Writing Your Life Into Existence

Since I was a girl, I’ve always loved stories.

In fact, reading was my big escape. Many afternoons, I’d hang out in my room and devour books, from Judy Bloom to Nancy Drew to Madeleine L’engle.

Even now – one of my favorite past times is to curl up with a good novel.

I’m the kind of person who resonates with stories, they speak to me, teach lessons, convey truths. Maybe it’s the artist in me, the one who sees the world through symbols and metaphors. Imagery speaks louder to me than text.

The more I step into being a storyteller myself, though, the more I see that WE ALL are.

Everyday we create our life through our thoughts, choices and decisions. After all, what is our life’s journey if not a story?

Your life can be an adventure, a romance, a magnificent epic or a depressing tragedy. And the exciting news is that we get to participate not just in acting it out but in creating it in the first place.

Because here is one of the great secrets that hardly anyone knows: we are ALL the co-authors of our lives, we get to write our lives into existence.

We get to decide.

My guru would often say that we (as individuals) must consume the world or the world will consume us. I think about writing our life into existence the same way.

Is life – all these outside forces – like family, obligation, society, fear- telling you where to go and what to do? Or are you consciously deciding for yourself?

Someone is writing your life into existence and if it isn’t you, maybe it’s time to ask who is. Could it be a parent, a partner, your unconscious?

If you’re ready to take the pen in hand, here are 3 simple ways to get started:

1. Vision

Everything starts with a spark, a purpose, a focal point. Where do you see yourself going? What is your big dream? Is it to be the head of a department, start your own clothing line, become a professional golfer? Whatever it is, get clear and write it down.

2.  Affirm your Vision Daily with Words and Feelings

Once you have your direction, speak it out loud every day. It’s critical to see it, feel it and act as if it has already occurred.

Here’s an example.

Perhaps you want to create a new pottery studio. Every day, you say out loud- with strong feeling- your vision: “I see my pottery studio on Flamingo Lane, open and doing a thriving business, making at least $2500 a week in sales. I have ample help so I can spend the bulk of my days throwing pots and glazing them. Our classes are full and the memberships bring in an additional $5,000 a month.”

3. Write It Down

Some people journal daily, others weekly. Whatever schedule works for you, be sure to commit and do it consistently.

This activity is literally writing your life into existence with as much detail as possible.

Think about it as your way to put down everything you wish you had, you yearn for, you want to manifest in your life. Allow yourself to unleash your creativity and let it flow. Want to dog mush in Alaska? Write it down! See yourself there.

There’s nothing to stop you- just let the pen take you away into your wildest fantasies of success, happiness and prosperity.

I love thinking about my life as a story. I’m the hero and the author. And so are you! Get started today and begin writing your magnificent life into existence. Create, manifest and reveal the life you want, the life that is waiting for you. It's time.

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Living the Dream

Have you ever had a person in your life who saw your inner beauty, your soul radiance?

I have.

One of the first times this happened, was when I lived in Hong Kong. I was in my early twenties, struggling to find my way as an adult, and living 10,000 miles away from my family, friends and culture.

I admit it, I was lonely and scared.

Six months later, I met Diana, a young woman from the U.K., and we instantly bonded. As I got to know her story, I soon discovered that she was in need of healing as much as I was.

But Diana’s challenges were not mine.

She was model material and looked like a Roman goddess with her shapely tan figure and aquiline silhouette. She was a water nymph, forever running around in a bikini, sun bathing and swimming in the warm ocean. In my eyes, she was the epitome of beautiful.

Not only that, but she oozed confidence.

She was a master painter and earned her living on commissions for oils. Her work reminded me of the classic art I’d studied both as an undergraduate and then in Italy. It could have hung in museums next to Ingres or David.

Meanwhile, I was dreadfully unhappy. Not only did I have no clue what I wanted to do, I didn’t even really know how to live a healthy life. Since arriving in Hong Kong six months earlier, I’d worked a job I loathed in a factory in the most polluted district in the territories. 

Because I was afraid and alone, I’d buried all my fear and anxiety under mountains of food and had gained another forty pounds. To make matters worse, I’d then shaved off all of my long blond locks in an effort to “expose” myself and stop hiding. I now resembled a Buddhist nun.

Looking back, I can say that I was deeply immersed in a “dark night of the ego.”

I was shedding aspects of myself, questioning who I was, trying to make sense of the world. But I didn’t know how to walk through the process and felt both alone and petrified.

Despite being only twenty, Diana had a timeless wisdom. She immediately saw through the extra pounds, the glasses, the shorn hair, straight to my essence, to my inner beauty.

Not only that, she saw through my self hatred and shame. And instead spoke to the inner radiant goddess that dwelled inside of me. Her ability to hold me in that space helped me crack out of my own self judgment, emotionally buoyed me and gave me the confidence I needed to take real action.

With her support, I got clear about what I must have in my life. Then I began to make the changes I desperately needed. First, I quit my job and within two months found a new one that fit all my criteria. Next I moved house.

As I acted, I began to claim my power. All because she saw me when I couldn't see it for myself

Is there someone in your life who sees your magnificence?

Someone who can hold the space and knows who you are in the world?

I currently have a Master Mind partner who does this for me. I paint a picture of how I want my life to unfold, how I want to show up in the world, and she not only sees it, she cheers me on, builds it up, brainstorms with me to make that vision manifest.

We all need these light-holders, these love seers in our lives.

Who is doing that for you?

Is it a best friend, a relative, a pastor, coach or therapist?

Take inventory. Look around at your support system, at who surrounds you. Are these folks backing you up, validating your dreams, and helping to elevate you?

If so, you’re in good hands. Because here’s the thing: We can’t do it alone. We need help, we need support, we need cheerleaders.

If you don’t have a team or a trusted confidante, think about who around you could be one. Is there someone you really trust? Or someone you admire that you could reach out to?

We all have greatness within us but it can be hard for us to see it in ourselves. That’s why we need encouragement, support and that special person, seeing us in all our glorious magnificence to help us reach for the stars.

Who holds your dreams?

Share your story with me by leaving a comment below.

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Before I Die, I want to...

Is there anything you want to do before you die?

I found myself contemplating this question recently as I watched a TED video of the artist Candy Chang. She shared about creating an interactive chalkboard mural in New Orleans entitled; “Before I Die, I want to…”

The wall invited people to write what they want to do before they die.

I ask my clients that same question because it’s too easy to speed through life. You’re in the fast lane with your great job, family, home. But is it actually what you want?

What would you like to do, see, become?

I don’t ask to be morbid. I ask to ensure that your compass is set straight. Orienting you toward what you really want.

I learned this firsthand in 2010, when I worked as a hospice social worker.

I was challenged to look death, life and pain square in the face. My patients were facing imminent demise and they all had at least one regret. The most common of these are:

1.  To have lived a life more true to myself, not the life others expected of me

2. To have not worked so hard

3. To have boldly expressed my feelings

4. To have stayed in touch with my friends

5. To have been happier

Working at hospice taught me compassion and reminded me of the promise I’d made to myself as a twenty year old.

Back in college, my friends and I often read Henry David Thoreau. One summer, we even drove to Concord in the wee hours to skinny dip in Walden Pond.

I floated in that warm, velvety water, gazed up into the star studded sky and swore that I would “live deliberately.” I wanted to learn life’s essential lessons because I knew more than anything that I did not want to “come to die and discover that I had not lived.”

In 2010, I made a renewed agreement with myself to do just that.

What about you?

This is YOUR life to live. Be sure that you do everything you want.

How can you listen and respond to your heart’s desires?

1.  Make a list of everything you want to do, experience, feel, become before you die

Some people call this a bucket list. Maybe for you, it’s simply a To Do List.

2. Start scheduling them right now!

Some are simple and easy, like phone calls to old friends, a visit to a relative. How about a romantic date?

Others might take some planning and saving. Could you go on a camping trip with the kids? How about an inexpensive cruise? Would you be willing to go back to school? How about writing that book?

Think about this as a way to re-orient yourself by making time for the things that really matter to you. After all, life is happening right now.

Those dreams live inside of you and yearn to be expressed. Take advantage of today and carpe diem! Please don’t be one of those people who come to die only to discover that they never really lived.

Be bold, be brave – get out there and enjoy!

Tell me ONE thing you're going to do THIS week!

Leave me a comment below.

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3 Simple Tools for Creating A Future YOU Want

Do you want to keep living the life you’ve always led or are you ready to shift into a new way and a new life?

Choosing to live your life’s purpose, requires you to undo much of what you’ve been taught. After all, you want to create a future different from the past.

So how do you do that?

1.  Forgiveness

 As A Course In Miracles tells us, forgiveness is our only true function. Forgiveness, however, is one of those things that sounds easy but can actually be hard.

A strategy that’s really helped me with this, is the recognition that the person I want to forgive - a former boss, parent, acquaintance - was actually doing his or her best in that moment.

Here’s an example.

My father was completely emotionally absent during my childhood. There were times when I hated him for that, for not paying attention, not seeming to care, not showing me that he loved me in a way I could understand (hugs, praise.)

In my early 20s, I decided I wanted to shift our relationship, from a child / adult one to an adult / adult one. But I quickly discovered that in order to do this, I had to accept him just as he was, imperfect, critical and sometimes really annoying.

As I let go of my disappointment that he wasn’t who I needed or wanted him to be, (a caring, positive presence in my life), I began to see that even if he’d wanted to, he just couldn’t. He wasn’t capable of it. He’d been so wounded by his family that he simply couldn’t show up any other way.

And then I saw that he was trying his best.

It may have been limited but it wasn’t personal or intentional. It was all he could do. At that moment, my heart opened for him and I was filled with compassion. Interestingly, once I completely accepted him, he was actually able to be there for me!

Who in your life are you ready to release?

Can you see him or her as having tried their best?

2. Limiting Beliefs

Bad things happened in your past and you suffered. People put you down, maybe you decided you were flawed, or couldn’t be successful.

Isn’t it time to shed all that old stuff?

What do you want to believe is true for you now?

Doesn’t it feel better to believe that you deserve happiness, success and love? It’s time for you to know that it’s true and own it!

3. Write a New Story

Just because something bad happened in your past, it doesn’t have to define you. We get to define ourselves.

Who do you want to be?

Do you want to be the daughter of an alcoholic who can’t get it together and continues to blame her terrible life on her mother? Or do you want to transcend your past by owning it, learning from it and moving beyond it?

Maybe you still are the daughter of an alcoholic. And? You are reliable, independent, hard working, successful, loving and perfect. Now you get to model healthy behavior for your family.

We are all co-creating our futures.

Why not make it exactly what you want? All it takes is awareness and the willingness to release the past so it no longer has a hold over you. Remember, you can change the future and it starts right now!

Share ONE thing you're ready to let go of today!

Write it below.

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Being 100% Responsible

When I was a girl, I couldn’t wait to grow up. At ten, I fantasized about having my own apartment in New York City and running a chic restaurant.

I yearned to be an adult because I wanted to be in charge. I hated feeling like I had no control over my life – of where I lived, went to school, what I ate.

All too quickly, my wish was granted and I was a young, clueless adult overwhelmed by the world. It was easy to feel oppressed. I couldn’t get a good job because the market was tight and there was too much competition. Poor me, no one could see the value that I offered.

I fell into feeling like a victim.

Life was too hard. I was misunderstood. I couldn’t stop eating the plate of cookies, the bag of chips, but it wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t help myself.

Slowly, as I began making my way in the world, I saw how I was giving my power away by being a victim. Maybe it was true that I couldn’t control the weather or the attitude of my boss or co-workers, but I could control my response to them.

What if I stood up to my colleague and told her that I didn’t’ appreciate her lack of professionalism?

What if I really looked at how I avoided going to the gym, making excuses every night to watch TV on the couch?

In my journey to self awareness, I’ve realized that I must take 100% responsibility for my life, for everything in my life.

• My Finances
• My Health
• My Relationships
• My Career

When you do this, you officially become a grown up.

Responsibility is about ownership, about acknowledging when things work and when they don’t work. It’s the difference between saying the company almost went under because I didn’t manage the financials instead of blaming the near bankruptcy on the economic downturn.

It is the acknowledgment that I am in charge – always. Even when I choose to watch a movie instead of run errands.

If you’re ready to take 100% responsibility in your life, here are 3 questions to ask:

1.  Are you willing to own whatever happens in your life?

Yes, that means the buck stops with you. No excuses.

2.  Can you discern between what you do and don’t have control over?

In other words, you only have control over you, and how you respond to life’s challenges and opportunities. You do not have any control over what other people say or do.

3. Ready to accept yourself?

Are you ready to be okay when you screw up and when you succeed? We're often our own worst critics, hard on ourselves when we fail and unwilling to savor when we succeed.

Can you be gentle and loving with you – knowing that everyone makes mistakes from time to time?

Taking responsibility for your life will transform it!

Here's why you'll want to:

• Feel Empowered

When you decide to take charge, YOU have the power. You're no longer a victim. You haven’t given it away to anyone or anything. Take charge of your life and create all that you most deeply desire.

• Not Beholden to Anyone or Anything

When you decide that YOU own your life, no one or thing has any power over you.

• Set Yourself Free

Taking 100% responsibility is the path of spiritual growth, of total freedom.

When have you felt like a victim or decided to take responsibility?

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It's Time to Shine Your Light

When I taught high school in the 1990s, I had a student who, instead of saying “goodbye” when she left a person or situation would exclaim, “shine on.”

Every time I heard her say that, to me or to others, I smiled. What a great statement, and a wonderful reminder- shine on. The implication being that we are here on earth, to shine our unique and sacred light.

Are you shining your light?

I went to a Unity sermon a few years back in which the minister described each of us in the congregation as lighthouses.

We all have this beam within, yearning to shine out and illuminate the world around us. Only, the light has been diminished, covered over with emotional mud in the form of criticism, trauma, limiting beliefs, fear and self-doubt.

What would it take for you to shine your light?

Think back to your role in your family.

• Were you encouraged to take chances, to show up, to shine?
• Did your family honor you for your unique gifts and talents?
• Were you put down for not being smart enough, strong enough?

What about within society?

• Were you laughed at because you were different?
• Have you experienced the world as an unsafe place?

Are you ready to polish that light and remove the dirt that’s been preventing you from shining?

The two fastest ways to do that are through forgiveness and positive self-talk.

Go back in time. Who dimmed your light?

• Was it a teacher who criticized you for making a mistake?
• Maybe your older sibling poked fun at you for being a superhero for Halloween.
• Were you sensitive to the suffering of others and didn’t want people to know you were smart lest they feel bad about themselves?
• Have you purposefully not dressed up so others wouldn’t feel bad about not being as glamorous and youthful as you are?

Can you forgive the teacher, your brother, the bully, and most importantly, yourself?

When we let these past experiences dim our light, we give them power over us and we continue to suffer. Not only do we suffer but so does all of humanity.

For New Year’s Eve, I went to see Billy Joel. As I sat listening to one iconic song after the other, I was struck with that notion. What if he had allowed the nay-sayers, and critics to prevent him from sharing his songs with the world?

Wouldn’t we be the poorer for it?

You are just the same!

You came here with a light to shine, knowledge to share.

Use your self-talk to support you. Know that you are beautiful just the way you are. That you are whole, worthy, and capable of greatness. That your voice needs to be heard. You can do anything!

Now is your time. Polish that glass and shine on!

Tell me ONE thing you're gonna do to un-cake the mud that's preventing YOU from shining.

Write it below!

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Running Away or Running Towards?

What Are You Saying YES to? NO to?

Our life is an accumulation of decisions we've made to move toward something or shy away.

And when we come to a crossroad in life, it’s important to ask: Am I running towards something or running away?

If you find yourself in a situation where you need to make a decision, these 3 questions can help you have clarity.

1. Is This Change in Your Life a Response to Fear?

Fear is a huge motivator in life and manifests in a myriad of ways.

In my life, I’ve responded with fear countless times. From choosing to avoid my life through drugs or emotional eating, spending the day reading a novel, to not making phone calls that will move my business ahead.

In other words, are you creating change to avoid something in your life?

Maybe you want to move to a new apartment because you’re afraid of confrontation with the person you currently live with. Perhaps you want to get another job because you’re afraid of being challenged more deeply in your present job (or asking your boss for more responsibility.) 

Are you suddenly in a new relationship because you fear being alone?

I used to move a lot. My average for living in one place was four years and then I’d get this itch to go.

Once I became aware of that pattern, I began to see that I liked starting over, starting fresh.

It made me feel like I could re-invent myself but I was also moving in the same circle over and over again. Starting again meant new friends, new job, etc. I wasn’t deepening my learning or pushing beyond what was safe and comfortable.

The times that I’ve come up against my desire to flee, spoken with a confidante, and worked through it, I’ve learned a great deal, deepened my relationship with myself and forged into new business ventures and relationships.

2. What Opportunities Will This Change Bring?

Will the change bring growth in areas that you need or want?

Maybe you live in a small town and it’s time to no longer be the big fish in a small pond. Be honest with yourself about what you need right now.

When I lived in Hong Kong and quit my job at a textile factory, more than anything, I wanted to run far, far away. I didn’t know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go.

All I knew was that I didn’t want to be in Hong Kong anymore.

Then my best friend told me I had to stay and make my happiness there. After wanting to tell her to fu** off, I realized she was right. And I had to ask myself what I needed in my life. That process helped me find a job teaching and transformed my life.

3.  Are You Reacting or Responding?

Many of us spend our lives reacting to the world.

Someone cuts you off while you’re driving and you flash them the finger. Your spouse gets jealous about a co-worker and you immediately retort with a cutting remark.

Instead, of allowing our emotions to hijack us, we can choose to respond.

Sometimes this means taking a moment, a breath, asking for clarity / guidance before speaking or acting. It’s staking the higher ground both for yourself and the other person.

We’re all human so if course we react. But through meditation and mindfulness training, we can retrain our minds to respond with love and compassion instead of anger, hostility, or fear.

Use these questions the next time you want to make a change. It may mean you have to wait for an answer but be patient and know that you’ll be guided to where you need to go and what you need to do.

With every decision we make we are saying yes or no. Are you saying yes to fear or to love? Take the time to delve in before you act and it will make a world of difference for you.

Tell me about a decision YOU made - share it BELOW!

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Move Through - Make This YOUR Year

Now that January is back in swing and life has returned to business as usual, it’s time to ask yourself, is this exactly what you want? Life as usual?

If you’re really ready to take your year and your life to the next level, it will require change.

As Einstein is often quoted as saying, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

If you want different results in your life, here are 3 ideas to explore:

1.  Making New Habits Means Breaking Old Ones

One of my goals for 2016 is to be more visible on Social Media but that means I actually have to go onto my Twitter account, Instagram and Facebook.

I have to change my habit from perusal, from when I “feel” like it to actually scheduling it into my day and making a point of connecting to people.

My habit of scrolling lazily through my Facebook feed as I lie in bed is what I’m used to, so I keep doing it but it won’t help me achieve my goal. That requires me to foster a new habit.

What habit are you ready to change?

2.  This Place is Familiar and Comfortable

So many people are unhappy in some area of their lives – with their bodies, relationships, careers, yet there is a comfort in that discomfort. 

We’re used to feeling it. We’ve felt it for so long, it’s familiar. Sometimes that suffering even helps define who you are. And yet we also yearn to be free of it.

How would it feel to be without that pain?

To be in your dream body, relationship or job? Can you imagine yourself living a life of true joy, with a partner who absolutely supported you, in a body you embraced? What needs to change?

If you can imagine it, you can step into it!

3. The Upper Limit Problem

I first heard this concept in Gay Hendricks’ book, The Big Leap.

Essentially, what he explains is that we all have an unconscious set point for how much good, success, power, money, health, etc. we’re willing to accept into our lives and when we hit that threshold, we get stopped.

Think about it.

Have you ever had a huge breakthrough in one aspect of your life, maybe you got a great promotion, were ecstatic about that, came home and got in a huge argument with your spouse? That’s an example of the upper limit problem in action.

Or maybe you’re finally ready to launch your first webinar and you wake up feverish with the flu.

We upper limit ourselves because we don’t believe we deserve everything.

So when something goes well in our lives- we become super fit, publish a great article, hit a sales figure- something else in our lives has to suffer.  

The first step in overcoming this is awareness that it exists at all! Then, it’s a dive in to understand what and why we hold ourselves back.

Is it an old story from childhood? An unconscious belief that is no longer true for you?

You deserve everything and Source/the Universe/God (whatever name you like) wants to give it to you.

Are you ready to receive it?

What habits and old stories are you ready to let go? Where do you see the upper limit problem manifesting in your life? Ready to break through?

Take some time to ponder these three issues. Dive into them and see what comes up. Use them as questions to ask while you meditate. 

This is your time, claim it!

Let me know how it goes - leave me a note below.

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STOP Before You Jump Into 2016

For many of us, this was the first week back to work-school-life-as-usual after the holidays as well as the first week of the New Year. Happy New Year!

Maybe you’re like me, and want to eagerly jump back into life.

But before you leap back into the craziness and chaos of your wonderful life, do yourself a favor and stop.

Stop and get clear about where you want to go this year, what you want to accomplish and how you plan on doing that.

Here are 3 simple and easy ways to launch your 2016 so that you manifest all that you desire and rock your year!

1.  Purge & Organize

The New Year is a great time to clean out the paperwork.

If your desk looks like mine, it has a huge pile on it of stuff that needs to be filed. Take an hour (or two) and get your personal space organized, cleaned up and ready. Not only will you feel better when you look at it, but you’ll start your year out with a clean slate.

This task is also super helpful for tax time (which, if you live in the United States, is just around the corner.)

2. Write It Down

Once your space is neat and tidy, take another hour to really contemplate this year – all twelve months of it. What do you want for yourself in 2016? What goals do you have for your future? What would you like to accomplish?

When you do this activity, think holistically.

Don’t only focus on your relationship to money and career but think about your relationships to your body and health, your family, romantic partner, education and spirituality. How would you like to evolve this year? What do you want to manifest?

3.  Choose A Word

For three years now I’ve chosen one word to contemplate, explore and delve into for the year. This word – whatever it may be – becomes an overriding theme for your year.

Two years ago, I chose trust.

I had just started a business and was putting myself out into the world in a more personal way. This required me to trust in new and different ways and deepened my relationship to myself, to life and to spirit and allowed me to more fully embrace the notion that I am divinely loved and protected at all times.

In fact, about three months into that year, I made a pictorial representation of trust to remind me of free falling into God. On it, I wrote this line from the poet Rumi: “Stop acting so small. You are the Universe in ecstatic motion.”

Last year, my word was love and the exploration was vastly different.

It was subtle and gentle and deeply internal. It taught me about self-love and opened me up to more clearly understand how to love myself completely and wholeheartedly. My inquiry into love helped me see that I am healed and whole and deserve everything. Pretty cool, huh?

This year, I have chosen receive. Or perhaps it has chosen me.

I look forward to the exciting adventure!

So do yourself a favor, and take a couple of hours to stop, organize and plan out your 2016. It will be well worth it. And if you’d like a little help with that, Click Here to Download my FREE 2016 Vision Planner. Enjoy and have fun!

Share one of your 2016 goals with me!
Leave a comment below!

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The Power of Will: 4 Ways to Foster Will Power

When I was in high school, my freshman English teacher often wore a button depicting William Shakespeare that boldly stated, “Will Power.”

I was always amused at the pun for undoubtedly, William Shakespeare was a force to be reckoned with in the world of English literature but I also knew that my teacher wore the button as a plea to us students to work hard at our assignments.

Lately I’ve been thinking about will, not the man but the action.

What exactly is will?

We use the root word, “will,” in so many phrases and applications:

• Sheer force of will
• Being willful
• Having willingness
• Goodwill
• Will power

According to dictionary.com, “will” has many definitions.

It is used to imply the future, “I will go to the store.” It is also defined as: to wish, desire or like as in “go where you will.”

The definition, however, that I’m most intrigued by is this notion:

• The faculty of conscious and especially of deliberate action; the power of control the mind has over its own actions: the freedom of the will.
• The power of choosing one's own actions: to have a strong or a weak will.
• The act or process of using or asserting one's choice; volition: My hands are obedient to my will.

This leads me to wonder, how do you get will and what is it made of?

Will is a muscle that we need to nurture and develop. Here are four ways to become more aware of your own will and how to make it strong and well defined.

1. Self-Confidence

A direct correlation with will is the belief that what you think or do matters.

Self-confidence is primarily developed from two areas in life. The first is by experiencing love. If you feel loved and accepted, you naturally see yourself as whole and healthy and exude confidence about life.

The other way to build self-confidence is through success.

Think about a young child learning to ride a bicycle. As he gets the hang of holding the handlebars, balancing and pedaling, his confidence soars. Once he has mastered bike riding, he may then be more willing to try other similar sports like skateboarding or rollerblading.

What have you experienced success in that has propelled you into greater endeavors?

When you feel confident, it’s easy to try new things and exert your will.

2. Desire

Will power is easily associated with desire. Think about it like this – desire is the fuel that propels will.

Because, let’s face it, if you want something, it’s much easier to put in the effort and the work.

People talk a lot about will power when it comes to losing weight. If you’re desire to be healthy is strong and you have good motivation (desire) it’s easier to delay gratification, to listen to your body, to get up and go for a run and to make healthy choices.

But you have to really want it.

Desire and will show up in many forms.

I know a young woman who loves to swim and has swum competitively for years. She annually attends state meets, and often wins her events.

Why?

She is dedicated to her sport and to pushing herself to be the best that she can be.

How is she able to do this? Because she has desire – she wants it. She has the will to succeed.

3. Ability

Will and ability go hand in hand.

Often, when I look to undergo a project, the first thing I have to ask myself is am I willing? Then I ask, do I have the desire to undertake this task? The third question is, do I believe I have the skills to succeed?

If the answer is no, don’t be deterred because we often need to learn new skills or get help when striving to succeed.

If that’s the case, are you willing to ask for help and get the support you need to take on this task?

I believe we can do anything that we set our minds to – if we want it badly enough. Everything can be figured out.

I learned this lesson when I began a school over a decade ago. I knew exactly what curriculum to use, the school’s philosophy and even the structure but had never run a business before. So I had to learn bookkeeping, budgeting, marketing, managing, and on and on.

Now I learn this daily in running an online company. There is so much happening in the tech world and of course, I need help! I have the will to succeed and the willingness to ask for help if I don’t know something.

4. Perseverance

It’s easy to think about will power as being directly connected to perseverance, that dogged trait of not giving up. Of getting up even when you don’t want to, of showing up even when you’re afraid.

How do we foster perseverance?

Like with everything, practice.

In some ways, procrastination is the opposite of perseverance and when I find myself wanting to avoid, I remember Robert Holden’s words on my Success Now calendar: “Procrastinate tomorrow.”

Will power is doing it anyway - even when you want to give up, even when it gets hard, or uncomfortable or scary.

It’s about following through until the task/job/meet is completed. It’s about staying focused, keeping your eyes on the prize and moving toward the goal line.

Will is a powerful key to living a successful life. It can propel you into new endeavors and help you stretch yourself with people, places and projects.

Becoming more aware of how will works in your life and strengthening that muscle can yield you amazing results!

Have fun!

What are you ready to undertake with YOUR will?

Leave me a comment below!

Hello Beautiful!

I watched a video over the weekend that a college student posted on YouTube. As she explains, she did a little social experiment in which she called different young men and women ‘beautiful.’

Seeing their faces transform at her words, I was reminded of the same thing happening to me not so long ago.

As a girl and young woman I never felt especially beautiful.

From the time I can remember, I struggled with being overweight. My parents were always on my case about what I ate, how much I weighed and, being sensitive, even a drop of criticism was too much for me.

I saw myself as flawed.

It didn’t matter that I had a pretty smile or wavy hair. I was fat, not as smart as the rest of my family and… simply, not good enough.

My lack of self-love and acceptance sent me down the slippery slope of drug abuse and uncontrollable binge eating until I decided to begin the work of healing myself.

First, I quit drugs at twenty. Then I began to tackle why I was emotionally eating. And guess what? It was to give myself love and nurturing.

After many years of working on this, I successfully healed myself by twenty-six. I got to a healthy weight without dieting, without “white knuckling” around food, without any addictive need to eat or check out from life.

But I still didn’t feel beautiful.

By the time I turned thirty, married and with one child, I began feeling undesirable. Slowly and overtime, my love life had grown stale and I was emotionally distancing myself from my husband. I actually began to feel old and unwanted.

A few years later, as I deepened my own inner growth and spiritual commitment, my marriage completely collapsed. At that point, I thought I would be single for the rest of my life.

The internal work I was doing, opened me up to a greater sense of love - of myself- and feeling beautiful in the eyes of God.

Around this time, I began a new job working for a kind and gentle man. We became colleagues, then friends, and then we fell in love.

He told me I was beautiful.

Those words woke up something inside of me. It was as if I'd forgotten that I was beautiful to people, too, and not just to God. But I had to believe them for myself.

I mean, I had to really believe them and not just hear them. This can only happen if we push judgment aside and open up to love, to self-love and to total self-acceptance. 

I share this story because many of us – both men and women- don’t believe we’re beautiful.

We compare ourselves to movie stars, judge ourselves against photo-shopped pictures in magazines and see every flaw, every wrinkle, every stretch mark.

His words helped remind me that I am beautiful both on the inside and out.

Now I tell myself how much I am loved, how much I love myself and how beautiful I am, every day!

How about you? Is there someone in your life who needs to hear that he or she is beautiful? When was the last time you said it?

Tell her.

Watch the smile spread across her face as she takes in your words, as she sees herself as if through your eyes, beautiful, whole, loved. See how her eyes radiate from within as she lights up, knowing that she is beautiful.

Words have the power to change lives.

Do you agree?

Leave me a comment below.

Watch the video on my Facebook page. Click Here

4 Qualities of a Healthy Emotional Risk Taker

When you look at the phrase, risk taker, what does it evoke in you?

Fear? Irresponsibility? Crazy?

Typically, we think about risks in terms of physical ones- athletes at the X Games- rushing down a mountain and flying over a jump. Or we think of people who take monetary risks, like gamblers betting insane amounts of money at the casino.

Risk takers are often seen as thrill seekers or irresponsible.

Yet most business people, especially entrepreneurs, are risk takers, too. If not for them, we wouldn’t have boutiques, microbreweries, smartphones and on and on...

There are healthy risks and unhealthy risks, so it’s about identifying how comfortable you are with risks – in every area of your life.

In 2004, I decided to start a school in the small town where I live. I’d been working in education for a decade, having taught at an international school in Hong Kong as well as a private school in Santa Monica, California. I also had two small children and wanted the best school for them.

I had no money so I took out a home equity loan on my house, found a church willing to rent classroom space and leapt. When I told my father my plan, he said; “Why don’t you just get a job at the local public school?”

His response was indicative of his comfort with risk, especially in the financial/business arena.

People are risk takers athletically, financially but also emotionally. And in my work, I’ve come to see how people can be healthy emotional risk takers.

What is that?

Being an emotional risk taker means that you’re willing to move beyond your comfort zone, willing to push through areas that cause emotional pain or a belief that is limiting you.

If you’re ready to be a healthy emotional risk taker, here are the qualities to foster:

1.     Open Mindedness

There’s a great Louise Hay affirmation where she talks about having a flexible mind. She says: “Just as living in a flexible body is more comfortable, so is living in a flexible mind.”

Think about open mindedness as the willingness to question. Is what you know, how you do something the only answer or is there another way to view it or do it?

2.     Look at Things Differently

Once you open your mind and consider other options, then you get to decide. Our lives are an accumulation of our choices. The only thing blocking you is your mind and your willingness to try something else. What would it take for you to decide differently?

3.     Quality of Fearlessness

This is the idea that you do it anyway. Lets face it, we’re all scared, but do you let the fear stop you or do you just go for it?

You can foster fearlessness by stepping out of your comfort zone. Speak those words of truth to a loved one, make that phone call to your parent, send that inquiry email.

Do it anyway. Even though you’re scared, even though you don’t want to, even though it feels uncomfortable.

Many of us are afraid of failure and so we don’t push ourselves. But the only way to grow is to move beyond the familiar.

4.      Impervious to Judgment

For many years, I worried about what other people thought of me. Did they like me? Was I doing what they wanted me to do? Until I realized that I was living my life for me, not for anyone else.

And honestly, why did I care what anyone else thought? I was letting that fear of being judged hamper my willingness to follow my dreams, to speak my truth.

Emotional risk takers are willing to do the hard work of digging in. They want to understand their behavior, how it negatively impacts them and are willing to look at things differently.

If an old pattern isn’t working anymore, are you willing to try another way?

Often the only way to do this is to walk through the pain.

One of my client’s marriage was falling apart. Together, we worked on her healing but that meant that she had to be willing to feel the sorrow and grief, to mourn the relationship. And we also created a plan of self care for her.

Alternatively, instead of walking through that pain, she could’ve remained stuck, entrenched in a lifestyle that was no longer serving her. She was miserable but because it was familiar, it felt comfortable.

Yet she chose to be a healthy emotional risk taker, to re-examine her life, her assumptions and beliefs. Doing this enabled her to choose again and re-create her life to really serve her as she is now.

After all, we always have the opportunity to go through life or grow through life. Being a healthy emotional risk taker enables you to embrace and grow in your life right now.

Let me know what YOU think! Leave me a comment below.

3 Ways To Have More Gratitude in Your Life

Of all 52 weeks in the year, this is the one when Americans reflect the most on gratitude.

It’s hard not to when you sit down at a beautifully decorated table, in front of a mouth watering feast that typically includes a succulent, roasted turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, candied yams, piping hot green bean casserole, chestnut stuffing, cranberry sauce… hungry?

Gratitude, just like delicious food, fills us up. Only it fills our souls not our bellies.

If you’re ready to use Thanksgiving as a springboard to deepen your gratitude practice, here are 3 ways:

1.     Attitude of Gratitude

Normally, when we think about gratitude and applying it into our lives, this is what we do.

Having an attitude of gratitude is all about appreciation for the things in your life. Many people make lists of what they’re grateful for. Yours might include: a reliable/new car, your job, family, health, etc. Perhaps you’re also grateful for the glorious sunset, an incredible piece of music, that sweet parking space!

Typically, adopting this attitude is a reaction, a response to life.

It’s choosing to look at the blessings you have in your life rather than all the things you don’t have or wish you had.

2.     Philosophy

If you want to go a step further, you can adopt a philosophy of gratitude. This becomes like an orientation, a way of experiencing life.

In a way, it’s a change of prepositions. It’s going from “to” to “for.” Here’s what I mean.

Most people believe that life happens to them. If this is your mindset, it’s easy to feel like a victim. You lost your seat on the bus. Your co-worker gossiped about you and now you feel awkward in the office. You can’t seem to land the job of your dreams.

When you change the preposition, it shifts the perspective. Life happens for you.

What opportunity has life brought you to learn and grow?

When we shift into thinking that the goal of earth school is to learn, then everyone and everything that happens is an opportunity for growth.

Now, when a conflict arises say, with someone at work, you can ask: What is the lesson in this for me? What do I need to learn?

Think about a person or situation that created conflict for you and look at it through this lens. How was it asking you to grow?

Was it about speaking your truth? Being in integrity? Asking for what you deserve? Setting healthy boundaries?

Adopting a philosophy of gratitude helps us experience thankfulness for our lives.

3.     Identity

The last and deepest place to go with gratitude is the notion that you can embody gratitude. That gratitude is you.

Think about these three attributes like layers. The attitude of gratitude is like the frosting, the outer shell. It’s how we begin to re-orient and see the world - by actively choosing what we focus on.

As you incorporate that “seeing” more and more into your life, then it evolves into a philosophy, a way of life. You see how every thing and everyone is an opportunity for growth and you have thanks for the learning.

Deepening your philosophy and moving through life with this new orientation, gratitude gradually become who you are until you’re actually identified with gratitude. Now gratitude is at your core level and it radiates out from you because it is you.

It’s the recognition that you are what you seek. It’s the celebration of life and the awe and wonder of being alive.

I am grateful to all of you and I wish you a happy and healthy holiday week and a beautiful Thanksgiving! Enjoy!

How are you celebrating this week? Leave me a comment below!

Pushing Through- 5 Tools to Achieve Your Goals

We all have dreams and goals.

The question is: How do you successfully achieve them?

Often, in order to attain your goals, you have to push yourself a little harder, a little bit more.

You have to move out of your comfort zone, and into a space of uncertainty, of unknowing.

When you come up to the edge of what you know, do or know how to do, it frequently feels scary, and kicks up insecurity, vulnerability or fear.

In spite of these scary feelings, how can you succeed anyway? How can you move into that next level of creativity, success, satisfaction or weight goal?

Here are Five Ideas to Help Get You There:

1.     Anger

Anger might seem like a counterintuitive emotion because normally we equate anger with hurting ourselves or hurting others. But here’s how anger can be channeled positively: Have you ever been furious that something didn’t work out for you?

Think about a time when you failed. Perhaps it was an experience where something didn’t go as you planned.

Last year I was going for a certification and needed to demonstrate my mastery of the technique. I was nervous because, like most people, I can be self-conscious AND the test required that I both memorize a procedure and the “exact” wording. My fear and insecurity got activated because I’m not a brilliant memorizer.

I’m sure you can guess what happened. I failed.

I walked out of the testing room fuming mad. I was angry at the test, at the person who developed it, at the entire workshop but mostly at myself.

What did I do?

Instead of turning that anger inward, feeling sorry for myself, and bolting to my car, I used the anger as fuel. Because here’s the thing with anger, when used correctly, it can provide an enormous adrenaline charge.

My fury propelled me into determination to pass. So I channeled all that frustration into focus and, twenty minutes later, re-took the test.

Think about a time when you’ve experienced anger – because things didn’t go as you expected -  and it launched you to take action.

This is exactly what I’m talking about.

2.     Insight

Have you ever had a moment of total clarity when suddenly you see exactly what you need to do? Having one of those a-ha moments can give you the momentum to move out of cloudiness or non-action into action.

Insight often comes when we least expect it (of course!) Steve Jobs loved to walk. Others find inspiration while driving. Some of us get clarity when we meditate, others from doodling.

Typically, our minds are in a state of rest, creativity or contemplation when insight strikes. So make sure to give yourself time for that to happen.

Go for a stroll, buy a coloring book or start a meditation practice.

3.     Support

Knowing that you aren’t alone can be a huge help in pushing through.

When I was in my early twenties, I was the assistant sales manager for a knitwear factory in Hong Kong. My job was in a heavily industrialized area far from central Hong Kong and, because I didn’t speak Chinese, there was little for me to do. (Looking back on it, I’m not sure why they hired me.)

I was depressed and frustrated. But because I was alone, I felt incapable of making a change. I internalized all that anger and gained thirty pounds.

Fortunately, my situation changed a few moths later when I bonded with a young British woman. We became fast friends and I finally was able to confess how much I hated my job. Having her there, knowing that I wasn’t alone, made all the difference. I quit and made a list of what I needed in my life. Soon I found a job teaching at an international school. 

All because I felt supported.

Where can you get support? Is there a spouse, friend or family member with whom you can speak honestly?

What kind of support do you need? A listening ear, a helping hand, a mastermind partner?

Make a list of people and what you need from them.

4.     Knowledge

We all know knowledge is power. When I feel scared about pushing myself, I seek out experts. I read, follow them on social media or talk face to face.

When I started my new company two years ago, I didn’t know anything about having an online business. So, I began researching and looking for guidance. It’s amazing, once we begin to ask, to look, what we can find!

There are so many online business experts, social media gurus and techies.

Where can you go to find the learning you need to push through? The library, a website, someone you know?

5.     Awareness

Ultimately everything comes down to this: Fostering awareness.

By choosing to be awake, aware and centered in your life, opens you up to see where you limit yourself and where you may need help, support, guidance or knowledge.

Cultivate awareness in every moment by learning to look at yourself objectively, as the observer. Where are you and where would you like to be?

Awareness comes with the breath. Breathe in quietly and ask – where am I stuck? Listen for an answer. And then ask? How can I push through?

Mindfulness is the art of awareness, paying attention, being fully present in life.

When we incorporate mindfulness into the equation, it offers us a way to get clarity, understanding and tools to manifest what we most desire. It also helps us effectively utilize all of the above tools.

The exciting news is that you have everything you need to succeed. Use these tools to help you accomplish your goals. The world needs you to be and feel successful! Get started today!

Let me know which ONE resonates most with you!

Leave me a comment below the form!

Your Life Is A Creative Venture

Lately I’ve been doing inventory.

I’ve been reflecting on my life and examining it by asking this question: Did I make that significant decision according to a set of rules, some kind of pre-ordained/ family inspired plan OR because it was truly and deeply something that I wanted to do for my own self growth?

Take a moment to look back at your life and ask yourself the same question.

Turns out that we make a lot of decisions based on: pleasing others, fulfilling expectations, because it’s the right thing to do or is what we’re “supposed” to do.

Ouch.

But when all is said and done, this is your life. 

It’s imperative – for you, your family, society and the world at large – for you to follow that innate knowing, that core inner voice that’s telling you what you really want to do. This voice that easily gets drowned out by all the shoulds and have-tos shouting around us.

Now is your time.

Give yourself permission to live a different way. And experience life as an exciting adventure.

I believe that we are co-creators of our lives. If you embrace this idea, then allow yourself to step into the role of creative director of your life!

We live in a world of infinite possibility. How exciting is that? Anything and everything is possible for you right now!

If you’ve decided that you don’t want to live by someone else’s rules, limitations or expectations, or perhaps you have had that creativity in your life but somehow lost it along the way, here’s how to get it back:

1. YOU Are In Charge

Embrace this idea that you are the co-creator of your life. Life is an active, creative process, one that we are manifesting and visioning into reality everyday. Think about all of the changes in technology – ipods, smartphones, apps. How did they all start? With an idea.

Your life is a creative process, too, so dream it into existence!

2. Get Really Clear

The first part of being a creator is to decide what you want. 

For many years, I didn’t know what I wanted and so I learned what I didn't want by doing lots of not so fun things. This method wasn't terribly effective and I don’t recommend it. It would have been much easier if I’d known what I'd wanted and gone for it!

Be clear on exactly what you want: a new job (where, doing what, earning how much…) The more specific you can be the easier it will manifest.

Then take focused action towards your goal. What can you do to move you towards getting that job? Write a resume, cover letter, email the company, get an internship, etc.

3.     Focus On The What

Our job is always to answer ONE question: What do you want?

Then we have to get out of the way.

We have no control over the how or even the when. Those are within the Universe’s domain.

I know this sounds hard, especially for those of us who are or were control freaks. But the most amazing part of this is once you do let go, the Universe works in ways you could never imagine from your current vantage point. I have been suprised over and over again by things that have manifested virtually out of thin air!

4.     Relax And Have Fun!

Life is meant to be enjoyed not toiled through. Doesn’t that feel so much better?

I spent years of my life under the harness of duty and obligation. It’s part of how I’m hardwired. The wonderful aspect of this is that it has always motivated me to be of service to humanity. The downside is I can get resentful when I do things because I should and not because I want to.

Now I still serve but in ways that also fuel me. I am happier, and my life is more fun and exciting.

Think about how you can enjoy this creative process of life – making it richer and fuller all the time. How could your life be even more fun?

Relax and know that if you focus on creating it, it will come.

Incorporate these 4 simple tools into your life planning, sit back and enjoy the ride!

Where are you going to start? Leave me a comment below!