How to Get Everything You Want

I recently wrote to a friend and shared this story with them.

Last year I was feeling frustrated. I was working hard but not seeing the kind of rewards I was expecting.

You know that feeling, don’t you? When you put everything into a project only to see it flounder, or not yield the results you were expecting?

By December, I was in a right mood about it. And, honestly, pretty irate with God. Because years earlier, in 2015 in fact, I’d received a very clear and loud message that said, “you can have everything, you know.”

In the years since, I’d been working with that idea, opening up to receiving everything.

Only last year, it felt like I had hit a wall. Why was I not feeling like I had everything? Why wasn’t I creating exactly what I wanted?

Finally, in my little tantrum with God, I got an answer. Here’s what I heard:

“You think that this everything is outside of you. But you already are everything, so you already have everything.”

That guidance stopped me dead in my tracks. And I saw how indeed I had been feeling like I was outside of this “everything.”

And so, for this entire 2023, I keep reminding myself. “You already are everything, so you already have everything.” This mantra brings me so much solace and peace. It has also allowed me to relax and be more in the flow, knowing that as I step into what is mine to do, everything else gets taken care of.

In truth, what seems to be coming to me loud and clear, is that the more I open to the BIG love, to allowing that abiding sense of joy and peace and acceptance in, and the more I remove the internal blocks that prevent me from experiencing that love, the more I allow myself to receive everything else.

What about you?

Can you see how you are already everything?

What would it take for you to step into the truth of that?

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6 Steps to Transforming Regret

Still ruminating over the 5 biggest regrets of the dying?

Good!

Now let’s focus on HOW to release regret, because, we all have them. The trick is to not allow them to keep you stuck in the past.

If you’re ready to move forward and heal, here’s what writer and life coach, Martha Beck has to share.

Her six steps to dissolving regret.

1. Get Beyond Denial

Bad sh*t happens to everyone. The question is, how do you remember it? Are you holding onto it, wishing it hadn’t happened? Are you angry or sad about it?

Beck describes this as, “unproductive regret,” a way to avoid taking action and moving forward. She says,

If you're prone to unproductive regret, please hear this: Everyone agrees with you. That thing you regret? It really, really, really shouldn't have happened. But. It. Did. If you enjoy being miserable, by all means, continue to rail against this fact. If you'd rather be happy, prune the "shouldn't haves" from your mental story, and move on to...

2. Separate Regret Into its Basic Emotions

According to Beck, we experience four basic emotions: sadness, anger, happiness, and fear. Regret is a mixture of sadness and anger. The ratio of these two varying with each scenario. Sometimes, however, we ignore one emotion even though we’re experiencing both. Denying either keeps you stuck in unproductive regret.

Here’s how to work with it:

Separate the 2 emotions, exploring one at a time.

Try it. Let’s do sadness first.

Think of something that happened that you regret, then finish this sentence: "I'm sad that __________." Repeat this phrase until you’ve exhausted all the sad things related to your particular regret.

For example, if you regret falling out with your friend, you might say: "I'm sad because I miss her." "I'm sad that I can no longer see her." "I'm sad that she is no longer a part of my life…”

Once you've listed all the reasons you feel sad, it’s time to address anger. "I'm angry because ________." Again, keep at it until you’ve run out of reasons.

Continuing with our example: "I'm angry because I worked hard at this relationship and now it’s over." "I'm angry because I feel disrespected.” "I'm angry at her family for not supporting our relationship.” Say these aloud OR jot them down even the ones that are irrational!

This process might feel uncomfortable, but stay with it!

Once you have your list of why you’re sad and angry, go to step 3!

This is where we shift from unproductive regret to productive regret. Who knew there was such a thing!?!

3. Grieve What You Lost

Regret is really a form of grief. It’s just a stuck kind. Allow yourself to mourn what you lost, whatever it was: a loved one, your health, a job, a dream, even a possession.

Anyone who has ever experienced grief knows that it comes in waves. Sometimes they feel enormous and wipe you off your feet. But typically, over time, they lessen and lessen until eventually you come to a place of peace. It’s not the same place you were before, it’s a new one.

4. Reclaim Your Dreams

Here’s the thing, we won’t ever change the past, but we can change our relationship to it.

One way we do that is to distill the qualities of what we thought we lost and channel them into something new.

Marth Beck says,

“I've been coaching long enough to brazenly promise that if you decide to reclaim the essence of anything you regret losing, you'll find it—often sooner than you think, in ways you would never have expected.”

5. Analyze Your Anger

In step 3, we were invited to step into the sadness related to regret. What about the anger?

I love how Beck describes this process:

“The anger component of regret is every bit as important and useful as your sadness. Anger is a bear, but if you pay attention, you'll hear it roaring useful instructions about how you should steer your future. Don't fear it, run from it, tranquilize it, try to kill it. Just leave the kids with a sitter, team up with a sympathetic friend, spouse, therapist, or journal, and let your angry animal self bellow its messages. There will be a lot of meaningless sound and fury, but there will also be information about exactly what needs to change in your present and future so that you'll stop suffering from old regrets and create new ones. Basically, your anger will roar out this next instruction...”

6. Open to Love

What if all of your regrets were really showing you your life’s orientation? As in, how many times you followed fear instead of love?

Beck shares that,

“the ultimate lesson of regret, the one that will help guide you into a rich and satisfying future, is this: Every time life brings you to a crossroads, from the tiniest to the most immense, go toward love, not away from fear. Think of every choice in terms of "What would thrill and delight me?" rather than "What will keep my fear—or the events, people, and things I fear—at bay?"

This is where regret is most useful – as a flashlight, a motivation. It’s the self talk, the reminder, “don’t do that, you’ll regret it…” or the opposite, “do this, or you’ll regret it.”

This is exactly how I use regret on a daily basis, kind of like a litmus test. If I find myself dragging my heels about something, I’ll ask, “will you regret it if you don’t do this?” And then I have my answer.

Turns out that if we’re willing to be more aware, we can use regret as a way to steer our lives, and live with clarity, meaning, passion and authenticity.

Are you ready?

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Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

When I worked as a hospice social worker, I frequently sat with people who were actively dying, and talked about their lives, what brought them joy, and what they were afraid of.

So, the findings in the book, Top 5 Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, by hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware weren’t a big surprise!

Can you guess what the #1 regret was?

Not being brave enough to live a life true to yourself.

In other words, not following your dreams.

Take a moment and ask yourself, will this be one of your regrets?

If the answer is YES, what needs to change so you can move more courageously towards being authentic and true to yourself and your unique calling?

The world desperately needs what you have to offer.

How about #2?

This regret was the wish to not have worked so hard.

Every single male patient Bronnie nursed said this statement! Holy smokes!

They regretted focusing their time and energy more on work, missing out on mile stones, anniversaries, plays and other events shared with their partner and family.

Certainly in the United States, we are a work centered culture. Saying, “I have to work,” is a free pass that gets you out of ANY situation – a funeral, a hospital visit, even a wedding.

But is working, working, working really how you want to spend this one wild, exciting life?

The #3 regret isn’t such a surprise.

It’s about being emotionally honest and expressing how you really feel. 

Is this something you struggle with, too?

Do a quick internal inventory. Where are you not being emotionally honest and with whom?

How could you change that right now?

Interestingly, Bronnie draws a correlation between suppressing your emotions and getting physically ill…

The #4 regret is over not being better at nurturing friendships!

If you’re like me, you’re probably guilty of this one.

Life gets busy and we get caught up, forgetting to reach out and stay connected. Dr. Vivek Murthy, our current Surgeon General, suggests we dedicate 15 minutes each day to reaching out to someone -friend/family- who does not live with us, and connect! EVERY DAY!

The final regret is wishing to have been happier in life.

Bronnie said this one was surprisingly common.

In part it’s because we all say we want to be happy, but how many of us have actually stopped to consider what happiness means to us, and how we would experience it?

All the research tells us that true happiness, joy, is our original nature. We’ve simply tuned away from it, caught in status quo, in the familiar and comfortable instead.

This, coupled with fear of change, can keep us stuck. However, if you think about a smiling baby, what you’re seeing is your true nature reflected back to you- pure joy.

The invitation here is to do an honest inventory regardless of how old you are, or when you think you might die.

Life is happening right now, this moment.

Don’t you want to feel alive, engaged, happy, and authentic?

Orient yourself towards living a regret free and fulfilling life.

The next blog will offer you a 6-step approach to healing regret!

Stay tuned!

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How to Make the World A Better Place

The fall always feels like a reflective time, with trees changing colors, and the weather cooling…

Autumn is also a time of powerful celebrations across the globe. From Durga Puja in India, to the autumnal equinox, to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, two of the holiest celebrations in Judaism.

Which makes me think of a Jewish teaching known as Tikkun olam, that we humans are here to help make the world a better place. Or, in another sense, to leave the world better than we found it.

Is this an idea the resonates with you? That you are here to serve, help, illuminate or spread love and harmony in the world?

Tikkun olam is similar to the Buddhist/Hindu idea of Bodhisattva, that we have incarnated to liberate ourselves as well as everyone else, and we do that through the practice of loving kindness.

In truth, the resonance of Tikkun olam is also found in the metaphysical Christian teaching of A Course in Miracles as well, to be the embodiment of love. “Teach only love, for that is what you are.”

So perhaps the idea behind Tikkun olam is a universal concept emphasized in every spiritual path!

The only difference that I’ve observed is that Tikkun olam is an actual directive, overtly and clearly stated.

Here’s a quote from Chabad.org defining this practice:

“Tikkun olam: In Jewish teachings, any activity that improves the world, bringing it closer to the harmonious state for which it was created.

Tikkun olam implies that while the world is innately good, its Creator purposely left room for us to improve upon His work.

All human activities are opportunities to fulfill this mission, and every human being can be involved in tikkun olam - child or adult, student or entrepreneur, industrialist or artist, caregiver or salesperson, political activist or environmentalist, or just another one of us struggling to keep afloat.”

If you’re interested in this idea, you can learn more here:

Autumn offers us an opportunity to explore this idea. Why not see what comes up for you, and how you might like to better your world?

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4 Steps to Managing Pain

Have you had this experience? You read the newspaper or go online, and suddenly feel overwhelmed by the suffering and pain in the world?

Being a sensitive person, that can feel overwhelming.

So what do you do?

In 2019, I was in the Tigray region of Ethiopia shortly before what would become a civil war. Everywhere I went, I could feel the pain, the anger, frustration, tension. At times, it felt crippling because I could sense this pain but also felt helpless to solve it.

After sharing this experience with one of my teachers, the guidance I received was this. “You don’t have to fix the world, your job is to love the world.”

Since then, I’ve been working on understanding exactly what that means and how to do it. For me, that process has involved: acceptance, forgiveness, prayer, and envisioning.

Here’s how it works:

1. Acceptance

Acceptance helps me be more present because I’m accepting what is right now, in this very moment. I may not like what is happening. I may wish it were different, but I work hard at not fighting against it, or falling into my need to fix it.

In other words, it’s an acceptance of this moment just as it is, right now. Even if I feel incredibly uncomfortable. I sit with that feeling and try not to push it away.

Why?

Because I know that true change only happens in the present moment.

2. Forgiveness

Once I feel that presence, I can open to forgiveness which for me is an ongoing practice.

I work on forgiveness both at the macro and micro levels. It includes political leaders for their greed or short sightedness, people who foment fear and negativity, inflict crimes against humanity… On a micro level, it might be forgiving a family member for overstepping a boundary, or forgiving myself for being selfish or unaware… you get the picture.

Forgiveness unhooks me from the story of pain and helps me see a situation with fresh eyes.

3. Prayer

I use prayer as a way to feel empowered and to ask for change. I pray for peace, for healing, for guidance… I also ask for help relinquishing my need to “fix” things. I pray and give over the pain or suffering to a higher power.

4. Envision

As part of my prayers, I envision how I want the world to be. I see it healed and whole.

Being a student of non-duality, I have been taught over and over again that the world is an effect of my, and collectively, our thoughts. Therefore, if we change our thoughts about the world, the world will change!!

And so I envision the world I want.

A world where everyone is at peace, where all sentient beings have abundant food, water, shelter, habitat, clothing, access to education, and opportunity. Where we live in right relationship to the sacred earth and honor our plant, animal, and rock brothers and sisters. Where the oceans are healed, the right and perfect temperature, abundant with life, free of excess carbon and pollution…

What kind of world can you envision?

If you, too, are sensitive and struggling under the oppressiveness of the suffering around you, try my technique and see if it helps.

Truly, it has changed my life!

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7 Ways to Tap Into AWE

Did you know there’s neuroscience research on AWE?

One of the leaders, Dr Dacher Keltner, recently published a book called, Awe: The New Science of Every Day Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life.

He describes awe as: “the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your understanding of the world.”

Being a social scientist, he’s interested in emotion and actually studies how the sensation of awe affects our biology! Not only does it calm your nervous system, it also activates the body to make oxytocin, the love hormone!

I know you’ve experienced awe, and if you think about it, you probably have multiple examples- most notably things like visiting the Grand Canyon, walking into Chartre Cathedral, or watching a lion hunt an antelope- but we can ACTUALLY cultivate awe every day!

Here are 7 ways to do that:

1. Take in the Bigger Picture

It’s easy to get caught in the minutiae of life, lasering in on your To-Do list, or focusing solely on what’s in front of you.

Why not stop for a moment and look up? See a wider landscape.

Maybe take in the mountains, the ocean waves, or a bird alighting on a branch just outside your window.

Any moment where you stop and allow yourself to reconnect to the greater whole will bring you into a state of awe.

2. Practice Mindfulness

This is another way to pay attention, and is particularly helpful if you’ve noticed that you’ve been on autopilot lately. You know, like you just arrived at the store and don’t even remember driving yourself there! 🫢😲😳

How can you be more present wherever you are and with whatever you’re doing?

Take a deep breath in and allow yourself to come FULLY into this moment.

3. Focus on the Good in Others

Can you look at someone and see their innate goodness?

Perhaps, it's appreciating a neighbor who's feeding others with her garden, or someone safely driving the bus, or the person who helped bag your groceries.

Carl Rogers, the esteemed psychologist, refers to this as unconditional positive regard. Why not try it?

4. Inspiring Examples

Another way to activate AWE is by reading, watching videos, and learning about people who inspire you.

Maybe it’s a politician who’s a true servant leader, or a pioneer in your field who you really admire, or an athlete that's gone above and beyond… learning about these people shifts our mindset into appreciation, generosity and possibility.

5. Change It Up

How can you alter your everyday routine?

Is it trying a new restaurant for lunch or taking a different route to town? Adding variety is an easy way to re-awaken natural curiosity and bring you into a state of awe.

6. Awe Walk

You could, in fact, go for a walk!

Think about this as if you’re with a toddler who’s stopping to look at everything- the pebble on the road, the fallen leaf, etc.

I happen to live with a 10-month-old, and the other day he was so excited to stand in the open refrigerator. I watched as he craned his head to look under one of the lower shelves to determine where the light source was coming from. Watching him I realized that I’d never even noticed there was a light down there!

7. Collective Movement

Is there something you can join or attend? A concert, dance, prayer group, or ceremony?

All of these collective engagements help shift us into a higher vibration where it’s easier to access awe. What’s happening in your neighborhood?

Ever since I learned about this research, I’ve been actively working on using these examples to help me tap into awe.

If you want to know more, check out Dr Keltner’s book. He also hosts the podcast, The Science of Happiness.

Now, pick ONE of the above suggestions to do it TODAY!

Conduct your own experiment. See if once you do it, you feel better, too!

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5 Ways to Strengthen Your Resiliency

When I was in social work school, we heard a lot about resilience, like it was this magic ingredient for success. We weren’t exactly sure why some people had it, but it was clear that those who did were able to much more easily weather adversity and life challenges.

In truth, I don’t think resilience is actually elusive.

We’re all resilient, otherwise we wouldn’t be here! Because life can be difficult and we keep going.

The question really is, how do we strengthen the muscle of resilience?

Here are 5 Ways

1. Keep Your Eye on the Prize

Don’t think about this as Machiavellian (the ends justify the means, no!) but rather that you focus on your goals.

See yourself as having already accomplished whatever it is you want: winning the race, living in the house (you want to buy), being at that office (in the job you wanted) working.

Regardless of where you are right now in life – in a dead end job, a crummy flat- keep focused on what you actually want. Even when negative mind chatter pops up to confuse you. Simply keep seeing yourself as having completed the goal.

2. Persevere

Once you’re clear about where you’re going with absolute clarity, walk towards it, one step at a time.

This is about fostering the spirit of determination, a willingness to do whatever it takes to get your goal. It is refusing to give up.

If you get confused about what you should do, ask: What’s the next step I have to take?

You’ll get an answer! Promise!

3. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Encourage yourself to stay focused on your goal so that it becomes your overriding thought. If little frustrations or obstructions occur, simply move them to the side.

You have a bigger plan.

Refuse to allow yourself to spend time and energy concerned about the hiccups, the small setbacks or diversions. Simply come back to what you want.

4. Reframe

Here’s a question for you - how are you looking at life? Does it feel like it is supporting you or does it feel hostile?

You can think about any situation in your life and ask this. Such as, did you get fired because someone at work hates you, or because it was time to have a better paying job?

When we are willing to view the circumstances of our lives as if they are happening FOR us instead of TO us, we move from feeling like a victim to being empowered.

Not only does that feel incredible but it allows us to take inspired action!

5. Connect to the Eternal You

Part of fostering resilience, is remembering that you are a soul having a human experience.

From this vantage point, it’s easier to relax about the world, viewing it more like earth school. This can help you feel less stressed about it all. 

The easiest way to connect to the eternal you, is through a spiritual practice such as meditation, prayer, yoga, breathwork, ecstatic dance, etc.  

Which one is right for you?

Nurturing resiliency will help you achieve your dreams and goals allowing you to feel like you’re truly thriving!

After all, isn’t it time you genuinely claimed your life?

Allow yourself to step into what it is you came here to do.

Life is waiting for you.

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Getting What You Really Want in 3 Easy Steps

I once heard Marci Shimoff, the author of Happy for No Reason, explain how to be successful using 3 simple steps:

The first one is Intention.

Intention requires us to get crystal clear about exactly what it is that we want.

Such as:

• A brand new red Honda Accord

• A job working for a specific company doing a particular job

• A partner with these particular traits

 Get the idea?

The more specific and precise you can be the better.

Let’s face it, most of us bumble through life and forget how important it is to actually stop and dream in to exactly what it is that we want in our lives.

So stop right now and do it!

Are you wanting the right team of doctors and practitioners to support your healing?

Is it a specific amount of money to flow into your bank account every month?

Whatever it is, get clear, paint the picture for yourself.

The next step is Attention.

Now that you know exactly what you want, it’s time to put your thoughts, your feelings, as well as your actions in alignment with your goals.

How does this look? 

It’s stating in precise language what you want.

You might say something like:

“my healing is already in process, and the right and perfect team of people is being attracted to me right now. I will connect with them easily and effortlessly.”

Or

“I’m grateful to be working at (name of company) in the position of (title) getting paid (amount of $) and enjoying the wonderful people and supportive culture here.”

Louise Hay tells us that when we, marry affirmation with action, we get evidence that life loves us.

Wahoo!

Marci Shimoff’s final tip is No Tension.

And that is you relaxing into this process.

You’ve gotten clear about what you want, you see yourself already having it, affirm it verbally, are taking action to support you in achieving this goal

AND

Now you allow the universe to guide your actions and support you in the process.

Here’s an example, in March I was in Colorado skiing and set a goal for myself to be completely comfortable and proficient on any terrain, specifically moguls. My friend spent hours giving me tips and lessons which I worked on integrating.

And what I observed through this process was that the more I relaxed and trusted my body, the skis, his advice, the easier I could adopt these new skills.

At one point, he took me on a narrow trail where the moguls were gigantic, the drops six+ feet, and he would yell, “DIVE!” meaning I had to literally thrust my body forward as if I was going to fall forward over the hill, when every part of me wanted to sit back.

The only way I could actually pull this off was to scream, “DIVE!” out loud as I thrust myself forward. Every time I did, I was so much more in control and felt safer than when I leaned back and my skis flew out from under me.

It’s completely counterintuitive and required me to trust – myself, my equipment, my friend, life.

And here’s what happened, the more I relaxed, the better I skied!

So pick something that you want to change in your life.

Get really clear about exactly what you want.

Speak it, Feel it. Take inspired action.

And relax knowing that life loves you and wants to bring it to you.

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4 Ways to Manage The Fast Pace of Life

Is it just me or are you feeling like we’re in a moment of rapid change?

I look around and everything appears to be in motion. People moving homes, getting different jobs, tackling new health problems…

Even though my life feels relatively stable, I’m traveling more and am busier than ever! 

And while that all feels exciting, especially after the cloistering we’ve done these past few years, I find that my heart rate can get elevated from managing both the amount of change as well as the rate with which it is happening!

If you can relate, here are a few tips that might help you feel more secure during this time:

1. Prioritize

Sometimes the sheer quantity of tasks or opportunities you have can feel overwhelming.

What if you ordered them?

I used to work with a coach who suggested that you not only label your To Do items 1-10 based on the urgency, but to then go a step further and add letters. So, your list becomes: 1A, 1B, 1C…

Whenever I do her method, I’m always amazed at the amount I get accomplished and how much calmer I feel going systematically from one item to the next.

2. Be the Eye

Okay, so life is swirling around you. How can you stay in the center rather than be flung about on the edges?

The easiest way is to close your eyes and breathe. From there, imagine yourself in the resting place. Some people refer to it as the cave of the heart, others a field. I often think about it as love’s refuge.

It’s the place of peace within that is always available to you.

When you consciously take a moment to re-center, it gives you the opportunity to feel more grounded, present, and less frenetic.

Now, even though the pace of change may not have altered, it isn’t having the same effect on you.

3. Remember the Truth

Despite what’s happening “out there,” you are always safe.

Come back to this truth.

One of the simplest ways to remember this is with an affirming statement.

It can be as forthright as, “I am safe right now.”

Or, “despite the change I am experiencing, I am safe.”

Perhaps you might be inspired to say, “I embrace change easily and effectively.”

If none of those resonate with you, think of the words that feel reassuring to your nervous system.

4. Tap It Out

Lastly there’s Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

This is a technique in which you physically tap parts of your body. It has an incredibly calming effect. I teach one simple technique in this video.

Whatever change you are experiencing, remember that it IS for your highest and best good.

So, why not release your anxiety and embrace this newness?

Use these tools to help.

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Forgive & Set Yourself Free: 3 Steps

Have you seen the movie The Mauritanian? It’s based on a true story about a Guantanamo Bay detainee. At one point, he explains that in his native language, Arabic, the word for freedom is the same as the word for forgiveness.*

I was struck by this. Because day after day, year after year, these words echo in my mind, “forgive and set yourself free.”

I first heard them from Louise Hay, and as I began to do forgiveness work, I found that it was true! Forgiveness does have an incredibly liberating quality, quite the opposite effect of what we think we will experience.

We think the other person who has wronged us needs to be punished, and if we forgive them, they are off the hook. In truth, we are the ones being punished every day by holding onto our grievances. And as we release them, we free ourselves.

As a student of A Course in Miracles, this message is re-enforced since one of the major themes in the book teaches that forgiveness is our function – and leads to peace, happiness and a return to abiding love.

So then, how do we go about forgiving?

There really is a 3-Part Process.

Step 1

Identify what you are feeling- hurt, wronged, slighted, angry, betrayed… Allow yourself to really feel your feelings whatever they are.

Step 2

Once you have allowed yourself to grieve, ask yourself this:

• Am I willing to forgive?

If the answer is yes, keep going.

If the answer is no, ask yourself: What would it take for me to be willing to forgive?

When you are willing, ask yourself:

• Can I see this situation in another way?

• Please help me.

Allow yourself to be in this space. It might take a minute, it might take several months. Ultimately, this step requires a relinquishment of control.

In the 12-Step program, this is step 2, when “we come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.” But we have to be willing to let go.

Step 3

Ask God, the Universe, Source, higher power, whatever phrase works for you, to help you heal. To release you of this burden. To take away your pain.

The experience always has a similar trajectory.

Bodily, I feel my upset as a tightness, a constriction, and a constant mind loop of misery. I am stuck and this feeling will never go away.

However, if I am willing to let it go and fully release it, the feeling does get transformed!

And then I find myself back in the lap of love, feeling free and expansive once again.

That is the miracle.

So why not give it a try?

Choose someone who has grieved you and walk yourself through the steps to freedom.

Let me know how it goes!

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*If you speak Arabic and this is not the case, please help me to clarify and be more precise.  

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Ready to Attract Your Ideal Partner?

The question I get more than any others is this:

How can I be in relationship with a partner that completely sees me, gets me, loves me, and supports me?

Whether you’re in a relationship right now or not, this blog is for you!

Why?

Because it reveals the ONE secret that every person who is in a truly fulfilling relationship knows.

Want to know what it is?

It’s actually really simple.

BE WHO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT.

What!?!

Here’s how it works- there are only 2 steps.

Step 1

Make a list of every single quality you envision your ideal mate possessing.

Traits like:

• Being a great listener

• Attending to your needs

• Spending regular one on one time with you

• Validating your feelings

• Making you laugh

• Enjoying going on adventures

You get the idea.

Step 2

Review your list. How can you embody every single one of those characteristics?

Honestly, it really is that simple.

You become what you want. Because LIKE attracts LIKE.

When I first met the man who is the true love of my life, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I wasn’t even thinking about him in that way. I was married (unhappily), busy raising small children, and had met him because I began working for him.

After being in his presence for a while, I came to recognize that he possessed a quality that I very much wanted. He had this calm assuredness, and exuded a loving presence. And despite how insane his daily schedule was, he was unfailingly kind and generous with his time. I remember thinking that I wanted to be like that- to possess that quality. I wasn’t exactly sure how to obtain it, but it soon became my goal.

More than a year later, when my marriage was truly over and it felt like my life had imploded and was being rebuilt, he told me he was in love with me.

I share this story because it exemplifies what I’m talking about. At the time, I didn’t know this was the pattern, the “secret.” I kind of fell into it accidentally in my desire to be a more loving and present human being.  

But this is how the universe really works.

You want love? Be the most loving person you can be.

Start today. Right now. Crack open your heart and smile.

Why not see what happens?

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 Image courtesy of Photo Mix on Pixabay 

A Simple Way to Use Time Efficiently

We have been told that time is an artificial construct only our lived experience does not feel like that!

Time feels relevant, full of meaning. We have appointments, schedules, flights, people to meet…

So perhaps the way to look at time is to ask yourself, are you using your time or filling your time?

In other words, how do your days feel? Are they exciting and vibrant? Do you feel alive and excited about your life?

Or are you waiting for the day to end? For you to be done with some task you don’t like in order to relax, chill out, or do what you want to do.

One of the most important lessons I learned about time, is that it is happening right now.

I often find myself quoting a line from a John Lennon song, “life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”

It isn’t so much about tomorrow, or even yesterday, it’s about right now.

How present are you in your moment? Have you stopped to read these words, or are you skimming this while listening to the radio and monitoring your work emails?

I realize it sounds counterintuitive. But the only guarantee we have is the moment.

How can you make it the best one you have? The most fun? Most fulfilling? Most love filled?

How can today be the best day you have ever lived?

I’m not saying don’t make plans -make them AND live today fully.

Don’t expect that tomorrow things will be better.

Tomorrow starts right now, because how fulfilled, how happy, how rich you feel tomorrow is 100% dependent on how fulfilled, happy and rich you feel right now.

So what do you say?

Ready to really use your life and be fully engaged right now?

There’s no time like this moment to start.

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Image courtesy of Annca on Pixabay 

No Liquid Luck? 3 Ways to Find Your Flow

I don’t know about you, but I think about living in a state of grace, or being in the flow, a lot!

You know what I’m talking about, right?

That space, where everything is easy, life feels simple and abundant. As if the obstacles simply melt away effortlessly.

When you’re in that place, it feels both enlivening and empowering.

So why is it – if this space feels so good - that we fall out of it?

This is when I wish I could go to Hogwarts or perhaps just Diagon Alley and get the supplies to make the potion, Felix Felicis, otherwise known as, Liquid Luck.

If you’ve never read the 6th Harry Potter book, The Half Blood Prince, or seen the movie, perhaps you have no idea what I’m talking about!

This potion, Liquid Luck, is said to offer the drinker a period of good luck and success in whatever endeavors they undertake.

Doesn’t that sound perfect?

Guaranteed success!

In the book/movie, there’s a scene in which Harry, who possesses a vial of this potion, decides to ingest it since he’s been trying in vain to accomplish a task.

He gulps down the drink and then instinctively goes on his way. Although where he goes seems completely illogical!

To me, that scene completely embodies this space of grace.

Why?

Because when we’re in the flow, it’s as if we have surrendered our small brain’s striving to the larger mind’s knowing.

There is a certainty in this knowing, that to an outside observer might appear non-sensical or illogical, yet it is precisely what is needed in order to obtain the desired goal.

Barring the fact that none of us (with the exception of perhaps JK Rowling) know how to brew up some Liquid Luck, how can the rest of us step into that flow?

Here are 3 Ingredients:

1.Trust

This one is KEY. It requires us to let go of our plans in order to allow a higher guidance to come to us. It sounds simple, but it isn’t easy.

Lately, when I’ve felt afraid to trust, I’ve been doing an experiment. I say to myself: “Why not just try it for a day and see what happens?”

How about you?

Are you willing to try and trust that whatever it is you desire will come?

Reach in. Ask what it is that you are to do and then…

2. Listen

We have to get quiet in order to hear that intuitive voice, that inner knowing that wants to guide us.

Listening involves letting go of our ideas of what we should do. What we think is the right action.

Remember, we’re doing an experiment. We’re trying something different. We’re putting aside our ideas and listening to inner guidance.

3. Relax

Since this is an experiment anyway, why not relax and allow it to unfold? It’s more fun this way, too.

When you’re in the flow, it feels like an unseen, loving, positive force is working in you and through you.

Tap into that. This is how to access your own version of Liquid Luck.

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Image courtesy of Arek Socha

What's Your Soul's Vision for 2023?

I love making vision boards! Maybe you’ve even made one with me in the past!

 But if you’re new to vision boards, no worries! Click HERE to access my free kit! 

Every year I make a vision board. Normally, I’m super intentional about it, too, trying to incorporate about every aspect of my life – from growing educationally and spiritually, to working out, to go on vacations!

Shortly before the onset of the pandemic though, I learned about a concept called Soul Collage® which is creating collage imagery in a more free flow way, allowing your subconscious to pick images and words for you, as opposed to purposefully thumbing through magazines for specific pictures and exact words.

Since then, I’ve tilted my vision board practice more and more towards this method, incorporating this dream-like process into it.

I’ll admit that at times it feels kinda weird. Because some of the images I’m drawn to seem like odd choices. When this feeling comes up, I try to relax about it and keep going.

I definitely do not completely understand this process. I just know that when I look at the boards I’ve made using this technique, they resonate so deeply with me, and offer a sense of comfort and ease, and this helps me know I’m on the right track.

Since it’s January and undoubtedly you’ve been ruminating about your 2023, perhaps it’s time to visually dream into your year.

Do you have a clear sense of what you want to manifest and how you want to feel this year? If so, perhaps a more traditional vision board is for you.

If, however, you’re more into creating a mood, allowing life to guide you and dictate, see where that takes you.

Or, you can also do a combination of both!

Whichever feels right, use my FREE KIT. The materials and process are the same. The only difference is in your approach.

Get creative, have fun and DREAM!

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Image courtesy of Pexels on Pixabay

Step Into the Year of the Chariot

It’s officially 2023. What do you want for your year?

One of my daughter’s is really into the Tarot and she says that the card for this year is the Chariot. Apparently, this card is all about saying a big hearty YES to what you want to create in your life.

So, let’s hear it.

What is it that’s yearning to be birthed, that’s ready to come into fruition, that’s calling to you?

January, after all, is a time to vision.

Why not begin by creating a road map to joy? A path that chariot can navigate to help you achieve all you desire.

Here are 3 simple steps:

1. Dream Into Your Year

What is it that this chariot, that, Heck, YA! energy is driving you towards?

If you’re feeling in the flow, allow the words to come. Maybe the vision will come through a drawing or a web. Sometimes clarity and dreams flow most freely when we’re walking or moving our bodies.

Give yourself time to imagine in to what or how you want your life to be.

2. Hopes or Wishes?

Do you have any big wishes you’d like to receive this year? Perhaps another way to say this is - Is there a prayer you’d like answered?

If so, what is it?

Once it comes it could be part of your yearly theme or inquiry.

3. The Path

Now that you have some clarity about your dreams and hopes for your year, what needs to happen in order for them to manifest?

What’s the first thing you’re being asked to do?

If an entire list comes, jot it all down. If not, focus on the first step.

In my experience, that’s often all we need. Once you’ve taken that first step, the next one will appear. Really!

This process always reminds me of a scene in the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. It’s the last Raiders of the Lost Ark movie, the one where Harrison Ford is trying to find the chalice of everlasting life. He’s in a cave, and his next obstacle is to walk across an invisible bridge. Each time he steps out into the crevasse of nothingness, his foot catches a stone. And before you know it, he’s on the other side.

The good part for you is you don’t have to step into an abyss! You only have to take the step you see that is right in front of you.

What is it?

Be brave. It’s only one step. And it will lead you down the road to JOY.

Are you ready?

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Photo courtesy of Bertvthul on Pixabay