Be Kind

In today’s bully infested world, kindness is seen as weakness.

You and I both know that simply isn't true.

AND

Who wants to live in a world where we pull each other down and make each other wrong? 

Instead, let's support one another, help us reach up and become our higher selves.

Which is why I'm making a stand for kindness.

Think about it.

How do you feel when you’re mean or cruel to someone?

Now think about how you feel when you’re kind.

Like fear, kindness is contagious.

It can shower the world like water quenching a wild fire.

And, it really is easy.

It starts with a smile.

A caring word to a stranger.

A “thank you.”

That feeling of gratitude in your heart.

Doing something because.

Handing a stranger a tissue.

Holding the door open.

Waving at a car.

Kindness is like a secret weapon. Not only does it impact the receiver, it impacts the giver too.

So today, I have 2 special kindness offerings.

The first is access to a meditation guiding you through the Metta Bhavana, a Buddhist phrase and practice that means loving kindness.

This is a specific Buddhist prayer to help you foster loving kindness. The idea is to cultivate this feeling within your self and then express it to all sentient beings.

The guided meditation follows the steps as I learned them:

1. Focus on yourself. Feel love, compassion and caring for YOU.

2. Now imagine a loved one standing in front of you. Shower this person with that same love, light and healing.

3. Thirdly, envision in front of you a person with whom you have no relationship – think about your postal worker, a shopkeeper or bus driver. Send this same love and healing light to this person.

4. The next person to come before you is someone with whom you have a conflict or issue. Imagine that person standing directly in front of you. See him or her surrounded by love, healing, kindness and light.

5. Lastly, send this beautiful energy out to blanket the entire world.

You can download the meditation here OR listen to it on Insight Timer.

Practicing the Metta Bhavana will help you create and stay in a place of kindness throughout your day. It's a powerful prayer and practice. Every time I do it, it profoundly alters my day.

And as a special bonus, I’ve added a poem for you called Kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye. I heard it over the weekend and learned that it has provided much solace to people over the years. Here is a beautiful link to it, enjoy.

Join me is fostering living kindness within your own being. Both yourself and the world will be grateful.

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Finding Real Belonging

Feel like you don’t belong in your family? In society? In the world?

Me too.

I used to think I was the only one who felt like this. Something was terribly wrong with me - I was flawed, broken because I felt disconnected. Everyone around me seemed content, loved, successful. They were all normal and happy.

Why wasn’t I?

Then I convinced myself that there must be a place, an actual physical place, where I could feel all of that- where I genuinely belonged.

So I went looking. First I crossed the country, from Boston to Portland. Then I went to Asia- Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia. I even tried the Middle East and Europe.

I thought I’d found it in Bali, but no…

It took fifteen long years for me to clue in.

The place I was looking for was inside of me, it was me.

True belonging is about connecting to your heart, to your core, to the YOU within you.

I finally had to stop “searching” and dive in.

If feeling alone and alienated resonates with you, here are the steps to your salvation:

1. Be Present With You

Stop running away from yourself. Happy, sad, angry, suffering. Be okay with whatever you feel right now. There’s so much power in moving into the pain or discomfort. That’s where true healing lies. In seeing what’s really real for you every second of every day.

A super powerful way to dive right into this is to do mirror work. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you. I really, really love you.”

The first time I did this, I started sobbing. Now I smile.

2. Connect

Even though peace and abiding happiness come from within you, we are social creatures. How can you feel more connected to like-minded people? Is there a faith based organization or spiritual center that you resonate with nearby? Is there a book group or club doing things you enjoy?

3. Seek Refuge

In Buddhism, you often hear the phrase, “Seek refuge in the Buddha, dharma and sangha.”

I love the word refuge because to me, it’s a place of safety, a place to lick your wounds, replenish and be refilled.

I interpret this Buddhist phrase to mean that:

• First we find our salvation and our home through connection to God-the Universe-Oneness (Buddha).

What path speaks to you? What form of the divine can you connect to?

Is it Buddha, Tara, or any one of the Hindu gods or goddesses? Jesus or Virgin Mary? Is it the great earth Mother? Nature? Or simply that which is un-nameable? The great unknown?

• Second, commit to a practice. This is dharma. The way of right action and right living.

Find a teaching- book, lectures, etc. where the words resonate with your beliefs. There are countless paths and ways: Bible, Talmud, Koran, A Course In Miracles, Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, Buddhist scripture, Wiccan, Pagan, Celtic, Native American...

Maybe you want a teacher who speaks to you.

Here are some resources to check out:

1. Hay House Radio (or their website)
2. Lion’s Roar (for Buddhist teachers)
3. Oprah’s Super Soul Sundays
4. Krista Tippet’s Podcast, On Being

• Third, connect to others who are on a similar path.

This is sangha, or satsang. It is spiritual community. Seek out your spirit brothers and sisters. It’s hard to do this work, and we all need love and support. This is where community comes in.

Truly, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. This is why the world feels unnatural because we don’t really belong here. And yet, here we are, contracted to experience human existence in all its messiness and glory.

Isn’t it time to fully embrace it and genuinely live it open heartedly and unapologetically?

I say yes. And welcome to the club.

Where will you start? Share your ideas just below the blog!

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What The Eclipse Taught Me About Faith

The week before the eclipse life felt tense, unsettled, frustrating. Curiously, the eclipse seemed to clear the air!

So why not use it as a reset?

Because, more than anything, this eclipse experience reminded me to have faith.

What is faith?

Faith is a decision to believe in something you cannot verify.

For me, it's an act of letting go of fear, of control, of a desired outcome, and relaxing into a space of grace, of knowing that all is well, that I am safe and life is good.

I’d heard about the eclipse for months but had blown it off until a few weeks ago when my husband was eager to go. Since we waited so long to make plans, the closest motel we could find was 3 hours from the path of totality in Oregon.

We decided to book it anyway and drive from Washington on Monday morning as far south as we could get.

As Monday grew closer, reports about the number of people descending on Oregon circulated. The governor had called up the National Guard. It would be a traffic nightmare.

Then we heard no one was allowed to watch from the side of the road. Now where would we go? None of this helped my anxiety.

Getting ready on Sunday morning for our 36-hour road trip. I sat to meditate and got a gentle reminder. It was a voice I often hear, kind, wise and loving.

It said, “Relax. Everything always works out perfectly.”

Up until that moment, my entire week had been emotional, angsty, difficult so it was the exact reminder I needed.

Driving east, we encountered no traffic and decided to stop and walk around a picturesque mountain lake before heading into town.

That night at the motel, I got confirmation from an Oregon rancher I’d contacted that we could park on his land. Relieved that we had a destination and wouldn’t be hassled by police, we left early Monday morning, hoping to make it all the way to totality.

Again there was no traffic.

In less than 3 hours, we arrived in time to enjoy the sun rise over the high desert, the smell of Juniper in the breeze.

Before I knew it, the eclipse began.

A quick hour passed and then came the 90 seconds of totality. The temperature dropped, the sky darkened to resemble twilight. The sun was a ball of white wavy lines dancing and swirling around the shadow of the moon. It was nothing I’d imagined.

And then it was over.

The bright sun and warmth returned and soon and we were on our way home, ambling along small highways and by-ways, following rivers and canyons. In the afternoon, we crested Mt Rainier and stopped to take in the Cascade range, the fields of wild flowers and the snowy glacier.

Even though it took 9 hours, it was an absolute joy ride.

Back at home, feeling refreshed and renewed, I’m reminded to have faith.

Like me, use the eclipse as a reset.

Remember that everything is possible when you bring to mind 3 things:

1. Relax

When you relax, it stops the mind whir.

It cancels out anxiety.

It brings you back to the breath. And you come into the moment.

2. Affirm that everything always turns out perfectly

When I start to get anxiety about a situation- be it financial, professional or logistical- one of the ways I deal with those negative feelings and mind chatter is to look at the past.

Whenever I have dealt with a similar situation it has easily been resolved.

~My bills always get paid.

~I consistently arrive at my destination safely.

~I’ve successfully done (a similar task) in the past.

Simply because this is a“new” situation does not mean it will be any different.

3. Go for It

This is the reminder to do whatever it is that you’re afraid to do

-with confidence

-with eyes wide open

-with certainty that the outcome is assured

Usually what happens is better than you even expected!

How does faith or lack of faith show up in your life?

Try using these 3 steps to help you move into the future with greater confidence, assurance and ease. Life certainly feels more exciting and vibrant when we jump in and stretch ourselves.

Let me know how it goes!

Or share your eclipse story with me and leave a comment below!

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Live a Passion Filled Life In 3 Simple Steps

Have you ever met someone and been truly inspired?

That happened to me with my first yoga teacher, Jayanta. His classes immersed us in bhakti or devotion. With every pose that we did, it wasn't about sweating or getting a work out, it was prayer in motion.

It was an act of connecting to the divine and expressing that love through movement.

Recently we reconnected and it inspired me to remember to infuse life with love and embrace prayer in action.

Because everything we do – from brushing our teeth, to mowing the lawn, to making a phone call - is an opportunity to share the love of God and to celebrate being alive.

Each person is an incarnation of the beloved. God is in all of us, shining forth. So as you go about your day, see if you can embrace this essence of prayer-filled living.

It’s simple and requires only 3 things:

1. Awareness

Awareness is the choice to be present in all things.

I once had a friend who told me to be proud of whatever job you have, do it with gusto and put in 100% effort. He said, “even if I was a garbage man, I’d do it to the best of my ability.”

I’ve never forgotten his words. He was suggesting to be fully present and aware in everything you do. Do it with pride, care and diligence.

When you choose this attitude, you feel alive, capable, satisfied and attuned to life in a deep and fulfilling way.

2. Practice Gratitude

When I have thanks in the moment for my life, my entire chest expands. I feel spacious, full, rich, content.

Try it right now.

Look around you and think of 3 things you’re grateful for in your life. Inhale that feeling. Don’t you feel bigger and more expansive?

All the research tells us that gratitude is THE fastest way to experience happiness. Gratitude is also an excellent way to feel alive, present and to view the world through the eyes of love.

A wonderful short video to help you experience gratitude was done by Louie Shwartzberg. He uses his exquisite time-lapse nature photography while you listen to Brother David Steindl-Rast , a Benedictine monk, describe exactly what gratitude is. This film is one of my most favorite TedTalks. Check it out here

3. Foster Empathy

Empathy is compassion, or caring about others because you have either experienced a similar pain or can put yourself in that person’s shoes.

An excellent example of empathy at work is Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12-step program. People who are active alcoholics go there for help and support. They are not judged – often for the first times in their lives. Instead, they are embraced and supported by other recovering addicts who know exactly what it feels like to walk into that room, wanting to stop but are scared to death.

We know from studies that it is low and medium income people who are often the most generous donors to charities which may be surprising when you think their incomes aren’t as high as say, a hedge fund manager.

Yet, there have been times in my life when I was one pay check away from homelessness. We can relate, we have empathy.

Infuse this day and every day with the power of love. Allow grace to wash over you and through you as you meet this moment with compassion, awareness, and gratitude.

Life feels so much more fulfilling, rich and satisfying when we choose to see everything as love, as God, as one.

See if you can be the beloved and infuse your life with that love.

Let me know what YOU think! leave a comment below.

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Feel It & Heal It: 5 Steps to Transform Pain

I was 15 years old the first time I consciously felt anxiety and had just started my sophomore year at a new boarding school. The souring in my stomach and the fear that blinded me was terrifying. So I bolted down the stairs of my dorm, and headed straight to the vending machines. I wanted to push away and bury all that anxiety and uncertainty.

By October, I’d gained twenty pounds because I didn’t know how to deal with dark emotions like: discomfort, anxiety, pain, anguish, frustration, resentment…

It took me 10 years to learn how to be present and experience these uncomfortable feelings.

Now when they come up, do I like it? Not really.

Is it fun? Absolutely not.

Is it worth it? Definitely.

And here’s why – because you can’t heal something unless you allow yourself to feel it.

If you're ready to open up and move through your own emotional pain, here's a road map:

1. Make Space

Be okay with whatever you’re feeling. Allow it to be in the room, to be in your body.

Instead of trying to push the uncomfortable feeling away, avoid it or, like I used to do, stuff it under food, allow it to exist. Rumi’s Guest House poem is the perfect reminder. In it, he describes himself as a  guest house – opening the door and welcoming all visitors (his emotions)- whatever they may be, and inviting them in. Here’s a link to it.

2. Give Yourself Permission

It’s okay to have bad thoughts, cruel thoughts, unkind thoughts. We all do, we’re human! Give yourself permission to just feel what you feel. Mad at yourself or another, rage, vindictive.

When I was a girl, my mother used to say, “you’re not responsible for your feelings, only your actions.” Maybe at times I did want to kill my sister but I never actually did it.

3. Release Judgment

Part of why we don’t even allow ourselves to feel dark emotions, is because we immediately judge ourselves. The inner critic starts, “don’t think that” or “who are you to…” or “you shouldn’t feel angry about that because…”

Try allowing yourself to experience anger, hurt, jealousy without judging it – no inner critic, no running dialog. Just feel it and see where that takes you.

Do this without judging it or you.

4. Get Dirty

Once you make space for these dark emotions without judgment, the real work begins. Dig in. What is the source of the frustration? Hurt? Anxiety? What does it trigger or link to? See if you can find the root, because that is where the healing is.

As a teenager, my anxiety got triggered because I felt stupid, inadequate, not enough. Sometimes these same ghosts pop up when I try new things, take risks or new chances. Today, I sit with that feeling of inadequacy to see where it takes me. Usually it goes back to childhood where I can love the little girl and cherish her.

5. Let It Go

Once you’ve processed those uncomfortable feelings, you can release them. As we free up these internal spaces, we make room for more clarity, more energy, more focus and power. It’s like cleaning house, internally.

The real work of our lives is to be present with our own beings – when we feel elated and blissful as well as when we feel frightened and insecure. Allow it all to be. Experience the good and the bad, knowing that every moment offers insights and lessons. Heal and keep opening to life, to love and to you.

Life is a process requiring us to constantly open. Open to our own inner beings as much as anything else. Take some time to explore your triggers, the places where judgment and anxiety lie. What lessons are waiting there for you?

The work may not be “fun” but it is powerful and transformational and SO worth it. 

Be sure to let me know how it goes - feel free to drop a message below!

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How To Be Fully Present

Have you ever wanted your moment – whatever was happening to be different?

When that occurs, how do you feel? Frustrated? Annoyed? Aggravated? Whatever the emotion, it’s a form of suffering.

For the past week, I’ve been exploring this idea – of wanting my moment to be other than it is - on a microcosmic level because I’ve been sick. And I was pissed about it.

I did not want to be sick.

Instead, I wanted to jump back into work, hang out with my family, enjoy the emerging days and flowers of spring. But I couldn’t.

As I saw it, I had two choices. I could fight my illness, pretend I wasn’t sick and work while I felt terrible. Or I could surrender.

Surrender isn’t giving up.

It’s accepting what is.

It’s letting go of wanting the moment to be different.

So I surrendered to being sick. To not being able to enjoy the first sunny day we’d had in a week, to feeling like a bad mom because I couldn’t take my daughter shopping like I’d promised, to feeling frightened for our future as I watch our president potentially start a nuclear was with North Korea.

Surrendering isn’t giving up, it’s accepting what is.

As I explored this idea, I also realized that suffering is when we want the moment to be different that what it actually is.

You want to get to the meeting on time and instead are stuck in traffic so you feel... You regret the way you spoke to your significant other and it burns in your belly. You’re excited about all you’re gonna get done this week and then land in bed with an awful head cold. Well, no, that wasn’t you, that was me.

Just because I accept it and surrender to what is, it doesn’t mean I have to like it. And it doesn’t mean I can’t be pro-active.

But the reality is that sometimes life has other plans for us. We can fight them or we can allow them to happen.

I can’t see the larger picture. Maybe there is a reason that I had to lie in bed for a week. Maybe there’s a reason that our country has to experience polarization and pain. I don’t know.

But I can accept that it is what it is.

And then I can act.

I can take care of myself with vitamins, supplements, support and I can stay involved politically.

None of it works without a level of acceptance.

In a technique I use with my clients called, NET (neuro emotional technique), we often talk about being okay with something. “I’m okay having breast cancer. I’m okay that my father died. I’m okay with the current political situation.”

Being okay doesn’t imply preference.

Obviously no one wants cancer. The idea behind the “okay” statement it is to neutralize any emotions you have around the issue so it doesn’t cause you stress. So you can move forward without so much emotional baggage attached to it.

Surrendering is exactly that – it’s being okay with whatever life throws at you. Releasing the frustration, irritation, annoyance and getting on with life just as it is.

So what do you say? Are you ready to let go?

Share your thoughts with me, below the blog. I'd love to hear them!

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Access Your Power Now

Letting go of old, limiting beliefs gives you power. It frees you up to be exactly who you want to be and live your truth, your light and love.

I was reminded again this morning.

While I was meditating, the words that came were, “as we release our samsara, we make room in our lives for the things we truly want.”

Samsara is a Sanskrit word that describes the cycle of life- from birth to death. This includes all the actions of our lives, the karma we accrue and bring forward into the next incarnation, etc.

I think about samsara, too, as the bodily goo that gets attached to us once we take form and become human. It’s the stuff- the emotions, relationships, duties, obligations, beliefs- that ground us in a physical form and ego.

As we release the bonds – the limitations – we impose on ourselves, it frees us to move into our spirit selves and become truly who we are.

Here are a few tools to help you release that which you no longer want:

1.  The Breath

Breathing is the most powerful tool in our repertoire. It has the ability to physically regulate our bodies, instantly reduce anxiety or tension as well as the ability to bring us directly into the moment.

In the moment, you are free. There is no judgment, no suffering, no past, no future.

The breath is the way we connect to the universal truth, to God, to source.

Use this tool for it will change your life.

To support you on your journey, each month I’ll send out a new breathing exercise for you to try.

Use it and see how your life unfolds. The breath helps you open up to your own inner knowing, to awareness.

2. Meditation & Prayer

These two go hand in hand for one is the asking and the other the receiving. Meditation is your time to relax and allow yourself to float in the river of love. It is the time to commune with your God and yourself in a place of refuge.

If you haven’t already downloaded some of my guided meditations, I invite you to access the kit now. Here

3.  Psychotherapy/Coaching

Elizabeth Lesser, the founder of The Omega Institute, and author of Cracked Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow, talks about the importance of therapy.

She writes about her own process of seeing how old patterns of behavior were keeping her stuck. She says, “What I learned in the safe and sacred room of my therapist’s office was that the same energy I was exerting to keep things from being revealed could be used for a far more exciting and rewarding struggle: to return my soul to my body, to return myself to myself. After that, anything would be possible.”

In essence, we have to heal ourselves, our egos and childhood wounds in order to open ourselves up to truly be vessels for truth, for God’s work, for love. To let the samsara go.

If you’re ready to release that which no longer serves you and claim your life, take advantage of my special Fall coaching special. It’s happening right now. Learn more

This is the work we are here to do – remember who we are.

It’s scary but it’s the journey of a life time and will awaken you to truly be the hero you are.

I'm here to help you every step along the way. Join me today!

Wherever You Go, There You Are

I used to think that if I could just move somewhere else, everything would be better.

And believe me, I sure tried.

On average, I lived in a place for four years although sometimes my stays could be as short as a few months. I bounced around for years until I had my first child. Then, one of my friends finally scolded me. “You can’t keep moving, it’s bad for the baby.”

At first I ignored her. Infants cling to primary support not place but her words rang in my ears and I finally had to stop running.

Because that’s what I was doing. Running away from me.

I was convinced that each new place was the answer to my unhappiness. It wasn’t that the dissatisfaction was within me, NO! It was the pollution, the traffic, the unaware people, the lack of opportunities.

God forbid I actually take a look within.

I exchanged traffic for trees, noisy neighbors for none but I still always brought my emotional baggage with me; my procrastination, unresolved issues or negativity because, they were all a part of who I am.

I finally stopped long enough to look inside and began the work of healing.

That’s the secret.

We think our happiness, value, love, or belonging all lie outside of ourselves. I ought to know, I travelled across the globe and back looking. But all I ever found was lack.

Because everything I saw mirrored back my own inadequacies, unresolved issues and lack of self-love.

When you’re ready to stop thinking that your next destination will solve all your woes and do the inner work, here are a few tips to get you started.

1.     Look Within

Contrary to what we might think, we have all the answers within us.

We just forget or get afraid to ask.

Get quiet, light a candle, put on some soothing music and get back in touch with your heart.

Go within and allow yourself to reconnect with you. Ask your heart for guidance.

Sometimes we’re afraid to ask because it might mean we have to change – change the way we relate to ourselves and to others. But if we want to live authentically, this is the only path, through the heart.

Pray, sit quietly, journal or even try vlogging to get back in touch with you.

2.     Seek Guidance

There are many people, books, and on-line courses that can help guide us to unlock the mystery that lies within.

One of my favorite authors is Joseph Campbell. He writes extensively about mythology and linking it to the soul’s journey. His interview with Bill Moyers entitled, The Power of Myth is a great place to start.

Another book like Be Here Now by Baba Ram Dass can be insightful and help illuminate the internal path. He is a wonderful teacher and has plenty of experience to share.

Anything by the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron will offer guidance and instruction too. 

The trick is to find an author or speaker whose words speak to your soul.

3.     Find Your Tribe

A local teacher or community of like-minded people can also help.

In the Hindu faith, this is referred to as satsang, in the Buddhist, sangha. Both words are derived from Sanskrit. Sat refers to truth (satya) and sang means community or gathering.

The idea is to find a group you can connect with - of people wanting to live a spiritual life, understand Truth and support one another on this path.

A great place to start is with your local yoga studios, churches, temples or meditation groups. Go online and check them out. Then follow up with a visit to see if it’s a good fit for you. Do you like the people and can you make a connection? Feel free to join my global community here.

We’re all afraid of doing this inner work but it’s the reason we’re here.

To truly understand our place and purpose and reconnect with the Universe- Oneness- God- the Supreme Being or whatever word is comfortable to you.

The good news is you don’t have to do it alone.

By reading about other people’s journeys and finding like -minded souls, you can get lots of help, support and guidance.

As the saint Ramana Maharishi stated, “Instead of indulging in mere speculation, devote yourself here and now to the search for the Truth that is ever within you.”

If you’ve decided that the next place is going to have everything you desire or, if you’ve recognized you’re ready to stop running, it may be time to take a good look in the mirror. Undertake the ultimate journey and find out what is within you instead.

What do you think?

Leave me your comments below!

What My Dying Sister Taught Me About Courage

June 30 marks the 5th anniversary of my younger sister, Melissa’s, death from metastasized breast cancer.

Almost as soon as June begins I think of her constantly. And in these past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on what she taught me, particularly about courage.

It’s one of life’s ironies that Melissa and I looked so much alike but in many ways couldn’t have been more different.

As a child, I was self-deprecating and acted as the family peacemaker while Melissa was the rebel, the one who was so clearly out of the box.

A born risk-taker, she was always more daring than I was.

I remember the first time we went skiing. I was about nine.

My Dad had successfully maneuvered us up the chairlift and onto the bunny slope. He was busy adjusting my binding when he looked up, glanced around and then turned to me. “Where’s your sister?”

She was already down the hill!

And she kept living like that.

At 18, she went skydiving, at 20 biked alone across the Netherlands and France and at 22 moved to Cairo. She was her own person and was a great teacher for me about living courageously.

Here are just a few of the lessons she taught me:

1.     Don’t Be Afraid To Be Yourself

Melissa was a one of a kind.

She wore some of the craziest combinations of clothes you could imagine. She loved to don wigs and colorful hats. Her favorite place to shop was the thrift store and she often wore her finds from there although was partial to Who t-shirts and jeans.

She was outspoken and honest, almost to a fault. Sometimes she’d make me cringe and think, “I can’t believe you just said that!”

Her ability to speak her truth, to wear her truth and live it were inspirational.

It has helped me transition more from doing what other people want to truly listening to the voice of my soul. When I can listen to that voice within and be guided by it, I can show up and be authentically me.

That is truly living.

2.     Go For It

Melissa was a thrill seeker and was never afraid to try something new – if it was the latest roller coaster or a crazy, high jump she could coax her horse over.

When she lived in Cairo, a place most single women would never go, she often took the public bus to visit friends in a densely populated neighborhood. These city busses were so full that passengers were commonly hanging off of them. Mel actually told me that the busses didn’t stop so people had to literally jump on or off.

When I asked her how she managed to wedge herself on, she just shrugged as if it were no big deal.

In my life, I’m most afraid with physical challenges and that’s why Melissa was such a great teacher for me. I don’t want to experience pain or discomfort. But when I push myself through, it’s always rewarding.

Some aspects of our beings are more easily motivated and change can feel effortless.

While in other areas, we need more coaxing, inspiration or confirmation.

When we can identify the areas in our lives that we’ve ignored or let lie fallow, and move into them courageously, we can awaken to a greater sense of who we genuinely are – and become more balanced and whole.

3.     Live Every Day As If It Is Your Last

The most profound lesson Melissa taught me was how she handled her terminal cancer diagnosis.

After chemotherapy and a mastectomy, we assumed Mel would live a long healthy and cancer free life. After all, she was in her 30s. But almost immediately, she learned that there were tumors everywhere  - in her spine, brain and liver.

This time, she chose not to do chemo. As she said, “I don’t want to be sick and bald for the rest of my life.”

Here was her gamble – quality over quantity.

For the next two years, Mel only did what she really wanted to do.

She quit her job, rode her horse (her first love) nearly every day and trained for competitions. She travelled the world visiting some of her favorite places like the United Kingdom and Syria as well as some new spots such as Portugal, Chile and Argentina.

When her liver began shutting down and her oncologist told her it was the end, Melissa faced death head on. She talked about what was happening with her doctor, nurses, social worker and us.

She was no stranger to pain, and endured chronic throbbing in her body. Yet she held on to say goodbye to all of the people she cherished, her large circle of friends and her family.

She allowed us – her loved ones - to take care of her and be there for her final transition. She never wavered in her decision to face her physical demise with eyes wide open.

I hope that when my time comes, I can show as much dignity, grace and honesty.

In the meantime, I cherish every day I’m on this planet, in a healthy body.

I savor the sun as it warms me and feel my legs pump as I climb up a hill. I relish the sheer beauty all around me – in nature, art work and in another person’s smile.

I try hard not to take anything for granted.

I still miss Melissa everyday but the empty place her absence has left in my life feels less painful the more I hold on to her essence and the multitude of gifts she has given me.

Her love, courage and zaniness live on in me.

I carry her with me everywhere as I remember to live my life fully everyday.

Can you learn from Melissa too?

How can you be more courageous today?

Let me know by leaving me a comment below.

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Yes My Family Can Drive Me Crazy

Ram Dass says, “if you think you’re enlightened go live with your family for a week.” Most days I’m thankful for the lessons I’ve learned from my loved ones. But some days, I’d rather be left alone.

Recently I had an opportunity to examine my own judgment from a situation that occurred. In my opinion, one of my family members, let’s call him Dave, had intentionally hurt another human being. I was deeply bothered by this.

The act seemed selfish and irrational and I was having a really hard time getting beyond it.

The phrase that kept repeating in my mind was, “ you can’t just kick people to the curb.”

I actually got angry about it and purposefully distanced myself, choosing not to be around Dave. Then unexpectedly, he pulled into my driveway embodying everything that I felt like I didn’t stand for, selfishness, inauthenticity, and selling out. I struggled to plaster a smile on my face and couldn’t wait for him to leave.

5 minutes later I walked into my house ranting. “How could he… this is why I am the way I am…”

The knowing voice inside kept reminding me that I had to let it go.

This was his choice. It was his life. I had to forgive Dave but it was hard! I was clinging intensely to my own self-righteousness.

The next morning in my meditation, I received a teaching to release judgment for the day. I decided to embrace this lesson and have a judge free day.

There would be no “I like.”

No “What is he thinking?”

No “that was a silly choice…”

And I did!

It was wonderful. I felt free and light, clear and present. Later in the afternoon, I thought about Dave and suddenly realized I wasn’t angry anymore. It had floated away during my judge free day because after all, that’s what it was, my judgment of his behavior, my righteousness and desire to make his actions wrong.

Then something amazing happened.

Dave approached me having realized he was not proud of his behavior. We had an amazing heart to heart talk. I was able to say through love what I had observed and how it made me feel. And Dave could hear me because I wasn’t judging him, making him wrong or angry.

Because I forgave him, healing took place.

This never would have happened if I hadn’t released my own anger, judgment and righteousness. I felt so much gratitude for the entire event. Because what I was reminded of is that we never know the big picture, God’s plan. Maybe Dave needed that experience to finally stop a life long pattern. Maybe the (in my opinion) wronged person needed to learn something too. I’ll never know. I’m just grateful that I was able to show up open heartedly when the moment arose and love my family member completely.

Have you ever felt frustrated by a member of your family? What happened?

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Who Are You?

In the last 40+ years I’ve asked myself this question, Who Am I?" countless times. Sometimes when I hear it I see the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, smoking his hookah and looking sagely down at Alice. He pointedly and stiltedly inquires, “whoooo are youuuuu?”

Sometimes I hear Roger Daltrey’s voice belting it out “tell me who, who, who are you...”

When you’re asked, "who are you?" what’s the answer?

Is it an automatic default with responses like: “I’m a woman (man), a wife (husband), a daughter (son), a mother (father), a student… “

It’s pretty common to identify with roles we play in our lives because, to a large extent, they define us or we allow them to define us.

Once I really committed to a spiritual path though, this question seemed to haunt me. I say this because it was like I had to go deeper with it, deeper than the external roles I play and that I thought defined me.

I am a body- a female, blonde, tallish… or am I?

Am I really a body, separate from everything? But I am more than just a body.

I’m a soul, a part of the one-ness of the Uni-verse.

I’ve been tricked into thinking I’m a body. But who I am, my soul, is eternal, never dies.

There’s a famous Indian saint named Sri Ramana Maharshi who is often quoted as asking his students that question, “Who Are you?"

I used to imagine him asking me that question and staring at him blankly, feeling completely empty and void of a single idea.

Apparently, though his goal in asking the question wasn’t necessarily to get an answer but to encourage self-reflection.

In other words, to go deeper.

Not to have it be a ‘mind’ exercise but to really contemplate our basic consciousness, our true nature or essential being. And as we do this, we see that we are not a role, not a body, that we are part of the whole, infinite one-ness or God, the Uni-verse or whatever word you like.

In fact, it isn’t actually a question at all but a statement, “I am…”

And therein lies its power.

If we know that we are part of God, that we co-create our world, then “I am” becomes how we define the vastness and greatness of who we are. The limits, definitions or roles are simply ways we make ourselves smaller, not believing that we are indeed capable of greatness.

As Marianne Williamson so eloquently stated in A Return to Love:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

So, the next time you hear the question, “Who are you?” what will you say?

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What's Fear Got To Do With It?

About 25 years ago when I was just starting to find my career path, I had an interesting experience with fear.

I was living in Hong Kong working at a knitwear factory. I really hated my job but being 10,000 miles away from my family and friends, making a change felt scary. (This was pre-internet days.) I finally mustered up the courage to quit after 6 or 7 months but then had to figure out what to do.

After spending a LONG time thinking about it, writing a list of what I needed to have in my life and then realizing I didn't speak Cantonese, I ended up applying for teaching jobs.

Somehow I knew I was going to get one and before the summer was over, had an offer from an international high school teaching English and art. It was my first "real" job where I wasn't answering the phone or running errands. I even had my own mailbox in the office. Best yet, I got to read books all day! The two weeks before school started were great, I organized my classroom and outlined the textbooks, deciding what to do and when.

I was excited until the night before the students arrived and classes actually began. That's when it suddenly dawned on me that my new job was public speaking all day every day and I had a panic attack. I quickly left my apartment, took the elevator downstairs and went out for a walk.

Statistics indicate that people are consistently more afraid of public speaking than dying and that night I was one of them.

In high school, I lost my voice and throughout college tended to hide, was quiet and often sat in the back. I was smart and engaged but was always afraid of sharing my thoughts. At the end of my senior year I had to prepare an oral presentation and teach the class about a specific painting. For weeks I dreaded it and despite encouragement from my closest friend, was petrified. This was ALL I could think about as I walked off my panic attack that balmy September evening. Maybe I should quit, find another job, leave Hong Kong...

And then a new thought hit me and here's what it said: "What you are experiencing is just fear. Fear is an emotion, nothing else. So, can you do this anyway even though you're afraid?"

My logical mind started processing that idea. Just an emotion, huh? Well sure, I can do this anyway, can't I? And I did. 

What I didn't realize then was that was my first attempt at managing fear. I think a lot of people including myself think courage is the absence of fear or that courageous people aren't scared. What I've come to understand is that we are all afraid, it's the human experience. The key is in the managing of it. Or put another way, do you manage fear or does fear manage you?

Sometimes we experience fear and it can prevent us from living fully or genuinely engaging in life. Like my story, I was afraid because I was moving into something I'd never done before. Even though this is a natural response, we can allow that fear to hold us hostage, preventing us from moving through it. I could have impulsively quit my job, not shown up and gone running home instead.

But sometimes fear also serves us well. Like the feeling we have about a place or person. We get a "vibe" and that's a good kind of fear, the kind that acts as a warning, to remind us to be aware. 

Our job is to recognize when fear is helping us and when it might be hindering us.

Either way, it's a warning about change - good or bad. We can embrace fear as our friend and take it by the hand, recognizing its job is to keep us safe. We need to evaluate the situation and determine the best course of action. Is fear protecting me or preventing me from growing? Then we can respond appropriately. "Thanks I'll make a different choice" or "Thanks but I'm going to do this anyway." Which is what I did when I walked into the classroom the next day. I took a deep breath and never looked back.

How do you manage fear?

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Is the Answer Yes or No?

Is your answer YES to life or NO?

How many times in your day do you find that you say yes to life? Maybe you get invited to lunch with a friend or it's a beautiful day out, perfect for a walk on the beach. Is your response a resounding yes? I hope so. I know for me sometimes I say yes and sometimes I don't. And there may be a reason why I'm not saying yes. These are some of my personal selections. Do any of these sound familiar? "I don't have time. Today's my chore day. I have to work. Maybe another time." Or my absolute favorite, "I don't feel like it." (Usually this one is reserved for me and I come up with a more lofty excuse to say out loud.)

 Life is always offering us opportunities to expand and to grow. To reach out of our comfort zone or complacency and connect more deeply be it with one another, with nature and even with ourselves. Invariably when we do this, what happens? We feel more fulfilled and engaged. So why is it that we don't always do it?

Sometimes we simply can't because we do legitimately have prior commitments. I have appointments to keep, deadlines to meet, tasks to complete. We all do. And yet it's important to remain vigilant to our own choices - how we may or may not be limiting ourselves. It can be insidious. Work and "busy" can take over pretty fast. 

Lately I've been watching my pattern of saying yes to life or saying no. And here is what I am observing. In general, when I say yes and then do it (have a meeting, teach a class, complete my to do list, go birdwatching, work out, play...) I feel great! I truly do feel more engaged and present in my life. I feel alive and happy. When I say no because I don't think I have time or maybe feel too stressed or simply don't want to, here's how I usually feel - worse.

This got me thinking about my life in general and it seems to me that essentially, in each moment, we are being asked to open, open to life, open to love, open to the moment. Feel the sun on my face, hear the sounds of the lawnmowers in the distance, smile at the cashier at the bank. Or not. It is always my choice, to open to what is happening right now or to close off, hunker down, disconnect.

That is my practice for right now, to recognize that in EACH moment, I am being asked to open. And then to become the witness as much as the actor and simultaneously open to possibility as well as observe my choice.

Ultimately our lives are filled with the choices we make in each moment - to open or close. All of us know people on both sides of that spectrum. People who say yes and lots of people who say no. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. Yet we all know that when we do open, it feels natural. We are connecting to who we truly are. We just seem to need a moment to moment reminder.