3 Ways to Access Joy Right Now

Everyone wants to be happier, don’t we? 

Yet connecting to that deep feeling of contentment, that absolute joy, that pure bliss often feels elusive.

We know it’s there. We see people who clearly have it. But we don’t.

The truth is, there are no exceptions.

Joy is here for you too.

And if you want to experience it right now, try one or all of these:

1. Joy is here because you are here

The happiness guru, Dr. Robert Holden, reminds us of this all the time.

Happiness is not a destination, a goal or a place.

So all of those, “I’ll be happy when…” statements are simply untrue. And, if you really think about them, you know it.

Were you really happier after you moved? Bought a new car? Got a promotion?

Maybe for a week but then you slid backward.

What if you really believed that joy was your true nature? That joy is always here, waiting for you to remember and return to it?

Think about little kids. They are filled with joy, with awe, with playfulness. As adults, we’ve just forgotten. We get busy, get neurotic, live in our heads. Decide being an adult means we have to be serious.

Come back to joy.

What makes you happy? Write down the first 5 things that come to you.

Are you doing any of those on a regular basis?

2. Say Thank You

Have you ever noticed that when you look at what you don’t have, or what is lacking, it puts you in a bad mood?

Yet being in a body, having your health, family, career, home, are all blessings.

Offer thanks for everything you have in your life right now.

Thank you for my beautiful home, my healthy family, my strong body, my reliable car, my fun job…

It isn’t that happy people are grateful, it’s that grateful people are happy.

Try offering your thanks for the abundant blessings in your life and watch yourself tune into joy.

3. Be the most joy filled person you can be

The biggest indicator of happiness in the future, is how happy you are right now.

So how can you be happier right now, in this moment?

If you can let go of yesterday and avoid worrying about tomorrow, and simply be right here in this moment, you will discover joy. It is nestled deep inside you. For it lives in your heart, patiently waiting for you.

I invite you to breathe into that space in the center of your chest and re-connect.

It has never left you.

It is always available.

How can you connect to this every day?

• Is it a breath with your eyes closed at the beginning of the day?

• Is it a decision to dedicate your life to joy today?

• Is it getting in the habit of smiling at people for no reason? 

Think about what small actions you can take to help you experience that deep inner joy, right here, right now.

No matter what your life circumstances, inner peace and joy are always here for you. And the more you cultivate them, the easier they will be for you to access.  

Because they live within you, no one will ever be able to take them away from you. This is the power of inner work.

 Connecting to joy is a practice of remembering.

Remembering who you really are, a being of pure love, light and joy.

Doesn’t that sound fun?

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Hate Being Criticized?

Over the past few weeks I’ve been trying to discern between what is feedback and what is criticism.

 As a person committed to self growth, I care deeply about how I show up in the world, and with others. I strive to be in alignment with truth as much as I can be. So when I got some feedback recently, I found myself responding to it as if it were criticism.

 At first, I rationalized that it was just my hormones. I was being over emotional.

 Then I began to wonder what was “true” for me, and what was projection.

 I went around and around with this.

 Still, I persevered, wanting to know, wanting to identify my triggers.

 Later, I brainstormed this with my best friend. He finally asked me, “Does it really matter, feedback, criticism? What if it’s all true?”

 At first I felt myself constrict, like taking a hit. Ouch. Because that would mean I was wrong!

But then I reasoned, why not? I’d been perseverating over this and not really getting anywhere. Maybe this approach could work.

 My friend then added, “if you take it all in, you render it powerless.”

 Now I definitely wanted to try!

 The next morning I woke up and read my Course in Miracles Lesson, which was “If I defend myself, I am attacked.”

Those words offered me an immediate a-ha! Because they spoke to the issue I’d been grappling with the day before. This was exactly what I’d been invited to do!

 I closed my eyes and felt into the “feedback.” As I did, I realized that my discomfort over being criticized or wrong was completely gone! Since I had chosen to accept everything as true, the words had no hold over me anymore.

I felt so free! Because I wasn’t trying to defend, I no longer felt attacked!

 The lesson goes on to say: 

A healed mind does not plan. It carries out the plans which it receives through listening to wisdom that is not its own. It waits until it has been taught what should be done and then proceeds to do it. It does not depend upon itself for anything except its adequacy to fulfill the plans assigned to it. It is secure in certainty that obstacles cannot impede its progress to accomplishment of any goal which serves the greater plan established for the good of everyone. A Course in Miracles, Lesson 135

 Now our challenge is to remember this in every situation! To surrender ourselves to be the vessel for truth.

The last line of the lesson reminds us that, “the [child] of God needs no defense against the truth of his reality.”

These words were like a healing balm to me and I felt like I could lay back into them and rest in knowing that it was all perfect.

So the next time you feel criticized or receive feedback, see if you can remember these words of salvation. And release the need to defend.

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Live the Question

If you’re a searcher like me then perhaps you’ve spent years trying to discover your “purpose.” Your raison d'être, the reason you were put on this planet.

I’ve spent years, maybe even decades trying to unlock that mystery! Heck, I even designed a 12-week course to help other people find their purpose!

Holy cow!

And then I finally stopped.

I stopped thinking (obsessing really) about it. I stopped trying to “figure it out.”

Let me clarify.

I didn’t stop because I thought I’d failed at finding it, no.

I stopped because I’d agreed to do some deep inner work with a shaman friend of mine. And when I did, I consciously chose to take a pause on my career goals, marketing, etc... Part of why I wanted to work with her was because I was at a crossroads and was unclear of how I wanted to move forward.

I remember thinking that once I completed this work with her, everything would be illuminated and I’d have all the answers I needed to move ahead with clarity and confidence. I don’t remember lumping “purpose” into that basket of things to pause on, but clearly it went in.

18 months later, I’m still integrating the work that she and I did. As I re-emerge, I am patiently allowing my life to unfold and open in new ways. And I recently realized (with astonishment) that I was no longer interested in finding my purpose!

Wait, what?

Let me explain.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the search for why you are alive, the quest for meaning as part of your identity, the soul/sole reason for existence. As you know, I spent tons of time and energy there!

But the truth is that I do know my purpose. I’ve known it all my life. It’s simple.

Here it is: to be the embodiment of love in the world.

And guess what?

This is true for every single one of us.

Yes. We ALL have the same purpose! To be the embodiment of love in the world.

How it manifests is different and is based on our unique talents, skills and abilities. So how I embody love through teaching, writing, parenting, etc. looks different than how you do it through your special gifts.

So here’s the invitation.

Instead of focusing on purpose, would you consider another idea? To live life’s question.  

This comes from the poet Rainer Maria Rilke. From Letters to a Young Poet, 1903: 

“I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

In my exploration into living the question, the first thing I noticed was how quickly it gets linked with purpose.

Here’s how it often goes:

• Why am I like this?

• How do I understand who I really am?

• Why am I different from my friends, family…

As the questions arise, we search to answer them, to diminish them, to solve them. Because if we can, then we can understand the great mystery of who we are AND we’ve figured out our purpose!

But instead of trying to solve the question of who we are, why not choose to live it?

To enjoy being you in all of your chaos, beauty, and originality. To celebrate the enigma that is you with all of your idiosyncrasies.

In some ways, it’s an invitation to live with the unknowing. And in another way, it’s about complete acceptance of everything that is you.

What do you say? Willing to give it a go and live your unique self?

See where that takes you and how life unfolds.

My suspicion is that when you reach the end, it will all make sense.

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Perfection in Imperfection

 Over the weekend, I went to a basket weaving workshop. It’s my new favorite thing to do. I love writing, and making jewelry, but there’s something so primal about weaving.

 I’d actually forgotten about the workshop because when I first signed up in January, I was put on the waitlist. Consequently, it never went on my calendar. So, when I got a call on Monday that I could go, well, I almost didn’t. I’d filled my week with other things! Did I really want to reschedule my appointments and drive to Portland, get a hotel room, blah, blah, blah?

Yes, I really did.

The night before I left, I checked the website again. There was a supplies cost of $5 but what tools? Then I saw a tiny hyperlink that said, SUPPLY LIST. Not only were there tools but a long list of other things to bring! It was 10pm!

I scrambled around throwing embroidery floss, waxed linen, beads, stones, plastic bags, wire, and tools into a big bag. But I needed cloth... I went out to the garage and raided the giveaway pile. Then I remembered I had to get something for my daughter (who lives in Portland.) Might she have something in her closet? There I discovered her dark blue graduation gown. Into the bag it went.

That first morning, we learned an ancient technique of coiling but it was new to me. I’d coiled clay baskets but this involved lashing the coils (made of fabric) to each other with a cord. I’d decided to use my daughter’s graduation gown. Why not? Only I couldn’t rip it because it simply disintegrated in my hands. And it was slippery making it somewhat unwieldy. Nevertheless, I persevered.

 On day 2, I added wire, wrapping the fabric around it, to firm it up and, inspired by my table mate, I also incorporated a plastic bag – molding the fabric around it and the wire, to puff it up.

Then our teacher asked all of us to share what other art we made. Groan.

Well… I had nothing. I mean, I’ve only recently begun this artistic exploration. And I was daunted as one textile artist after the next displayed their beautiful creations - from quilts and dresses, to baskets, wall hangings, hats and felted objects. 

When it was my turn, I shared the realization that I’d had in 2014, when I took a printmaking class with my talented friend Ginny Piechstreet, that I was never allowed or had permission to be an artist.

As the words came out of my mouth, I welled up. Throat catching, I kept talking. I hadn’t brought any of my experiments with me except the necklace I had on.

Here’s what I shared.

On day 3, our teacher invited us to share what we’d made so far in the class. I looked down at my pathetic attempt at a coil basket and cringed. Then I listened to what my mind had to say:

• By far my basket is THE worst.

• Everyone has totally got this technique except me.

• And because of that, I feel embarrassed, slightly ashamed and self-conscious.

• My piece isn’t just not good enough, it sucks.

• Clearly somewhere I am lacking or not smart enough or creative enough or talented enough.

 And yet, here’s why it was all perfect. 

I didn’t back down. I walked into that room to do show ‘n tell with all the other artists. I’m not going to tell you that I was proud but I was undeterred.

Here’s my table mate’s basket

I heard all that naysaying, that chatter in my head, I allowed it to speak and then put it all to the side. In other words, I heard what was coming up for me, all the places of discomfort and I bore witness to them.

I recognized those feelings but I didn’t allow myself to fall into them or give them a lot of energy or drama. I honored them by allowing them space and not negating them or pushing them away but didn’t give them power.

I also allowed myself to recognize that learning takes time, that creativity is messy and that I have to honor that process. After all, I’ve made a total of 3 baskets! I also remembered that the last basket class I took in January, felt overwhelming. This time it didn’t (that’s progress!)

 Right now, my commitment is to focus on the creative process rather than on the product or end result. That’s where the real learning takes place anyway, right?

And, as an added bonus, in those three days, I met some really incredible women, had so much fun, felt energized and creatively awakened.

 See what I mean about perfection?

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Jumpstart Your Creativity

Can you feel it?

That need to be creative?

The planets are shifting and realigning, old patterns are falling away, and we, ALL OF US, are being called to open more to our intuition and inner guidance.

Being called to show up in a new way.

So what is it that is yearning to be birthed within you?

Ever since I decided to follow my joy, I've been exploring creativity in a new way. Really diving into it.

And part of what I've realized is that so many endeavors we undertake- starting a new business, coming up with a social media plan, making dinner - all of these are creative, right?

We're making something out of nothing.

But we often don't see them that way. It's just what we do or have to do.

So first, take a moment and honor yourself and what you have already accomplished. See how creativity already works through you.

And if you're ready to go deeper, I have a terrific tool for you that thousands of people swear by.

No, really.

It's from Julia Cameron's best selling book, The Artist's Way.

She calls it Morning Pages.

Heard of it?

Here's how it works.

Every morning, first thing after you wake up... you write 3 PAGES.

That's it. 3 pages of stream of consciousness or flow.

The idea here is NOT to think about what you're writing or get hung up on sentence structure, spelling, grammar or content.

The goal is to write 3 pages in your journal, every morning for 90 days.

I first read her book in 1998 or so, and the morning pages, made a huge difference.

What do you say?

Do you think you can commit to allowing your creativity even more space to germinate, blossom and then grow?

Locate that journal you have. You know, the one that's been hanging around. Why not pick it up and start today, right now?

See where the journey takes you - and what awakens from within.

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Time For A Miracle

This week, I thought I'd share a question I received from a student who is taking my Insight Timer course on mastering uncertainty. 

She asks, how can she befriend fear when she has real life problems of paying her rent and health insurance for herself and her small child?​

My heart went out to her. Because life can sometimes feel really hard.

But how do we manage fear when it can feel so paralyzing?

When I get stuck in fear, it's as if all the doors shut, the windows are locked and I feel trapped and desperate, as if there are NO answers or ways to move. 

So what helps?

Of course breathing. 

Breathing helps immediately ground me back into my body and slows me down. It helps create a crack in the doorway back to the present moment and out of the whirlwind of future focused anxiety.

The goal is to return to the present, to the place of receiving, of openness, right? Because in that space and place, we can receive guidance.

Recently, I also learned a wonderful new affirmation that can both remind us and support us to move out of fear and open again to opportunity, the flow, love... whatever word you like.

Here it is:

​According to A Course in Miracles, a miracle occurs when we choose love instead of fear - in any relationship or situation. When we choose love, it allows us to be in that flow of GRACE.

So if you find yourself tensing up, procrastinating or avoiding doing what you have to do, use this affirmation, breathe and see how things change!

3 Ways to Foster Faith This Holiday Season

This time of year invites us to contemplate the light within us, the light of faith. 

What exactly is faith?

According to the Catholic theologian, St. Augustine, “Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”

Mark Twain puts it this way, “Your faith is what you believe not what you know.”

For me, having faith means that I keep moving toward the goals and dreams I have, knowing that I am supported. Even if I cannot see the angels, guides or way-showers, I believe they are there, helping, healing and willing to be called upon for support.

Faith helps us to be buoyed and supported as we continue to choose love amidst all the fear and uncertainty that is perpetually stoked around us.

And as I look back at the turbulent 2018, and ahead to 2019, I feel called to invite all of us to strengthen our faith.

Here are 3 tools to help:

1. Ask for Help

The universe waits in silent repose, for you to ask. It’s often a lack of faith that prevents us from doing so.

• What do you want?

• Who can you ask?

There are people in the world who can help, of course. And there are lots in the unseen realms.

Sometimes asking takes the form of prayer.

Sometimes asking sounds more like pleading or begging.

It all depends on where you are and what you need.

But when you can remember that you are not alone, it automatically helps you relax which, by default, deepens your faith.

2. Commit to a Meditation Practice

Meditation allows you to connect to the absolute, the one-ness of all. I often refer to this experience as the refuge, away from the mundane trivialities and stressors of life in a body.

And in this place, you get filled with grace which allows you to easily flow with faith.

3. Reflect on the Past

Take 10 minutes and allow yourself to go back in time.

How often have things worked out for you?

Can you see the pattern of grace that runs through your life?

Express gratitude for being taken care of and see how God or the universe, or whatever name you want to use, has your back.

Now use that knowledge of the past to help fortify your belief as you walk toward your next challenge.

As you move deeper into this holiday season, allow yourself to tune into the vibration of faith. And fill yourself up.

Keep getting holiday cheer and other inspirational goodies in your inbox.

Sigh up today!

Holidays with Healthy Boundaries: 3 Tips

Thanksgiving’s passed and Chanukah, Yule (or the winter solstice), and Christmas are around the corner. This time of year typically means lots of social gatherings. Which, although fun, can also be tense.

And the best way to deal with family and friends, is to have clear and firm boundaries.

What’s that?

An emotional boundary is about knowing what is and is not acceptable behavior for you.

Many of us grew up in families where boundaries were unclear or non-existent. So, as adults, we’ve either never had them or have had to learn how to create healthy ones.

Once you’ve established what your boundaries are, it’s then a matter of stating them aloud to friends and family.

Let’s say that an aunt who you’re somewhat close to wants to visit for 10 days. You’re finding yourself dreading it because it’s too long, you have a ton to do and it’ll be draining. Instead of saying yes out of guilt or obligation, you can simply explain that you host houseguests for a maximum of 5 nights (or whatever feels reasonable to you.)

Here’s another example.

Your close friend is chronically late and you’re always waiting 30+ minutes every time you agree to get together. Explain to him that this is hurtful, not to mention disrespecting of you, and an utter waste of your time. If he doesn’t value you enough, perhaps it’s time to find some new friends. 

After all, we teach people how to treat us.

As Eleanor Roosevelt so eloquently put it, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”

Ready to have super clear boundaries? 

Here are 3 ways to help:

1. Tune in to You

Sometimes we’re really clear about what’s okay and not okay. Other times, it’s only after we’ve experienced something negatively when we realize that it didn’t feel good. 

Either way, take note and make changes.  

If it’s true that we teach people how to treat us, then we need to know exactly how we want to be treated! And then be explicit. 

2. Speak Up

Sometimes when we ask for what we need, we feel like we’re being selfish, or even a bitch. But establishing clear boundaries isn’t about being selfish. It’s about positive self-care AND ultimately, about being your best self.

Think about it. When you feel taken advantage of, are you in a good mood or a bad mood?

How about when you feel supported?

See what I mean?  

By expressing your needs, you’re putting it out there so that everyone knows and it’s transparent. 

And don’t be shy to ask for help! Many of us givers get stuck doing all the work. Ask some of those kids or cousins to don the latex gloves and scrub those pots!

3. Foster Respect

Boundaries are ultimately about respect. It’s me respecting your needs and you respecting mine.

It’s about honoring one another – our emotional and physical space.

And isn’t that a nicer way to live when we all feel respected?

Heck ya!

In this most wonderful holiday season, when excitement and cheer are abounding, be sure to also take good care of yourself with those clear boundaries. So that come January, you don’t feel drained and resentful, but instead, recharged and nourished.

Need a bit more?

Check out my latest audio course: 10 Strategies for Mastering Uncertainty on Insight Timer.

3 Practices for Everyday Gratitude

November is a great month to remind us of what we have, especially for those of us who live in the United States.

Thee first Tuesday is election day, when we get to give thanks that we live in a democracy and have the freedom to vote!

Then a week or so later, it’s the 11th, which marks the end of World War I across the world, and is celebrated here as Veteran’s Day. It’s a day to reflect on our painful past as well as to honor the men and women who have fought valiantly.

And then, of course, is Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving is, really a holiday of gratitude! A time to say thank you for all that we have.

Whether you have a gratitude practice or not, this time of year always super charges it or, if you’ve lapsed, gives you renewed inspiration to start again.

Here are 3 easy ways to incorporate gratitude into your day:

 1. Start the Day With A Thank You

When you begin the day, offer up a prayer of thanks. It can be for anything like - for your sleep, for the sunshine, for the opportunities this day will bring you.

I remember hearing Louise Hay talk about how every morning she thanked her bed for a wonderful sleep!

2. Express Thanks At Least Once During the Day

When I worked as a school administrator, much of my day was spent walking around and thanking the kids. For small acts like: opening the door, speaking kindly, cleaning up. It was my absolute delight to “catch them being good.”

Who can you thank? The bus driver, the wait staff, the customer service rep?

A simple thanks costs you nothing but is so rewarding to the one who hears it. 

3. Bed Time List

Right before you go to bed, reflect on your day. What are 3 things you’re grateful for that happened today? Think big, think small. Think profound. Think ordinary.

I especially love this habit. Maybe you are like I used to be, lying in bed thinking about all the things I didn’t get done. When I began this practice, it totally shifted that place of lack. And I was able to feel gratitude for everything I had accomplished and all that had transpired.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving! Eat lots of yummy things and sneak in a little extra gratitude, today and every day.

AND if you haven't already checked out my NEW course on Insight Timer - 10 Strategies for Mastering Uncertainty- now's your chance! Click Here

3 Tools to Manage Your Life Like A Boss

Feeling stressed or crazed because there's too much to do and not enough time to get it all done?

Our 24/7 world is taking a toll.

But if you’re ready to work smarter rather than longer or harder, I have 3 simple ways you can begin to do that RIGHT NOW.

Sound good?

1. The One Thing

This particular one has been my mantra for the past few years. It’s based on Gary Keller’s bestselling book of the same name.

He asks you to answer this question (and I’m paraphrasing), “What’s the 1 thing that if you do it, it will change your business/life?”

It might sound crazy, but I dare you to try it. 

When I did, I got an answer and it’s been the SAME for 3 years now!

What I like about this is that it gives you a focus, an orientation so you're 100% clear about where you’re going.

2. Take Action

Alright, so now that you know that ONE thing you need to do to move the needle in your life -be it your relationships, health, finance or in your business- the next question is, what action or actions can you take to move toward that goal?

Try and think of 3.

It’s okay if you only think of 1. 

Because when you’ve completed it, then you can do another one!

Here's an example: Let’s say you’ve decided the 1 thing you have to do is find a life partner. 

As you dive into that, you may discover that what you really want is to feel loved, connected and happy. So, instead of making your one thing finding a partner, it shifts to being happy.

So, what's an action step you can take right now to help you to feel more connected, loved and happy?

See how it works?

3. Prioritize

I’m a firm believer in less is more and that if you focus on the few key things, the rest takes care of itself. 

Some people call this the 80/20 rule. I’ve found that it’s more like 90/10. Either way, here’s how I’ve learned to deal with this.

After you’ve decided on the 1 thing and the action(s) you need to do, make a list of everything else that has to get done. I have a business list and a personal list. Because let’s face it. This modern life has a lot of demands.

Once you’ve got it all written down – and that’s important – WRITE IT DOWN, now start prioritizing. 

What has to get done first, second, third?

Years ago, I worked with a coach who wanted me go one step farther. I had to label everything that was priority as 1, then 2, etc. Then I went back through the list and put an a,b,c, etc. next to each number so I knew which one I had to do asap. 

Her system was super efficient and rocked which is why I pass it on to you.

It helps you see the major things that simply must get done.

But I digress...

Come back to the basics. If you only get 1 thing out of this email, do the first one. Choose the ONE thing that’s gonna make the biggest difference in your life.

And don’t act like you don’t know what it is, cuz you do. HINT: It may be the elephant in the room.

And I promise, that if you do, if you focus on that 1 thing, your life will begin to change in remarkable ways.

Try it and let me know how it goes.

AND if you haven't already checked out my NEW course on Insight Timer - 10 Strategies for Mastering Uncertainty- now's your chance! Click Here

Feeling Flawed? Think Again

“No amount of self-improvement can make up for a lack of self-acceptance.” – Dr. Robert Holden.

When I first heard Robert say this, I gasped.

And then I let it seep into my being. Because even though I was a life long self-improvement addict, I knew, not only was he right but that it was time for me to change.

How about you?

Been on the constant merry go round of self-improvement too?

Ready to get off and try another way?

Here are 3 easy to apply ways to move right into self-acceptance:

1. Open the Door

As the shame researcher Brené Brown has taught us, shame – or the qualities of ourselves that we hide– needs three things to survive:

• Silence

• Judgment

• Secrecy

We hide away all the aspects of ourselves we don’t want anyone else to see and pretend they aren’t there. Except we KNOW they are and we judge ourselves because of it.

After I read her book, Daring Greatly (which I highly recommend), I realized that we're ALL carrying around the SAME things that we’re ashamed about:

For women, the #1 shame trigger is our bodies (duh!)

For men it’s not being “manly” enough.

And the list goes from there. Lots of versions of not enough.

That got me thinking... why should I hide all these things away when everyone else has them too?

So now I let it all hang out. 😁

Shed the light on all the ways you think you’re less than. And be okay with ALL of it – how much you weigh, how “intelligent” you are, how socially awkward, how nerdy, how quirky...

Which leads me to number 2.

2. Embrace It All – the Good, the Bad & the Ugly

When you open the door, you get to see everything that you’ve been ignoring or not wanting anyone else to know about you. All those deep, dark secrets.

But as I just said, we seem to erroneously believe that we are alone having these awful fears of rejection, abandonment, being laughed at.

But all humans have them.

And the faster we can learn to love every aspect of us, not just the ways we are healthy and successful, but also the ways we are mean, petty, flaky, irresponsible and self-defeating, the faster we can open up to really loving and accepting ourselves.

In other words, truly open up to love.

Which means it’s time to affirm a new way of being.

3. Self-Acceptance Affirmation

To support yourself as you move into self-acceptance and self-love, try this affirmation:

“I love and accept myself just as I am. Right now, this moment.”

No matter what.

Oops, I just forgot to mail that letter.

Darn it, I ate another donut.

Didn’t get to the gym today.

Avoided making that call.

Whoever you are being in this moment, love it. Love you. Accept you.

You are made in God’s image. Whole. Perfect. Loved. Love.

When we can remember that, all judgment, silence and secrecy can melt away and we can truly bask in the light and love of who we really are, divine beings.

I see you loved, lovable and the embodiment of love.

I cherish everything about you and embrace you.

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Time To Rage

Everywhere I look, women are getting beaten up. I suppose it was the week, between the Kavanaugh hearings in Washington DC, reading about Tara Fares’ brutal murder in Baghdad, the fifth such killing of outspoken women in Iraq in recent months. And then my own daughter feeling bullied at school.

Something in me just snapped.

Yes, these injustices have been going on for millennia, but it’s clearly time for a tidal shift.

And that means that all of us, YOU and I and the millions of other women around the world need to stand up and express ourselves, especially our anger.

If you’re ready, here are 3 tips:

1. Give Yourself Permission

As women we're socialized NOT to be angry. Or at least, not to show it. So instead, we swallow it down, right? You can feel it locked in your throat can’t you?

All of those unsaid words eat away at us. They manifest as depression, angst, sorrow or frustration, right?

What would it look like if you actually allowed yourself to rage and didn’t care?

Give yourself permission right now to be angry.

2. It’s Okay Even If You Cry

I don’t know about you, but when I’m red hot mad, it often involves tears. I just never knew that it was so common!

According to Rebecca Traister’s book, Good and Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women’s Anger, when women get angry, we cry. She explains that it’s socially more acceptable for us to cry, and in most instances, it’s worked better for us in getting what we want because tears evoke compassion from men.

Whereas if we’re just raging, we’re likely to be dismissed as that “angry bitch” or worse.

I think there’s another reason we cry. Because we’re tapping into the collective pain of women who have been subjugated, raped, tortured and abused for thousands of years. And that pain causes us pain too.

Tears or not, I don’t think we have a choice anymore, but to show our anger.

Because anger is a kind of fuel – if used properly. It can propel us into action.

What are you angry about? Allow yourself to really feel it.

Yell. Scream. Do what you have to.
And then think about a concrete action you can take so that your daughters and granddaughters don't have to experience the same thing.

3. It’s Okay Even If You’re Conflict Averse

I was raised to be the good girl, to make peace. I HATED it when my sister and mom argued. It stressed me out.

So, imagine how awful it was for me to run a school and have to deal with upset parents? I ALWAYS wanted to avoid the conflict or have my partner handle it.

But alas, we have to fight our own battles.

I worked on reframing arguments and clearing old wounds and all of that helpful stuff. But the best tool I found for managing this is a Louise Hay affirmation. Here it is:

“Out of this situation only good will come. I see this being resolved for the highest good of everyone involved. I am safe.”

Sometimes I will say this statement, like it’s on repeat in my brain. Over and over again. And you know what’s really cool about it? It actually works! Every time I’ve used it, the outcomes have been incredibly satisfying for all parties!

So what do you say? Ready to express all of you?

It’s time for us to individually and collectively stand up for ourselves. The world desperately needs the women to stand up and take our power.

I’m ready. Are you?

Scared or not, we have to do this.

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Ready For A Miracle?

As you know, I’m a big fan of the book, A Course in Miracles (ACIM), which is often described as a self-study curriculum designed to help the reader experience personal transformation.

In Chapter 1, it literally defines miracles. (Isn’t that so cool!?) There are 50 points, or ways that miracles are described. I've chosen my top 5 to share here:

1. Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle. (3)

That last sentence is balm to my heart, the gentle reminder that love heals all.

I recently listened to a podcast in which they quoted from Martin Luther King’s 1967 speech to the 11th Convention of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. In it he said,

“…I know that love is ultimately the only answer to mankind's problems. And I'm going to talk about it everywhere I go. I know it isn't popular to talk about it in some circles today. And I'm not talking about emotional bosh when I talk about love; I'm talking about a strong, demanding love. For I have seen too much hate. I've seen too much hate on the faces of sheriffs in the South. I've seen hate on the faces of too many Klansmen and too many White Citizens Councilors in the South to want to hate, myself, because every time I see it, I know that it does something to their faces and their personalities, and I say to myself that hate is too great a burden to bear. I have decided to love. If you are seeking the highest good, I think you can find it through love."

Talk about a miracle worker.

2. Prayer is the medium of miracles. It is a means of a communication of the created with the Creator. Through prayer love is received, and through miracles love is expressed. (11)

In other words, don’t underestimate the power of prayer! Everything is mind, and everything is being created by mind. So, use your thoughts, and prayers to open up to the Oneness, and co-create exactly what you want life to be, full of peace, love, solidarity, kindness, and respect.

3. Miracles are teaching devices for demonstrating it is as blessed to give as to receive. They simultaneously increase the strength of the giver and supply strength to the receiver. (16)

If this isn’t a universal spiritual principle, what is? In every major world religion, from Christianity to Buddhism, we hear this, right? And yet, it’s good to be constantly reminded.

4. Miracles reawaken the awareness that the spirit, not the body, is the altar of truth. This is the recognition that leads to the healing power of the miracle. (20)

Part of our job is to always remember that we are spirit beings having a human experience. We feel trapped and limited when that thinking is reversed. This definition of a miracle is an invitation to remember who you truly are.

5. A major contribution of miracles is their strength in releasing you from your false sense of isolation, deprivation and lack. (42)

The core of our pain is that we feel alone, lost, or disconnected. When we remember that this is absolutely NOT true, it invites us to reconnect to the One-ness, the refuge of being part of it all.

As ACIM reminds us, “If you knew Who walked beside you at all times; On this Path that you have chosen; You could never experience fear or doubt again.”

So what do you say? Ready to embrace your new role as a miracle worker?

Say yes!

Not only will it transform your life but the entire world, and we really need that right now. I can’t even go outside because the smoke from the wildfires is so thick!

Not only is your soul shouting for this shift, so is our planet. It’s time for us to up-level our collective consciousness!

Will you help?

I’m all in and right here with ya.
So stay in touch!

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Life Lessons From the Boat

Ever been on a sports team? Softball? Basketball? Frisbee?

People make light of sports but being on the crew team in high school changed my life.

Even though I’d been active as a child both at summer camp and with dance lessons, I was intimidated by sports at boarding school. All the kids were EXPERTS having played squash, tennis, or field hockey forever.  There was no way I could compete with that level of mastery.

But sometime mid-winter of my junior year, my mother encouraged me to try out for crew.

So I signed up, sat at an ergometer machine – which I had NO idea how to use- and a month later, found myself at spring training at Rollins College in Florida.

After a week of blisters, jogs, and sweaty workouts in the boats, I was the only one cut from the team.

Feeling completely rejected, I signed up for lacrosse and was busy trying to learn how to cradle the ball one afternoon when my crew coach approached.

Shockingly, a girl had quit the team and I was on!

My coach, Mark McWhinney with me at graduation.

Before I knew it, I was rowing every day, working out and traveling to regattas on the weekends. I’d be lying if I claimed crew wasn’t stressful. The next year, despite having chronic bronchitis, I rowed in the varsity boat and ended the season an undefeated New England champion.

But – winning or losing- crew taught me so much about life.

Rowing’s one of those weird sports. When you watch from the sidelines, it looks so graceful and elegant, boats gliding along in the water. But inside, it’s an entirely different perspective. All you see is the back of the person in front of you, and you just grind away, in absolute agony, praying that you’re almost done.

That was my first lesson, you can do more that you think you can.

I never considered myself terribly strong or capable. In fact, if you’d told me my senior year that my team was going to be undefeated, I would have laughed and said, “No way!”

Because at boarding school, all I ever felt was inadequate. Everybody there was way smarter than me, more athletic, and clearly capable of handling the stress so much better than I was. The recurring image I have when I think about my time there, is of me treading water, trying desperately to keep my head above the water.

But clearly I was capable of so much more. Yes, there were races where my legs hurt so bad that I thought I couldn’t keep going, that I simply had to stop. And yet I didn’t.

Why not? Because I’d be letting all of my teammates down.

Sometimes it takes a willingness to sacrifice yourself to a larger goal.

Which brings me to the second thing I learned: it isn't about me.

I had to surrender myself to be a part of the boat.

In this way, crew is the ultimate team sport. If everyone sitting in that shell is not completely in sync with one another, the boat isn’t balanced, someone will catch a crab, and you can actually grind to a halt.

Instead, when you, as one of nine people, work in complete harmony with each other, listen and feel, and do your job perfectly, the boat practically levitates off the water.

It’s true. And when you feel that, it’s magic.

With good coaching, preparation and concentration, it’s amazing what can be accomplished.

This was the third lesson, the power of preparation.

My coach was serious. Daily, we were on the river, doing drills, mock racing and working out in the boathouse. Every day we were required to give 100%.

When we’d arrive at regattas, he wouldn’t allow us to socialize, we were there to “work.” No chatting with the other teams, heck, we could barely talk to our families! As a team, we were required to wear our uniforms- clean and crisp, white and blue. Then, when we were ready to race, we had a specific routine about how we put the boat in the water and even how we carried our oars.

The preparation we undertook was extremely physical but it was also mental.

In fact, before a race would start, we’d often do a guided visualization. One Saturday afternoon, we were huddled by the side of a lake at St Andrews School in Delaware. Our coxswain laid out the race, first by telling us what lane we were in, who was next to us, etc. I closed my eyes and saw us right in the middle. Blow by blow, she led us through the race.

A half hour later, we were in the boat and the gun went off. Because I sat in the bow, I had the most expansive view, and what transpired was exactly what we had visualized. Not only did we win, but the way the boats spread out… it was uncanny. 

At another regatta in Philadelphia, I sat under a bridge, waiting for the race to start. Cars whizzed by overhead. I was so nervous. This was a giant regatta, high stakes. That’s when I realized I’d stopped breathing and the race hadn’t even started!

This was yet another lesson, to breathe.

Breathing is critical. It oxygenates your body and keeps your muscles from cramping.

I’d stopped breathing because I was so scared. I had to consciously force myself to inhale and exhale and then BANG! We were off.

To this day, I remind myself to breathe.

Sports can really make a difference in life. Despite feeling less than and not terribly capable or athletic, even I succeeded at it. Of course I had supportive teammates and an excellent coach.

In many ways my years at boarding school were some of the hardest of my life, but crew really saved me. Not only did it teach me so many life lessons, it got my off campus every weekend, allowed me to feel successful AND be a part of a team.

What about you? What’s your sport or what great advice did you receive from a coach?

Leave a comment under the blog!

And it isn’t too late! What fun activity can you get involved with today? Pickleball? Tai Chi? Horseback riding?

Having fun and staying active keeps us young. So go have some fun today!

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3 Ways To Tackle Fear of the Future

Afraid of what's to come?

You aren't alone.

The other day, I was talking with a 20 year-old who's moving to Nepal for 6-months. She’ll live with a family, learn the language, and be fairly isolated (as most host families don’t have internet.)

“Sounds like when I lived overseas!" I replied, laughing. "Those were the days of snail mail and expensive phone calls.”

But I also knew her fear – the fear of going someplace completely foreign, being thousands of miles away from friends and family- being alone.

She admitted that when she’d first learned about the trip something inside of her urged her on. The more she learned, the more she wanted to do it, until she was actually facing getting on the airplane.

Has that ever happened to you?

Your soul, intuition, inner guidance knows exactly what you need but then another part of you – your ego, learned self…- gets afraid?

As the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron reminds us “fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to truth.”

So when you feel that inner battle about doing what’s right, here are 3 ways to help:

1. Acknowledge Your Mixed Feelings

When we allow ourselves to honor the inner conflict, we create room for possibility. 

It’s okay to have mixed emotions about something, even something you’re SUPER excited about!

With every growth opportunity, comes a death, a death of an old way of thinking or being.

When I was a junior in college, I was doing way too many drugs and had fallen into a co-dependent relationship. One day, I heard a voice tell me that I was killing myself with drugs. I knew it was true and I had to stop. Next thing I knew the voice was also reminding me that I’d lost a sense of myself that I needed to reclaim.

I decided to study in Italy for the semester.

My inner knowing knew exactly what I needed but absolutely NO part of me wanted to go. In fact, I cried on the flight to Rome.

BUT being away gave me exactly what I needed, the time and space to live cleanly and come back to myself.

2. Do It Anyway

Just because you’re of two minds about something doesn’t mean you should hold back.

You’re being called to move, to take action, to be brave. So go for it. As a coaching friend of mine likes to say, “just f*cking do it!”

We never lose when we try to expand who we are as human beings. It doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but it’s most always worth it.

3. Stay Open Minded

One common way to manage anxiety is to decide in advance what might happen. But how do you really know?

Instead of allowing fear to sabotage your plans by naming all the things that could go wrong, think about the vast world of possibility.

It’s often the case that we don’t know what we don’t know.

Haven’t you ever looked back at something with absolute awe, almost in disbelief because you never could have imagined that particular outcome?

This is exactly what I’m getting at – sometimes from the present vantage point, we can’t even fathom the end result because it isn’t even in the radar at all.

Instead, allow yourself to stay open and know that only good will come.

So whether you’re about to embark on a new job, trip or relationship, I invite you to honor everything you feel, stay open and go for it!

Life is an exciting adventure – isn’t it? Enjoy this day and all its special gifts.

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