Quit the Diet and Eat Mindfully: 5 Ways to Start Today

We all know diets don’t work. So why do we keep doing them?

Study after study proves people who diet gain back all the weight they lost and often gain even more. Now even neuroscience is confirming this.

Diets are a form of deprivation that our brains respond to by thinking we are starving and then slowing our metabolism rates which is why we plateau and don’t lose more weight.

I stopped dieting over twenty years ago.

In fact, I never even weigh myself. For most of my childhood, adolescence and into my twenties, I was an emotional binge eater. Whenever I felt anxiety, fear, stress or depression, I ate.

Throughout those years, I dieted almost non-stop and often did punishing exercise routines. My weight constantly fluctuated, mostly upwards. I weighed anywhere between thirty to fifty pounds more than I do now.

When I decided to stop dieting, I was faced with redefining my relationship with food. That was the only way I was going to heal myself.

And I did that by learning how to eat mindfully. 

If, like me, you’ve realized that diets don’t work and it’s time to create a new relationship with food, here are 5 ways to get started today.

1. Ground Into Your Body

Allow yourself to experience your physical self. I know this may be scary. For me, my body was the enemy – fat and embarrassing. I pretended it didn’t exist. Yet it did. I was walking around in it everyday.

Allow your awareness to come down into your body. Feel it.  Be in it. Breathe love into your physical body and ground yourself in the here and now.

2.  Check In

Once you’ve come down from your thoughts and feelings and into your physical body, ask yourself: Am I actually feeling physically hungry or do I just want to eat?

I used to eat so I didn’t have to feel negative emotions or deal with the stress of life.

As you check in, you are able to respond rather than react.

Maybe you aren’t really hungry but feel totally paralyzed with fear about what’s on the To-Do List. What can you do instead of eating?

Often, I go for a walk, talk to a friend, do artwork or take action of some kind.

3. Slow Down

After you’ve checked in with your body and discovered that you really are physically hungry, the next question is: What do I want to eat? What does my body need?

When you’ve decided what that is and have it ready, sit down.

Inhale the aroma. Take a bite and savor it.

Focus only on eating and allow yourself to be fully present, no distractions. No videos, movies, TV, social media or email. Take your time and fully enjoy this moment of eating.

4.  Thoughts

Pay attention to your thoughts while you’re eating. What are you saying to yourself? Are they kind words or unkind ones? Is the food pushing away fearful thoughts or are you congratulating yourself?

Allow yourself to hear those words – good or bad. Hearing them is the first step in healing them.

5. Judgment

Now that you’ve become aware of your thoughts, start keeping track. How many of them are judgments?

Things like: I can’t believe how fast I ate. I looked so bad on those pants. What’s wrong with me that I have this problem?

What steps could you take to stop judging yourself? What might that sound like instead?

Maybe the absence of judgment is silence or positive statements. Words such as: good job waiting until you were hungry to eat. Way to go on completing that project that was stressing you out. Your hair looks pretty today.

Judgment only hurts.

Mindfulness is about being in this moment, and allowing yourself to be fully present. Even if there is anxiety or discomfort. That means being in our bodies and in our heads, becoming like thought gardeners, vigilantly weeding out the negative ones.

Paying attention to your body and mind is the key to healthy eating habits, a positive mindset and a happy life. Use these tools and you’ll be well on your way to healing and health. 

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How To Get What You Really Desire

One of the best life lessons I ever learned was from Mike Dooley. He is the author of many inspirational books, published in 25 languages and offers a daily email service called Notes from the Universe which can be found on his website, TUT.com.

In these daily emails, Dooley is constantly reminding us that our only job is to focus on the what.

What?

No, this isn’t an Abbott & Costello routine. I’m not about to ask who’s on first.

This is a real-life truth.

Here’s how it works. When you think about your life- vision your future, focus on it and set intentions- ask yourself this ONE question:

What do I want?

Your heart knows.

Maybe it's to be a mother, an artist, a filmmaker, storyteller, designer, teacher, coder, engineer.

Whatever it is that you really want, allow that to be your focus.

Be as detailed as possible. Paint the picture, See it, feel it, imagine it, act as if it has already occurred.

Yes, you are now driving that red Tesla. How does it feel? I see you with a gorgeous baby in your arms. What’s that like? You’re living in a gracious new home, satisfied? Is that you, holding your award winning jewelry design? Are you proud?

Look, your bank account has over a million dollars from your incredible computer skills! And that best selling book – well, it’s right there, on Amazon’s home page!

Really see it, then feel it and believe it.

Don’t worry about how it’s going to occur.

As Mike Dooley says, that’s God’s job. (If you’re uncomfortable with the word God, use: the Universe, source or any name you prefer.)

So often we forget.

We decide what we want and then go about trying to figure out when and how it’s going to happen.

But here’s the thing. We only see our little piece of the puzzle. We don’t get to view the master plan. There is no way we can anticipate the hundreds of things that can happen. All of these unseen moving parts are simply not in our awareness right now.

This is why it’s impossible for us to control the how – even when we want to, even when we feel the need to, even when we are doing it.

When you find yourself trying to create a specific outcome, that’s when you have to come back to remembering.

The WHAT is my job and the HOW is God’s job.

Sometimes the most profound life lessons seem so simple and that’s when we want to complicate them.

Don’t.

Simply focus on your job – asking the question – What do I want?

The next time doubt floods your mind or anxiety takes the reins and you feel like your dream will never come to fruition, come back to this reminder. Focus only on what you want. Your job is to figure out EXACTLY what you desire.

Be like a laser – see it happening, feel the pride, satisfaction and relief from that incredible accomplishment. And know that the Universe/God/source has your back. It’s all going to happen. 

Tell me what you really want! Let us help to hold the vision for you!

Leave your comment below.

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Set Yourself Free: 2 Great Tools To Forgive

There are a lot of misconceptions about forgiveness.

People often think if they forgive, then it excuses behavior or absolves someone. But that isn’t true. Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting

When I hold on to resentment, anger or a grievance, who suffers? I do. I feel it. Maybe the person with whom I have a conflict isn’t even aware of how I feel. Perhaps they don’t even know they’ve slighted me.

Forgiveness is an act of generosity. It is the willingness to let go of a wrong, release a past hurt or an unmet expectation.

Holding on to a grievance keeps us stuck in the past and feeling like a victim. Instead, if we come from a place of love, forgiveness can set us free, allow us to live in the present and open up to joy.

When we're on a spiritual path, we choose to lead from the heart and not the head.

We want to be loving, kind, generous and magnanimous. If we hold anger, resentment or unresolved feelings, it prevents us from accessing that place of compassion and empathy.

On a soul level, we forgive because we know that duality doesn’t really exist. There is ultimately no separation between you and me.

We are all one. So as I forgive, I heal myself.

When you decide to come from a place of love, the next question is how.

Forgiveness.

If you’re ready, even willing to undertake this process, here are 2 great tools:

1.  Ho’oponopono

This is a traditional Hawaiian process that has been translated as “to make right” and is often used in conflict resolution. The idea it is that we are making right with our life, our relatives – both past and present- and cleaning the karmic slate.

This technique is simple to do and requires that you walk through 4 basic steps.

• “I’m Sorry” – You can think about a person, situation or issue and seek repentance
• “Please Forgive Me” – The next step is to actively ask for forgiveness
• “Thank You” – In the third step, we recognize our gratitude for the situation and the learning opportunity
•  “I Love You” – Lastly, we remember to return to love, to come back to the source of all and access that place

2.     The Four Most Important Things

In 1994, Ira Byock, a hospice doctor, wrote a book about living that encourages forgiveness. Having been a hospice social worker myself, I immediately saw the importance, power and relevance of doing this work.

As Dr. Byock suggests, don’t wait until your loved one is at death’s door to say what you need to, do it now.

His list looks like this:

• Please Forgive Me
• I Forgive You
•  I Love You
•  Thank You

When I learned about his book, I was working at hospice and a few months later, my sister, who had metastasized breast cancer, was told by her oncologist that her liver was shutting down. I was now no different than the caregivers I’d been counseling and knew that I wanted to do forgiveness work with her.

In early June, I flew up to Washington DC determined to say these four statements.

I love you was easy. I did genuinely love my sister. We’d had our ups and downs as most siblings do, and despite her eccentricities, I really loved her.

Thank you was also effortless. I had tremendous gratitude for her, especially throughout our early years when we'd frequently moved- different schools, new friends. Throughout it all, Melissa was my constant companion. 

Third, I asked her to forgive me. I hadn’t always been the kindest or most loving big sister. I’d lied to her, excluded her from playing with my friends, even bit her on the back once. I wanted her to know that I was sincerely apologetic for being mean.

But the last one – telling her that I forgave her- I could not say out loud.

I did, of course forgive her, because she'd also been a challenging sister, but the words wouldn’t come out. Each time I imagined saying “I forgive you,” they got caught in my throat as I heard her ask, “for what?”

A week later, I flew home, and back to school and work.

Walking into the hospice office, I went directly to my supervisor. “I’m trying to do the forgiveness work with my sister, Melissa. I asked for forgiveness, told her thank you and I love you but I couldn’t tell her, 'I forgive you'.”

My supervisor patted my hand. “You’ll know what to say.” She looked away and then back at me.

“Maybe you need to forgive her for being sick.”

I stared at her, stunned. I hadn’t even thought about forgiving Melissa for that. I wasn’t angry and didn’t blame her.

The next visit-which turned out to be the last- I was ready. I lay down next to her and said, “I just want you to know that I forgive you for getting sick.” The look of anguish in her eyes told me that my supervisor had been absolutely right.

Melissa had so much guilt about leaving me alone to deal with my parents’ old age and dying. Now she could go in peace.

Words have power.

Use these tools to help you resolve any ill will or past grievance you have with anyone. Set yourself free and live from a place of love and lasting happiness. Forgiveness is the key to true spiritual evolution. Unlock the door now.

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10 Reasons To Meditate

In 1997, I officially began a meditation practice.

At the time, I was receiving acupuncture for a physical condition and my practitioner and I soon became friends, sharing interests in film, politics and spirituality.

One day when speaking about a recent visit from the Dalai Lama, my acupuncturist friend looked at me and said, “you really need to meditate.”

I knew her words were meant as encouragement, but I was scared and quickly made an excuse. “I don’t have time.” I had a 3 year-old, a full time job and a long commute...

She ignored my excuses. “You have to make time.”

What could I say?

So I heeded her words and created a sacred space.

Today, nearly twenty years later, I look forward to sitting in the morning and honestly, cannot imagine my life without it.

Here are the top 10 reasons I meditate:

1. Meditation allows me to be proactive.

I become a co-creator in my life instead of feeling like a victim of circumstance. From this space, I can see that life happens for me instead of to me. I can vision my future.

2. Creates a Cushion

Meditation gives me space, like an energetic bubble around me, so I don’t feel everything as intensely and take the world too seriously. Being a sensitive person this has been a huge boon and has helped me show up in a more loving, less fearful way.

3. Presence

As I continue to strengthen the muscle of meditation, I find that I'm increasingly more present in every moment of my life. When someone speaks to me, I listen to what they are saying instead of hearing the constant chatter of my own mind. When I drive, I see the cars, the pollen on my windshield, the sun beaming down on me. I genuinely experience and live life. 

4. Respond

My meditation practice allows me to respond rather than react to people, situations and issues. In other words, I hear or experience something and (usually) don’t immediately jump into the drama or chaos. Instead, I can respond from a place of peace and calm.

5. Clarity

Sometimes I have questions about my life – what to do or how to proceed. Meditation helps me explore these ideas and get answers and insight.

6. Goals for the Day

When I sit in the morning, I set intentions. How do I want this day to be? How would I like to feel? What would I like to accomplish?

7. Trust

As I deepen my practice I trust more in a higher consciousness/God/the Universe. This helps me release fear. And as I open to this space of grace, I'm guided by this higher consciousness.

8. De-Stressor

Meditation helps me deal with stress. Whenever I experience a stressful experience, I can begin conscious breathing and my heart rate and blood pressure immediately drop. This practice helps ground me back into the moment and into my body.

9. Relaxation

Meditation alleviates anxiety and gives me a space to relax. The silent place of meditation is like a refuge, a place of peace and rejuvenation. A space that restores and renews me. It is both incredibly relaxing and energizing.

10. Prayer Remedies Helplessness

Sometimes the pain and suffering of our world can feel overwhelming. This is when prayer comes in. I pray for peace, for sustainability, for healing. Then I feel like I'm contributing to the well being of our planet.

Meditation is transformative. It is the ONE thing you can do to truly create lasting change in your life, connect more deeply to your true nature and be fully present in your life.

If you’re ready to start your practice, or even deepen it, check out my free meditation guide here!

AND share ONE reason YOU love meditation BELOW!

Why Archetypes Matter & How to Use Them

Since I was a girl, I’ve been obsessed with myths and legends, the hero’s journey and the fight between good and evil.

When I got into college, I discovered Carl Jung and his work on both the collective unconscious and archetypes.

Don’t stop reading because this sounds too heady – I promise it isn’t.

Recently, I dove back into learning more about archetypes because I realized they play a huge roll in our lives. They influence us in seen and unseen ways and I wanted clarity about which ones were influencing me and how I could both recognize and harness them.

This inspired me to read Caroline Myss’ book, Sacred Contracts. In it, she shares that we all have 12 archetypes playing out in our lives. I think of them like guardians.

One of the things she claims, is that we ALL share four. Meaning that out of the twelve we all have the exact same four, (the other eight could be any of a list of over a hundred.)

The four we all have are: the child, the victim, the prostitute and the saboteur.

Before I get carried away, let’s back up.

What exactly is an archetype?

An archetype can be thought of as a prototype, a model or the original on which others things are built or influenced.

Carl Jung popularized the concept of archetype in his book, The Structure of the Psyche. He describes archetypes as being universal models of people, ways of being/acting (personality). He believed that these archetypes inhabit our dreams and, what he called, the collective unconscious.

“Archetypes constitute the structure of the collective unconscious - they are psychic innate dispositions to experience and represent basic human behavior and situations. Thus mother-child relationship is governed by the mother archetype. Father-child - by the father archetype.” Carl-Jung.net

We all share this collective unconscious. Meaning that everyone, regardless of nationality, race, creed or ethnicity, tap into this universal energy and are influenced by the same archetypes.

Have you ever seen tarot cards?

Many of the symbols on them are archetypes. Think about: the king, queen, prince, princess, magician (sorcerer/wise woman), hermit, seeker (wanderer), lover, gambler, midas/miser, monk, mother, father, etc.

How do archetypes show up in your life?

What Jung, Tarot card readers and intuitive healers (like Caroline Myss) say, is that these guides influence our lives. They affect how we respond in situations and motivate us.

As Myss says, “Archetypes are your energy guides to your highest potential.”

This is why I wanted to understand them more.

Here’s a more detailed description of the four we all share:

1. Child

Of course we all share the child. Why? Because we’ve all been one. It’s part of the human experience. According to Myss, there are different ways the child can show up in us.

• Wounded, abandoned, neglected, orphaned, dependent – How did what happened to you as a child still play a role in your life or scar you? Are you still needy or expecting to be taken care of?

•  Innocent / magical /nature / divine – This is the purity of the child. How they see that anything is possible and are open to the magic of the world. When you can tap into this, you tap into pure creativity.

Our journey to health and adulthood is to overcome dependence and wounded-ness and move to independence, openness and channeling that creativity.

Going beyond the wounded/abandoned child allows you to connect in a healthy way with your own innocence.

2. Victim

We all know what a victim is and have all felt like one in our lives. We feel like victims when we have no power or control.

As we emerge into adulthood, we can shed the victim by creating healthy boundaries and by asserting our own power.

We do this by standing up for ourselves, speaking our truth, living our passion, etc. How you see yourself and your relationship with the victim archetype, is, according to Myss, a dive into self esteem.

3. Prostitute

I love how Myss describes this. Don’t think about it how we normally define the word. Instead, explore it as where you compromise your values or sell out.

A really easy way to see this is to tune in to the American presidential primaries. What is a candidate willing to sacrifice (in terms of values or beliefs) for votes?

For the rest of us, the prostitute archetype comes into play when our basic survival is jeopardized. Makes sense, right?

The prostitute, according to Myss, is present to test our faith.  For when we genuinely have faith, we are not for sale.

4. Saboteur

I cringed when I saw that I had this one. Ugh.

In the negative, it acts to disrupt plans, dreams, intentions. It is how we get in our own way. For me, it’s about sometimes flaking out and not finishing things.

How does it show up for you?

In the positive, the sabotuer can be the impetus, the drive to push us forward, to help us listen to our own intuition.

Ultimately, the saboteur helps us see how we experience change in our lives and our willingness to deal with it.

Myss’ book, Sacred Contracts, really opened my eyes to how these four work in my life. It also inspired me to dive in and determine what my other eight were and understand how they influence me.

I’m infinitely curious about life, how to live it and succeed. The more we bring into the light and move from the unconscious to the conscious, the more power we have to impact our lives positively and fulfill our deepest wishes and desires.

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And here are some great sources for you about archetypes:

http://www.myss.com

http://www.clarissapinkolaestes.com

http://www.jcf.org

http://carl-jung.net

http://www.jeanbolen.com/

3 Ways Spiritual Work Helps with Life & Death

Last weekend I attended a memorial service for a woman I’d known for fifteen years.

It’s a story you’ve all heard before. She was fine, couldn’t get rid of a cough, went to the doctor and received a stage IV cancer diagnosis.

I sat in the crowd, surrounded by people who loved her, and was reminded of a memorial service I attended twenty years ago, when I had just begun my spiritual practice.

My brother’s best friend had hung himself. It was a tragedy and everyone was shocked. I happened to be in New York and was able to attend the service.

As I walked uptown to the venue, I was nervous. I’d known this young man well and was both shocked and saddened by the loss. What could I say to his family? Truth is, we’re all uncomfortable with death. We avoid thinking about it, looking at it, talking about it.

Then I heard my meditation teacher’s words echo as my feet hit the pavement. “We do spiritual work to deal with death.”

What exactly did she mean?

I contemplated her words the whole walk there and when I arrived, I understood.

1.  We are Not a Body

The primary reason that we are afraid of death is because we think it’s the end. It certainly is the end for our physical bodies and for our egos, but not the soul. For that part of us is eternal.

When we believe that we are more than a body, death ceases to have that terrifying hold. Instead, we can see it as a doorway through which we walk. Some call it a release. And if you’ve ever seen a corpse, you know that the person you loved is clearly not there anymore.

We are spirit beings have a human experience.

2.  Live Today As If it’s Your Last Day on Earth

I first read this idea in a Buddhist text. Initially, I thought it was morbid - this day, my last? Back then, I was in my early 20s, and my life sprawled out in front of me. But as I sat with the idea more, it dawned on me that the point was to truly live this day. Feel this day, embrace today.

It’s so easy to procrastinate and think, “I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll tell her next week.” But what if next week never comes? As Happiness guru, Robert Holden reminds us. “Procrastinate tomorrow.” And live today to the fullest.

Be one hundred percent in with everything and everybody.

One of the reminders we get when a loved one dies is to come back to that, how precious every moment of life is. And to remember to really live this day.

“It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth - and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up - that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.” Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

3. The Fear of Death Prevents Us from Actually Living

As I dove into understanding my life and purpose, I began to see how much I was afraid of living and this was intricately tied to the fear of death.

This propelled me into wanting to make peace with death, to greet it not from a place of anxiety but as an opportunity for a new adventure.

Truth be told, no one wants to suffer and the thought of writhing in pain, or experiencing some kind of horrific ordeal is not what anyone, including me, wants.

Yet all of us at some point, sooner or later, has to recognize that we will die. It is not an if, it is a when. And as we accept that notion, that part of us is finite, we open up more to life.

As Carl Rogers says, "You can't possibly be afraid of death, really you can only be afraid of life."

People frequently write and speak about the power of meditation and spiritual work to help us live more full and complete lives with increased awareness and presence. And one of the most significant ways this work manifests in our lives is in helping us embrace death as much as we embrace life.

It allows us to accept death as part of life’s sacred journey, to know that there isn’t anything to be afraid of, that death isn’t really the end but simply a doorway into the next reality. As Socrates eloquently stated:

To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils.

Let me know if this helps - leave a thought below!

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5 Reasons Traveling Feeds Your Soul

I have to confess, I’m a nomad at heart.

Sometimes I even fantasize about wandering the globe, staying in Tahiti a month, off to New Zealand for half the year then slowly hopping my way around the world.

But life has a way of rooting us to a spot. Maybe it’s a family obligation – taking care of an ailing parent or raising children. It could be a job, familiarity or simply, convenience.

Whatever the reason you have for staying in a place, make sure to schedule time away to explore a new city or to simply relax. We all need it – our bodies, minds, and psyches.

Being away from home feeds our souls. Here’s how:

1. Disconnect

Taking yourself out of the normal day-to-day routine of life allows you to unplug in a way a “stay-cation” doesn’t. Let’s face it, if you’re home, there’s always something to do: cleaning, laundry, home repair. On vacation, none of that applies. Someone else will do it all. Your only job is to have fun.

2. Step Out of Work Mode

A holiday provides time for your body and mind to relax. We live in a work obsessed culture so we get tricked into thinking that we don’t need down time. But we all do. Studies have even shown that taking a vacation makes you a more productive worker.

Schedule in that time to go away and relax.

3. Reflection

Being removed from your normal every day existence gives you a fresh perspective on life. As a friend of mine used to say, “you can view the mountain from the plain.”

In the daily slog of life, it’s easy to get caught always looking at the next step up the trail, the next thing on the to-do list. Moving out of that allows us to see the broader picture of our lives, where we are and where we want to go.

4. Creativity

Getting out of the normal routine and into a vacation or holiday space, is an invitation to open up to your own creative mind.

Creativity is hard to manufacture on demand.

It needs space and time. Watch how walking along the beach, swimming, sailing or lying in the sun can stimulate your creative juices. Maybe you’ll solve a problem that’s been vexing you at work or will see an easier way to systemize a program.

5. Play Time

Going away is an instant invitation to play.

When we think of play, we think of children. But really, we are all children at heart and that part of us can get really suppressed under all the duty, obligation and stress of being an adult. We put on the “serious” mask.

Vacation is a time to leave that aspect of you at home and reconnect with the inner child who needs to play, dance, skip and sing.

Convinced? Great! Get started planning your next trip today!

Let me know where you're going! Jot it down below. Your body and soul will thank you.

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Self Love or Shame?

I’m a big fan of Brené Brown because she’s willing to research topics that no one wants to talk about, like shame. One of my favorite books of hers is Daring Greatly.

In it, Brown says that shame needs three things to grow: silence, secrecy and judgment.

We all have shame, those places inside where we feel bad about ourselves, unworthy, embarrassed, ashamed.

I used to have a lot of shame around my body. I learned from reading Daring Greatly that this – our bodies – is the #1 shame trigger for ALL women!

When I was a binge eater, I was embarrassed both by my body but also by my behavior.

There were many lonely evenings when I’d buy a pound of peanut M&Ms or a packet of Oreo cookies and inhale the entire bag in an hour. I was ashamed that I had no control, that I'd consumed so much food like a vacuum.

Years after I overcame my eating disorder, I met my spiritual teacher, Ma Jaya. She was a wonderful storyteller and I especially enjoyed the stories about her early life, living in Brooklyn, married to a tough Italian man.

Back then, Ma was also overweight and (like many women) was perpetually on a diet. One night, she was enjoying her dinner when her husband made a wise crack, “eat a little more.”

After that, she stopped eating in front of him.

Instead, she’d hide a loaf of Italian bread in the bathroom. When dinner was over, she’d bring the salad bowl with all the leftover oil and vinegar with her into the bathroom and soak the bread in it, scarfing down the entire loaf.

Listening to her, I could relate. She was me. I never wanted anyone to see me binge eat. I always did that alone.

But she was also NOT me.

Even though she wanted to be thinner, she always raved about how gorgeous she was back then – voluptuous, sexy. She had no shame. She simply loved herself skinny and fat.

What about you?

Is there a part of you that you disown? An aspect of who you are that makes you feel ashamed?

I know people who are embarrassed because of their sexual orientation, because they don’t feel smart or intelligent, because they can’t stay sober, because they have dyslexia, OCD or ADHD.

Instead of ignoring that part of you, or pushing it away, can you pour love and light into it?

We do this by accepting it, by loving it, embracing it and opening up about it. When we share how we feel flawed, broken, or imperfect with someone we really trust, it helps heal us.

Empathy destroys shame.

How would that feel?

When I read Brené Brown’s book, it set me free. Why? Because I realized that the places where I judge myself or feel shame are so often the same ones that we all do.

Once I saw that these “flaws” weren’t really specific to me, it seemed silly to hold on to them anymore.

After all, we are spirit beings having a human experience. And I’m resolved to make this the best one ever – and that means loving ALL of me!

What do you think? Are you in? Share one thing you're ready to release!

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Why Changing You Changes the World

Have you ever felt like you were on a mission to save the world? A super hero or advocate fighting to rescue the planet from total destruction?

That was me. And my mission was to save the earth singlehandedly, or at least that’s what I envisioned as a naïve 21 year-old.

I saw myself equipped with a massive vacuum able to suck up all the excess carbon from the air, replant trees on clear cut mountainsides, recycle all plastics, metals. You get the idea.

But then life took me to Asia.

There, I was surrounded by skyscrapers and asphalt in a smelly, dirty city, where millions of gallons of raw sewage flushed into the ocean every day. I wasn’t a trained engineer and I didn’t speak Chinese.

So much for being an environmental activist. No one would hire me to do that.

After my plans dead ended, I found myself face to face with me. There was only one thing left to do. Heal myself.

But the amazing thing I learned was that by healing me, I am healing the planet.

Here’s why:

1.  We Are All Connected

I believe that we are all God, that God is everything we see and don’t see – humans, rocks, trees, ether, air, fire. God is me and God is you. We are all one. If I heal myself than, because I am part of the whole, it helps heal everything.

2. Reverberations Through The Collective

Our thoughts, feelings and emotions echo out into the Universe and directly impact it. When we choose loving thoughts, healing thoughts, kind thoughts, it helps uplift the collective. These positive vibrations also help counteract the chaos and violence others may be thinking or doing. As Wayne Dyer writes in The Power of Intention:

“[Connectors] even go so far as to tell you that imbalances in the earth such as earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and extreme weather patterns are the result of a collective imbalance in human consciousness. They'll remind you that our bodies are made up of the same materials as the earth, that the fluid that comprises 98 percent of our blood was once ocean water, and that the minerals in our bones were components of the finite supply of minerals in the earth. They view themselves as one with the planet, and feel a responsibility to stay in balanced harmony with the field of intention to help to stabilize and harmonize the forces of the universe that can get out of balance when we live from excessive ego. They'll tell you that all thoughts, feelings, and emotions are vibrations, and that the frequency of these vibrations can create disturbances - not only in ourselves, but in everything that's made of the same materials.”

3. The Inner Reflects the Outer

A Course in Miracles says, “I have invented the world I see.” In other words, the world is an effect that you create with your thoughts. When we hold fear, hatred, violence in our minds, we create it around us in our lives. As you heal your mind and thoughts, you create a more peaceful world.

4. Control Over Me

Ultimately, I can only change me - my thoughts, my responses, my actions. I choose to be more aware and conscious in my daily life and this requires a shift from old habits to new ones. Like incorporating supportive practices such as meditation, exercise, and healthy eating.

I can also decide to live more sustainably by changing light bulbs, reducing energy and water consumption, recycling, volunteering and donating to charity,

5.  Be the Model

It’s so much easier to live the life you want others to exemplify and it’s way more fun than telling people what to do. Because, let’s face it, that never works.

Instead, model who you want others to be with your thoughts, and words as well as with your deeds. As you shift and re-create you, it will inspire those around you. You’ll see!

I still care deeply about our planet and its health. I recycle and bring reusable bags to the store, send emails and money to causes I support.

I also pray daily for our planet to be in peace; for all sentient beings to be free from suffering and have adequate food, clothing, shelter and habitat; that we shift to a paradigm of sustainably and choose love over fear.  And I keep working on me – my thoughts and responses. What do you think? Ready to take off the cape and look in the mirror?

Can you relate? Share your a-ha below!

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Writing Your Life Into Existence

Since I was a girl, I’ve always loved stories.

In fact, reading was my big escape. Many afternoons, I’d hang out in my room and devour books, from Judy Bloom to Nancy Drew to Madeleine L’engle.

Even now – one of my favorite past times is to curl up with a good novel.

I’m the kind of person who resonates with stories, they speak to me, teach lessons, convey truths. Maybe it’s the artist in me, the one who sees the world through symbols and metaphors. Imagery speaks louder to me than text.

The more I step into being a storyteller myself, though, the more I see that WE ALL are.

Everyday we create our life through our thoughts, choices and decisions. After all, what is our life’s journey if not a story?

Your life can be an adventure, a romance, a magnificent epic or a depressing tragedy. And the exciting news is that we get to participate not just in acting it out but in creating it in the first place.

Because here is one of the great secrets that hardly anyone knows: we are ALL the co-authors of our lives, we get to write our lives into existence.

We get to decide.

My guru would often say that we (as individuals) must consume the world or the world will consume us. I think about writing our life into existence the same way.

Is life – all these outside forces – like family, obligation, society, fear- telling you where to go and what to do? Or are you consciously deciding for yourself?

Someone is writing your life into existence and if it isn’t you, maybe it’s time to ask who is. Could it be a parent, a partner, your unconscious?

If you’re ready to take the pen in hand, here are 3 simple ways to get started:

1. Vision

Everything starts with a spark, a purpose, a focal point. Where do you see yourself going? What is your big dream? Is it to be the head of a department, start your own clothing line, become a professional golfer? Whatever it is, get clear and write it down.

2.  Affirm your Vision Daily with Words and Feelings

Once you have your direction, speak it out loud every day. It’s critical to see it, feel it and act as if it has already occurred.

Here’s an example.

Perhaps you want to create a new pottery studio. Every day, you say out loud- with strong feeling- your vision: “I see my pottery studio on Flamingo Lane, open and doing a thriving business, making at least $2500 a week in sales. I have ample help so I can spend the bulk of my days throwing pots and glazing them. Our classes are full and the memberships bring in an additional $5,000 a month.”

3. Write It Down

Some people journal daily, others weekly. Whatever schedule works for you, be sure to commit and do it consistently.

This activity is literally writing your life into existence with as much detail as possible.

Think about it as your way to put down everything you wish you had, you yearn for, you want to manifest in your life. Allow yourself to unleash your creativity and let it flow. Want to dog mush in Alaska? Write it down! See yourself there.

There’s nothing to stop you- just let the pen take you away into your wildest fantasies of success, happiness and prosperity.

I love thinking about my life as a story. I’m the hero and the author. And so are you! Get started today and begin writing your magnificent life into existence. Create, manifest and reveal the life you want, the life that is waiting for you. It's time.

Tell ME how YOU'RE gonna start!  Leave me a note below!

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Living the Dream

Have you ever had a person in your life who saw your inner beauty, your soul radiance?

I have.

One of the first times this happened, was when I lived in Hong Kong. I was in my early twenties, struggling to find my way as an adult, and living 10,000 miles away from my family, friends and culture.

I admit it, I was lonely and scared.

Six months later, I met Diana, a young woman from the U.K., and we instantly bonded. As I got to know her story, I soon discovered that she was in need of healing as much as I was.

But Diana’s challenges were not mine.

She was model material and looked like a Roman goddess with her shapely tan figure and aquiline silhouette. She was a water nymph, forever running around in a bikini, sun bathing and swimming in the warm ocean. In my eyes, she was the epitome of beautiful.

Not only that, but she oozed confidence.

She was a master painter and earned her living on commissions for oils. Her work reminded me of the classic art I’d studied both as an undergraduate and then in Italy. It could have hung in museums next to Ingres or David.

Meanwhile, I was dreadfully unhappy. Not only did I have no clue what I wanted to do, I didn’t even really know how to live a healthy life. Since arriving in Hong Kong six months earlier, I’d worked a job I loathed in a factory in the most polluted district in the territories. 

Because I was afraid and alone, I’d buried all my fear and anxiety under mountains of food and had gained another forty pounds. To make matters worse, I’d then shaved off all of my long blond locks in an effort to “expose” myself and stop hiding. I now resembled a Buddhist nun.

Looking back, I can say that I was deeply immersed in a “dark night of the ego.”

I was shedding aspects of myself, questioning who I was, trying to make sense of the world. But I didn’t know how to walk through the process and felt both alone and petrified.

Despite being only twenty, Diana had a timeless wisdom. She immediately saw through the extra pounds, the glasses, the shorn hair, straight to my essence, to my inner beauty.

Not only that, she saw through my self hatred and shame. And instead spoke to the inner radiant goddess that dwelled inside of me. Her ability to hold me in that space helped me crack out of my own self judgment, emotionally buoyed me and gave me the confidence I needed to take real action.

With her support, I got clear about what I must have in my life. Then I began to make the changes I desperately needed. First, I quit my job and within two months found a new one that fit all my criteria. Next I moved house.

As I acted, I began to claim my power. All because she saw me when I couldn't see it for myself

Is there someone in your life who sees your magnificence?

Someone who can hold the space and knows who you are in the world?

I currently have a Master Mind partner who does this for me. I paint a picture of how I want my life to unfold, how I want to show up in the world, and she not only sees it, she cheers me on, builds it up, brainstorms with me to make that vision manifest.

We all need these light-holders, these love seers in our lives.

Who is doing that for you?

Is it a best friend, a relative, a pastor, coach or therapist?

Take inventory. Look around at your support system, at who surrounds you. Are these folks backing you up, validating your dreams, and helping to elevate you?

If so, you’re in good hands. Because here’s the thing: We can’t do it alone. We need help, we need support, we need cheerleaders.

If you don’t have a team or a trusted confidante, think about who around you could be one. Is there someone you really trust? Or someone you admire that you could reach out to?

We all have greatness within us but it can be hard for us to see it in ourselves. That’s why we need encouragement, support and that special person, seeing us in all our glorious magnificence to help us reach for the stars.

Who holds your dreams?

Share your story with me by leaving a comment below.

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Before I Die, I want to...

Is there anything you want to do before you die?

I found myself contemplating this question recently as I watched a TED video of the artist Candy Chang. She shared about creating an interactive chalkboard mural in New Orleans entitled; “Before I Die, I want to…”

The wall invited people to write what they want to do before they die.

I ask my clients that same question because it’s too easy to speed through life. You’re in the fast lane with your great job, family, home. But is it actually what you want?

What would you like to do, see, become?

I don’t ask to be morbid. I ask to ensure that your compass is set straight. Orienting you toward what you really want.

I learned this firsthand in 2010, when I worked as a hospice social worker.

I was challenged to look death, life and pain square in the face. My patients were facing imminent demise and they all had at least one regret. The most common of these are:

1.  To have lived a life more true to myself, not the life others expected of me

2. To have not worked so hard

3. To have boldly expressed my feelings

4. To have stayed in touch with my friends

5. To have been happier

Working at hospice taught me compassion and reminded me of the promise I’d made to myself as a twenty year old.

Back in college, my friends and I often read Henry David Thoreau. One summer, we even drove to Concord in the wee hours to skinny dip in Walden Pond.

I floated in that warm, velvety water, gazed up into the star studded sky and swore that I would “live deliberately.” I wanted to learn life’s essential lessons because I knew more than anything that I did not want to “come to die and discover that I had not lived.”

In 2010, I made a renewed agreement with myself to do just that.

What about you?

This is YOUR life to live. Be sure that you do everything you want.

How can you listen and respond to your heart’s desires?

1.  Make a list of everything you want to do, experience, feel, become before you die

Some people call this a bucket list. Maybe for you, it’s simply a To Do List.

2. Start scheduling them right now!

Some are simple and easy, like phone calls to old friends, a visit to a relative. How about a romantic date?

Others might take some planning and saving. Could you go on a camping trip with the kids? How about an inexpensive cruise? Would you be willing to go back to school? How about writing that book?

Think about this as a way to re-orient yourself by making time for the things that really matter to you. After all, life is happening right now.

Those dreams live inside of you and yearn to be expressed. Take advantage of today and carpe diem! Please don’t be one of those people who come to die only to discover that they never really lived.

Be bold, be brave – get out there and enjoy!

Tell me ONE thing you're going to do THIS week!

Leave me a comment below.

Watch the video that inspired me!

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3 Simple Tools for Creating A Future YOU Want

Do you want to keep living the life you’ve always led or are you ready to shift into a new way and a new life?

Choosing to live your life’s purpose, requires you to undo much of what you’ve been taught. After all, you want to create a future different from the past.

So how do you do that?

1.  Forgiveness

 As A Course In Miracles tells us, forgiveness is our only true function. Forgiveness, however, is one of those things that sounds easy but can actually be hard.

A strategy that’s really helped me with this, is the recognition that the person I want to forgive - a former boss, parent, acquaintance - was actually doing his or her best in that moment.

Here’s an example.

My father was completely emotionally absent during my childhood. There were times when I hated him for that, for not paying attention, not seeming to care, not showing me that he loved me in a way I could understand (hugs, praise.)

In my early 20s, I decided I wanted to shift our relationship, from a child / adult one to an adult / adult one. But I quickly discovered that in order to do this, I had to accept him just as he was, imperfect, critical and sometimes really annoying.

As I let go of my disappointment that he wasn’t who I needed or wanted him to be, (a caring, positive presence in my life), I began to see that even if he’d wanted to, he just couldn’t. He wasn’t capable of it. He’d been so wounded by his family that he simply couldn’t show up any other way.

And then I saw that he was trying his best.

It may have been limited but it wasn’t personal or intentional. It was all he could do. At that moment, my heart opened for him and I was filled with compassion. Interestingly, once I completely accepted him, he was actually able to be there for me!

Who in your life are you ready to release?

Can you see him or her as having tried their best?

2. Limiting Beliefs

Bad things happened in your past and you suffered. People put you down, maybe you decided you were flawed, or couldn’t be successful.

Isn’t it time to shed all that old stuff?

What do you want to believe is true for you now?

Doesn’t it feel better to believe that you deserve happiness, success and love? It’s time for you to know that it’s true and own it!

3. Write a New Story

Just because something bad happened in your past, it doesn’t have to define you. We get to define ourselves.

Who do you want to be?

Do you want to be the daughter of an alcoholic who can’t get it together and continues to blame her terrible life on her mother? Or do you want to transcend your past by owning it, learning from it and moving beyond it?

Maybe you still are the daughter of an alcoholic. And? You are reliable, independent, hard working, successful, loving and perfect. Now you get to model healthy behavior for your family.

We are all co-creating our futures.

Why not make it exactly what you want? All it takes is awareness and the willingness to release the past so it no longer has a hold over you. Remember, you can change the future and it starts right now!

Share ONE thing you're ready to let go of today!

Write it below.

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Being 100% Responsible

When I was a girl, I couldn’t wait to grow up. At ten, I fantasized about having my own apartment in New York City and running a chic restaurant.

I yearned to be an adult because I wanted to be in charge. I hated feeling like I had no control over my life – of where I lived, went to school, what I ate.

All too quickly, my wish was granted and I was a young, clueless adult overwhelmed by the world. It was easy to feel oppressed. I couldn’t get a good job because the market was tight and there was too much competition. Poor me, no one could see the value that I offered.

I fell into feeling like a victim.

Life was too hard. I was misunderstood. I couldn’t stop eating the plate of cookies, the bag of chips, but it wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t help myself.

Slowly, as I began making my way in the world, I saw how I was giving my power away by being a victim. Maybe it was true that I couldn’t control the weather or the attitude of my boss or co-workers, but I could control my response to them.

What if I stood up to my colleague and told her that I didn’t’ appreciate her lack of professionalism?

What if I really looked at how I avoided going to the gym, making excuses every night to watch TV on the couch?

In my journey to self awareness, I’ve realized that I must take 100% responsibility for my life, for everything in my life.

• My Finances
• My Health
• My Relationships
• My Career

When you do this, you officially become a grown up.

Responsibility is about ownership, about acknowledging when things work and when they don’t work. It’s the difference between saying the company almost went under because I didn’t manage the financials instead of blaming the near bankruptcy on the economic downturn.

It is the acknowledgment that I am in charge – always. Even when I choose to watch a movie instead of run errands.

If you’re ready to take 100% responsibility in your life, here are 3 questions to ask:

1.  Are you willing to own whatever happens in your life?

Yes, that means the buck stops with you. No excuses.

2.  Can you discern between what you do and don’t have control over?

In other words, you only have control over you, and how you respond to life’s challenges and opportunities. You do not have any control over what other people say or do.

3. Ready to accept yourself?

Are you ready to be okay when you screw up and when you succeed? We're often our own worst critics, hard on ourselves when we fail and unwilling to savor when we succeed.

Can you be gentle and loving with you – knowing that everyone makes mistakes from time to time?

Taking responsibility for your life will transform it!

Here's why you'll want to:

• Feel Empowered

When you decide to take charge, YOU have the power. You're no longer a victim. You haven’t given it away to anyone or anything. Take charge of your life and create all that you most deeply desire.

• Not Beholden to Anyone or Anything

When you decide that YOU own your life, no one or thing has any power over you.

• Set Yourself Free

Taking 100% responsibility is the path of spiritual growth, of total freedom.

When have you felt like a victim or decided to take responsibility?

Share one of your stories with us below.

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It's Time to Shine Your Light

When I taught high school in the 1990s, I had a student who, instead of saying “goodbye” when she left a person or situation would exclaim, “shine on.”

Every time I heard her say that, to me or to others, I smiled. What a great statement, and a wonderful reminder- shine on. The implication being that we are here on earth, to shine our unique and sacred light.

Are you shining your light?

I went to a Unity sermon a few years back in which the minister described each of us in the congregation as lighthouses.

We all have this beam within, yearning to shine out and illuminate the world around us. Only, the light has been diminished, covered over with emotional mud in the form of criticism, trauma, limiting beliefs, fear and self-doubt.

What would it take for you to shine your light?

Think back to your role in your family.

• Were you encouraged to take chances, to show up, to shine?
• Did your family honor you for your unique gifts and talents?
• Were you put down for not being smart enough, strong enough?

What about within society?

• Were you laughed at because you were different?
• Have you experienced the world as an unsafe place?

Are you ready to polish that light and remove the dirt that’s been preventing you from shining?

The two fastest ways to do that are through forgiveness and positive self-talk.

Go back in time. Who dimmed your light?

• Was it a teacher who criticized you for making a mistake?
• Maybe your older sibling poked fun at you for being a superhero for Halloween.
• Were you sensitive to the suffering of others and didn’t want people to know you were smart lest they feel bad about themselves?
• Have you purposefully not dressed up so others wouldn’t feel bad about not being as glamorous and youthful as you are?

Can you forgive the teacher, your brother, the bully, and most importantly, yourself?

When we let these past experiences dim our light, we give them power over us and we continue to suffer. Not only do we suffer but so does all of humanity.

For New Year’s Eve, I went to see Billy Joel. As I sat listening to one iconic song after the other, I was struck with that notion. What if he had allowed the nay-sayers, and critics to prevent him from sharing his songs with the world?

Wouldn’t we be the poorer for it?

You are just the same!

You came here with a light to shine, knowledge to share.

Use your self-talk to support you. Know that you are beautiful just the way you are. That you are whole, worthy, and capable of greatness. That your voice needs to be heard. You can do anything!

Now is your time. Polish that glass and shine on!

Tell me ONE thing you're gonna do to un-cake the mud that's preventing YOU from shining.

Write it below!

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