitalized for having seizures. Another, a young man just beginning his career in finance, couldn’t take the pressure and jumped off a building. A third up and quit her job and moved to Europe.

The expectation to overwork is even being written into contracts. The assumption being that you’ll be available to answer emails late into the night, work weekends and even be reachable for holidays.

How is this okay?

What can you do instead?

We need to create healthy boundaries in order to have a more balanced life. Here are four easy ways to begin doing that.

1.     Take Care of You First

Many of us, because we are so busy working or taking care of others, have forgotten or simply don’t know what this means.

But the truth is that we are not just automatons trudging to do a job. We have a physical body that needs care, exercise and healthy food, an emotional body that needs camaraderie, attention and love, an intellect that craves stimulation and a soul that yearns for peace and stillness.

Cheryl Richardson’s book The Art of Extreme Self Care is a great tool to use to delve into this idea more deeply.

But you can also start by making a list of things you love to do and then begin scheduling them into your life.

Maybe it’s signing up for that yoga class you’ve been “meaning” to do for months, or taking a nice hot bath after a long day. Perhaps it’s scheduling a massage or a pedicure.

How can you make time for you?

2.     Check Back In With Your Dreams

Where are they and where are you? Are you moving towards your dreams or have you gone far afield?

Think for a moment about your work environment. Is it feeding those dreams and inspiring you? Or did you move into a career for other reasons? If so, how can you shift or adjust your life to bring your dreams and present reality more into alignment?

If you work as a copy editor but really yearn to write, can you carve out a few evenings a week to make time for your novel? Could you get up an hour earlier and spend that quiet time writing?

If you loved art in college but find your job works your intellect and not your creativity, could you find a local studio that offers a class? It may feel like more work but will actually energize you, feed you and feel rewarding.

It will also open you up to your creativity and help you brainstorm how to find a job that better aligns with you.

3.     Start Saying No

If you’re in your first job ever, it can be hard to say no BUT once you have established your talent, capability and are sought after, it’s time to add a little enjoyment into life.

Because your life isn’t simply about working more.

How can you begin to reign in crazy overwork?

Perhaps you can hire someone or delegate tasks to another colleague or assistant. One of the suggestions I give to my clients is instead of adding yet another task to your To Do List – ask yourself: Who can do this instead of me?

Recognize what you are excellent at, where you shine and what tasks you do the best. Everything else gets delegated.

Value you – because if you don’t, no one will.

4.     Schedule Fun

What do you really love to do?

Now that you’ve answered that question, when are you going to do it? Schedule fun days into your calendar. They are imperative.

If you love to sail, how can you get back on a boat? You don’t have to own one, lots of captains need crews. Check out your local marina and get involved.

Doing things you love and experience as fun, will clear your mind, work your body and help you show up back at work revitalized and refreshed!

In truth, I think this is the lesson that corporate America needs to learn. When people have time to be human and live balanced rich full lives, they’re actually better employees. Their creativity and productivity improves. This has certainly been my experience.

Let’s shift back from being human doers to human beings. It’s time!

How are YOU going to take action?

Leave me a comment below!

Live Stress Free By Being Fully Present

It’s easy, when we talk about spirituality and living a “more spiritual life” to forget about the body.

We use expressions like, “we are a spirit having a human experience.” Or, “focus on the essence not on the form.” The emphasis is always away from the corporeal body because it isn’t really who we are.

Many of us who have struggled with weight or body image issues, certainly know this to be true.

There were years when I saw my body as the enemy – it was fat and ugly. Why would I want to be in it? I wanted to dissociate from it entirely. It was definitely not me.

Even today, working with people on stress management, I address this issue. Because we quickly dissociate from our bodies the minute we feel threatened. This can be from stress, anxiety, fear or trauma.

It’s as if we leap right out of the body and hover over it somewhere where it feels safer.

I happen to believe that we are spirits having a human experience but our job here on this planet isn’t to negate the human part, the corporeal aspect, but rather to embrace it.

Which was why I was so pleased when I recently heard an affirmation of Deepak Chopra’s in which he states: “The body is the garden of the soul.”

When we find that our consciousness has left our bodies, what can we do?

1.     Become Aware

Unfortunately, the world we live in just seems to get faster and faster all the time. When our minds get sucked into that vortex, of do-more-faster, it sends both our bodies and minds into stress.

See if you can begin to become aware of the triggers that launch you right out of your body. Is it a particular person? Your job load? Is it feeling like there is simply too much to do?

Often times it isn’t so much what is happening around us as it is our response to it.

How can you see and experience the chaos swirling around you at home, at work and in the world without taking it on?

Think about commuting.

That causes people lots of stress. What can you do to make that time more enjoyable? Could you listen to uplifting music? Maybe even a CD course? How could you shift that experience so that you arrive cheerful and grounded rather than anxious and disassociated?

2.     Breathe

Once you begin to recognize the pattern – when you are leaving your body because of stress - you can take action!

The fastest and easiest remedy is to breathe.

Take a deep breath and bring your awareness into the body by pulling your energy back down into it.

As you breathe, you can even close your eyes and feel yourself returning into your body through the chakras. Start at the top of your head, your crown chakra, and work your way down your spine all the way to the first chakra, located at the base of the spine.

 We often fly out of our bodies because someone or something triggers a fear response in us and we instantly feel unsafe. But we’re actually not terribly effective when we’re floating in orbit. In this place, we are often unclear, and unable to get focused.

Instead we have to ground ourselves back into the body. This enables us to take clear, concise and thoughtful action.

3.     Care For Your Physical Body

I used to think my body was the enemy but after years of working on myself, I overcame my eating disorder and the negative thinking around that. Now I have learned to love and appreciate my body.

Which is why I resonated with Deepak Chopra’s affirmation: “the body is the garden of the soul.”

When I think about my body as this sacred vessel that houses my soul, I want to treat it even more respectfully. That means feeding it quality foods, giving it exercise, rest, relaxation, and pampering.

Being a spiritual person means that you honor your body and care for it as much as you do your psyche. Your body is here for you, to take you through your days on this planet. It’s a vital part of who you are. The more you honor the body and keep it healthy, the happier and more relaxed you will be.

Will this help you?

Leave me a comment below!

Who’s Limiting You?

I was listening to a speaker recently explain why people don’t obtain results. And do you know what she said?

It’s about our beliefs.

Think about one of the New Year’s resolutions you made ten months ago. Maybe, like many of us, you had ‘lose weight’ on your list. Let’s say fifteen pounds.

Have you accomplished it?

Here’s the thing – if you don’t see yourself as a thin person- then you aren’t going to lose the weight because your belief and goal are not in alignment.

How do we free ourselves so that we can actually obtain what we want?

In other words, how do we begin to see how we may be limiting our own success or progress?

To understand this, we have to be willing to deep dive and go within. We have to ask ourselves three questions that will help us get to the heart of what we believe and why we think we may not deserve to achieve our goal- to be thin, healthy or rich.

Ready to dive in?

1.  How Are You Limiting Yourself?

We are the only ones thinking in our brains, so guess what? We tell ourselves every moment of every day if we’re happy or sad, feeling motivated or not, seeing ourselves as successful or as failures.

Let’s use the above example about losing weight. Can you imagine yourself as a thin, fit woman? When you look in the mirror, are you able to see yourself as a size 4/6/8?

When you do this, what happens? Is it impossible? Is there a voice that tells you, it isn’t really you?

Sometimes when we reach beyond what is familiar, what we’re used to, we have to take a leap of faith. Because we’re talking about changing our habits of thinking. We get used to our thoughts – good or bad because they’re familiar.

But if those thoughts are limiting you, it’s time to change them.

And when we first begin to do that, these new thoughts can feel ill-fitting, like wearing in a new pair of shoes.

It seems weird and at first may not feel like you but the more you affirm what you do really want and see it as already done, the more familiar and comfortable those messages will become until it is you.

So – claim what you want! Look in that mirror every day and see yourself thin, healthy and fit!

Remember, you are not your own limitations!

2. Did Your Family Give You Limiting Messages?

Maybe when you dive into uncovering the blocks preventing you from losing fifteen pounds, you hear your stepmother tell you that you’ll never be beautiful or maybe the voice is your father’s saying, “you’ve always been fat” confirming it as your identity.

Perhaps the messages you received told you that you were stupid, unaware or clumsy because you were hyperactive or learned in a different way.

We all received negative comments growing up, I know I did and I even believed many of them for years.

But at some point we have to recognize that these messages, even though we take them on, really aren’t about us.

I remember watching a movie as a teenager in which one of the characters told another she was a fat person in a skinny person’s body and a light bulb went on. I realized I was the opposite – a skinny person trapped in a fat body. That a-ha moment helped me break through messages from my family about my identity and helped me hold on to a new view of myself.

What messages have you been able to overcome?

Remember, you are not your family’s limitations.

3. How Have Society's Messages Limited You?

What are the messages we get from the media and Hollywood? How have they shaped your thinking or are limiting your dreams?

Women are constantly inundated with messages about beauty and body. According to shame researcher, Brené Brown, the number one shame trigger for women is our bodies. We are never thin enough, fit enough, pretty enough… If we buy into these messages, we can make ourselves crazy.

When do we decide that we are enough?

When we stop defining ourselves by other people’s standards.

What about society telling us how to be successful?

I know a woman who dropped out of high school at 15. Just before she turned 50, she started a new business venture and now runs a multi-million dollar company!

If she’d listened to the messages from society, that she couldn’t be successful without a college degree, without even a high school degree, she might still be a waitress.

Instead, she recognized what she was good at, passionate about and kept following it. She hustled, worked hard and is now reaping the rewards.

You are not society’s limitations

Sometimes I think about Olympic athletes, how they often go above and beyond what we think is humanly possible. They break records, they inspire us with their abilities and sheer will to succeed. They go beyond all limitations – society’s, family’s, coaches, and even their own- to achieve greatness.

We all have that ability to go beyond those limitations and achieve our own greatness.

Are you ready? 

Tell me what YOU are going to do by leaving me a comment BELOW!

Being In the World But Not of the World

How do we take our spiritual practice and live it everyday?

Those of us who are committed to a spiritual path can sometimes feel split in two. There’s the contemplative, ascetic side of our nature, the part that loves meditation, silence and oneness with God.

Then there’s the other side of us that’s out there in the world earning a living, being a consumer, friend and partner.

How do we merge these two aspects of ourselves that seem disparate but in reality are one?

Is there a way to apply our spiritual practice into everyday living?

The exciting answer is, YES!

As Pema Chodron reminds us, “Whatever is happening is the path to enlightenment.”

Enlightenment isn’t just happening on an ashram or in a cave or in front of your altar, it’s happening in every minute of every day in how you choose to show up and live your life.

Here are 5 ways to apply your spirituality into your everyday life:

1. Don’t Take the World So Seriously

One of the main reasons I meditate is because it creates space around me, space that gives me room to not be so reactive to life – to the chaos, confusion or intensity that swirls around us all the time.

It gives me room to be reflective instead of reactive.

And from this place, I don’t take life so seriously.

I used to wear the face of intensity everywhere. Life was painful. People were suffering. The climate was being destroyed. There was nothing funny about any of that. Being an adult was serious work.

Until I realized that my intensity and seriousness wasn’t helping. It was making me miserable and was turning other people off.

Think for a minute about His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. He’s always smiling and laughing. He loves to tell jokes and he has certainly experienced suffering. His people no longer have a homeland.

2.  Recognize that Life is Happening For You Not to You

When we reframe life and look at it through this lens, it allows us to make a positive shift. Instead of obstacles we see opportunities. Rather than challenges we see growth.

What is life trying to teach you today?

Is it to slow down and enjoy more? Perhaps it’s about taking action and implementing one of your ideas.

Having an issue with another person? Some of my profoundest teachers have been the most challenging people in my life – from family members to customers.

Look at life as a great game we are playing to teach us lessons we’ve come here to learn.

3.  Practice Mindfulness

What exactly is mindfulness?

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness means, “paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

In other words, mindfulness is being fully present in every moment.

When you’re driving, are you looking at the road, watching the other cars and people or are you distracted by your phone or thoughts – pushing you into the future or ruminating on the past?

When you’re listening to another person, are you really hearing them or has your mind wandered to your shopping list or the movie you want to watch later?

The challenge – just as when we meditate- is to bring our minds back to the present, to what is happening right now.

Being fully aware is about being conscious in the moment and doing whatever it is you’re doing one hundred percent.

4.  Loving Kindness

What would happen if you made the decision to show up as your best self every day?

What would that look like? How would it feel?

Take your spiritual practice and put it to work today in the form of loving kindness. It’s easy to have compassion when we sit and pray. Extend that into the here and now, into your relationships with your family, friends, colleagues and customers. Even beyond that to everyone.

Could you choose to say hello to a stranger? Offer help to someone you don’t know? Smile for no reason?

5.  Remember that You Are a Vessel

My Course in Miracles lesson today was a reminder that my mind can only serve. So who should be its master? I choose: The Holy Spirit, God, the Universe, Source, Oneness to guide me.

When I get out of the way and allow spirit to work through me, I remember my function. I remember to be the embodiment of love and forgiveness, kindness and patience.

How can you get out of your own way and allow the flow of higher knowing to pour through you today?

Every minute of our lives, we’re on this path. Instead of leaving your spirituality behind with your meditation pillow, try incorporating these five principles into your life today. See how it goes!

Which one is your favorite? Tell me BELOW.

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