3 Ways To Tackle Fear of the Future
Afraid of what's to come?
You aren't alone. The other day, I was talking with a 20 year-old who's moving to Nepal for 6-months. She’ll live with a family, learn the language, and be fairly isolated (as most host families don’t have internet.)
“Sounds like when I lived overseas!" I replied, laughing. "Those were the days of snail mail and expensive phone calls.”
But I also knew her fear – the fear of going someplace completely foreign, being thousands of miles away from friends and family- being alone.
She admitted that when she’d first learned about the trip something inside of her urged her on. The more she learned, the more she wanted to do it, until she was actually facing getting on the airplane.
Has that ever happened to you?
Afraid of what's to come?
You aren't alone.
The other day, I was talking with a 20 year-old who's moving to Nepal for 6-months. She’ll live with a family, learn the language, and be fairly isolated (as most host families don’t have internet.)
“Sounds like when I lived overseas!" I replied, laughing. "Those were the days of snail mail and expensive phone calls.”
But I also knew her fear – the fear of going someplace completely foreign, being thousands of miles away from friends and family- being alone.
She admitted that when she’d first learned about the trip something inside of her urged her on. The more she learned, the more she wanted to do it, until she was actually facing getting on the airplane.
Has that ever happened to you?
Your soul, intuition, inner guidance knows exactly what you need but then another part of you – your ego, learned self…- gets afraid?
As the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron reminds us “fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to truth.”
So when you feel that inner battle about doing what’s right, here are 3 ways to help:
1. Acknowledge Your Mixed Feelings
When we allow ourselves to honor the inner conflict, we create room for possibility.
It’s okay to have mixed emotions about something, even something you’re SUPER excited about!
With every growth opportunity, comes a death, a death of an old way of thinking or being.
When I was a junior in college, I was doing way too many drugs and had fallen into a co-dependent relationship. One day, I heard a voice tell me that I was killing myself with drugs. I knew it was true and I had to stop. Next thing I knew the voice was also reminding me that I’d lost a sense of myself that I needed to reclaim.
I decided to study in Italy for the semester.
My inner knowing knew exactly what I needed but absolutely NO part of me wanted to go. In fact, I cried on the flight to Rome.
BUT being away gave me exactly what I needed, the time and space to live cleanly and come back to myself.
2. Do It Anyway
Just because you’re of two minds about something doesn’t mean you should hold back.
You’re being called to move, to take action, to be brave. So go for it. As a coaching friend of mine likes to say, “just f*cking do it!”
We never lose when we try to expand who we are as human beings. It doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but it’s most always worth it.
3. Stay Open Minded
One common way to manage anxiety is to decide in advance what might happen. But how do you really know?
Instead of allowing fear to sabotage your plans by naming all the things that could go wrong, think about the vast world of possibility.
It’s often the case that we don’t know what we don’t know.
Haven’t you ever looked back at something with absolute awe, almost in disbelief because you never could have imagined that particular outcome?
This is exactly what I’m getting at – sometimes from the present vantage point, we can’t even fathom the end result because it isn’t even in the radar at all.
Instead, allow yourself to stay open and know that only good will come.
So whether you’re about to embark on a new job, trip or relationship, I invite you to honor everything you feel, stay open and go for it!
Life is an exciting adventure – isn’t it? Enjoy this day and all its special gifts.
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4 Ways to Choose Love in the Face of Uncertainty
Life is filled with the unknown. Whether it’s a presidential election, a storm prediction, a doctor’s appointment or the stock market.
In fact, life essentially is uncertainty in action.
Think about it. Whenever you try something new – a dance class, a restaurant, lunch with a new friend, a job opportunity – there’s risk. Simply because it is new, unknown or uncertain.
So, how do we, as students of spirituality learn to embrace that which is unknown and not fall into fear?
Life is filled with the unknown. Whether it’s a presidential election, a storm prediction, a doctor’s appointment or the stock market.
In fact, life essentially is uncertainty in action.
Think about it.
Whenever you try something new – a dance class, a restaurant, lunch with a new friend, a job opportunity – there’s risk. Simply because it is new, unknown or uncertain.
So, how do we, as students of spirituality learn to embrace that which is unknown and not fall into fear?
Especially when that fear is palpable and permeates everything.
This is one of the major challenges we face, walking into uncertainty or fear without leaving us cold hearted, apathetic or checked out.
Here are 4 ways to help you.
1. Live In The World But Not of The World
My teacher, Ma Jaya used to say this all the time.
But what does it mean?
I define it as being an active participant in the world, showing up to make a difference, willingly and voluntarily. And working at not having any expectations.
It’s also the recognition that we are here in a body, in this time and space, but it isn’t all there is.
There is a vast reality far larger than we can even imagine – Source, God, One-Ness, Brahmin, Dreaming…
Remembering that this earthly plain is not all there is helps create energetic distance so you don’t get sucked into the drama, the chaos of this world that circles all the time.
Instead, be in the world as a speaker of truth, a messenger of love and choose not to get pulled into the craziness that is ever present.
I often think of the novelist Tom Robbins. In his book, Even Cowgirls Get The Blues, he wrote, “and the world situation is, desperate as usual.”
I read this when I was in my early 20s and it stopped my daily news addiction. Unfortunately, it seems even more appropriate today!
2. Choose Love
We always have a choice to stay in the vibration of love or come from a place of fear.
What will you choose?
I recently read about a church in Indiana that was defaced with graffiti that said, “Heil Trump” and another of a tilted swastika. Instead of immediately painting over it, the minister opted to leave it.
As she said, “we believe that symbols are what you make of them. And if we decide to look at these symbols as hate and be angry and frustrated, we’re focusing on the wrong issue. And so we’ve decided to leave them up as symbols of hope, whereas if anybody in the surrounding area — or even country — sees these and knows that we were targeted because we’re inclusive and they need a safe space, then they know that Saint David’s is a safe space.”
Clearly Rev. Kelsey Hutto is choosing love.
3. Nothing Real Can Be Threatened
This is a line from the Introduction to A Course In Miracles. The whole text reads, "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God."
I find this line especially helpful when I have fallen into fear.
When we experience fear, it’s always coming from our ego selves, the place where we feel separate and alone.
In those instances, I will often repeat this line over and over to myself like a mantra. It brings me back to what I know, that I am safe, that the world is protected and everything else is unreal.
As ACIM reminds us, there is only love or a call for love.
When we are in fear, our soul/God/Source/One-ness is giving us a call for love, to remember who we truly are, that we are not our egos, not the fear, that we are a part of God and love.
4. Do Your Spiritual Work – Strengthen Your Inner Compass
The best way to stay in a higher vibration is to have a daily practice.
What is yours?
Prayer, meditation, yoga, ecstatic dance?
It is imperative to take some time each day to connect in to God/Source/Love. Fill yourself back up, recline in the infinite bliss that is your refuge and sanctuary.
Make time everyday.
This is THE most important time of your day. Do this for your inner growth, your sanity and your ability to show up exactly how you want to – with love, compassion and light.
It is always in times of darkness when the light is needed the most.
Be that beacon and shine bright.
What will you do? Leave a comment below!
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3 Ways to Tackle Uncertainty
I had a revelation the other day.
It was about transformation.
Our souls yearn to evolve and change, to up-level, to reach our goals and manifest our visions.
Right?
So we go for it and jump into the trenches. We start working and making things happen.
And then they do.
I experienced this last week. I realized that for the majority of this year, 2016, I have focused on closing my old life and making this transition across the country.
My life change has not only involved a physical move but also closing my coaching practice in Florida and transitioning clients, saying goodbye to friends (and family) I’ve had for over a decade, letting go of routines and habits, releasing an entire lifestyle and everything that was familiar.
And here’s the trick, the one I am now face-to face with: to make something new and not re-create the old.
I had a revelation the other day.
It was about transformation.
Our souls yearn to evolve and change, to up-level, to reach our goals and manifest our visions.
Right?
So we go for it and jump into the trenches. We start working and making things happen.
And then they do.
I experienced this last week. I realized that for the majority of this year, 2016, I have focused on closing my old life and making this transition across the country.
My life change has not only involved a physical move but also closing my coaching practice in Florida and transitioning clients, saying goodbye to friends (and family) I’ve had for over a decade, letting go of routines and habits, releasing an entire lifestyle and everything that was familiar.
And here’s the trick, the one I am now face-to face with: to make something new and not re-create the old.
But to do this we must face uncertainty.
We all HATE uncertainty.
It’s the unknown, the great mystery, the void. And yet it is also the space of manifestation.
So, how do we weather this place? How do we stay true and focused even in fear?
Faith.
Faith has been defined as believing in something that isn’t there.
I see faith and trust as two sides of the same coin. It’s extending ourselves, putting YOU out there regardless.
So another way to look at this faith / uncertainty challenge is to think about it as: trust versus mistrust.
Erik Erikson created a theory that all humans experience stages of psychosocial development that span a life time. The first one of these is hope. This is the stage from birth to the age of two and encompasses the idea of trust versus mistrust.
Erikson believed that at each of these developmental stages, we pass a milestone and make a choice. This is the first one. Is the world trustworthy? Am I safe here or is the world a scary, unsafe place?
I hit against this – the uncertainty/faith or trust versus mistrust place last week when I realized that now- now that I am officially settled in- it was time to begin living in a new way. I successfully cleared away, finished and completed everything and now I was face to face with new.
Even though I was getting EXACTLY what I wanted, I felt scared.
Scared of the uncertainty, of the unknown. My husband reminded me that the remedy to this is faith and that got me thinking that uncertainty/faith is really the same as trust versus mistrust.
If you experienced any early trauma, you may struggle with this too. The scars – both physical and psychological- often create a lens through which to see the world and the people in it. We either view them as unsafe, not trustworthy or the world as safe, happy.
When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable about a shift in your life, about facing uncertainty ask: Am I seeing the world as a safe place or an unsafe place?
For me, growing up, the world felt incredibly unsafe. It was only through doing a lot of inner work that I came to the realization that I could change this. Now I choose to believe that the world is a safe place.
But every time we push against our limits and want to expand who we are, we can easily fall back into old patterns and fears. Just like I did last week.
So if you find yourself in a space like this, here are 3 tips to help you:
1. Remember that God loves you, and that you are divinely protected.
I often use the Louise Hay affirmation: “I am safe in the Universe and all of life loves and supports me.” If I’m feeling especially vulnerable, I’ll keep repeating it over and over again.
2. Keep holding on to your goal, vision, purpose.
Read it out loud every day. Speak your life into existence with emotion and mean it! I do this at the end of my meditation time but also when I go jogging. I run around saying my affirmations and vision! It’s so empowering.
3. Love the infant you.
Often when we face uncertainty, that little inner child who felt unsafe all those years ago comes out. Hold that part of you. Nurture her and let her know that you got her. She’s safe and protected now.
Keep moving towards your heart and soul’s desires and make them manifest. Use these 3 tools to stay on this path. And remember that there is always help – you are never alone.
Where are you in manifesting your life and visions?
Share your journey with me. I’d love to hear how I can support you in this magnificent adventure!
Leave a comment below the blog!
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Moving From Fear to Love
Last week I was scheduled to make a brief speech in front of an audience of about 200 people. Normally, I enjoy speaking in public but sometimes it can make me a bit anxious.
And this turned out to be one of those times.
I woke Friday morning feeling my nerves racing around in my belly like fiery little sparks. I consciously worked at taking my mind off the event, focusing instead on my immediate tasks.
I had emails to write, phone calls to make. I wasn’t scheduled to speak until the afternoon, leaving for the venue around 4 pm.
At about 2:00, I quickly glanced through my emails and spotted one from a coaching client I currently have. Since January, he and I have been working on resolving an issue with one of his employees.
The employee was not doing a satisfactory job. Instead of firing him in January, my client chose to see if things could change and had spoken with the man on several occasions as well as given him two formal reviews.
None of his interventions had worked and recently he’d let the employee go.
My client had copied me his response to a recent email from this disgruntled employee.
As I read both what the employee had written as well as my client’s reply, my entire insides roiled. His former employee had refused to take any responsibility for being fired, was blaming my client and choosing to be a victim.
I was appalled but worse began feeling a panic run up my throat.
Last week I was scheduled to make a brief speech in front of an audience of about 200 people. Normally, I enjoy speaking in public but sometimes it can make me a bit anxious.
And this turned out to be one of those times.
I woke Friday morning feeling my nerves racing around in my belly like fiery little sparks.
I consciously worked at taking my mind off the event, focusing instead on my immediate tasks.
I had emails to write, phone calls to make. I wasn’t scheduled to speak until the afternoon, leaving for the venue around 4 pm.
At about 2:00, I quickly glanced through my emails and spotted one from a coaching client I currently have. Since January, he and I had been working on resolving an issue with one of his employees.
The employee was not doing a satisfactory job. Instead of firing him in January, my client chose to see if things could change and had spoken with the man on several occasions as well as given him two formal reviews.
None of his interventions had worked and recently he’d let the employee go.
My client had copied me his response to a recent email from this disgruntled employee.
As I read both what the employee had written as well as my client’s reply, my entire insides roiled.
His former employee had refused to take any responsibility for being fired, was blaming my client and choosing to be a victim.
I was appalled but worse began feeling a panic run up my throat.
I was angry about the timing – reading it right before my speech - and shocked by the level of physical discomfort I was feeling.
After all, the email wasn’t even addressed to me!
Why did criticism launched at someone else have this effect on me?
I got up from the chair wishing I hadn’t read the email and began pacing – trying to work through my discomfort and manage it so I could show up and speak from my heart later that afternoon.
I began using the tools I know – I breathed deeply in and out- calming myself down.
And as I did, I asked “Why is this upsetting me so much?”
The answer I received was that it was simply triggering all the times I’ve let an employee or customer go and been personally attacked, criticized or blamed.
I was astonished that someone’s unrelated words could have this great an effect on me.
After about 30 minutes, I got into my car needing to pick my daughter up from school. I kept breathing mindfully when I remembered the Course in Miracles lesson I’d read that morning.
Simply stated it reminded me that I am one with God.
I began saying this to myself over and over again. “I am one with God. I am one with God.” And as the words sank in, I felt a calm begin to permeate me. My affirmation morphed into “I am one with God. No one can hurt me.”
Then it hit me – by reading that email I’d fallen into fear.
It had triggered the place in me where I felt attacked and needed to defend myself and my client.
As Marianne Williamson suggests, I prayed for a miracle.
My miracle was to remind myself that I am one with God and no one can hurt me. She describes a miracle as a shift in perception from fear to love.
Well, you can guess what happened.
I even began to see the author of the original email (the disgruntled employee) as one with God. By the time I arrived at the auditorium, I was ready to be there – in my heart.
I no longer felt angry or wronged.
The event went off without a hitch and I participated in my small part, able to be fully present. I felt relief as well as immense gratitude for the opportunity to show up differently.
Instead of holding on to the fear, I was able to gracefully move through the emotional obstacle. I used the opportunity for growth and came out on the other side with humility and love.
Have you ever experienced something like this?
Share your story with me - leave a comment below!
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Moving Through Fear In 3 Easy Steps
Last week I got a call from a woman in tears who confessed that she was incapable of completing even simple tasks anymore, like phoning a sick friend. She then said, “I’m paralyzed by fear.”
My heart went out to her.
Obviously she was in a lot of pain. Sometimes it’s easy to look at people who are successful or brave and feel like they must be cut from a different cloth. They must have mastered fear and no longer have it. We compare ourselves and feel woefully inadequate. Then we can think things like, “That person is so unlike me. I’m just a big scardey cat, afraid all the time.”
I knew this woman felt like she was alone in her suffering.
So I resolved to support her just as I had been helped years earlier to walk through my own fear.
About fourteen years ago, I was a martial arts student, preparing for an upcoming rank test in Tae Kwon Do. This meant I’d have to break a board. I never felt terribly confident in sports and saw myself as clumsy and awkward.
I was slowly working myself into a panic about performing. Not only would I forget the moves for the form I was required to do but I’d get hurt or worse. I’d make a fool out of myself and feel embarrassed in front of the other students, my teachers and family.
I finally said something, knowing I needed encouragement. My teacher, who had also been a spiritual practitioner for more than 30 years, shared his wisdom with me.
Last week I got a call from a woman in tears who confessed that she was incapable of completing even simple tasks anymore, like phoning a sick friend. She then said, “I’m paralyzed by fear.”
My heart went out to her.
Obviously she was in a lot of pain. Sometimes it’s easy to look at people who are successful or brave and feel like they must be cut from a different cloth.
They must have mastered fear and no longer have it.
We compare ourselves and feel woefully inadequate. Then we can think things like, “That person is so unlike me. I’m just a big scardey cat, afraid all the time.”
I knew this woman felt like she was alone in her suffering.
So I resolved to support her just as I had been helped years earlier to walk through my own fear.
About fourteen years ago, I was a martial arts student, preparing for an upcoming rank test in Tae Kwon Do. This meant I’d have to break a board. I never felt terribly confident in sports and saw myself as clumsy and awkward.
I was slowly working myself into a panic about performing. Not only would I forget the moves for the form I was required to do but I’d get hurt or worse. I’d make a fool out of myself and feel embarrassed in front of the other students, my teachers and family.
I finally said something, knowing I needed encouragement. My teacher, who had also been a spiritual practitioner for more than 30 years, shared his wisdom with me.
He said, “Courage isn’t the absence of fear."
"It’s not that people who are brave aren’t afraid. We’re all scared. It’s just about how we manage that fear. Does it prevent us from doing what we want or do we gently put it aside and allow it to be a fellow traveler?”
I loved this idea of managing our fear.
That felt attainable, real. I couldn’t imagine banishing fear forever because that seemed impossible. But I could envision managing it.
After all, fear is part of the human response. It’s helped keep us alive for thousands of years. It’s a natural part of our Sympathetic Nervous System – fight or flight.
The problem only arises when fear gets out of control, almost like it metastasizes and wants to consume us. We can become paralyzed by fear, incapable of taking action. Just like the woman who had called me.
When fear comes in that strongly, sometimes we need clarity, another voice to help us separate from it. And to remember that it’s just an emotion. No matter how all consuming it can feel, it is just that, a feeling.
So, when you’re in that fear place, here are 3 simple ways to get through it:
1. Breathe
And remind yourself that what you're experiencing is just a feeling, an emotion. Fear is NOT who you are.
2. Acknowledge it.
When we try to push fear away, we just make it stronger. Recognize it’s there. Thank it for sharing and then tell it that you’re going to put it aside for now and do _____________ (make that phone call, complete the paperwork, find out about the diagnosis) anyway.
3. Ask for help.
This can come in many forms – a friend, partner, counselor, coach or in prayer. Sometimes during meditation I will tell God, “I’m scared of _________. Help me.” Amazingly I always get relief, support, love and guidance.
It’s true that we are all afraid.
We’re hard wired that way but the good news is it doesn’t have to rule our lives. We can control fear and when we do, we find that our lives are more exciting, and fulfilling. We feel more empowered, supported, guided and present. Enjoy your life more by allowing fear to be your fellow traveler instead of the boss.
Has fear ever prevented you from achieving a goal?
Obviously she was in a lot of pain. Sometimes it’s easy to look at people who are successful or brave and feel like they must be cut from a different cloth.
They must have mastered fear and no longer have it.
We compare ourselves and feel woefully inadequate. Then we can think things like, “That person is so unlike me. I’m just a big scardey cat, afraid all the time.”
I knew this woman felt like she was alone in her suffering.
So I resolved to support her just as I had been helped years earlier to walk through my own fear.
About fourteen years ago, I was a martial arts student, preparing for an upcoming rank test in Tae Kwon Do. This meant I’d have to break a board. I never felt terribly confident in sports and saw myself as clumsy and awkward.
I was slowly working myself into a panic about performing. Not only would I forget the moves for the form I was required to do but I’d get hurt or worse. I’d make a fool out of myself and feel embarrassed in front of the other students, my teachers and family.
I finally said something, knowing I needed encouragement. My teacher, who had also been a spiritual practitioner for more than 30 years, shared his wisdom with me.
He said, “Courage isn’t the absence of fear."
"It’s not that people who are brave aren’t afraid. We’re all scared. It’s just about how we manage that fear. Does it prevent us from doing what we want or do we gently put it aside and allow it to be a fellow traveler?”
I loved this idea of managing our fear.
That felt attainable, real. I couldn’t imagine banishing fear forever because that seemed impossible. But I could envision managing it.
After all, fear is part of the human response. It’s helped keep us alive for thousands of years. It’s a natural part of our Sympathetic Nervous System – fight or flight.
The problem only arises when fear gets out of control, almost like it metastasizes and wants to consume us. We can become paralyzed by fear, incapable of taking action. Just like the woman who had called me.
When fear comes in that strongly, sometimes we need clarity, another voice to help us separate from it. And to remember that it’s just an emotion. No matter how all consuming it can feel, it is just that, a feeling.
So, when you’re in that fear place, here are 3 simple ways to get through it:
1. Breathe
And remind yourself that what you're experiencing is just a feeling, an emotion. Fear is NOT who you are.
2. Acknowledge it.
When we try to push fear away, we just make it stronger. Recognize it’s there. Thank it for sharing and then tell it that you’re going to put it aside for now and do _____________ (make that phone call, complete the paperwork, find out about the diagnosis) anyway.
3. Ask for help.
This can come in many forms – a friend, partner, counselor, coach or in prayer. Sometimes during meditation I will tell God, “I’m scared of _________. Help me.” Amazingly I always get relief, support, love and guidance.
It’s true that we are all afraid.
We’re hard wired that way but the good news is it doesn’t have to rule our lives. We can control fear and when we do, we find that our lives are more exciting, and fulfilling. We feel more empowered, supported, guided and present. Enjoy your life more by allowing fear to be your fellow traveler instead of the boss.
Has fear ever prevented you from achieving a goal?
Share it with us below!
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Feeling Afraid? Try Acknowledging It
When I was in my early 20s, I was offered a job in sales and design for a manufacturer in Hong Kong. My office was in a factory located in an industrialized and severely polluted part of the territories. After arriving and settling in, I quickly realized that it wasn’t the job for me. They hardly had anything for me to do and had hired me primarily as a favor to my mother. Every day I sat at my desk in a windowless room pretending to work. It was pretty awful.
When I was in my early 20s, I was offered a job in sales and design for a manufacturer in Hong Kong. My office was in a factory located in an industrialized and severely polluted part of the territories. After arriving and settling in, I quickly realized that it wasn’t the job for me.
They hardly had anything for me to do and had hired me primarily as a favor to my mother. Every day I sat at my desk in a windowless room pretending to work. It was pretty awful.
About six months later I mustered up the courage to quit.
I made a list of what I felt like I needed in my life. Things like: sunshine, variety, more than 2 weeks vacation, connection. Between my list and my language limitations -not speaking Cantonese- I decided I should become a teacher. In fact, it met all of my requirements!
And of course that’s what happened.
I was offered a position at an international high school. I was thrilled, my first real job. I excitedly began prepping for my English literature and language classes until the night before school officially began. That’s when it dawned on me.
My job was public speaking all day, every day and I panicked.
As a child, I'd loved performing but that had all changed in high school. I had a crisis in confidence resulting from being socially ostracized. Now I was shy and scared, and most importantly, had lost my voice.
I quickly ran out of my apartment and down to the lobby then took off walking. My building was located on a cliff overlooking the harbor and was dark and quiet. As I walked, my mind whirred.
“What am I going to do? I can’t believe this. How could I have been so stupid? I can’t public speak all day everyday.” That freaked out voice went on and on until another voice interjected.
This new voice said to me, “It’s just fear. Can you do it anyway?”
Recently I’d read William Faulkner’s acceptance speech. The one he had given upon receiving the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1950. He’d spoken about the pervasive fear in the United States caused by the Cold War and the impending doom of nuclear annihilation that hovered over us. He went on to say: “[the young writer] must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afraid; and, teaching himself that, forget it forever…”
Huh. I began to reason with myself. Fear is just an emotion. Was I going to let it stop me from teaching? Could I go through with it anyway, even though I was scared?
And the answer was, “yes, I can” and that’s exactly what I did.
In that moment, I realized that I was bigger than my fear. I had allowed myself to recognize it, and then put it aside.
Shortly after this, I saw a film that reconfirmed what I had experienced. In the movie, one of the characters quotes a Spanish proverb.
Translated it was: “A life lived in fear is a life half lived.”
Sitting in that movie theatre, I resolved that I would not live a half-life. I wanted to live a full, rich, complete life; truly experience being alive. And if that meant learning how to deal with fear, then that’s what I was going to do.
That was more than two decades ago but I still feel the same way today. Of course, fear keeps knocking and every time, I have to pay attention.
And in that time here’s what I‘ve learned:
Just because I experience fear, it doesn’t mean it has to control me.
If I acknowledge it, then I can manage it. When I try to push fear away or drown it by eating too much, drinking or avoiding, it comes back even stronger. Instead, when I recognize the fear and face it, just like I did on that dark cliff in Hong Kong, then I can disable it. I relegate it to the back seat instead of allowing it to be the driver. This way fear becomes my fellow traveler and not my boss.
What have you found helpful in managing fear?
Leave a comment below!
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Who Just Said That?
Lately I've been hearing people talking about their anxiety. One man I know can't stop thinking about his health. He recently had a check up and was told he has high blood pressure. Now he can't stop thinking about the blood pumping through his body. His thoughts make him fearful and anxious, that he's going to have a heart attack or stroke at any moment. Then a pregnant woman mentioned almost the same thing. Even though this isn't her first child, she's finding herself fixated on the future pain and all of the awful complications that could happen despite the fact that she's already had near perfect birthing experiences.
So what is this?
Lately I've been hearing people talking about their anxiety. One man I know can't stop thinking about his health. He recently had a check up and was told he has high blood pressure.
Now he's obsessively thinking about the blood pumping through his body. His thoughts make him fearful and anxious, that he's going to have a heart attack or stroke at any moment.
Then a pregnant woman mentioned almost the same thing. Even though this isn't her first child, she's finding herself fixated on the future pain and all of the awful complications that could happen despite the fact that she's already had near perfect birthing experiences.
So what is this?
I like to think about it as our brains highjacking us. When this happens to me, I have to remind myself of a few things.
#1. Like Mike Dooley says, "Thoughts are Things, Choose the Good Ones."
If my thought is causing me worry, fear, anxiety or discomfort then I change it! When I first realized that I had control over this, it was amazingly powerful.
Here's an example of how it manifests in my life. Lately it's been focused on my sinuses. When I'm in negative thinking it sounds like: "My sinuses are never going to clear up. My allergies make my nose run and my eyes itchy. I'm so uncomfortable."
Then I can remember that these are just thoughts and thoughts can be changed. So, I can catch myself and shift it to "I am healthy. My sinuses are healthy and happy." Immediately I begin to feel better.
We forget that we are not our thoughts, not our brains. I like to think of the brain a little bit like a computer. It's a tool that we can control. Most of us don't realize this so we allow IT to control us. BUT we have the choice to think thoughts that we want and eliminate ones we don't.
#2 What We Focus On Expands
This is the power our thoughts have. You know it's true. The more I think "I have no money," the poorer I feel and the less money I actually do have. Instead, when I feel gratitude for what I have in my life, it helps me feel abundant and I attract more money to me.
Think the thoughts you want in your life. Thoughts of success and happiness. Thoughts of safety and perfect health. Mine your thoughts, become aware of what you say to yourself and choose kindness, love and compassion. For then you will have more of these in your life.
#3 We Aren't Our Thoughts
I'm stuck in my negative thought, "Why can't my sinuses heal?" and over and over the tape repeats until finally someone else in my head hears it. Who is that? The other voice who says, "Enough! Change that thought!"
Some people call this Self the eternal observer, the watcher, the aspect of us that is aligned with God. Ever present without beginning and without end, eternal. Some say this is the voice of God or the Universe or whatever label works for you.
When we can silent that small voice (the computer) we open ourselves up to hear from Divine source. This is true guidance, it's pure love and is our essential nature.
The way to hear this voice isn't by making the other voice wrong or bad, it's by going within, getting quiet and recognizing that we aren't that voice (the computer). We are so much more. We can ask for help, to be guided, to be able to hear this voice speak to us. It will for it is always there, waiting.
So the next time you catch yourself stuck in a rut of negative thinking, use these 3 reminders to get you unstuck, back on track and listening to the right voice.
How can this work for you?
Share one of your negative thoughts and how you changed it below in the comments.
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What's Fear Got To Do With It?
About 25 years ago when I was just starting to find my career path, I had an interesting experience with fear. I was living in Hong Kong and had been working at a knitwear factory. I really hated my job but being so far away from my family and friends, making a change felt scary. (This was pre-internet days.) I finally mustered up the courage to quit my job after 6 or 7 months but then had to figure out what to do. After spending a LONG time thinking about it, writing a list of what I needed to have in my life and then realizing I didn't speak Cantonese, I ended up applying for teaching jobs.
Somehow I knew I was going to get one and before the summer was over, I had a brand new job at an international high school teaching English and art. I was excited! It was my first "real" job where I wasn't answering the phone or running errands. I even had my own mailbox in the office. Best yet, I got to read books all day! The two weeks before school started were great, I organized my classroom and outlined the textbooks, deciding what to do and when.
About 25 years ago when I was just starting to find my career path, I had an interesting experience with fear.
I was living in Hong Kong working at a knitwear factory. I really hated my job but being 10,000 miles away from my family and friends, making a change felt scary. (This was pre-internet days.) I finally mustered up the courage to quit after 6 or 7 months but then had to figure out what to do.
After spending a LONG time thinking about it, writing a list of what I needed to have in my life and then realizing I didn't speak Cantonese, I ended up applying for teaching jobs.
Somehow I knew I was going to get one and before the summer was over, had an offer from an international high school teaching English and art. It was my first "real" job where I wasn't answering the phone or running errands. I even had my own mailbox in the office. Best yet, I got to read books all day! The two weeks before school started were great, I organized my classroom and outlined the textbooks, deciding what to do and when.
I was excited until the night before the students arrived and classes actually began. That's when it suddenly dawned on me that my new job was public speaking all day every day and I had a panic attack. I quickly left my apartment, took the elevator downstairs and went out for a walk.
Statistics indicate that people are consistently more afraid of public speaking than dying and that night I was one of them.
In high school, I lost my voice and throughout college tended to hide, was quiet and often sat in the back. I was smart and engaged but was always afraid of sharing my thoughts. At the end of my senior year I had to prepare an oral presentation and teach the class about a specific painting. For weeks I dreaded it and despite encouragement from my closest friend, was petrified. This was ALL I could think about as I walked off my panic attack that balmy September evening. Maybe I should quit, find another job, leave Hong Kong...
And then a new thought hit me and here's what it said: "What you are experiencing is just fear. Fear is an emotion, nothing else. So, can you do this anyway even though you're afraid?"
My logical mind started processing that idea. Just an emotion, huh? Well sure, I can do this anyway, can't I? And I did.
What I didn't realize then was that was my first attempt at managing fear. I think a lot of people including myself think courage is the absence of fear or that courageous people aren't scared. What I've come to understand is that we are all afraid, it's the human experience. The key is in the managing of it. Or put another way, do you manage fear or does fear manage you?
Sometimes we experience fear and it can prevent us from living fully or genuinely engaging in life. Like my story, I was afraid because I was moving into something I'd never done before. Even though this is a natural response, we can allow that fear to hold us hostage, preventing us from moving through it. I could have impulsively quit my job, not shown up and gone running home instead.
But sometimes fear also serves us well. Like the feeling we have about a place or person. We get a "vibe" and that's a good kind of fear, the kind that acts as a warning, to remind us to be aware.
Our job is to recognize when fear is helping us and when it might be hindering us.
Either way, it's a warning about change - good or bad. We can embrace fear as our friend and take it by the hand, recognizing its job is to keep us safe. We need to evaluate the situation and determine the best course of action. Is fear protecting me or preventing me from growing? Then we can respond appropriately. "Thanks I'll make a different choice" or "Thanks but I'm going to do this anyway." Which is what I did when I walked into the classroom the next day. I took a deep breath and never looked back.