Gratitude – the Antidote to More
As an American, I’m pretty good at being a consumer. In fact, I think most of us are. Americans are constantly encouraged to buy. It’s how we fuel our economy. But the underbelly of our consumer economy is the never-ending quest for more.
More manifests itself obviously with technology since technology changes so rapidly.
I suddenly find myself convinced that I need the iPhone 6 even when my current phone works fine. Or I immediately want the Apple watch when I don’t even like wearing watches. And although I just bought a new MacBook, I now must have the lighter than Air model.
But it isn’t just with technology, it’s with everything partly because we strive to keep up with others around us. I need a pair of LeBrons or Timberland boots. I have to get some new Beats by Dre headphones. This April, I simply must have a purse for spring.
Sure enough, buying that new hobo handbag does make me feel happy and satisfied but only briefly because soon my pastel blue purse is passé and I’m hankering for a black one for fall…
This craving for more is a never-ending cycle. It’s a treadmill we get on of wanting more or better - a bigger house, a newer car- and on and on.
What’s the solution? Gratitude
As an American, I’m pretty good at being a consumer. In fact, I think most of us are. Americans are constantly encouraged to buy. It’s how we fuel our economy. But the underbelly of our consumer economy is the never-ending quest for more.
More manifests itself obviously with technology since technology changes so rapidly.
I suddenly find myself convinced that I need the iPhone 6 even when my current phone works fine. Or I immediately want the Apple watch when I don’t even like wearing watches. And although I just bought a new MacBook, I now must have the lighter than Air model.
But it isn’t just with technology, it’s with everything partly because we strive to keep up with others around us. I need a pair of LeBrons or Timberland boots. I have to get some new Beats by Dre headphones. This April, I simply must have a purse for spring.
Sure enough, buying that new hobo handbag does make me feel happy and satisfied but only briefly because soon my pastel blue purse is passé and I’m hankering for a black one for fall…
This craving for more is a never-ending cycle. It’s a treadmill we get on of wanting more or better - a bigger house, a newer car- and on and on.
What’s the Solution? Gratitude
Gratitude Brings Us Back to Now.
Instead of focusing on what we don’t have -the apple watch, the new car- we focus on all that we do have - clean water, loving relationships, a closet full of clothing, 50+ pairs of earrings, a pool, fresh food, healthy children…
Gratitude is a Reorientation.
Think about yourself for a minute. How do you like yourself better?
When You’re in a Place of Wanting or in a Place of Thankfulness?
Does it feel healthier when you think: “If only I had a new office chair, I’d get so much more done…. If I had 20 clients this week, I’d feel successful.”
Versus when your thoughts say: “My office is filled with beautiful sunshine and my desk is large and holds all my work easily. My schedule is flexible and enables me to work with people as well as spend time with my family.”
The Trick is to REMEMBER.
Remember to look around our lives and see all the beauty, abundance, love and happiness that exists right now.
Gratitude is Recognizing and Appreciating What We Have in the Moment.
This way of thinking fills us up with happiness and contentment.
The cycle of more pushes us into a place of lack where we’re constantly left wanting and that pulls us into the future toward more or better.
Instead, if we can use gratitude as a tool, it can easily and simply bring us back to now. Back to feeling satisfied and whole, happy and content.
The next time you find yourself yearning for a new dress or a power tool that you might not need, check in.
Are you feeling happy and grateful for the life you’re living right now?
Or are you trying to fill an emptiness or void through materialism?
Remind yourself how good your life is. Look around at all the abundance you have right now and watch that desire for more slip away.
How does gratitude manifest in your life? Leave me a comment under the blog!
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THE Shortcut to Happiness = Gratitude
This is the week of giving, when we pause in our busy lives to be with family and friends, to honor them and to reflect on what we are thankful for.
This year, my older daughter will not be with us since she is in France (lucky her.) But as I write this and contemplate gratitude, I find myself thinking about something she said to me at the beginning of the year, in January.
She’d returned home from the store with a box of cards and walked into the kitchen where she announced that she was going to send thank you cards to everyone before she returned to school.
It is the week of giving, when we pause in our busy lives to be with family and friends, to honor them and to reflect on what we are thankful for.
This year, my older daughter will not be with us since she is in France (lucky her.) But as I write this and contemplate gratitude, I find myself thinking about something she said to me at the beginning of the year, in January.
She’d returned home from the store with a box of cards and walked into the kitchen where she announced that she was going to send thank you cards to everyone before she returned to school. Naturally I was thrilled and immediately thought, good job, Shakti, you’ve trained her well. But before I could really pat myself on the back she went on to say:
“I read recently that it isn’t happy people who are grateful. It’s grateful people who are happy.”
Instantly I knew she was right.
In fact, gratitude is the fastest way to feel happy!
Perhaps then it isn’t the excitement of eating turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce that creates the feelings of elation we have on Thanksgiving. Maybe it’s the simple fact that we have paused to be grateful.
And the studies prove this. One example is Dr. Martin Seligman’s work at the University of Pennsylvania. An intervention he measured was having participants write and deliver a gratitude letter. According to his findings, those who completed this task demonstrated a significant rise in their happiness scores and out of all the interventions, this one showed the highest increase in happiness.
So this Thursday, take advantage of Thanksgiving and use it to launch yourself into gratitude.
Here are a few simple ideas to start off with:
1. Have a Circle of Thanks
On Thanksgiving, go around the room or table and invite each person to share what he or she is grateful for. It can be a word, a sentence or more. Not only is it heart warming but tremendously insightful!
2. Make A Call
Take 5 minutes on Thanksgiving and call someone you love. Tell them how much you care about them and how thankful you are that this person is in your life.
3. Commit to Gratitude for 40 days
Starting on Thanksgiving and for the next 40 days, list 3-5 things you’re grateful for. It’s a wonderful way to start the day and can be as simple as thanking your bed for giving you a great sleep, or the shower for waking you up.
Then you can see if you agree with the researchers and my daughter. That gratitude is the shortest way to happiness. Happy Thanksgiving!
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Piglet and the Art of Gratitude
When I was a little girl, I loved Winnie the Pooh. He was the character from the A.A. Milne books that I most identified with and consequently, had a small, stuffed doll in his likeness. His simplicity and unfailing kindness always cheered me. I cherished my Pooh bear and every summer when my sister and I went to sleepaway camp, I'd bring him with me.
When I was a little girl, I loved Winnie the Pooh. He was the character from the A.A. Milne books that I most identified with and consequently, had a small, stuffed doll in his likeness. His simplicity and unfailing kindness always cheered me. I cherished my Pooh bear and every summer when my sister and I went to sleepaway camp, I'd bring him with me. For years, my closest friend at Echo Camp for Girls was Darcy and she favored Piglet. So, you can imagine that we paraded around pretending to be and/or carrying our totems as we went on overnight trips or talked late into the nights.
In my twenties, I read The Tao of Pooh which brought me back to that wise and silly bear and gave me an even deeper understanding and appreciation for his timeless lessons. So I was surprised recently when I stumbled upon this A. A. Milne quotation, "Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” I never really thought all that much about Piglet but after reading that, I realized he could not be underestimated. After all, many of us may think we have small hearts. Piglet can serve as our inspiration in knowing that size is irrelevant when it comes to gratitude.
Seven days ago, I accepted my friend Gretchen's challenge to think of 5 things I am grateful for each day for a week with no repeats. Everyday I dutifully made my list, shared it on Facebook and Twitter, invited my friends to join. What was fascinating for me in this week was to realize just how much I am grateful for. The first "obvious" ones were the biggies that I think about a lot like my family, my health, and my career. But as I started to dig in, I noticed that everything from the shoes I wear to the face cream I apply I am grateful for. Then I also realized the gratitude I have for nature- for the sunsets, the rain, and the incredible array of animals in our world like Orca and Humpback whales, sea turtles, and Sandhill cranes.
In the mornings I experienced how, especially if I was tired or dragging, simply naming the 5 things I was grateful for changed my focus. Very quickly I'd be transported from feeling bad, thinking about lack or negativity, to an uplifting freer place. My breaths would deepen and I'd look around with smiling eyes, immediately reminded of all the good surrounding me in this moment.
Practicing gratitude is something found not just in children's books but in many spiritual practices. In an interview on UC Berkeley's Greater Good website, Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk, author and leader in the gratitude movement discusses its power, not only to the individual practicing it but to society and ultimately the world at large. He says, "...grateful individuals live in a way that leads to the kind of society human beings long for. In many parts of the world society is sick. Keywords of the diagnosis are: Exploitation, oppression, and violence. Grateful living is a remedy against all three of these symptoms. Exploitation springs from greed and a sense of scarcity. Grateful living makes us aware that there is enough for all. Thus, it leads to a sense of sufficiency and a joyful willingness to share with others. not only to the individual practicing gratitude but to society and ultimately the world at large..."*
Sometimes it's easy to read quotations from great thinkers like Brother David, Maya Angelou or Eckhart Tolle and feel intimidated, like they can do this because they are so much more advanced. This is when I remember Winnie the Pooh, the most simple of bears and his friend Piglet who is a rather timid little fellow, always afraid but wanting to be brave. If he can acknowledge that his heart is small but can hold a lot of gratitude, then so can you and so can I. It's easy to underestimate the capacity of the heart but it will grow. I promise.
With this, I invite you today to undertake Gretchen's gratitude challenge. Do it for 1 week, and see how you feel. Feel your heart and experience how it will grow and expand. Watch how your mouth turns to smile more readily and see how you feel lighter. Before you know it, you may even find yourself humming while you hunt for acorns.