Feeling Flawed? Think Again
“No amount of self-improvement can make up for a lack of self-acceptance.” – Dr. Robert Holden.
When I first heard Robert say this, I gasped.
And then I let it seep into my being. Because even though I was a life long self-improvement addict, I knew, not only was he right but that it was time for me to change.
How about you?
Been on the constant merry go round of self-improvement too?
Ready to get off and try another way?
Here are 3 easy to apply ways to move right into self-acceptance:
“No amount of self-improvement can make up for a lack of self-acceptance.” – Dr. Robert Holden.
When I first heard Robert say this, I gasped.
And then I let it seep into my being. Because even though I was a life long self-improvement addict, I knew, not only was he right but that it was time for me to change.
How about you?
Been on the constant merry go round of self-improvement too?
Ready to get off and try another way?
Here are 3 easy to apply ways to move right into self-acceptance:
1. Open the Door
As the shame researcher Brené Brown has taught us, shame – or the qualities of ourselves that we hide– needs three things to survive:
Silence
Judgment
Secrecy
We hide away all the aspects of ourselves we don’t want anyone else to see and pretend they aren’t there. Except we KNOW they are and we judge ourselves because of it.
After I read her book, Daring Greatly (which I highly recommend), I realized that we're ALL carrying around the SAME things that we’re ashamed about:
For women, the #1 shame trigger is our bodies (duh!)
For men it’s not being “manly” enough.
And the list goes from there. Lots of versions of not enough.
That got me thinking... why should I hide all these things away when everyone else has them too?
So now I let it all hang out. 😁
Shed the light on all the ways you think you’re less than. And be okay with ALL of it – how much you weigh, how “intelligent” you are, how socially awkward, how nerdy, how quirky...
Which leads me to number 2.
2. Embrace It All – the Good, the Bad & the Ugly
When you open the door, you get to see everything that you’ve been ignoring or not wanting anyone else to know about you. All those deep, dark secrets.
But as I just said, we seem to erroneously believe that we are alone having these awful fears of rejection, abandonment, being laughed at.
But all humans have them.
And the faster we can learn to love every aspect of us, not just the ways we are healthy and successful, but also the ways we are mean, petty, flaky, irresponsible and self-defeating, the faster we can open up to really loving and accepting ourselves.
In other words, truly open up to love.
Which means it’s time to affirm a new way of being.
3. Self-Acceptance Affirmation
To support yourself as you move into self-acceptance and self-love, try this affirmation:
“I love and accept myself just as I am. Right now, this moment.”
No matter what.
Oops, I just forgot to mail that letter.
Darn it, I ate another donut.
Didn’t get to the gym today.
Avoided making that call.
Whoever you are being in this moment, love it. Love you. Accept you.
You are made in God’s image. Whole. Perfect. Loved. Love.
When we can remember that, all judgment, silence and secrecy can melt away and we can truly bask in the light and love of who we really are, divine beings.
I see you loved, lovable and the embodiment of love.
I cherish everything about you and embrace you.
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Self Love or Shame?
I’m a big fan of Brené Brown because she’s willing to research topics that no one wants to talk about, like shame. One of my favorite books of hers is Daring Greatly.
In it, Brown says that shame needs three things to grow: silence, secrecy and judgment.
We all have shame, those places inside where we feel bad about ourselves, unworthy, embarrassed, ashamed.
I’m a big fan of Brené Brown because she’s willing to research topics that no one wants to talk about, like shame. One of my favorite books of hers is Daring Greatly.
In it, Brown says that shame needs three things to grow: silence, secrecy and judgment.
We all have shame, those places inside where we feel bad about ourselves, unworthy, embarrassed, ashamed.
I used to have a lot of shame around my body. I learned from reading Daring Greatly that this – our bodies – is the #1 shame trigger for ALL women!
When I was a binge eater, I was embarrassed both by my body but also by my behavior.
There were many lonely evenings when I’d buy a pound of peanut M&Ms or a packet of Oreo cookies and inhale the entire bag in an hour. I was ashamed that I had no control, that I'd consumed so much food like a vacuum.
Years after I overcame my eating disorder, I met my spiritual teacher, Ma Jaya. She was a wonderful storyteller and I especially enjoyed the stories about her early life, living in Brooklyn, married to a tough Italian man.
Back then, Ma was also overweight and (like many women) was perpetually on a diet. One night, she was enjoying her dinner when her husband made a wise crack, “eat a little more.”
After that, she stopped eating in front of him.
Instead, she’d hide a loaf of Italian bread in the bathroom. When dinner was over, she’d bring the salad bowl with all the leftover oil and vinegar with her into the bathroom and soak the bread in it, scarfing down the entire loaf.
Listening to her, I could relate. She was me. I never wanted anyone to see me binge eat. I always did that alone.
But she was also NOT me.
Even though she wanted to be thinner, she always raved about how gorgeous she was back then – voluptuous, sexy. She had no shame. She simply loved herself skinny and fat.
What about you?
Is there a part of you that you disown? An aspect of who you are that makes you feel ashamed?
I know people who are embarrassed because of their sexual orientation, because they don’t feel smart or intelligent, because they can’t stay sober, because they have dyslexia, OCD or ADHD.
Instead of ignoring that part of you, or pushing it away, can you pour love and light into it?
We do this by accepting it, by loving it, embracing it and opening up about it. When we share how we feel flawed, broken, or imperfect with someone we really trust, it helps heal us.
Empathy destroys shame.
How would that feel?
When I read Brené Brown’s book, it set me free. Why? Because I realized that the places where I judge myself or feel shame are so often the same ones that we all do.
Once I saw that these “flaws” weren’t really specific to me, it seemed silly to hold on to them anymore.
After all, we are spirit beings having a human experience. And I’m resolved to make this the best one ever – and that means loving ALL of me!