Yes You Can!

Ready to make that shift in your life?

A new job, relationship or home?

Once you decide, things start to fall in place, a To-Do list or path becomes clear.

And yet, as you move closer to the actual shift, the change itself, new resistance and difficulties arise.

Here’s the trick: Don’t Quit!

The first time I heard about this was from Harv Eker.

He explained how you have to be willing to keep going towards your goals despite the obstacles. Often, there are a few and it’s only after you’ve attempted for the third time that you break through.

Sound familiar?

I experienced this exact thing when we made our move last month.

On the day the truck was at my house loading our belongings, I went to run a quick errand with my kids to pick up a piece of jewelry I’d designed and ordered. The pendant was a symbol of my “new” life so I was eager to get it prior to the actual transition.

About twenty minutes into the hour-long ride up I-95, we hit standstill traffic. There was a huge collision and the police were re-routing everyone off the highway. It took another two hours for us to get there.

Did I quit? No. Because I knew that this is how change is.

The next day we flew to Seattle. We had three checked bags, two carry-ons, three back packs, and our puppy dog. Since we had so much stuff and were arriving late at night, I reserved a rental car at the terminal.

Once we retrieved our luggage and piled it onto a metal cart, we followed the signs to the rental car area. This lead us out to the curb where over a hundred people were queued up, waiting for a shuttle bus to the rental car building.

Sometimes nothing feels easy.

And this is because of our egos.

When we are on the cusp of shifting, part of us gets scared – what if this change is bad? What if it hurts? What if it’s a mistake?

Despite the fact that it’s exactly what you want, your ego doesn’t really want to change – it always seeks to stay the same.

So it kicks up resistance when you least expect it, and obstacles get in the way.

The trick is to keep going anyway. Just like I did at the Seattle airport.

I took a deep breath, got on line and wheeled that buggy to the bus. Just as my husband boarded with the dog, and I was unloading our bags wondering how the he** I was going to manage it all, an airport supervisor showed up. He stopped everyone else from getting on and loaded my bags for me!

Thank you, God!

So the next time you feel like the change isn’t ever going to happen. That you’ll never get there, know that you will.

Remember that it always takes more effort than you think. It may even take three tries! Love yourself enough to know that you can do it and that you will succeed!

You’re so close!

Share where you are on YOUR path! Leave a comment below, I'd love to hear!

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Skydiving - A Lesson In Trust

About a month ago, I finally went skydiving!

I’d been flirting with the idea for 30 years but it just never happened.

And then I got scared.

Around the winter holidays, my daughter started bugging us to go skydiving as a family.

I reluctantly agreed and we scheduled to go in January. Our reservation repeatedly got canceled due to bad weather. My daughter returned to college and I was off the hook!

As the months ticked by, I began to realize that I had to face this fear.

Could I jump out of an airplane and be present instead of feeling paralyzed?

By May, I was ready. My daughter came home again and this time, the weather cooperated.

It was a beautiful spring morning. We got to the airport hangar and began filling out pages of liability forms. I voluntarily signed my life away. Then they strapped me into a tandem harness and we all crawled into the plane.

I was determined to be fully present.

My instructor was knowledgeable and super easy going which helped me relax even more.

The plane took off and flew over the Indian River Lagoon, Sebastian Inlet and the central east coast of Florida. As I took in the gorgeous panorama, I realized that I had nothing to do. I was simply along for the ride. My only job was to enjoy.

I was the first one out of the plane.

I jumped and screamed until I remembered that it didn’t feel like I was falling. I stopped shouting and inhaled comfortably thorough my nose. I relaxed and lengthened my body into a “banana” as my instructor had told me. He tapped my shoulder and I opened my arms.

I looked up and around. The wind pummeled my face and body as we continued our free fall.

Before I new it, the parachute opened and we were floating in silence. “Welcome to my office,” I heard from behind me. I smiled. It was an exquisite view.

“I’m just going to loosen these straps around your arms.”

“No!” Even though the straps were cutting into me, I immediately feared I’d fall out.

“It’s okay,” he replied, his voice even and calm as he pulled the tabs.

Nothing happened and my chest and arms were much more comfortable.

Then he said he was going to do it for my legs.

Again I panicked. “I’m fine.” I replied, not caring that the straps were practically cutting off my circulation.

“I’m supposed to,” he answered.

My instinct was to pivot around, grab him and hold on. I was afraid that somehow the straps would fail and I’d plummet to the ground.

Again, nothing happened except that my legs felt so much better.

After floating a bit longer, he offered to let me hold on to the parachute handles.

“That’s okay,” I said. Again afraid something would go wrong.

Soon he was instructing me on how to land and the entire experience was over.

I’d done it.

Later, while talking about our respective jumps with my family, I realized that I was still scared. And what came up was my lack of trust.

• Trusting that the harness would support me.
• Trusting that the instructor really knew what he’s doing.
• Trusting that I was really safe in the Universe.
• Trusting that I wouldn’t die.

I’ve come a long way with my relationship with trust. I used to trust no one. I couldn’t even relax and let go while I meditated.

Now I trust people, situations, and God but certain things still trigger me. And that’s when I realize I have more work to do.

How can I really believe that I am safe?

When I reflect back on my life, I have always been provided for and protected. And skydiving was exactly the same. Nothing happened. I was perfectly safe and comfortable.

So really, it’s just an old mind habit.

If you feel it come up for you try these great reminders:

1. Breathe

Inhale and come into the present moment.

After I jumped out of the plane and was initially frozen, I came back to awareness and realized I was not even experiencing a dropping sensation. Then I could breathe, relax and enjoy.

2. Use an Affirmation

One of my all time favorites is from Louise Hay. “I am safe in the Universe and all of life loves and supports me.” This was all I had to say to myself as my straps got loosened, right?

3. Keep Pushing Through the Fear

For decades I wouldn’t even try skydiving because I was scared something bad might happen. But for years, I lived so close to the airport in Sebastian that I could hear parachutes opening above me all day long. And they were safe. So I finally just had to walk myself through the irrational belief.

You are always bigger than your fear.

One of the reminders on my vision board is this: Be brave! I pass those words on to you.

Whatever it is that feels like it’s holding you back, it’s really just you. Jump in and do it anyway. And let me know how it goes! Tell me ONE thing you’ll do to push through your fear! Leave me a comment below! I’ll see you there.  

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Moving From Fear to Love

Last week I was scheduled to make a brief speech in front of an audience of about 200 people. Normally, I enjoy speaking in public but sometimes it can make me a bit anxious.

And this turned out to be one of those times.

I woke Friday morning feeling my nerves racing around in my belly like fiery little sparks.

I consciously worked at taking my mind off the event, focusing instead on my immediate tasks.

I had emails to write, phone calls to make. I wasn’t scheduled to speak until the afternoon, leaving for the venue around 4 pm.

At about 2:00, I quickly glanced through my emails and spotted one from a coaching client I currently have. Since January, he and I had been working on resolving an issue with one of his employees.

The employee was not doing a satisfactory job. Instead of firing him in January, my client chose to see if things could change and had spoken with the man on several occasions as well as given him two formal reviews.

None of his interventions had worked and recently he’d let the employee go.

My client had copied me his response to a recent email from this disgruntled employee.

As I read both what the employee had written as well as my client’s reply, my entire insides roiled.

His former employee had refused to take any responsibility for being fired, was blaming my client and choosing to be a victim.

I was appalled but worse began feeling a panic run up my throat.

I was angry about the timing – reading it right before my speech - and shocked by the level of physical discomfort I was feeling.

After all, the email wasn’t even addressed to me!

Why did criticism launched at someone else have this effect on me?

I got up from the chair wishing I hadn’t read the email and began pacing – trying to work through my discomfort and manage it so I could show up and speak from my heart later that afternoon.

I began using the tools I know – I breathed deeply in and out- calming myself down.

And as I did, I asked “Why is this upsetting me so much?”

The answer I received was that it was simply triggering all the times I’ve let an employee or customer go and been personally attacked, criticized or blamed.

I was astonished that someone’s unrelated words could have this great an effect on me.

After about 30 minutes, I got into my car needing to pick my daughter up from school. I kept breathing mindfully when I remembered the Course in Miracles lesson I’d read that morning.

Simply stated it reminded me that I am one with God.

I began saying this to myself over and over again. “I am one with God. I am one with God.” And as the words sank in, I felt a calm begin to permeate me. My affirmation morphed into “I am one with God. No one can hurt me.”

Then it hit me – by reading that email I’d fallen into fear.

It had triggered the place in me where I felt attacked and needed to defend myself and my client.

As Marianne Williamson suggests, I prayed for a miracle.

My miracle was to remind myself that I am one with God and no one can hurt me. She describes a miracle as a shift in perception from fear to love.

Well, you can guess what happened.

I even began to see the author of the original email (the disgruntled employee) as one with God. By the time I arrived at the auditorium, I was ready to be there – in my heart.

I no longer felt angry or wronged.

The event went off without a hitch and I participated in my small part, able to be fully present. I felt relief as well as immense gratitude for the opportunity to show up differently.

Instead of holding on to the fear, I was able to gracefully move through the emotional obstacle. I used the opportunity for growth and came out on the other side with humility and love.

Have you ever experienced something like this?

Share your story with me - leave a comment below!

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Moving Through Fear In 3 Easy Steps

Last week I got a call from a woman in tears who confessed that she was incapable of completing even simple tasks anymore, like phoning a sick friend. She then said, “I’m paralyzed by fear.”

My heart went out to her.

Obviously she was in a lot of pain. Sometimes it’s easy to look at people who are successful or brave and feel like they must be cut from a different cloth.

They must have mastered fear and no longer have it.

We compare ourselves and feel woefully inadequate. Then we can think things like, “That person is so unlike me. I’m just a big scardey cat, afraid all the time.”

I knew this woman felt like she was alone in her suffering.

So I resolved to support her just as I had been helped years earlier to walk through my own fear.

About fourteen years ago, I was a martial arts student, preparing for an upcoming rank test in Tae Kwon Do. This meant I’d have to break a board. I never felt terribly confident in sports and saw myself as clumsy and awkward.

I was slowly working myself into a panic about performing. Not only would I forget the moves for the form I was required to do but I’d get hurt or worse. I’d make a fool out of myself and feel embarrassed in front of the other students, my teachers and family.

I finally said something, knowing I needed encouragement. My teacher, who had also been a spiritual practitioner for more than 30 years, shared his wisdom with me.

He said, “Courage isn’t the absence of fear."

"It’s not that people who are brave aren’t afraid. We’re all scared. It’s just about how we manage that fear. Does it prevent us from doing what we want or do we gently put it aside and allow it to be a fellow traveler?”

I loved this idea of managing our fear.

That felt attainable, real. I couldn’t imagine banishing fear forever because that seemed impossible. But I could envision managing it.

After all, fear is part of the human response. It’s helped keep us alive for thousands of years. It’s a natural part of our Sympathetic Nervous System – fight or flight.

The problem only arises when fear gets out of control, almost like it metastasizes and wants to consume us. We can become paralyzed by fear, incapable of taking action. Just like the woman who had called me.

When fear comes in that strongly, sometimes we need clarity, another voice to help us separate from it. And to remember that it’s just an emotion. No matter how all consuming it can feel, it is just that, a feeling.

So, when you’re in that fear place, here are 3 simple ways to get through it:

1.     Breathe

And remind yourself that what you're experiencing is just a feeling, an emotion. Fear is NOT who you are.

2.     Acknowledge it.

When we try to push fear away, we just make it stronger. Recognize it’s there. Thank it for sharing and then tell it that you’re going to put it aside for now and do _____________ (make that phone call, complete the paperwork, find out about the diagnosis) anyway.

3.     Ask for help.

This can come in many forms – a friend, partner, counselor, coach or in prayer. Sometimes during meditation I will tell God, “I’m scared of _________. Help me.” Amazingly I always get relief, support, love and guidance.

It’s true that we are all afraid.

We’re hard wired that way but the good news is it doesn’t have to rule our lives. We can control fear and when we do, we find that our lives are more exciting, and fulfilling. We feel more empowered, supported, guided and present. Enjoy your life more by allowing fear to be your fellow traveler instead of the boss.

Has fear ever prevented you from achieving a goal?

Obviously she was in a lot of pain. Sometimes it’s easy to look at people who are successful or brave and feel like they must be cut from a different cloth.

They must have mastered fear and no longer have it.

We compare ourselves and feel woefully inadequate. Then we can think things like, “That person is so unlike me. I’m just a big scardey cat, afraid all the time.”

I knew this woman felt like she was alone in her suffering.

So I resolved to support her just as I had been helped years earlier to walk through my own fear.

About fourteen years ago, I was a martial arts student, preparing for an upcoming rank test in Tae Kwon Do. This meant I’d have to break a board. I never felt terribly confident in sports and saw myself as clumsy and awkward.

I was slowly working myself into a panic about performing. Not only would I forget the moves for the form I was required to do but I’d get hurt or worse. I’d make a fool out of myself and feel embarrassed in front of the other students, my teachers and family.

I finally said something, knowing I needed encouragement. My teacher, who had also been a spiritual practitioner for more than 30 years, shared his wisdom with me.

He said, “Courage isn’t the absence of fear."

"It’s not that people who are brave aren’t afraid. We’re all scared. It’s just about how we manage that fear. Does it prevent us from doing what we want or do we gently put it aside and allow it to be a fellow traveler?”

I loved this idea of managing our fear.

That felt attainable, real. I couldn’t imagine banishing fear forever because that seemed impossible. But I could envision managing it.

After all, fear is part of the human response. It’s helped keep us alive for thousands of years. It’s a natural part of our Sympathetic Nervous System – fight or flight.

The problem only arises when fear gets out of control, almost like it metastasizes and wants to consume us. We can become paralyzed by fear, incapable of taking action. Just like the woman who had called me.

When fear comes in that strongly, sometimes we need clarity, another voice to help us separate from it. And to remember that it’s just an emotion. No matter how all consuming it can feel, it is just that, a feeling.

So, when you’re in that fear place, here are 3 simple ways to get through it:

1.     Breathe

And remind yourself that what you're experiencing is just a feeling, an emotion. Fear is NOT who you are.

2.     Acknowledge it.

When we try to push fear away, we just make it stronger. Recognize it’s there. Thank it for sharing and then tell it that you’re going to put it aside for now and do _____________ (make that phone call, complete the paperwork, find out about the diagnosis) anyway.

3.     Ask for help.

This can come in many forms – a friend, partner, counselor, coach or in prayer. Sometimes during meditation I will tell God, “I’m scared of _________. Help me.” Amazingly I always get relief, support, love and guidance.

It’s true that we are all afraid.

We’re hard wired that way but the good news is it doesn’t have to rule our lives. We can control fear and when we do, we find that our lives are more exciting, and fulfilling. We feel more empowered, supported, guided and present. Enjoy your life more by allowing fear to be your fellow traveler instead of the boss.

Has fear ever prevented you from achieving a goal?

Share it with us below!

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