You know that expression, “wherever you go, there you are.”?
I was thinking about that the other morning.
If you’re like me, you want to world to be a better place, more loving, peaceful, sane.
But what if the real way to succeed at changing the world isn’t by going out and tangibly changing the politics, or environment but is all about changing yourself? In other words, changing your mind about the world.
This is what I think the above quote actually means.
Boundaries often get a bad rap, as if they’re not a good thing, as if they prevent us from genuine connection.
Is that really true?
First off, let’s define what we’re really talking about.
A boundary can be physical like a fence or a wall, even your skin is a natural physical boundary.
Boundaries can also be set by social or cultural standards. For example, in Japan, people greet one another with a bow, rather than in the United States where we often shake hands or hug.
Boundaries – in terms of dictating behavior- also differ in public versus private spaces, and vary depending on the types of relationship you have with someone.
When you were a child, did you have an imaginary friend? Someone you held tea parties with, read to in bed, played hide and seek with, or blamed for the mess in your room?
According to WebMD, around 65% of children under the age of seven have them, so if you did, you’re in the majority!
Naturally, there are social and emotional reasons that children have imaginary friends. It’s good company. It’s also a way to try out new social behaviors, or process feelings. An imaginary friend can offer support, too. After all, it’s YOUR special friend, someone who loves you, won’t leave, and doesn’t judge.
February is the month for lovers, for love, for reminding us of what our hearts yearn for.
Are you like me? Have you always been a romantic, from the time you were little?
I completely bought into the fantasy. You know it, right? Get rescued from your unhappy situation when you meet the love of your dreams, and live happily ever after.
As part this, I was HOOKED on the idea of falling in love even though I had NO idea of what love actually was.
I harbored this romantic dream for years.
Last year my daughter turned me onto this idea that there is a Major Arcana Tarot card that informs the overarching energy of the year.
One way to think about this is as the TONE for the year on a global scale, reflecting the energy that might be arising.
It’s actually quite simple to learn which tarot card it is for the year. Simply add the numbers of the year together. So, for this year it would be: 2+0+2+4=8
The Card that correlates with the number 8 is STRENGTH.
Immediately that feels heartening, don’t you think? As if it is inviting us to call on our own inner strength, knowing that it’s there for us always. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to cultivate strength even more since we may need this quality as 2024 unfolds.
In today’s bully infested world, kindness is seen as weakness.
You and I both know that simply isn't true.
AND
Who wants to live in a world where we pull each other down and make each other wrong?
Instead, let's support one another, help us reach up and become our higher selves.
Which is why I'm making a stand for kindness.
Think about it.
How do you feel when you’re mean or cruel to someone?
Now think about how you feel when you’re kind.
Like fear, kindness is contagious.
Feel like you don’t belong in your family? In society? In the world?
Me too.
I used to think it was just me. That something was terribly wrong with me. I was flawed, broken because I felt disconnected. Everyone around me seemed content, loved, successful. They were all normal and happy. Why wasn’t I?
Then I convinced myself that there must be a place, an actual physical place, where I could feel all of that- where I genuinely belonged.
So I went looking. First I crossed the country, from Boston to Portland. Then I went to Asia- Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia. I even tried the Middle East and Europe.
I thought I’d found it in Bali, but no…
It took fifteen long years for me to clue in.
The week before the eclipse life felt tense, unsettled, frustrating. Curiously, the eclipse seemed to clear the air! So why not use it as a reset?
Because, more than anything, the eclipse experience reminded me to have faith.
Faith is a decision to believe in something you cannot verify.
For me, it is an act of letting go of fear, of control, of a desired outcome, and relaxing into a space of grace, of knowing that all is well, that I am safe and life is good.
I’d heard about the eclipse for months but had blown it off until a few weeks ago when my husband was eager to go. Since we waited so long to make plans, the closest motel we could find was 3 hours from the path of totality in Oregon.
Have you ever met someone and been truly inspired?
That happened to me with my first yoga teacher, Jayanta. His classes immersed us in bhakti or devotion. With every pose that we did, it wasn't about sweating or getting a work out, it was prayer in motion. It was an act of connecting to the divine and expressing that love through movement.
Recently I reconnected with him, and it inspired me to remember to infuse life with love and embrace prayer in action.
Because everything we do – from brushing our teeth, to mowing the lawn, to making a phone call - is an opportunity to share the love of God and to celebrate being alive.
I was 15 years old the first time I consciously felt anxiety and had just started my sophomore year at a new boarding school. The souring in my stomach and the fear that blinded me was terrifying. So I bolted down the stairs of my dorm, and headed straight to the vending machines. I wanted to push away and bury all that anxiety and uncertainty.
By October, I’d gained twenty pounds because I didn’t know how to deal with dark emotions like: discomfort, anxiety, pain, anguish, frustration, resentment…
It took me 10 years to learn how to be present and experience these uncomfortable feelings.
Now when they come up, do I like it? Not really.
Have you ever wanted your moment – whatever was happening to be different?
When that occurs, how do you feel? Frustrated? Annoyed? Aggravated? Whatever the emotion, it’s a form of suffering.
For the past week, I’ve been exploring this idea – of wanting my moment to be other than it is - on a microcosmic level because I’ve been sick. And I was pissed about it.
I did not want to be sick.
Letting go of old, limiting beliefs gives you power. It frees you up to be exactly who you want to be and live your truth, your light and love.
As I was meditating, the words that came were, “as we release our samsara, we make room in our lives for the things we truly want.”
Samsara is a Sanskrit word that describes the cycle of life- from birth to death. This includes all the actions of our lives, the karma we accrue and bring forward into the next incarnation, etc.
I think about samsara, too, as the bodily goo that gets attached to us once we take form and become human. It’s the stuff- the emotions, relationships, duties, obligations, beliefs- that ground us in a physical form and ego.
On average, I lived in a place for four years although sometimes my stays could be as short as a few months. I bounced around for years until I had my first child. Then, one of my friends finally scolded me. “You can’t keep moving, it’s bad for the baby.”
At first I ignored her. Infants cling to primary support not place but her words rang in my ears and I finally had to stop running.
I was convinced that each new place was the answer to my unhappiness. It wasn’t that the dissatisfaction was within me, NO! It was the pollution, the traffic, the unaware people, the lack of opportunities.
I exchanged traffic for trees, noisy neighbors for none but I still always brought my emotional baggage with me; my procrastination, unresolved issues or negativity because, they were all a part of who I am.
June 30 marks the 5th anniversary of my younger sister, Melissa’s, death from metastasized breast cancer. Almost as soon as June begins I think of her constantly. And in these past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on what she taught me, particularly about courage.
As a child, I was self-deprecating and acted as the family peacemaker while Melissa was the rebel, the one who was so clearly out of the box. A born risk-taker, she was always more daring than I was.
My Dad had successfully maneuvered us up the chairlift and onto the bunny slope. He was busy adjusting my binding when he looked up, glanced around and then turned to me. “Where’s your sister?”
At 18, she went skydiving, at 20 biked alone across the Netherlands and France and at 22 moved to Cairo. She was her own person and was a great teacher for me about living courageously.
Ram Dass says, “if you think you’re enlightened go live with your family for a week.” Most days I’m thankful for the lessons I’ve learned from my loved ones. But some days, I’d rather be left alone.
Recently I had an opportunity to examine my own judgment from a situation that occurred. In my opinion, one of my family members, let’s call him Dave, had intentionally hurt another human being. I was deeply bothered by this.
In the last 40+ years I’ve asked myself this question, "Who Am I?" countless times. Sometimes when I hear it I see the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, smoking his hookah and looking sagely down at Alice. He pointedly and stiltedly inquires, “whoooo are youuuuu?”
Sometimes I hear Roger Daltrey’s voice belting it out “tell me who, who, who are you...”
About 25 years ago when I was just starting to find my career path, I had an interesting experience with fear. I was living in Hong Kong and had been working at a knitwear factory. I really hated my job but being so far away from my family and friends, making a change felt scary. (This was pre-internet days.) I finally mustered up the courage to quit my job after 6 or 7 months but then had to figure out what to do. After spending a LONG time thinking about it, writing a list of what I needed to have in my life and then realizing I didn't speak Cantonese, I ended up applying for teaching jobs.
Somehow I knew I was going to get one and before the summer was over, I had a brand new job at an international high school teaching English and art. I was excited! It was my first "real" job where I wasn't answering the phone or running errands. I even had my own mailbox in the office. Best yet, I got to read books all day! The two weeks before school started were great, I organized my classroom and outlined the textbooks, deciding what to do and when.
How many times in your day do you find that you say yes to life? Maybe you get invited to lunch with a friend or it's a beautiful day out, perfect for a walk on the beach. Is your response a resounding yes? I hope so. I know for me sometimes I say yes and sometimes I don't. And there may be a reason why I'm not saying yes. These are some of my personal selections. Do any of these sound familiar? "I don't have time. Today's my chore day. I have to work. Maybe another time." Or my absolute favorite, "I don't feel like it." (Usually this one is reserved for me and I come up with a more lofty excuse to say out loud.)
