3 Ways To Tackle Fear of the Future
Afraid of what's to come?
You aren't alone. The other day, I was talking with a 20 year-old who's moving to Nepal for 6-months. She’ll live with a family, learn the language, and be fairly isolated (as most host families don’t have internet.)
“Sounds like when I lived overseas!" I replied, laughing. "Those were the days of snail mail and expensive phone calls.”
But I also knew her fear – the fear of going someplace completely foreign, being thousands of miles away from friends and family- being alone.
She admitted that when she’d first learned about the trip something inside of her urged her on. The more she learned, the more she wanted to do it, until she was actually facing getting on the airplane.
Has that ever happened to you?
Afraid of what's to come?
You aren't alone.
The other day, I was talking with a 20 year-old who's moving to Nepal for 6-months. She’ll live with a family, learn the language, and be fairly isolated (as most host families don’t have internet.)
“Sounds like when I lived overseas!" I replied, laughing. "Those were the days of snail mail and expensive phone calls.”
But I also knew her fear – the fear of going someplace completely foreign, being thousands of miles away from friends and family- being alone.
She admitted that when she’d first learned about the trip something inside of her urged her on. The more she learned, the more she wanted to do it, until she was actually facing getting on the airplane.
Has that ever happened to you?
Your soul, intuition, inner guidance knows exactly what you need but then another part of you – your ego, learned self…- gets afraid?
As the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron reminds us “fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to truth.”
So when you feel that inner battle about doing what’s right, here are 3 ways to help:
1. Acknowledge Your Mixed Feelings
When we allow ourselves to honor the inner conflict, we create room for possibility.
It’s okay to have mixed emotions about something, even something you’re SUPER excited about!
With every growth opportunity, comes a death, a death of an old way of thinking or being.
When I was a junior in college, I was doing way too many drugs and had fallen into a co-dependent relationship. One day, I heard a voice tell me that I was killing myself with drugs. I knew it was true and I had to stop. Next thing I knew the voice was also reminding me that I’d lost a sense of myself that I needed to reclaim.
I decided to study in Italy for the semester.
My inner knowing knew exactly what I needed but absolutely NO part of me wanted to go. In fact, I cried on the flight to Rome.
BUT being away gave me exactly what I needed, the time and space to live cleanly and come back to myself.
2. Do It Anyway
Just because you’re of two minds about something doesn’t mean you should hold back.
You’re being called to move, to take action, to be brave. So go for it. As a coaching friend of mine likes to say, “just f*cking do it!”
We never lose when we try to expand who we are as human beings. It doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but it’s most always worth it.
3. Stay Open Minded
One common way to manage anxiety is to decide in advance what might happen. But how do you really know?
Instead of allowing fear to sabotage your plans by naming all the things that could go wrong, think about the vast world of possibility.
It’s often the case that we don’t know what we don’t know.
Haven’t you ever looked back at something with absolute awe, almost in disbelief because you never could have imagined that particular outcome?
This is exactly what I’m getting at – sometimes from the present vantage point, we can’t even fathom the end result because it isn’t even in the radar at all.
Instead, allow yourself to stay open and know that only good will come.
So whether you’re about to embark on a new job, trip or relationship, I invite you to honor everything you feel, stay open and go for it!
Life is an exciting adventure – isn’t it? Enjoy this day and all its special gifts.
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3 Ways to Tackle Uncertainty
I had a revelation the other day.
It was about transformation.
Our souls yearn to evolve and change, to up-level, to reach our goals and manifest our visions.
Right?
So we go for it and jump into the trenches. We start working and making things happen.
And then they do.
I experienced this last week. I realized that for the majority of this year, 2016, I have focused on closing my old life and making this transition across the country.
My life change has not only involved a physical move but also closing my coaching practice in Florida and transitioning clients, saying goodbye to friends (and family) I’ve had for over a decade, letting go of routines and habits, releasing an entire lifestyle and everything that was familiar.
And here’s the trick, the one I am now face-to face with: to make something new and not re-create the old.
I had a revelation the other day.
It was about transformation.
Our souls yearn to evolve and change, to up-level, to reach our goals and manifest our visions.
Right?
So we go for it and jump into the trenches. We start working and making things happen.
And then they do.
I experienced this last week. I realized that for the majority of this year, 2016, I have focused on closing my old life and making this transition across the country.
My life change has not only involved a physical move but also closing my coaching practice in Florida and transitioning clients, saying goodbye to friends (and family) I’ve had for over a decade, letting go of routines and habits, releasing an entire lifestyle and everything that was familiar.
And here’s the trick, the one I am now face-to face with: to make something new and not re-create the old.
But to do this we must face uncertainty.
We all HATE uncertainty.
It’s the unknown, the great mystery, the void. And yet it is also the space of manifestation.
So, how do we weather this place? How do we stay true and focused even in fear?
Faith.
Faith has been defined as believing in something that isn’t there.
I see faith and trust as two sides of the same coin. It’s extending ourselves, putting YOU out there regardless.
So another way to look at this faith / uncertainty challenge is to think about it as: trust versus mistrust.
Erik Erikson created a theory that all humans experience stages of psychosocial development that span a life time. The first one of these is hope. This is the stage from birth to the age of two and encompasses the idea of trust versus mistrust.
Erikson believed that at each of these developmental stages, we pass a milestone and make a choice. This is the first one. Is the world trustworthy? Am I safe here or is the world a scary, unsafe place?
I hit against this – the uncertainty/faith or trust versus mistrust place last week when I realized that now- now that I am officially settled in- it was time to begin living in a new way. I successfully cleared away, finished and completed everything and now I was face to face with new.
Even though I was getting EXACTLY what I wanted, I felt scared.
Scared of the uncertainty, of the unknown. My husband reminded me that the remedy to this is faith and that got me thinking that uncertainty/faith is really the same as trust versus mistrust.
If you experienced any early trauma, you may struggle with this too. The scars – both physical and psychological- often create a lens through which to see the world and the people in it. We either view them as unsafe, not trustworthy or the world as safe, happy.
When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable about a shift in your life, about facing uncertainty ask: Am I seeing the world as a safe place or an unsafe place?
For me, growing up, the world felt incredibly unsafe. It was only through doing a lot of inner work that I came to the realization that I could change this. Now I choose to believe that the world is a safe place.
But every time we push against our limits and want to expand who we are, we can easily fall back into old patterns and fears. Just like I did last week.
So if you find yourself in a space like this, here are 3 tips to help you:
1. Remember that God loves you, and that you are divinely protected.
I often use the Louise Hay affirmation: “I am safe in the Universe and all of life loves and supports me.” If I’m feeling especially vulnerable, I’ll keep repeating it over and over again.
2. Keep holding on to your goal, vision, purpose.
Read it out loud every day. Speak your life into existence with emotion and mean it! I do this at the end of my meditation time but also when I go jogging. I run around saying my affirmations and vision! It’s so empowering.
3. Love the infant you.
Often when we face uncertainty, that little inner child who felt unsafe all those years ago comes out. Hold that part of you. Nurture her and let her know that you got her. She’s safe and protected now.
Keep moving towards your heart and soul’s desires and make them manifest. Use these 3 tools to stay on this path. And remember that there is always help – you are never alone.
Where are you in manifesting your life and visions?
Share your journey with me. I’d love to hear how I can support you in this magnificent adventure!