3 Ways Spiritual Work Helps with Life & Death
Last weekend I attended a memorial service for a woman I’d known for fifteen years. It’s a story you’ve all heard before. She was fine, couldn’t get rid of a cough, went to the doctor and received a stage IV cancer diagnosis.
As I sat in the crowd, surrounded by people who loved her, I was reminded of a memorial service I attended twenty years ago, when I had just begun my spiritual practice.
My brother’s best friend had hung himself. It was a tragedy and everyone was shocked. I happened to be in New York and was able to attend the service.
As I walked uptown to the venue, I was nervous. I’d known this young man well and was both shocked and saddened by the loss. What could I say to his family? Truth is, we’re all uncomfortable with death. We avoid thinking about it, looking at it, talking about it.
Then I heard my meditation teacher’s words echo as my feet hit the pavement. “We do spiritual work to deal with death.”
Last weekend I attended a memorial service for a woman I’d known for fifteen years.
It’s a story you’ve all heard before. She was fine, couldn’t get rid of a cough, went to the doctor and received a stage IV cancer diagnosis.
I sat in the crowd, surrounded by people who loved her, and was reminded of a memorial service I attended twenty years ago, when I had just begun my spiritual practice.
My brother’s best friend had hung himself. It was a tragedy and everyone was shocked. I happened to be in New York and was able to attend the service.
As I walked uptown to the venue, I was nervous. I’d known this young man well and was both shocked and saddened by the loss. What could I say to his family? Truth is, we’re all uncomfortable with death. We avoid thinking about it, looking at it, talking about it.
Then I heard my meditation teacher’s words echo as my feet hit the pavement. “We do spiritual work to deal with death.”
What exactly did she mean?
I contemplated her words the whole walk there and when I arrived, I understood.
1. We are Not a Body
The primary reason that we are afraid of death is because we think it’s the end. It certainly is the end for our physical bodies and for our egos, but not the soul. For that part of us is eternal.
When we believe that we are more than a body, death ceases to have that terrifying hold. Instead, we can see it as a doorway through which we walk. Some call it a release. And if you’ve ever seen a corpse, you know that the person you loved is clearly not there anymore.
We are spirit beings have a human experience.
2. Live Today As If it’s Your Last Day on Earth
I first read this idea in a Buddhist text. Initially, I thought it was morbid - this day, my last? Back then, I was in my early 20s, and my life sprawled out in front of me. But as I sat with the idea more, it dawned on me that the point was to truly live this day. Feel this day, embrace today.
It’s so easy to procrastinate and think, “I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll tell her next week.” But what if next week never comes? As Happiness guru, Robert Holden reminds us. “Procrastinate tomorrow.” And live today to the fullest.
Be one hundred percent in with everything and everybody.
One of the reminders we get when a loved one dies is to come back to that, how precious every moment of life is. And to remember to really live this day.
“It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth - and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up - that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.” Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
3. The Fear of Death Prevents Us from Actually Living
As I dove into understanding my life and purpose, I began to see how much I was afraid of living and this was intricately tied to the fear of death.
This propelled me into wanting to make peace with death, to greet it not from a place of anxiety but as an opportunity for a new adventure.
Truth be told, no one wants to suffer and the thought of writhing in pain, or experiencing some kind of horrific ordeal is not what anyone, including me, wants.
Yet all of us at some point, sooner or later, has to recognize that we will die. It is not an if, it is a when. And as we accept that notion, that part of us is finite, we open up more to life.
As Carl Rogers says, "You can't possibly be afraid of death, really you can only be afraid of life."
People frequently write and speak about the power of meditation and spiritual work to help us live more full and complete lives with increased awareness and presence. And one of the most significant ways this work manifests in our lives is in helping us embrace death as much as we embrace life.
It allows us to accept death as part of life’s sacred journey, to know that there isn’t anything to be afraid of, that death isn’t really the end but simply a doorway into the next reality. As Socrates eloquently stated:
To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils.
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The Power of Presence: Daily Mindfulness
We hear a lot about being mindful not just within spiritual circles but more and more in the work place.
What exactly is mindfulness?
Mindfulness stated simply is awareness of the present or the ability to be present in all aspects of our lives.
It’s a honing of the mind to focus on what is happening right now.
Since the 1970s, there’s been a growing recognition and movement towards embracing mindfulness.
This is due in large part to the many Buddhists teachers who have come to the United States over the past few decades as well as the American practitioner, Jon Kabat-Zinn, who began teaching mindfulness courses in 1979.
The first time I recognized mindfulness occurring in my life was shortly after I met my first husband. He’s from Bali and since he's Hindu, learned meditation at a young age.
Part of what had attracted me to him in the first place was his calm demeanor and indefatigable kindness.
The day I noticed his mindfulness in action, we were in Indonesia visiting his family.
There's a lot of talk about mindfulness not just within spiritual circles but more and more in the work place.
What exactly is mindfulness?
Mindfulness stated simply is awareness of the present or the ability to be present in all aspects of our lives.
It’s a honing of the mind to focus on what's happening right now.
Since the 1970s, there’s been a growing recognition and movement towards embracing mindfulness in the United States.
This is due in large part to the many Buddhists teachers who have come here over the past few decades as well as the American practitioner, Jon Kabat-Zinn, who began teaching mindfulness courses in 1979.
The first time I recognized mindfulness occurring in my life was shortly after I met my first husband. He’s from Bali and since he's Hindu, learned meditation at a young age.
Part of what had attracted me to him in the first place was his calm demeanor and indefatigable kindness.
The day I noticed his mindfulness in action, we were in Indonesia visiting his family.
We’d rented a van to take his extended family on a picnic in the mountains. I looked over at him and suddenly realized that the only thing he was doing in that moment was driving.
He wasn’t thinking about the party last night.
He wasn’t going over the stuff he’d packed, making sure he’d remembered everything.
Nor was he distracted by the conversation in the back seat.
He was just driving, focusing on the vehicle, and the road ahead. He was 100% present in that moment to his task- present and focused.
I resolved then that I wanted to develop this quality.
And I discovered that mindfulness is achieved through meditation and the internal gardening of our thoughts.
Here’s what’s helped me develop a practice of mindfulness:
1. Meditation
I started meditating 20 years ago. I still meditate today because it feels so good to release the stress of the world. It helps me remember that there is more going on than the chaos that circles around me.
I sit in silent meditation because it provides me with solace and connecting to infinite source feeds me. I meditate to remember my essential nature. Finally, I sit to bring myself into the now and that helps me bring the silence, serenity and clarity into my working day.
2. Mining the Mind
I like to think of myself as a gardener of my mind. I pluck out all the thoughts that distract me or are taking me out of the present moment.
I also pull out the thoughts (like weeds) that are harmful to me or remind me of old stories and ancient beliefs about limitation and lack that are no longer true for me.
3. Coming Fully Into My Body
Being grounded in my physical body helps me experience the here and now.
I can feel where I am- the sun on my face, the wind whipping around me. I see where I am- the trees bordering the road, the faces of people walking by. I hear the world around me- the birds chirping, the trucks rumbling, children laughing.
Being in my body allows me to fully experience life.
Life is only happening right now, in this moment.
When we leave the moment by getting distracted by our thoughts, we lose the opportunity to experience what it feels to really be alive. We can easily get caught fixating about a past hurt or worrying about a future concern.
But when we can bring our focus back to this moment, we have the opportunity to heal.
Consider starting your mindfulness practice today.
Find a comfortable spot in your home where you can sit for just five minutes in the morning. Focus on your breath coming in and out.
I like to count to 11. Inhaling 1, exhaling 2 until I get to 11 and then starting over.
If you lose track, start over at 1. Before you know it, your timer will be ringing. You’ll be surprised at how quickly 5 minutes flies by!
As you commit to this daily practice of meditation, it will help you be able to listen to your mind and hear the way you speak to yourself.
Then you can decide what thoughts you want to keep and ones that need to be pulled out. And it will help you experience a greater sense of presence in your body.
See yourself as an explorer of your own inner world - have fun with it!
Let me know how it goes!
Leave me a comment below this blog about YOUR mindfulness practice.
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Three Things of You
When I was in my early 20s, I was walking down the street one day when an interesting idea came to me. I’d been contemplating self evolution (as usual) and had the realization that each of us has 3 components to our beings:
The physical, the intellectual and the emotional (now I would add a 4th- spiritual).
Of these three aspects of self, we all have an affinity toward one as the area in which we feel most comfortable. So, for example, an athlete who works out daily and relishes in his routine is clearly most at ease in the physical realm.
When I was in my early 20s, I was walking down the street one day when an interesting idea came to me. I’d been contemplating self evolution (as usual) and had the realization that each of us has 3 components to our beings:
The physical, the intellectual and the emotional (now I would add a 4th- spiritual).
Of these three aspects of self, we all have an affinity toward one as the area in which we feel most comfortable. So, for example, an athlete who works out daily and relishes in his routine is clearly most at ease in the physical realm.
I, on the other hand, am most relaxed in the emotional realm and love to talk about how I feel, to understand what I’m sensing and process that. Lots of people prefer the intellectual realm – those who love ideas and enjoy analysis and debate.
We all have one area of preference, then a secondary one in which we are also at ease or, at the very least, neutral and then one that we may try to avoid because it feels so incredibly uncomfortable.
For me, my painful realm is the physical.
And at 24 or so, when I had this realization, I was struggling with my weight and hating my figure. My body was the enemy, why would I even want to be in it? It was fat, bloated, uncomfortable, embarrassing. I tended to just ignore it.
After I started thinking about these three aspects of self, I realized that in order to be balanced, I had to move into the area of discomfort- for that is where the opportunity for growth lies- AND in doing that we heal ourselves.
You can imagine that I did this kicking and screaming.
The last thing I wanted was to be in my body, to make it real and feel it. But I did.
Perhaps because I was willing to do this it helped me let go of my eating disorder, I don’t know. But what I do know is that being in my body changed me.
It’s kind of a funny thing. All the time I thought it would be scary and painful but once I made the commitment to do it, (it was a gradual process) my life indeed became more balanced.
I was able to actualize ideas and thoughts rather than just have them spin around and around in my head.
Being in my body grounded me and allowed me to be even more present.
Twenty years later I’m definitely more balanced and have worked hard over that time to be in my body, do physical exercise and engage on a physical level.
I still work at it. My mind plays tricks on me and the wall of resistance is there. I’ve just gotten better at not listening to it and doing it anyway.
Here’s a great example. In my early 20s, I wanted to exercise to help me lose weight but I mostly didn’t. I thought about it all the time but just never actualized it. One day my father said to me, “you’d already be done with your run if you’d just gone and done it instead of constantly thinking about it.”
But that’s where I was then. Now, I just go and do it. I still don’t relish it, I still have to force myself BUT exercise helps me be in my body. I feel so much better emotionally too when I exercise (who would’ve thought!)
Think about yourself. What is your primary and secondary area of strength and which one is your challenge area?
What is the one you avoid out of fear or old beliefs? Maybe you hear stories in your head like, “I’m not smart” or “I’m a bad student.” Maybe it’s “People always tell me I’m cold or heartless.” Or perhaps it’s “Hike that hill? No way, I’m terrible at physical exercise.”
Here’s an email message I got the other day that inspired this blog:
One way to work on yourself is by being present in the body. Another way is by expanding the heart. A third way is by quieting the mind. The wise person finds a way to work on all three at the same time. (Understanding the Enneagram, 327)
Isn’t that what I was just saying?
Identifying your area of strength and also what to work on can help you better understand yourself. Moving into the discomfort even though it feels scary at first, is so rewarding and ultimately incredibly balancing. As you brave it, you’ll find yourself feeling even more like you!